Chick Tracts

[RR88]

Which one's your favorite? The one titled "Doom Town" is especially...graphic. chick.com/reading/tracts/0273/0273_01.asp

[RR88]

It's interesting that "Doom Town" makes no effort to sugarcoat Lot's offering his daughters up to be gang-raped.

[crassy]

I like the dirty people one. I can't be bothered searching for it at the moment. Also, the Titanic one is a personal favourite. I have a collection of them somewhere.

[Minerva]

...what am I reading? And what is a tract?

[hagia sophia]

I'll say mine is "Alberto" only because "Father" Alberto came to preach at my Fundamentalist Baptist Church.

It was 1978? 79? It was so exciting. I was a new believer. It was like a celebrity was at our church. The Knights of Columbus were protesting! That proved it was true! :lol:

[FearLyss]

I've never seen these! Thanks for the link, looks like facebook material.

[tropaka]

A tract is a religious pamphlet/flyer. Chick tracts, well, you'll have to take a look at them; they're special.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

The one about the dangers of playing Dungeons and Dragons. It claims, with all seriousness, that when your character reaches 8th level you will be able to cast real spells.

All I gotta say is if that were true, a HELL of a lot more people would be playing D&D!!

You can read it for yourself: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.ASP

[breadprincess]

The dungeons and dragons one! My older sister turned it into a badass t-shirt. Chick tracts are one of my most favorite things on the internet for lolz.

[ADoyle90815]

The one about the dangers of playing Dungeons and Dragons. It claims, with all seriousness, that when your character reaches 8th level you will be able to cast real spells.

All I gotta say is if that were true, a HELL of a lot more people would be playing D&D!!

You can read it for yourself: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.ASP

That's probably my favorite, but all of them are great for laughs.

[valsa]

My "favorite" is Lisa, a tract so vile that even Chick stopped printing it.

It's the lovely little tale of a toddler who is physically abused by her mother and sexually abused by her father, who then pimps her out to their neighbor, and eventually contracts an STD. The family doctor who diagnoses the STD, of course, does not report the father but instead gives him a "come to Jesus" talk. It works and the tract ends heart-warmingly as Lisa's newly-Christian mother and father vow never to beat, rape, and pimp her out again (in not so many words)

*gags*

Tellingly, the little girl who the tract is named after only appears in one panel and says one word, regarding her parents new-found morals- "Really?"

Oh, in so many ways, Lisa...

ETA: Found scans of the now out-of-print tract:

http://jackchick.wordpress.com/2011/04/ ... view-lisa/

Not breaking because I doubt they care.

[RR88]

OK, this one's even better than "Doom Town". It completely ignores the fact that Muslims believe Jesus was a prophet. Most Chick Tracts are rife with ignorance, actually: chick.com/reading/tracts/1043/1043_01.asp

[Sunnichick31]

I think the testemonies on the Chick tract site are kinda stupid. I mean, if someone can be convinced by a 10 page booklet (just guessing at the number of pages) then I think they are prolly pretty gullible. (Not to say that someone who honestly believes in Christianity is gullible, I just mean that usually it takes more than a small little booklet to convince someone of a religion.)

Also, this one kinda screams "lie!!!"

"I was given a FLIGHT 144 tract by a patient. I felt myself to be a "good" person by world standards. I kept re-reading the tract. I became a Christian three months ago. I now give a tract to every patient."

Really? You give a tract to every patient and you havne't been fired yet? I don't believe it.

[ilovetchotchkes]

The one about the dangers of playing Dungeons and Dragons. It claims, with all seriousness, that when your character reaches 8th level you will be able to cast real spells.

All I gotta say is if that were true, a HELL of a lot more people would be playing D&D!!

You can read it for yourself: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.ASP

Mine too! There are no words for how hard this one makes me laugh.

They crack me up. Especially when I'm handed one, I get this look in my face and I scream "OMFG! YEAH! I DONT HAVE THIS ONE YET"

My poor headship has learned that embarrassment is common when you're hanging out with me....

[Minerva]

Mine too! There are no words for how hard this one makes me laugh.

They crack me up. Especially when I'm handed one, I get this look in my face and I scream "OMFG! YEAH! I DONT HAVE THIS ONE YET"

My poor headship has learned that embarrassment is common when you're hanging out with me....

You get handed them on the street? Oh man, I'm jealous. Things like these kind of make me wish I lived somewhere with visible fundies.

[ilovetchotchkes]

You get handed them on the street? Oh man, I'm jealous. Things like these kind of make me wish I lived somewhere with visible fundies.

Downtown Chicago is where I tend to get most of em. My husband though... he got one standing in line at the post office, came home and said "hon, I think you might want this". Made. My. Freaking. Day.

[Witsec7]

They are just so versatile. I like to mount a whole tract (it takes two of the same tract) on some heavy weight paper and laminate them for place mats. They make great gifts :lol: Single panels make fun refrigerator magnets, or you can cover switch plates in a mini collage of the lake of fire. I buy some every year.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

They are just so versatile. I like to mount a whole tract (it takes two of the same tract) on some heavy weight paper and laminate them for place mats. They make great gifts :lol: Single panels make fun refrigerator magnets, or you can cover switch plates in a mini collage of the lake of fire. I buy some every year.

I must plagiarize.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

You get handed them on the street? Oh man, I'm jealous. Things like these kind of make me wish I lived somewhere with visible fundies.

I have been handed Japanese-translated versions of Chick tracts on the street in Los Angeles (in the Little Tokyo area) by people who clearly did not speak a word of Japanese themselves but were merely looking to proselytize. So sometimes being in a big city you can luck out!

Lately I've been seeing little bundles of tracts complete with rubber bands around them, left at bus stops near me, here in Illinois. That's lazy! I don't think they're from Chick, it's some other vendor (there are many) but the idea is the same. Interesting part is they're in Arabic. I can't read a word, but I've saved one just in case I might have a chance to find out what it says. From what I can tell from the art, it's the usual "foreigner observing his heathen foreign evil ways runs into some trouble due to his heathenness and runs into a benevolent missionary and Finds! Jeebus!" pattern, though.

Separately from that, I have a "1 million dollar bill" with Obama on it talking about how he is evil for promoting abortions.

[dairyfreelife]

My favorites (aka most ridiculous and/or insulting ones)

Crazy Wolf: http://chick.com/reading/tracts/1061/1061_01.asp

Apes, Lies and Ms. Henn: http://chick.com/reading/tracts/1051/1051_01.asp

Death Cookie: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0074/0074_01.asp

Boo! http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0074/0074_01.asp or The Devil's Night: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1053/1053_01.asp

The Little Princess: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0063/0063_01.asp

Big Daddy:

This one is hilarious. Professor says Lucy is 2.5 million years old. She's 3.2 ish. Richard Leakey did NOT discover a fossil that was 212 million years old. He found two fossils dating roughtly 1.6 and 2.5 million years old. Epic fail and any science teacher discussing this would not be fooled by such pathetic arguments. Jack Chick is so clueless. "scientists agree Lucy was just an unusual chimpanzee" and then links to a site by Ken Ham. :roll: Then he has the student show a flyer of evidence from none other than the one and only Kent Hovind. The student's arguments put the professor in a tailspin with a fake idea of how carbon dating works and about other nonsense until the professor resigns, no longer believing in evolution. If a real student tried this on a real science professor, I'd love a video of it just to show how the student needs to realize he's not smarter than his professor.

One day, if I ever go to Cincinnati again, I think I'll head south and have a look in at the Creation Museum for the lolz. I'll be sure to bring my nurse student sister who's had several science classes. She'd be able to tear a lot of it to pieces, that I'm certain.

It's also funny to hear that you get these. I live in the Bible belt and never received one. A little sad, but glad as well. Maybe the people aren't that dumb to buy into the crap.

[Patsy]

I find the best tracts are the ones that are the most incohesive. You start getting an explanation of some conspiracy theory, or a plot's going on, and then all of a sudden the same screed that always occurs pops up, and the entire tract veers into doing that lecture. Fool! You thought the plot was going somewhere! You thought the scenarios depicted were going to be tied to the conclusions drawn!

I'm a big fan of those whacked-out conspiracy theories, too. Especially fond of the Islam found in Chick tracts, it's an... interesting version, to say the least.

For some incredibly sensitive depiction of gay people:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp <-- another Ms Henn one, dairyfreelife is right, they're great

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1025/1025_01.asp

Your best friend just committed suicide, so of course you're going to be ecstatically happy when you convert to Christianity a few days afterwards:

http://chick.com/reading/tracts/0052/0052_01.asp

[reckoner]

:lol:

This one's my favourite so far: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0034/0034_01.asp

A christian rock band signs a contract with Lew Siffer and before you know it, Bobby died of AIDS, Jim O.D.'d and Don is into vampirism.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Jack Chick is so clueless. "scientists agree Lucy was just an unusual chimpanzee" and then links to a site by Ken Ham. :roll:

I have to admit, I hear "Ken Ham" and I can't help but think of Ham the chimp that went into space, so... unusual chimpanzee, indeed.

[uber frau]

I have to admit, I hear "Ken Ham" and I can't help but think of Ham the chimp that went into space, so... unusual chimpanzee, indeed.

I know snarking on appearance is a little below the belt, but Ken Ham even looks like CroMagnon man.

[Tanaqui]

Downtown Chicago is where I tend to get most of em. My husband though... he got one standing in line at the post office, came home and said "hon, I think you might want this". Made. My. Freaking. Day.

I once found one tucked into the handle of my gas pump in Ft. Worth. I was thoroughly disappointed when the Harry Potter protesters didn't have any with them when they were picketing outside my favourite downtown movie theater back in the day. What good are rabid fundies if they're not going to add to my xian literature collection?