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Being a Stay-At-Home-Daughter Means...


Maul the Koala

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trueloveskissblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/being-stay-at-home-daughter-means.html

Um, most of these things you can do without being a stay at home daughter. In fact I would say all of them can be accomplished without being a stay at home daughter. Not really sure if it's anything to brag about...

Well let's see, I just graduated from graduate school. During that time, I also held a part time job as a job coach for adults with intellectual disabilities. While doing those things I also did lots of laundry, cooked for myself (and sometimes for friends), cleaned my apartment regularly, offered to drive my best friend to various places (she is blind and generally takes cabs/mass transit), writing songs, taking lots of guitar and acting classes, teaching and working with students with special needs, playing ukulele for hours because I love it, making new friends, loving my family, and exploring my spiritual beliefs. On top of that I took classes, did homework, wrote essays, student taught, found a boyfriend, took care of my 2 cats, got my teaching license, and applied for jobs (still waiting to hear back...I just interviewed for a few on Thurs and Fri). I don't mean for this post to sound like I'm bragging. What I'm trying to say is that she could be doing SO MUCH MORE for herself/the world/her career etc. while doing all of the things on her SAHD list.

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I still get annoyed when I think of how SmugJill Duggar bragged about her "parents let their kids live at home after 18 " and "how most parents kick their kids out to go to college". SmugJill was wrong about that. There are more parents that allow their kids to live at home after 18 than she thinks there are. A lot of young women who are non fundie and live at home have more independence and are more in tune with the real world than Jill. Jill has never had jobs and she probably has never had a bank account or she has never had to pay a cell phone bill. She is doing her midwife training but everything about that was likely approved by her parents. Jana is 22 and she living away from home, but again that was approved by her parents. Their big brother Joshie boy isn't any better and John David is also still being controlled by Boob and Mullet.

I live in Australia and according to the Bureau of Statistics, just under 50% of people aged 18-24 live with their parents. I don't think there's a breakdown by age, but I assume it's well over half for 18 year olds and a lot lower for 24 year olds. It's very common in my social circle! We don't really move away for uni as much as you guys do in the USA, so it's probably higher, but again, moving out for college is a choice and I know plenty of people move back after. I know very few people who were actively encouraged to leave at 18.

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The Duggar kids' warped idea of what most other families are like is so ridiculous. And seriously, have they ever really been friends with kids from non-ATI families? They don't know the first thing about growing up outside of ATI, except maybe Smugs, who seems to at least have fundie-lite friends now (not that they seem to expand his horizons any.) I lived with my folks right out of college, moving out a year later when I could afford to. There was never any pressure to do so, or not - I was clearly motivated and doing my best, and that is all they wanted. Even now, at 28, if God-forbid things went south with my partner and I had to move back home for a time, they would accept me unconditionally. I don't think parents should let kids live with them indefinitely if they are just slacking and wanting a free ride, but to me the definition of family is people who are always there for you when you need them, including and especially those times when you are broke and unemployed or sick and need more help than usual. The fact that the Duggars think this kind of support is only available in ATI families is sad, especially since that support comes with many strings attached. What is also telling is that the Duggar kids seem to view moving out at 18 as necessarily a move made under duress, which to me means that they view the outside world as by definition scary and dangerous and a place that you would not want to go voluntarily. They don't take under account the fact that most kids move out at 18 to pursue higher education, work, military service, etc. - and that they are excited to go and have their parents' blessing not because they are selfish and wanting the kids to leave but because they understand their kids to be individuals with dreams of their own, not indentured servants who owe their parents decades of service simply in return for the privilege of emerging from Teh Sacred Womb of Mullet.

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I think there's basically no way to win this game with them. They say that they have rich and fulfilling and busy lives. So we say we can do all that stuff in addition to doing mainstream things like getting an education or earning a living. But then they'll reverse it and brag about how relaxing and stress-free their lives are. No matter what, they'll always think they are the superior ones.

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The Duggar kids' warped idea of what most other families are like is so ridiculous. And seriously, have they ever really been friends with kids from non-ATI families? They don't know the first thing about growing up outside of ATI, except maybe Smugs, who seems to at least have fundie-lite friends now (not that they seem to expand his horizons any.) I lived with my folks right out of college, moving out a year later when I could afford to. There was never any pressure to do so, or not - I was clearly motivated and doing my best, and that is all they wanted. Even now, at 28, if God-forbid things went south with my partner and I had to move back home for a time, they would accept me unconditionally. I don't think parents should let kids live with them indefinitely if they are just slacking and wanting a free ride, but to me the definition of family is people who are always there for you when you need them, including and especially those times when you are broke and unemployed or sick and need more help than usual. The fact that the Duggars think this kind of support is only available in ATI families is sad, especially since that support comes with many strings attached. What is also telling is that the Duggar kids seem to view moving out at 18 as necessarily a move made under duress, which to me means that they view the outside world as by definition scary and dangerous and a place that you would not want to go voluntarily. They don't take under account the fact that most kids move out at 18 to pursue higher education, work, military service, etc. - and that they are excited to go and have their parents' blessing not because they are selfish and wanting the kids to leave but because they understand their kids to be individuals with dreams of their own, not indentured servants who owe their parents decades of service simply in return for the privilege of emerging from Teh Sacred Womb of Mullet.

QFT. In my family it's a choice that I'm grateful to have had - I left for college at 18 and never went back, and I was excited to go. My sister still lives at home at 25 (almost 26). And it hasn't always been easy - the 10 years since I left have had their ups and downs - but I wasn't kicked out by any means. The option to return was always there, but in my mind it was never a default - I live in another city, and have a life and "urban family" here, and this is home to me now. So here I am - working, going to grad school, dancing, acting, about to start an internship, tutoring, having a social life, keeping house (I do not claim perfection in this).

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She went off to work at the ATI/Gothard headquarters near Chicago. From what I've read up online, the young people who work at the HQ place, are often chaperoned. Jana really isn't living on her own for the first time. She is basically living in a similar situation to the TTH environment.

Is she still even doing this, or was it a really short term thing? She's in the family picture with Santorum at the TTH from this week.

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Is she still even doing this, or was it a really short term thing? She's in the family picture with Santorum at the TTH from this week.

It is hard to tell. I think maybe she came for the Santorum visit, so Boob and Mullet can have a complete a dog and pony show. It could be a short term thing. From what I've read, some ATI youth work at the HQ for least a year.

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The Duggar kids' warped idea of what most other families are like is so ridiculous. And seriously, have they ever really been friends with kids from non-ATI families? They don't know the first thing about growing up outside of ATI, except maybe Smugs, who seems to at least have fundie-lite friends now (not that they seem to expand his horizons any.) I lived with my folks right out of college, moving out a year later when I could afford to. There was never any pressure to do so, or not - I was clearly motivated and doing my best, and that is all they wanted. Even now, at 28, if God-forbid things went south with my partner and I had to move back home for a time, they would accept me unconditionally. I don't think parents should let kids live with them indefinitely if they are just slacking and wanting a free ride, but to me the definition of family is people who are always there for you when you need them, including and especially those times when you are broke and unemployed or sick and need more help than usual. The fact that the Duggars think this kind of support is only available in ATI families is sad, especially since that support comes with many strings attached. What is also telling is that the Duggar kids seem to view moving out at 18 as necessarily a move made under duress, which to me means that they view the outside world as by definition scary and dangerous and a place that you would not want to go voluntarily. They don't take under account the fact that most kids move out at 18 to pursue higher education, work, military service, etc. - and that they are excited to go and have their parents' blessing not because they are selfish and wanting the kids to leave but because they understand their kids to be individuals with dreams of their own, not indentured servants who owe their parents decades of service simply in return for the privilege of emerging from Teh Sacred Womb of Mullet.

I agree with that. There are some slackers who live at home with their parents. I think Boob and Mullet are likely aware that there are non fundie parents that allow their kids to live at home after age 18 or high school graduation. But they probably keep those facts to themselves and they twist certain things around as way of keeping control over their kids. They probably don't tell their kids certain things about what non-ATi families do. The J'Slaves would envy a lot college students who live at home, but yet are free to their own social lives. They would envy 21 year or 22 year olds who have their own bedrooms away from younger siblings. The Duggars want their kids to believe that only families(ATI, QF) like them are close knit. They won't tell their kids about how other parents have an open door policy with their adult children. My parents have the motto that their home will always be their children's home too. I mentioned it before, but the living situations of fundie SAHDs is unhealthy in several ways. They aren't learning any skills to survive in the real world.

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I think there's basically no way to win this game with them. They say that they have rich and fulfilling and busy lives. So we say we can do all that stuff in addition to doing mainstream things like getting an education or earning a living. But then they'll reverse it and brag about how relaxing and stress-free their lives are. No matter what, they'll always think they are the superior ones.

I think that's true

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I still get annoyed when I think of how SmugJill Duggar bragged about her "parents let their kids live at home after 18 " and "how most parents kick their kids out to go to college". SmugJill was wrong about that. There are more parents that allow their kids to live at home after 18 than she thinks there are. A lot of young women who are non fundie and live at home have more independence and are more in tune with the real world than Jill. Jill has never had jobs and she probably has never had a bank account or she has never had to pay a cell phone bill. She is doing her midwife training but everything about that was likely approved by her parents. Jana is 22 and she living away from home, but again that was approved by her parents. Their big brother Joshie boy isn't any better and John David is also still being controlled by Boob and Mullet.

::Blink blink::

Oh. Yeah. Because turning 18 and having to stay at home is what most of us dream of. Going to college and getting to live in a dorm and make friends and learn exciting things was a terrible fate.

Most of us can't wait to get out of the house.

The way she frames "going to college" makes me think they sit around a campfire and tell horror stories of CO-ED DORMITORIES. Eeek! Open minded professors! STOP! NO SISTERS TO PICK UP AFTER YOU! YOU MUST CLEAN YOUR OWN DORM!

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::Blink blink::

Oh. Yeah. Because turning 18 and having to stay at home is what most of us dream of. Going to college and getting to live in a dorm and make friends and learn exciting things was a terrible fate.

Most of us can't wait to get out of the house.

The way she frames "going to college" makes me think they sit around a campfire and tell horror stories of CO-ED DORMITORIES. Eeek! Open minded professors! STOP! NO SISTERS TO PICK UP AFTER YOU! YOU MUST CLEAN YOUR OWN DORM!

Even worse! We had co-ed bathrooms! Oh the horror!

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It's funny, I went to an extremely liberal school for undergrad - the Duggars' worst nightmare. Coed dorms, coed bathrooms - you could even share a double with a member of the opposite sex if you wanted. Everyone was super sex-positive and progressive and open to all sorts of gender expression. We had condoms, dental dams, gloves and other stuff in every bathroom, and sex toy parties could be held on campus. And yet, I never once felt sexually threatened (and, due to some PTSD issues, I sometimes tend to feel sexually threatened even when there's no real cause), I was never assaulted or forced to do anything, I never felt objectified, and while of course there were exceptions, the liberal nature of the place did not turn it into a dangerous place to be. Yet, I had female friends at more restrictive colleges (including religious ones with very strict gender segregation) who said the aforementioned problems were rampant.

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Since this girl refers to herself as a SAHD, I'm assuming she's at least 18, right? And she's been raised in a fundie family, homeschooled to be a homemaker, and the whole bit? If so, why does she still find it so difficult to vacuum without breaking things or cook a quick meal without making a huge mess?? Is it really so, or is this just more "silly female me" bullshit?

That's what it sounds like to me, too. While there are men who are very tidy and good at cooking, I doubt you'd find those men in a fundie family, so saying that she makes even more of a mess than her father means that, even though it's not something he does regularly or is expected to do, he's still better at it than his silly daughter.

I still get annoyed when I think of how SmugJill Duggar bragged about her "parents let their kids live at home after 18 " and "how most parents kick their kids out to go to college". SmugJill was wrong about that. There are more parents that allow their kids to live at home after 18 than she thinks there are. A lot of young women who are non fundie and live at home have more independence and are more in tune with the real world than Jill.

They've got such an inaccurate perception of other people's lives. My parents didn't want me living at home when I went to uni, not because they wanted to get rid of me or were unsupportive, but because they wanted me to have the invaluable experiences associated with living away from home. If I needed to go back home now, they'd welcome me.

I have quite a few friends in their mid-twenties who have graduated uni and are back with their parents, either working and saving money, jobhunting, or volunteering. Another was invited to go back home to save money recently.

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That's what it sounds like to me, too. While there are men who are very tidy and good at cooking, I doubt you'd find those men in a fundie family, so saying that she makes even more of a mess than her father means that, even though it's not something he does regularly or is expected to do, he's still better at it than his silly daughter.

That's so horrible. When will she learn to be a homemaker, hmm? She'd better hurry.

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I was a 'SAHD' in some respects, in that I did my own cleaning, some cooking etc, but I actually went to uni at 18 and still lived at home as I attended the university of my home city. This was purely because I actually wanted to attend that particular university because it had an excellent degree course, not to mention I saw no point in moving into halls or living in a flat because of the financial aspects, but also the fact I still made wonderful friendships with fellow students, and maintained the ones I had from people I grew up with. After I graduated, I only lived at home for another year as I met my husband and moved out when I married last September, but I'm not going to lie, the minute I left uni, I definitely wanted to move out and feel like a truly independent adult away from my parents :D I never really enjoyed living at home once I hit 21/22, so I can't even fathom what these girls in fundie families in the US must feel like if they can't imagine that life that doesn't involve being a mini mom to children that are actually your siblings is something to cherish while they can! But then again, using the Duggar girls as an example, they don't know any different because they've been controlled and shielded from real life from parents who actually experienced things at their age.

Michelle had a job working in some yoghurt shop when she was a teenager, so why the hell can't her own daughters have a part time job and be given some freedom at least? I worked at a supermarket from the age of 17, I paid for my own fuel, car insurance, phone bill, clothes, and it made me learn so much more to handle my own affairs then being a pretend teenage housewife ever would.

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