Do You Submit?

[dairyfreelife]

Apparently Megan thinks Submission to your spouse means agreeing to do something for your husband.

Check back to see what my response was to this real-life question as well as discussion of why we submit and how to submit.

I bet it's A because the other three are rude or dumb, no offense.

meghancarver.blogspot.com/2012/06/question-do-you-submit.html

[holierthanyou]

Why is there no normal option?

Hello...

5. Be honest and tell your partner you already feel like you have a lot on your schedule tomorrow. Talk together to re-evaluate the priority of the oil changes as opposed to the other work you each already have planned for the next day. (aka be honest adults)

[genericJname]

I guess in that case I would "submit" because I don't see what the big deal is about buying a couple items. Its not like he's asking her to go drag all the kids along to get the oil changed or (heaven forbid) do it herself.

[kb2]

You –

1) Say, “Sure, Muffin, I’d be happy to. What kind of filters and oil?â€

2) Gather the necessary information and then conveniently forget when you are out shopping the next day. You don’t want to get your hands dirty.

3) Say, “Sweetie, that’s the automotive department. The Guy Department. Can’t you stop and get what you need after work?â€

4) Crumple up your list and toss it at him, watching it bounce off his chest and fall to the floor. “You think I don’t have enough to do?†you sneer at him. “You try doing my job for one day!â€

Yeahhhh...

1) is OK if your spouse is OK being called Muffin and you really think you have the time to do it.

2) makes you a manipulative asshole.

3) She's not being asked to change the oil, she's being asked to buy supplies to change oil, which she's probably capable of figuring out if she knows the names of the items.

4) um, why are we making a swift right into crazytown?

Why isn't there a, "Look, I have a lot to do tomorrow. I might be able to get around to the store that sells what you need, but I also might just run out of time while I'm taking the kids all over the place. I'm also worried that I'll pick up the wrong items and it'll be a big hassle. I'll let you know by the end of the day if you need to go pick it up after work or if I've got it."

[LynnKaboom]

Uh, well, I'm not married, but I live with my parents, and I guess I submit to them, since the other day my dad asked me to go to Wal-Mart and buy some gauze tape so he could bind up his broken foot, and my mom wanted me to go to Office Depot and get a printer cartridge.

Also, people, if your spouse is throwing things at you and yelling at you if you ask for a perfectly reasonable request, it's time to go find a good divorce lawyer.

[Wolfie]

And um, in a normal relationship, wouldn't he be occasionally doing stuff like that for you? You give and take. it's not all one sided, and just grabbing some oil and a filter is not a big deal if they write down exactly what they need.

Of course this reminds me that I need to get my oil changed this week. (not today, it's raining and the place I go gives free carwashes.)

[snarkbillie]

Why isn't there a, "Look, I have a lot to do tomorrow. I might be able to get around to the store that sells what you need, but I also might just run out of time while I'm taking the kids all over the place. I'm also worried that I'll pick up the wrong items and it'll be a big hassle. I'll let you know by the end of the day if you need to go pick it up after work or if I've got it."

This is basically what I would say.

[emmiedahl]

These fundie wives really are delicate little snowflakes. She has to go to a doctor's appointment AND to Target? Waaaaahhhh!

[debrand]

I'd explain that I had a busy day and couldn't promise to get the items. However, if I did manage to purchase what my husband wanted, I would not consider it being submissive. Both my husband and I do nice things for each other. Most mornings my husband makes me coffee. Does that mean that he is being submissive to me or just a nice husband? It is weird that fundies believe that just being a nice person equals submission, why can't it just be a normal give and take between loving spouses?

[kb2]

She actually seems pretty open to discussion in the comments of her other "What would you do?" posts, so I commented.

[TXDuck]

I'd explain that I had a busy day and couldn't promise to get the items. However, if I did manage to purchase what my husband wanted, I would not consider it being submissive.

This. This is what happens in normal relationships. "I'll try and let you know if I couldn't squeeze it in". Like debrand noted, it's not being submissive, it's just being a considerate spouse. What do fundie wives call husbands that pick up the milk on their way home? Chivalrous? Do fundie husbands even do that?

There's a certain give and take to any successful relationship. Leave it to fundies to paint it black and white and then chisel it into stone.

[alba]

My fiancé bought me chick peas (which he doesn't like) last time he was at the supermarket. Does that mean he's submitting to me?

[StarrieEyedKat]

kb2, she responded to your comment, but I'm not entirely sure she read the entire thing since she seems to miss the point.

How is this being submissive?

[holothuroidea]

It seems like in her mind there is not a reasonable way to say no.

In that particular situation I would just do it because it's not a big deal to get something on the way when you're already out. I would, however, qualify it with, "It depends on how the kids do, if they have a hard day I don't want to drag them along on an extra errand."

Really, though, if it's too much for one day just say, "No, I really can't. When else can we do this?" There's no reason to yell and throw things! :lol:

[emmyfair]

These fundie wives really are delicate little snowflakes. She has to go to a doctor's appointment AND to Target? Waaaaahhhh!

No kidding - not much there in the way of basic adult coping skills.

[Lainey]

I am confused as to what the big deal is about doing this while you're out anyway. If my husband asked me to get that stuff, and I really didn't think I'd have time, I'd tell him I'd try but I'm not sure I'll be able to. Big deal.

Also, why would she get her hands dirty just buying car care items? And why would you be drinking a cup of coffee right before bed!? (says the insomniac).

[Lainey]

No kidding - not much there in the way of basic adult coping skills.

Not gonna lie, that would overwhelm me. :oops:

[formergothardite]

Why not be honest and just say that you might not be able to? Seems like the best approach.

[holothuroidea]

Not gonna lie, that would overwhelm me. :oops:

I don't think it would be overwhelming at all if it was just me, but with two very young children tagging along it could get overwhelming very fast and I may or may not make it to target, let alone the auto parts store.

[ilovetchotchkes]

*snort* #1?

MUFFIN? My husband would be all "um are you OK?" And he knows better than to even ask in the first place. Sitting around a JiffyLube or an auto dealership for the hour or so it takes with a 2 year old who DOES NOT LIKE TO SIT STILL PERIOD (he's obviously not blanket trained ha!) . Car rides longer than 10 minutes are hell.... it would actually be logistically impossible. Its one of those "you stay home with the kid, i'll take the car for an oil change situation. Going to the grocery store today was ENOUGH with him. he's like a fekking octopus.

#5: Telling him "uh hey, not gonna work logistically. Lets work AS PARTNERS to come up with a solution. "Ok, you get home from work early on thursday, lets do it then!" "no thursday isn't good, I have a ton of homework to finish" "oh ok, how does saturday morning early work? they have a special $10 off for "early birds" before 9am" "that sounds perfect!" "ok then!"

[MonkeyMomma]

Is it really "submission" if it fits into my schedule? Like, if they have what you need at Target, and I'm going there, BFD. Sure, I'll pick that stuff up. So my first impulse was, yes, I'd grab that stuff if I could. But there's no universe in which my spouse would consider me submissive, especially for running an errand ...

[mnb357]

My fiancé bought me chick peas (which he doesn't like) last time he was at the supermarket. Does that mean he's submitting to me?

Among the list of things my husband has gone out on separate trips to pick up for me are tampons, quilting thread, and upholstery needles, simply because I needed them, and didn't want to leave the house. Tee hee!

[formergothardite]

I just asked my husband to bring pizza home for dinner because I am feeling lazy. He said he would. He must be submitting to me.

[formergothardite]

Reading the rest of her question posts, this woman seriously overthinks everything.

[CrazySister]

Why is that even a submission issue? They make mountains out of molehills and encourage lying under the guise of submission. She has too much on her plate at that moment and so yes, going to the store might be an issue. SO TELL HIM! They waste so much frikin time on "should I or shouldn't I" that a simple "today doesn't work but I can do it tommorow" is reason for an entire blog post! :roll: