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Can Kelly Bradrick Escape Her Life?


debrand

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It takes a lot of strenght, both physical and mental, to plan and execute leaving a relationship. Considering that Kelly has been pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 6,5 years, has had complicated deliveries, had to be air lifted to hospital and nearly died, plus she is taking care of five kids under five years old... my guess is that she is just trying to make it through the day and don't have any time or energy left to plan for an "escape".

I do feel sorry for her. Yes, she chose this lifestyle herself, but it's one thing to be a pampered teenage fundie princess looking at it and another thing to be in it and slowly realize that it is killing you and that you are in a situation that is completely overwhelming and you have no support if you want to leave and very small chances of taking the kids with you and support them if you do.

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I'm going to go with a totally different answer to the question: I don't think she wants to escape her life, and I think she's making that decision with as clear a mind as most of us have in our mid- to late-20s.

Pretty much my opinion on it.

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As the daughter of an emotionally devastating mother, I have survived 2 abusive marriages. The first one was emotionally and physically abusive and the second one was severely emotionally abusive. I had 3 children in 2 years (twins). although I did have a prefession, the physical and emotional stress of three toddlers and the constant vigilance required to survive in that environment sapped all of my energy until the twins reached school age. Leaving was very traumatic and my willingness to be vocal about my abuse ended up damaging my career.

The second marriage was to a much more covert abuser. He devastated my world in ways from which I will never recover. I married when my children were in high school and got out by the time they were all in college. This second divorce created such a maelstrom that my career was stopped completely. As you all know, I am a physician. I had absolutely no problem with my medical license. My patients loved me. I had two ex-husbands who were bent on revenge towards me (for leaving) me and had positions of influence in the world of healthcare in my area.

After about 1.5 years of not working in my profession, I did get a position within driving distance. It was for 1/3 my previous pay. It became clear that I would be stuck at this level for the remainder of my career if I did not make important changes. As my youngest 2 children graduated from college, I moved 700 miles from my home and everyone I ever knew. In the last 4 years, my career and my esteem in my profession have grown enormously. Besides moving far away, I have not had any social life whatsoever during this time.

My point is that I had every possible personal resource to be able to leave. And I did leave. The costs have been enormous and some of them will follow me forever. My health has been prermanently damaged in ways that have nothing to do with the fact that I am now middle-aged. My general standard of living is way below that of both former spouses because even in my profession, women are paid far less than are men. I look at pictures and do not even look like the person I was.

Kelly Bradrick is effectively trapped. Her choice is not a choice at all. She could leave. Her life would be more nightmarish than she can even imagine. In her position, she is better off to stay. This is from a woman who actually got out-twice. Unless there is abuse beyond the consequences of living in extreme patriarchy, a life for which she has been groomed and prepared, she gets no advantage by trying to make it in the secular world with 5 children in tow.

Feminism exists because there is still so much disadvantage to being female even today. Feminism saves many women's lives. The women in the business of saving lives would support Kelly in leaving but not necessarily encourage it. They would teach her to prepare to leave at any time, to covertly prevent pregnancy and to know how to access emergency resouces.

It is easy to peer into another person' nightmare and say that they should just leave. The actual leaving is a real bitch. I know.

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I wish Ingrid would come chat here sometime. She's had her blog for a long time, and, apart from sharing her feelings about VF and a few other subjects, she really doesn't tell much about her life in general. She's in college, sure, but I've always been curious as to where she is on the spectrum of religiousness ("anti-VF fundiedom" leaves a lot of other options open). Good job creating mystique, Ingrid! :D

I don't believe Kelly wants to escape, either. The possibly of having a different kind of life for herself is likely inconceivable to her (yes, that word means what I think it means). She bleeds kool-aid.

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My guess (based on my prior fundism before I finally left my ex, which was very scary for me) is that she might not want escape, but might want a different man that treats her better. She might feel that she is stuck with Peter and that if she had someone else life would be better?

Based on what has happened to her, I'd be surprised if she wasn't longing for some Divine escape hatch. Maybe Peter dying or changing. Although, within those thoughts she's probably praying that God changes her (which is what I used to do).

I felt so sad when I read how close her pregnancies are together. I remember my ex demanding his right before I was fully healed and me feeling despair, disgust, hopelessness. I can't believe that she doesn't feel that. She might be feeling that this is a test from God or something :(

I feel for her - she really doesn't have a way out. She doesn't have anybody.

I just watched Return of the Daughters and she looked so empty and hopeless, like she was run down.

Did you guys see this link? http://ephesians511.wordpress.com/tag/p ... -bradrick/ I think this is about Kelly's dad.

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...She doesn't have anybody.

I often wonder about her mother Deborah - what does she think about all this breeding and life threatening pregnancies her daughter goes thru? Deborah hasn't gone thru back-to-back difficult pregnancies herself but she HAS to have some clue about what Kelly is enduring. She knows how it is to have many small kids in a patriarchal household with a total tool as a husband. Does she ever, EVER wonder a tiny bit about her daughter's physical or mental health? No matter how much help Kelly gets from other people (certainly not from Sippy Cup) she has to be totally exhausted and Deborah must see that and what this lifestyle has done to her already.

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I often wonder about her mother Deborah - what does she think about all this breeding and life threatening pregnancies her daughter goes thru? Deborah hasn't gone thru back-to-back difficult pregnancies herself but she HAS to have some clue about what Kelly is enduring. She knows how it is to have many small kids in a patriarchal household with a total tool as a husband. Does she ever, EVER wonder a tiny bit about her daughter's physical or mental health? No matter how much help Kelly gets from other people (certainly not from Sippy Cup) she has to be totally exhausted and Deborah must see that and what this lifestyle has done to her already.

I imagine she's proud of her daughter and believes that God will sustain her as long as she remains obedient. Kelly has achieved the highest status a woman can ever hope to have within their culture, and she is enduring all suffering without complaint exactly as she has been groomed to do.

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I'm not sure she has the capability of leaving. I just know that I'm so happy I'm not her. I have a husband who has my and my son's best interest at heart and even if he didn't, I have the skills necessary to support myself and my child without his help.

I really wish these fundamentalist women would try their hand at being independent. It's wonderful. It offers a sense of security and, in my opinion, makes for better marriages.

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Kelly is her husband and Douggie's tool. She did play a role in the Stein excommunication.

More info, please?

TIA.

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I think she's so koolaid soaked that if she finds herself unhappy, overworked and ill, instead of questioning their religion/lifestyle, she'll blame herself for not fitting in and being happy with her "godly lot". I don't doubt a number of women in her situation find themselves depressed, guilty and not being able to admit it to anyone in their circles for fear of being judged as not thankful/trusting enough in God or their asshole headships.

She might be VF royalty but it doesn't seem to transfer to financial perks beyond stupid field trips - sharing childcare isn't promoted and she was/is(?) running a house without even a hot water heater for a time.

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If somehow I met her and she miraculously confided that she wanted to leave, I would advise her to document every crazy thing that she could about Vision Forum, including how often Peter is gone and the fact that he doesn't seem to help her much.

This. For anyone wanting to get out of an abusive marriage who thinks they may be accused of lying, document, document, document. If you can PROVE in court that your husband is an abusive asshole, that's a matter of public record. And it's hard to argue with something like that, even for a cult leader. It (usually) is totally legal to record him without him knowing it. Phone tap laws vary from state to state, but in some states, you can even record him over the phone without telling him, and often that's easier. You just put the phone on speaker, hit record on your tape recorder. No high-tech stuff required. It's slightly more tricky in person. Holding it under the table often works. You can get a digital tape recorder for pretty cheap. Practice before you do it for real.

Whatever you do, don't let him know what you're doing, and DO NOT let him get the recordings. Make multiple copies; burn them on a disk; mail them to someone you trust or just label them innocuously ("Philips talk on womanhood") and put them in your CD collection.

With so much practice at pretending everything is fine, this level of facade is not that difficult.

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How long would it take her to recuperate after a postpartum hemorrhage? Would doctors advise her to wait to have more children?

My OB told me I would need at least 3 months to feel normal again after my hemorrhage (also almost died - 6 blood transfusions saved my life) - said I could have more children (but this was my first baby, not my 4th in 4 years...). I'm now 4.5 months out and feel pretty good - terrified to get pregnant again though! certainly wasn't having sex a few weeks after the hemorrhage

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You don't have to ever hit someone to abuse them. I suspect she is being abused, and not just by her husband. Forcing women to have more children is a common and age-old way to control them. Mainstream abusers often sabotage birth control to get their partner pregnant and "stuck". Fundie abusers do this to the extreme and no matter what they say about blessings and arrows, the primary purpose of having so many kids is to keep the women in line with no means or energy to escape. And I don't really care that the women "agree" to it. Just because they concede doesn't mean it wasn't coerced.

Bananacat I like you :clap: I think I'm just going to follow you around the forum and ditto you - you verbalise my thoughts and more eloquently than I could

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Kelly is her husband and Douggie's tool. She did play a role in the Stein excommunication.

What happened there? I've seen mentions of the Epsteins/Steins, the Browns, and indications of negativity, but a FJ search turns up nothing.

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What happened there? I've seen mentions of the Epsteins/Steins, the Browns, and indications of negativity, but a FJ search turns up nothing.

I believe the thread I started about it was last month and entitled, Rethinking the Vision Forum. There's a great deal of stuff out there on the web, but the Steins are no longer public fodder, Douggie's apologists have lot's of blogs defending him, BeAll, Kelly and her husband.

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Guest Anonymous

What happened there? I've seen mentions of the Epsteins/Steins, the Browns, and indications of negativity, but a FJ search turns up nothing.

You can read the whole story on Jen Epstein's blog starting here - jensgems.wordpress.com/

Short version: Doug Phillips is a tool, but the Epsteins (in my opinion) should have just buggered off out of there the moment the first creepy thing happened instead of sticking around for more.

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You can read the whole story on Jen Epstein's blog starting here - jensgems.wordpress.com/

Short version: Doug Phillips is a tool, but the Epsteins (in my opinion) should have just buggered off out of there the moment the first creepy thing happened instead of sticking around for more.

I agree. I certainly would not have done any of the initial exit interview stuff or continued with counseling once I found out it wasn't confidential. But I've never had to leave a cult, so I have no clue about why these folks take the continued abuse.

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I'll dart in while the derail's still on course - the part of the Epstein excommunication I found most repulsive was that Dougie apparently (according to the Epsteins' account) called them in one morning for some meeting, then sent an email telling them they were excommunicated and to fuck off, after he knew they would have set out. Then he was able to pretend they already knew and create a drama about them being unreasonable when they arrived. (I may be remembering some details incorrectly, but that's the general gist. I tried to find details in the story posted at jensgems, but the closest I could get was this post jensgems.wordpress.com/2006/12/19/doug-phillips-rebukes-christians-who-love-sinners/, where Jen says "The timing of Doug Phillips’ email was somewhat significant, again". Can't find the earlier details of an email with convenient timing, though.)

Now, I don't think the Epsteins were outright lying, but it does seem that they court drama wherever they go, so could I get anyone's feelings on that? Do you think it happened precisely as the Epsteins say? Or even better, do you have semi-proof of it (like, Dougie pulling a similar stunt previously, for example?)

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This. For anyone wanting to get out of an abusive marriage who thinks they may be accused of lying, document, document, document. If you can PROVE in court that your husband is an abusive asshole, that's a matter of public record. And it's hard to argue with something like that, even for a cult leader. It (usually) is totally legal to record him without him knowing it. Phone tap laws vary from state to state, but in some states, you can even record him over the phone without telling him, and often that's easier. You just put the phone on speaker, hit record on your tape recorder. No high-tech stuff required. It's slightly more tricky in person. Holding it under the table often works. You can get a digital tape recorder for pretty cheap. Practice before you do it for real.

Whatever you do, don't let him know what you're doing, and DO NOT let him get the recordings. Make multiple copies; burn them on a disk; mail them to someone you trust or just label them innocuously ("Philips talk on womanhood") and put them in your CD collection.

With so much practice at pretending everything is fine, this level of facade is not that difficult.

Can we tape? http://www.rcfp.org/can-we-tape

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Guest Anonymous

I don't know much about the Bradricks but Kelly's story reminds me of Molly Aley who used to run Choosing Home. She reflected, after leaving patriarchy, about how being a queen bee of the fundie internet was a way of regaining some control and having an identity after her fundie pastor husband sucked the life out of her. She also had 5 kids in very few years and suffered major physical problems birthing them. I think she only left after her husband had a violent breakdown. She no longer blogs publicly about her life story. It's a shame but a logical phenomenon I suppose, that the more 'together' a cult escapee is, the sooner they quit blogging for the sake of their children's privacy and their future careers. It means though that the there is a shortage of success stories out there for other leader's wives to learn from.

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I don't know much about the Bradricks but Kelly's story reminds me of Molly Aley who used to run Choosing Home. She reflected, after leaving patriarchy, about how being a queen bee of the fundie internet was a way of regaining some control and having an identity after her fundie pastor husband sucked the life out of her. She also had 5 kids in very few years and suffered major physical problems birthing them. I think she only left after her husband had a violent breakdown. She no longer blogs publicly about her life story. It's a shame but a logical phenomenon I suppose, that the more 'together' a cult escapee is, the sooner they quit blogging for the sake of their children's privacy and their future careers. It means though that the there is a shortage of success stories out there for other leader's wives to learn from.

Good comparison. I even remember Molly's personal blog -- Three Pennies, or something like that (ca 2005-6) -- which she had before establishing Choosing Home with several other fundie women who either had a lot of kids or wanted them. Molly was an articulate QF SAHM who spread the kool-aid far & wide. Molly was also a very vocal defender of the Pearls until she had an epiphany of some sort and, equally vocally, rejected them & their abusive teaching. As she was emerging from fundie-dom, Molly had another blog with lots of interesting posts & conversations, Adventures in Mercy, but she's quit writing for the most part. It is too bad because I also think that she could provide a great role model for those currently in the situation she was in several years ago.

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Dropping in for a drive-by response. (I have clinical depression and sometimes when the Meds aren't enough, distance from the insolvable problems of the world helps. So I'll be brief & be gone.)

I don't think Kelly had a hand in the Epsteins' trauma except that her husband (or betrothed) physically challenged some Epsteins who attempted to leaflet Doug's San Antonio homeschool conference in 2006, the year of the Brown-Bradrick wedding.

Kelly DID act as her father's court reporter, as it were, when he and his minion were prevented from taking over the congregation they belonged to and replacing its traditional Baptist theology with family-idolizing dreck.

Jen Epstein & Mark Epstein are evidently troubled, searching persons. Their tragedy was in thinking they had found "a church family" in a cult. Their tragedy has become an incredibly valuable tool & blessing for those who seek to expose Doug Phillips and for those who might otherwise be lured & harmed by him.

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Seeing how desperately Natasha desired to go to her friend’s wedding, a mutual friend ran interference and was able to get Natasha an invitation to the wedding that was to take place on Saturday, July 28. Natasha was so elated! But that joy lasted only a few hours before being dashed by a phone call from Aimee, uninviting Natasha to her wedding. Devastated, Natasha asked why. It turns out that Doug Phillips’ “influence†(and meddling) reaches a long way. Apparently, some people at BCA read Still Fed Up and they weren’t pleased with the pictures of Natasha that the SFU boys stole from Natasha’s private website and posted on SFU. Then there was the false accusation that Natasha “flipped off†the Vision Forum folks when she was at Vision Forum, assisting the process server. These two incidents seemed to be enough to provoke Doug Phillips into convincing Little Bear Wheeler to not only ban the entire Epstein family from attending Aimee’s wedding, but also to hire policemen to keep us all out, on threat of being arrested if any of us showed up.

Natasha asked Aimee if she had ever given her reason to believe that Natasha would lie about flipping people off at Vision Forum. No, Aimee didn’t have any reason not to believe her, except that certain people from Vision Forum (Peter Bradrick was standing there the whole time )had stated such. Aimee didn’t know who to believe. Natasha asked if she had ever caused a scene before, and if not, why would Aimee think that she would do so at her friend’s wedding? Aimee had no answer except that a certain person had convinced her father that Natasha should not be allowed to attend. In the end, Aimee really had no choice but to submit to the edicts of Doug and her own father

I found a mention of Bradrick on Jen's Gems(Epistein site)

Unless you flip off someone in their family, most people won't disinvite a young woman simply for shooting the bird. However, Vision Forum is a cult so I don't doubt that they are very heavy handed. I wouldn't put it past Bradrick to be a tattle tell and run to Dougie if he had a problem.

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I really have to read about the Epstein drama. I never heard of it, but it seems to be very interesting ;-)

if anybody has the time to give me a quick summary, feel free to do so!! ;-) ;-)

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