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Are the Duggar children confused?


homeschoolmomma1

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I often wonder if the Duggar Children are confused. They are treated like adults in some ways but yet also like children. For example- kid themed birthday parties. I can't really figure out the time when the Duggar 'kids' are not considered kids anymore. It bothers me that there are young adults in the house yet go everywhere mom and dad go. I mean they have some freedom but not much.

 

I hope this makes sense- it was a long day in the heat.

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They don't know any better. The outside world is demonized, no matter how much they may travel it is far from broadening for that litter.

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They don't know any better just like experiencedd said. To them every adult/teen/older than 5 person takes total care of their siblings, get paid 3 cents for chores and isn't ever allowed to be alone for one second or go to the store alone.

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I do believe it will be one Duggar child that will question this upbringing. At least i hope they do

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I do believe it will be one Duggar child that will question this upbringing. At least i hope they do

Me too.

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I don't think kids are as easily confused as people say they are, they just kind of go with what they're used to. Are the older girls miserable? Probably. How long will it take them to attribute it to the fact that they stay at home raising children all day and their only outings are wildly age-inappropriate? Only time can tell. I hope they all eventually do, though. And before it's too late.

ETA and even when their outings are something a young adult might like, they're bored out of their skulls because it isn't what THEY like.

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I'm not sure if confused is the exactly the word, but I think there has to be some degree of conflict in their minds.

If they were still wearing frumpers and red shirts and not living out their lives on a reality show, things would be very different. The older girls would likely be married, the older boys would actually have to work their butts off to establish their own families, and the younger kids would be only under the influence of their parents and a very select group of others.

You can demonize the outside world as a parent, but if you keep hauling your kids into it, they are going to see, hear, and experience things you can't control. There's no point in yelling "Nike!" anymore or covering up a TV screen showing a woman in a low cut blouse. The kids have seen and heard everything we all do on city streets and in shopping malls. And they've no doubt picked up on the fact that there are some perfectly nice people out there who have beliefs completely unlike those of their parents.

I'm not suggesting they'll all grow up to be progressives or non-religious. Most will probably be light fundies all their lives. (like Josh, but hopefully minus the douchiness) But once out of the spotlight, some of them are bound to eventually rebel outright, and I think that number is probably higher than it would have been had their parents not sold out their personal "values" in order to become wealthy TV personalities.

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It's hard to gauge what's going on inside someone's head when all you see/hear are sound bites on a reality TV show. Aside from Josh, none of the other Duggar kids is posting or tweeting anything online that might give us a clue as to what he/she is thinking. Josh certainly doesn't strike me as confused. He seems quite secure in his beliefs and choices, not all of which are identical to his parents'. For example, I just checked his Twitter account for the first time in weeks and he voted for Santorum in the Arkansas primary, whereas Jim Bob has switched to Romney. I know a lot of posters here don't support either of these candidates, but I think it's healthy that Josh is making his own choice here instead of voting the way Daddy tells him to. Surely, his siblings are aware of this.

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It's hard to gauge what's going on inside someone's head when all you see/hear are sound bites on a reality TV show. Aside from Josh, none of the other Duggar kids is posting or tweeting anything online that might give us a clue as to what he/she is thinking. Josh certainly doesn't strike me as confused. He seems quite secure in his beliefs and choices, not all of which are identical to his parents'. For example, I just checked his Twitter account for the first time in weeks and he voted for Santorum in the Arkansas primary, whereas Jim Bob has switched to Romney. I know a lot of posters here don't support either of these candidates, but I think it's healthy that Josh is making his own choice here instead of voting the way Daddy tells him to. Surely, his siblings are aware of this.

I'd say it's a minor act of rebellion, but that's what Josh seems to be all about. I can't imagine his parents are happy with the way he uses the internet, but short of disowning him (which ain't gonna happen because of the show) there is not much they can do.

Josh still has a lot of growing up to do. 24 is still very young, and because of his sheltered upbringing, he's more like a 17 year old in many ways. Sometimes I think I should give him more slack, but then he puts up another idiotic post and then I think he should be given all the rope he needs. But still, there's a chance he'll be a very different person in 10 or 20 years.

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For fundies, boys are no longer considered kids when they get married. Girls are never adults and can only hope to achieve a sort of half-kid half-adult when they get married.

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Part of the issue is rarely do we see the adult children and the little ones doing anything apart.

The adult children are forced to go on children's field trips and sometimes their faces look

bored .I remerber for one of Joy's birthdays it may have been her 13 th they went on

Train ride I couldn't help but think it was a little off for someone turning into a teen.She

Didn't look so thrilled with it either.I am sure they are sometimes forced to take the free ride

When comes to trips or parties etc.

It must make it hard to find a boyfriend / girlfriend when you can't date them without a brother or sister

Hanging long to keep track of your every move.It must make them feel like children and that the parents

Don't trust them enough to make adult choices to say no on their own.That a babysitter is needed

To keep track of them at 18,19,20 years old.Part of becoming an adult is that your parent begin to

Trust you by allowing you go out with friends and prove to them can choice to come home on

Time and make good choices without them around.JB and M make their children feel they can't

Be trusted to be alone so mom and dad must always have their eyes on them.

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I always believed they got a pep talk before going anywhere or doing anything so to remind them of all the defraudery and horrific things outside the Duggar belief system.

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I think to a certain extent, they are confused about adulthood. Jill's infamous comment about "how other parents kick their kids out to go to college" shows that. I do think some of the adult children do get bored or tired of always having to go off on trips with their entire families, but at the same time they don't know what is like to have fun on your own without parents or chaperones.

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I think that the older girls in particular view going on train rides and other kids activities the way I and most parents do. They may be boring, but there is joy in seeing your child enjoy it. They are the mothers to those younger kids, so I think they enjoy watching them have fun, and probably remember that they didn't get these sort of treats when they were young, so really value them on their buddies behalf.

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I think that the older girls in particular view going on train rides and other kids activities the way I and most parents do. They may be boring, but there is joy in seeing your child enjoy it. They are the mothers to those younger kids, so I think they enjoy watching them have fun, and probably remember that they didn't get these sort of treats when they were young, so really value them on their buddies behalf.

The older Duggar kids might get some fun out of these activities. Like you said, they didn't get to do much when they were little. Riding a kiddie train or visiting a petting farm is a heckuva lot more interesting than staying at home and trying to get the little boys to do their wisdom booklets.

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I always believed they got a pep talk before going anywhere or doing anything so to remind them of all the defraudery and horrific things outside the Duggar belief system.

I think that there is truth to this. Michelle has mentioned several times that they feel that they minister to "the culture". I am certain that the trips and things come with a huge pep talk and coaching about the world they are about to enter. It is not different from families that go to Africa or other India to do mission work. They are taught some basic skills to function in that strange society. Even missionary families who go to exotic families sometimes lose a child or two to the dangers of the exotic new environment. That loss can be true death or disability, or it can be that the child adopts the host culture.

Since the strange and exotic culture where the Duggars do their mission work is the popular culture of their own country, and since paradoxically, they cannot exist if the popular culture did not function as well as it does, the chances of a Duggar child opening their eyes and seeing this are even greater than children of other missionaries.

Pep talks do work. I used that method very successfully when my children were young and certain behavior was expected in certain social settings. However, there is a limit. I talked to my children about what to expect in a new setting and what behavior was expected, but I never told them what to think about the experience. At some point, thoughts become private, even for these very micromanaged young people. Clearly, there have been subtle changes in style (Dare I say Countenance) of the children as they have been more and more exposed to popular culture. There is more expression of their individual style and personality. We try to guess what these little glimmers mean, but it will be years before any of them speak out.

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Pep talks do work. I used that method very successfully when my children were young and certain behavior was expected in certain social settings. However, there is a limit. I talked to my children about what to expect in a new setting and what behavior was expected, but I never told them what to think about the experience. At some point, thoughts become private, even for these very micromanaged young people. Clearly, there have been subtle changes in style (Dare I say Countenance) of the children as they have been more and more exposed to popular culture. There is more expression of their individual style and personality. We try to guess what these little glimmers mean, but it will be years before any of them speak out.

I agree. And pep talks all the way to threats of punishment do work on some kids, especially young ones, but certain personality types are going to become more curious and experimental as they get older, with some going out of their way to taste the most forbidden of fruit. The reality show has opened the door to the outside world and popular culture. With Josh, it's small things like cable TV and wasting tons of money on restaurant food and posting personal pictures and idiotic comments on the internet. By the time number 14 or so comes of age, I can see the Duggars losing nearly all control. They'll be that much older and they've got way too many kids to manage.

We don't know why the older daughters in their 20's aren't married, but my own guess is if Jim Bob could have married one or two off - maybe with a Very Duggar Double Wedding Special - he would have done so by now. He doesn't need five older girls/women to tend to just four little girls and the youngest few howlers. Jill, Jinger, Joy, and poor Grandma, along with whatever it is Michelle contributes now that her baby-making days appear to be over, should be sufficient for his needs. The fact that he hasn't done so could well mean that the girls have told him to piss off or at least have made a sort of deal with him. They know how much work it is raising tons of kids and I don’t think any of them would want a life like Anna’s is turning out. So maybe they’ll just hang around the house with lighter loads cooperating with the needs of the show, biding their time until they can more discretely move on with their own lives. The very last thing Jim Bob would want is an open rebellion when they're still in the spotlight, and if they've figured this out they could - sweetly, of course - use this as power against him.

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Does anyone have a theory on who in the family was really behind the change in clothing styles and use of technology over the years? Yes, I know that they have more money now for the more comfortable lifestyle, but we still see other fundie royalty wearing frumpers, etc. Do you think that the parents allowed the shorter skirts and more flattering blouses for the girls (and the Aeropostale stuff for the boys) so that the TV audience wouldn't think that they were so "out there" in their outmoded clothing? Or that the kids themselves saw how people were dressing in the outside world, and lobbied JB and M for the change until they were worn down? If it is the latter, then the kids have already taken some steps under the influence of the big bad popular culture (and I haven't even gotten into how everyone has an iphone now; how much more pop-culture influenced can you get than obsession with the latest technology?).

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Does anyone have a theory on who in the family was really behind the change in clothing styles and use of technology over the years? Yes, I know that they have more money now for the more comfortable lifestyle, but we still see other fundie royalty wearing frumpers, etc. Do you think that the parents allowed the shorter skirts and more flattering blouses for the girls (and the Aeropostale stuff for the boys) so that the TV audience wouldn't think that they were so "out there" in their outmoded clothing? Or that the kids themselves saw how people were dressing in the outside world, and lobbied JB and M for the change until they were worn down? If it is the latter, then the kids have already taken some steps under the influence of the big bad popular culture (and I haven't even gotten into how everyone has an iphone now; how much more pop-culture influenced can you get than obsession with the latest technology?).

I think it was probably a combination of things, but I recall an episode some years back when People or Today came to dress the family for a group shot or a TV appearance. Neither the show nor anyone else in the media has ever really tried to expose the Duggars’ actual religious beliefs and lifestyle; the focus has always been on how they manage the sheer number of children. Having them look as odd as they did in the early specials - especially as the kids got older - would bring that focus straight to their religious beliefs. So my guess would be that it was first encouraged by their media handlers. And then once the kids were out in the world being followed by TV cameras, I can see them not wanting to stand out any more than they already did; they clearly knew at that point they looked....different. Jim Bob and Michelle would probably be very happy to have them all still in frumpers and matching clothes, but those horses have long since left the barn. Can anyone imagine Jessa in a frumper today?

The technology is harder to explain. Michelle claims they don't use the internet for anything but educational purposes, but the older kids all have iPhones and she said in an inteview she asked Jill to search Youtube for songs for the Jubilee. Youtube. It scares me sometimes to think of what my teens - inadvertently or otherwise - run into out there and I'm as progressive as they come. I wonder if Michelle and Boob aren't putting up a major front here and actually have much less control over those kids than we’ve been led to believe.

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