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Being a Stay-At-Home-Daughter Means...


Maul the Koala

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trueloveskissblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/being-stay-at-home-daughter-means.html

Being a Stay-at-Home Daughter Means:

Doing laundry. Lots of laundry. In fact, doing more laundry than you thought 4 people could generate.

Sometimes trying to help with the cooking. Even if it does take you twice as long as your mother, and you make even a bigger mess than your father.

Cleaning: Vacuuming, polishing, and dusting. And trying not to break anything in the process.

Driving your brother around when your parents can't.

Spending time writing that story that you just know will be a national bestseller someday. ;)

Teaching lots of piano lessons. And realizing the interesting ways God answers your prayers for patience.

Babysitting & nannying for church families. Getting invaluable experience for when the kids you spend time with are your own. : )

Playing the piano for an hour at a time...just because you can and you love it.

Getting to know Jesus more and more every day.

Realizing that God's plan and timing are PERFECT.

Making new friends and cherishing old ones.

Realizing that no family is perfect, not even yours, but yours is pretty amazing anyway.

Diving deeper into God's word.

Communicating with God daily through prayer.

Realizing that as great as your dreams and plans are, it's not about you. It's about bringing glory to God.

Um, most of these things you can do without being a stay at home daughter. In fact I would say all of them can be accomplished without being a stay at home daughter. Not really sure if it's anything to brag about...

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Um, most of these things you can do without being a stay at home daughter. In fact I would say all of them can be accomplished without being a stay at home daughter. Not really sure if it's anything to brag about...

So true.

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Guest Anonymous

I am a stay at home daughter! At least, I am a grown woman living at home for far longer than I should. Here is my alternative list:

Being a stay at home daughter means:

Being too ill to live independently.

Feeling guilty for being such a burden.

Fudging the truth when talking to other people so it sounds like all of the cool conversations I have with my supercool mum are had over the phone.

Feeling like a loser.

Dreaming of being more independent.

Doing all of the cooking!

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Being a stay-at-home daughter means

Doing laundry. Doing lots of laundry. Doing more laundry than you ever thought 4 8 12 20 people could generate

Cooking for 4 8 12 20 people three times a day. Every day. While Mom does...something. Probably in her room. And doing all the dishes, unless you have a younger sister to help.

Cleaning, vacuuming, polishing, dusting, picking up toys, picking up toys, picking up toys.....

Driving your little brothers and sisters around when your parents are not required by law to be at the event at the other end

Teaching lots of piano lessons. Hours of piano lessons

Not writing for yourself, or reading for yourself, or doing any academics because you don't have time or energy

Looking after even MORE children for church families

Giving up on the piano because you are so sick of it, and so tired, and a child needs you right now

Losing any curiosity you ever had about the world outside the walls of your home

Only knowing the people in your church

Giving up on the dream of a home of your own

Giving up on the dream of children of your own

Giving up on the dream of having someone love only you

Shutting down your sexuality completely

In some cases enduring the occasional "training" from your father, even though you're physically mature

Having to keep track of your monthly cycle where your entire family can see, thereby denying you even the privacy of your own body

Never having more than five minutes alone. For anything. Ever.

Begging God to get you out of this somehow, but realizing that this is exactly the life he wants for you, and eventually losing hope that any of your prayers will ever be answered.

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I am a stay at home daughter! At least, I am a grown woman living at home for far longer than I should. Here is my alternative list:

My list is sooooo similar to yours! I work, study, pay rent, but still feel like I need to get out...luckily I have a lot of independence. I do do most of the cooking though haha.

Having to keep track of your monthly cycle where your entire family can see, thereby denying you even the privacy of your own body

Do they really do that? I've heard it referenced a few times but can't find a blog that mentions it.

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This is from Razing Ruth

razingruth.blogspot.ca/2010/04/part-16-puberty.html

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This is from Razing Ruth

razingruth.blogspot.ca/2010/04/part-16-puberty.html

Oh yes, I'd read that one. But assumed that was just due to the particularly weird and abusive nature of the father and wasn't a common fundie trait...maybe all fundie fathers are like that though?

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Oh my, that's a pretty thin veil she has over her resentment and frustration. Sad.

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Since this girl refers to herself as a SAHD, I'm assuming she's at least 18, right? And she's been raised in a fundie family, homeschooled to be a homemaker, and the whole bit? If so, why does she still find it so difficult to vacuum without breaking things or cook a quick meal without making a huge mess?? Is it really so, or is this just more "silly female me" bullshit?

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I am a stay at home daughter! At least, I am a grown woman living at home for far longer than I should. Here is my alternative list:

Being a stay at home daughter means:

Being too ill to live independently.

Feeling guilty for being such a burden.

Fudging the truth when talking to other people so it sounds like all of the cool conversations I have with my supercool mum are had over the phone.

Feeling like a loser.

Dreaming of being more independent.

Doing all of the cooking!

I am so with you there - I don't even live in the same house (just the same property) and I feel like a huge burden because I can't physically help as much as my parents need. I feel guilty and like a loser every day of my life.

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I am a stay at home daughter! At least, I am a grown woman living at home for far longer than I should. Here is my alternative list:

Being a stay at home daughter means:

Being too ill to live independently.

Feeling guilty for being such a burden.

Fudging the truth when talking to other people so it sounds like all of the cool conversations I have with my supercool mum are had over the phone.

Feeling like a loser.

Dreaming of being more independent.

Doing all of the cooking!

This. 100% this. Minus the ill part. For me it was/is more the economy sucking part. I finally aged out of the FAFSA requirement, and was able to go to university away last year, and this summer I FINALLY have a job. Still, being a "stay at home daughter" SUCKED. I'm going to add some things to the list:

having to listen to your father whine and moan and complain all the time about everything

having to walk on eggshells around your dad, because you never know when he's in a bad mood. A simple, "hi dad" could cause him to turn and snap at you.

having to do all the dishes and cleaning while your little brother plays video games all day

your dad complaining about you to your 16 year old brother and then having your brother parrot back at you the same thoughts.

feeling that you are complete and utterly worthless, and having most of the people around you agree.

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I don't think I could have been considered a SAHD, but I did move back home after I graduated from college. Partly because my mom passed away less than a week after I graduated and partly because I had no clue where I wanted to live / what I wanted to do.

I lived at home with my dad (and my sister until she got married) for a couple of years. I hated it with a passion and I was so happy to move across the state with my boyfriend. Living in sin was much, much better than living at home!

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I graduated high school at 17 and had to stick around as a SAHD for a year because my fundie-lite parents didn't approve of teh ebil liberal universities.

They at least let me work part-time outside the home at a Christian daycare/preschool. But I was still expected to do the laundry, cook the meals, do the grocery shopping, and care exclusively for my youngest sister (then 8 years old).

And yeah, it made me feel worthless. I felt stupid because I stayed home while my friends went to college. I felt alone because my only social contacts were the SODRT-ites in youth group. And I was incredibly angry because I knew I was better than what I had been relegated to. It was NOT a period of happy spirituality.

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There is a HUGE difference from being ill, or out of work, and staying home, as opposed to being raised with the idea you should just be home forever, and either believing it or not being equipped to escape.

I hope the people who are dependent on family because of illness know that's NOT what we're snarking on. (It can still suck, though. I live with my mom for a year in my 20s and even though I had two jobs and lots of freedom it was still a pain in the ass.)

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After high school I attended a community college for two years while living at home. I don't think I was a SAHD during that time, because I had part time jobs and I was attending school. I did do chores around the house, but I didn't do everything. I know others who live/ lived at home during college or part of college and they still have or had more independence than fundie SAHDs.

I still get annoyed when I think of how SmugJill Duggar bragged about her "parents let their kids live at home after 18 " and "how most parents kick their kids out to go to college". SmugJill was wrong about that. There are more parents that allow their kids to live at home after 18 than she thinks there are. A lot of young women who are non fundie and live at home have more independence and are more in tune with the real world than Jill. Jill has never had jobs and she probably has never had a bank account or she has never had to pay a cell phone bill. She is doing her midwife training but everything about that was likely approved by her parents. Jana is 22 and she living away from home, but again that was approved by her parents. Their big brother Joshie boy isn't any better and John David is also still being controlled by Boob and Mullet.

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Since this girl refers to herself as a SAHD, I'm assuming she's at least 18, right? And she's been raised in a fundie family, homeschooled to be a homemaker, and the whole bit? If so, why does she still find it so difficult to vacuum without breaking things or cook a quick meal without making a huge mess?? Is it really so, or is this just more "silly female me" bullshit?

This is exactly what I thought too! This girl has probably been doing many of these chores since she was what 5-6 years old? Seriously, I doubt she even needs to think, as she does these chores on autopilot, the same way she has done for 10+ years Her Mother though, probably couldn't tell you where the vaccum, or pots are stored in the house, it has been so long since she used them. I don't believe her, she is just playing dumb, ugh!

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Playing the piano for an hour at a time...just because you can and you love it.

Uhhh, honey? I do this. I've gotten awards for doing this while AT SCHOOL full time, as well as everything else.

It's not such a big accomplishment.

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After high school I attended a community college for two years while living at home. I don't think I was a SAHD during that time, because I had part time jobs and I was attending school. I did do chores around the house, but I didn't do everything. I know others who live/ lived at home during college or part of college and they still have or had more independence than fundie SAHDs.

I still get annoyed when I think of how SmugJill Duggar bragged about her "parents let their kids live at home after 18 " and "how most parents kick their kids out to go to college". SmugJill was wrong about that. There are more parents that allow their kids to live at home after 18 than she thinks there are. A lot of young women who are non fundie and live at home have more independence and are more in tune with the real world than Jill. Jill has never had jobs and she probably has never had a bank account or she has never had to pay a cell phone bill. She is doing her midwife training but everything about that was likely approved by her parents. Jana is 22 and she living away from home, but again that was approved by her parents. Their big brother Joshie boy isn't any better and John David is also still being controlled by Boob and Mullet.

QFT! I don't know anyone who was kicked out at 18! I know plenty of people who moved out at 18, went away to college at 18, and stayed at home while going to college at 18.....not anyone who was kicked out! I don't get how the fundies don't understand that it is normal and healthy to want to move out and start a new life for yourself!

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What is it with fundies and pianos, anyway? It seems like every other fundy I hear about has one or loves to play it.

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QFT! I don't know anyone who was kicked out at 18! I know plenty of people who moved out at 18, went away to college at 18, and stayed at home while going to college at 18.....not anyone who was kicked out! I don't get how the fundies don't understand that it is normal and healthy to want to move out and start a new life for yourself!

I do know a couple of people who were forced to move out or go away to college. During my last couple of years of college, I worked with a guy who went to the same college. He grew up in the city where the college is and his parents made him move out a month after he graduated from high school. He liked being self-sufficient but at the same time, he was a bitter about his parents forcing him out right after high school. The other person that I know who was kicked out at after high graduation was a girl I knew from high school. She was kicked mostly because of her step mom. When I was in high school, I dated a guy who had an aunt that required that her kids go to college 2-3 hours away. I thought that rule was a bit extreme because there was a college an hour away from where her and her family lived.

A lot of my friends and relatives are pretty open to allowing their kids to live at home during college or to move back during certain situations. One of my friends got divorced at 27 and she moved back home with her parents while the divorce proceedings were happening and during the time she and her ex were selling their home. She said that living with her parents during that time helped her cope and it helped her give a new start. The bad economy is also one of the reasons people move back home or why some people are living at home during college.

The unhealthy things about fundie SAHDs is that they are basically stunted in a lot of ways. A lot of them aren't making their own incomes and they still answer to their parents for everything. The J'Slaves are still being supported in a financial sense completely by Boob. Their clothes, supplies, computers, phones, and other expenses are still being paid for by Boob. I do know some people who whose parents paid some of their expenses during college, but they also had to help support themselves.

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All the things stay-at-home daughters do are done by most working parents. Few have the money to hire someone to do the cooking and cleaning. The idea of SAHDs in the fundy way is dumb.

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After high school I attended a community college for two years while living at home. I don't think I was a SAHD during that time, because I had part time jobs and I was attending school. I did do chores around the house, but I didn't do everything. I know others who live/ lived at home during college or part of college and they still have or had more independence than fundie SAHDs.

I still get annoyed when I think of how SmugJill Duggar bragged about her "parents let their kids live at home after 18 " and "how most parents kick their kids out to go to college". SmugJill was wrong about that. There are more parents that allow their kids to live at home after 18 than she thinks there are. A lot of young women who are non fundie and live at home have more independence and are more in tune with the real world than Jill. Jill has never had jobs and she probably has never had a bank account or she has never had to pay a cell phone bill. She is doing her midwife training but everything about that was likely approved by her parents. Jana is 22 and she living away from home, but again that was approved by her parents. Their big brother Joshie boy isn't any better and John David is also still being controlled by Boob and Mullet.

Did Jana move out? Where'd she go?

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Did Jana move out? Where'd she go?

She went off to work at the ATI/Gothard headquarters near Chicago. From what I've read up online, the young people who work at the HQ place, are often chaperoned. Jana really isn't living on her own for the first time. She is basically living in a similar situation to the TTH environment.

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My thoughts are similar to many of yours: and her SAHD list is different then my list how? I work outside the home because I'm not under the asinine umbrella of male subservience and yet everything she described are things I am fully capable of doing if I wanted to, all the while working 40+ hours a week. I also find her list demeaning and insulting. One thing I wondered as I read it was "are these the ONLY things she's capable of doing???" I mean, even with working more then fulltime most weeks I'm able to do even more. What a pitiful, pathetic waste of adulthood!

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