Anna.Xanga quiverfull arrogance

[lilah]

Anna.xanga is a perrenial favorite for me. She's always trying to predict the end of the world in the next six months and is totally into some weird Faux Judaism/Torah believing Christianity and thinks Messianics are too mainstream and uncool. She is also pretty relaxed about things like reading harry potter/twilight or having her kids do ballet and hip hop dancing.

 

Anyway she posted some really snotty post about how her semi-quiverfull approach (she seems to have stopped at 5 kids for the time being) is so vastly superior to the typical 2.5 kids because she will always have babies! And she can totally plan on when her eldest kids start pumping out the grand babies. It gets me all very eye-rolly that she's so smug and certain she knows when her kids will start pumping out grand babies on her command.

 

 

anna.xanga.com/761681909/item/

 

 

Quote

My Thoughts on Motherhood

 

I have thought about parenting a lot over the years. Being a parent, of course, tends to bring that on, LoL! But sometimes, it really hits me... just how blessed I am. I have FIVE children. That's a quiverful - plenty enough to be a nice sized family and yet not require an extendo-van. ((grins)) They're spaced about two years apart, so it's been a decade or so of little ones, which is... I can't tell you how amazing. I've had the baby experience for ten years solid... that baby powder smell, so-soft little skin, warm little bodies and belly laughs for an entire decade. And that means I'll have ten years of babbling, running, giggling toddlers. Ten years of inquisitive and rambunctious sixes. Ten years of Crazy-eights. Ten years of the uncertainty of tween-hood. Ten years of blossoming adolescence.

 

I'm just in awe of it... not so much bragging as personally thrilled with how things are for us. Brian works with a guy who had two sons, back to back, and his whole life (aside from work) was running to hockey and soccer games. For years, the man was all over the state for tourneys or meets, championships and camps... and then BOOM! They were gone. Off to college, out of the house, and it was dead silence. He shook his head and said, "I don't know, man... it was over so fast. I kinda wish we'd spaced them out a little more... had a few more kids." With the modern mindset, that'll be four years of college, five years or so of playing the field... that's a decade before there's even a chance of grandkids for him. It really put things in perspective for Brian, that's for sure.

 

And it's not just that one dude. Several guys at his work have done that - only had the All-American, generic, two-point-five kids (in some cases, just one) and called it good. Okay, not Garrett, but the dude had eight. He's got kids coming out his ears, and grandkids, t'boot! He's the one who Brian liked the best, too - he was just a cool, happy guy to work with. He said you get real easy-going when you have that much activity around you... and that work was a quiet change, but that he had a great time to come home to at the end of the day.

 

Once a 'friend' scathingly told me that I have no identity, that I'm so wrapped up in my kids that when they're gone, I'll be lost and sorry. I had to laugh at that. Her two children are one year apart - like the dude Brian works with - and my kids're spaced ten years... there is no 'gone' for me. When Owen's turning ten, Lydia'll be having her first baby! My cycle will be unbroken, the way we did it. And I'm glad of that - kids keep you young. On the other hand, I've a really sneaky suspicion that my (ex) friend's statements were actually a reflection of her own fears... because like the guy at Brian's shop, when her two are gone, she's done. It's over. They were out of diapers about the same time. Out of the toddler stage the same time. Off to school at the same time. Will go to college about the same time. And then they're gone - the same time. Her words were more about her situation than mine. Especially since I homeschool - there's always gonna be someone hanging out here, puttering around and keeping me company.

 

But as a result of that comment, I did think about my identity as a parent-vs-individual a lot. My (ex)friend's jibe made me really take a closer look at what kind of a person I would be without kids. And y'know what I found? I have my faith/studies, piano, my crafting, my blog and on-line friend's sites, homesteading, my garden, scrapbooking (Holy CRap am I behind!), reading, and my thirst for little adventures... I could always get back on stage again, or at least go production for shows, if I chose. Heck, I don't figure I'm going to have time to be lost or sorry! Especially not when you add in visiting kids and babysitting grandbabies! My aunt had five kids... come summer she'll have TWELVE grandbabies, ranging from 18 down to newborn. I see us has having the same thing. No, I'm not worried about ending up with 'nothing'. That's never been a problem for me.

 

The one thing I do wish is that I'd started earlier. I wasn't able to talk Brian into kids until I was 26... WAY late, even for me at that time. We women have more energy in our twenties, and it would've allowed me more time as a younger mom to enjoy them. I envy my friend Lila, who actually started VERY early - I think she was 15 or 16. But as a younger mom, she had the energy to keep up, and has more of her life ahead of her to go and do with her kids. My mom had me at 21, hello... younger momhood is WAY better. Society's view of this is the polar opposite, I know, but I think society is WHaCKeD, for the record.

 

This whole myth about having to spend time dating and being a swingin' single? It's crap. Why?? It never made sense to me. So that you can waste time on someone you aren't going to spend your life with? So that you can say you had 'wild years'? Why can't ALL of them be full and crazy and good, not just the twenty-something ones? Some people have to have their career, first. If you intend to quit to be a mom, it wasn't a career, it was a period of work, hello. If you're gonna have kids, do it. Devote yourself to your choice, and go with it. If you want a career, fine... but don't short the kids in the process. Something's gotta give, and already the choice for self is in motion... it's the kids that'll suffer. That's half the problem with society, today, IMHO. A lack of passion for parenting. Once taken on, it trumps any and all other endeavors. ((Okay, other than that of growing closer to Ha'Shem.))

 

But pre-kid stuff is really water under the bridge, at this point. I'm an older mom, LoL! But age is a relative thing - mostly in your mind. I feel rather 23-ish, most of the time. I'd probably feel more 23-ish if I lost some residual baby weight, and I *am* working on that. It's better for the family if the Mom is in decent shape and can not only keep up, but run a few circles around the offspring. Another thing that would've been easier if I'd've started younger. ((snort!)) LoL!!

 

But as for where I am? I've got Baby O on my lap, Ethan finishing his copywork, Isaac doing his piano lesson, and Lydia and Aaron playing 'Beauty & the Beast' meet 'Twilight' Barbies. (Beast and the werewolves run in a pack together. Who knew?)

 

And it just kinda hit me...

watching them, listening to them, holding them.

I really am blessed.

[SealFan1963]

She also advocates have children when you are 15 or 16. :shock:

Wonder what she thinks if you only have two children but they are spaced 6 1/2 years apart like mine are, kinda blows her 10 year theory out of the water.

[Maude]

She's projecting. Not everyone wants to spend their life raising children, even people who adore them. I have a cousin who, in her late thirties, just had her first child. She doesn't regret not having children sooner because at this stage, she's better able to provide for her little one, and the added life experience doesn't hurt either.

[Peas n carrots]

Yes it's a fine idea to have a child at 15 or 16....oh brother!

I love how she assumes how her kids will be having grandkids too. Is it mean of me to hope they don't or wait a long time so she will be have to figure out her identity?

[luckystone]

Why do fundies always say (grin) or (smile) in brackets or asterisks on their blogs? It angers me so much and I don't know why! Either use a smiley or don't.

[JMarie]

I wonder if her kids know they're expected to become young parents?

[lawfulevil]

Not to mention she thinks she can just order her daughter to get married at 18 and pump out a baby at 19. She's homeschooling the kids, where in hell does she think Lydia is going to meet a (crazy, Messianic) husband by 18? She went to school and college, had a job, lived on an airbase, dated a whole bunch of guys, got engaged and broke it, and dated more guys.

"It was September. I had just turned 21. I had my own apartment, my own post office box, my own job, my own car, my own life. It was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was suddenly able to be my own person, and make my own choices, and live my own life. Heady feeling, that!"

"I think that was the happiest time of my life, living alone."

She met her husband at 20 years old... and didn't really like him.

"He took me to see The Flintstones. I smiled patronizingly, while thinking, "What kind of MORON takes a lady to see John Goodman in bare feet?!" Doof movies have NEVER been a passion of mine. So after the whole frenzied preparation period, the community meet-n-greet, the crouton incident, and Yabba-Dabba-Dorkiness, I was totally emo again. Helplessly so. I just wanted to GO HOME."

"Brian continued to call and come around. I didn't mind... he was... just sorta there."

"And I looked at Brian and thought... "Hrm." And shrugged and tried NOT to think about it. He was NO Kevin. He didn't even believe in God or Christ Jesus... was NOT a Christian. He fit only a scant few of the items on my list. But he was nice. He was a nice guy. And it's true - everyone always says that about him: Brian's a nice guy. So what was wrong with having a nice guy hanging around? It was kinda like taking your blankie with you wherever you went. Brian was the blankie."

Kevin's the ex-fiance.

"But Kevin became a regular in the study, and he was... intriguing. He was young (really young... like my age, and I was youngest) and very quiet, but at the same time he bounced around like a playful Irish setter. He was fun... but the quietest fun I'd ever seen. And he was willing to do anything."

"And it was right up my alley, too... someone willing to put up with my family who was christian and young and good-looking... who didn't mind staying behind (I tended to stay behind) and just go slower than the frantic pace my family kept, sometimes."

"It was a magical summer. Kevin got along with my cousin John, and loved the off-beat life of non-stop boating, sailing, jet-skiing, kneeboarding, biking, and swimming. He took me on two dates, and we spent as much time together as possible. He sang with me - the only guy who ever SANG with me, and you KNOW how huge music is with me... I live and breathe it. He was... incredible. And everything just sort of happened, fell together. And it was wonderful. I trusted him. He made everything alright when I was with him, and I *SO* needed that. I needed someone who really cared and really understood, and Kevin seemed to. I felt hopeful around him (something that was RARE for me at that point). "

"The song Somehow, Somewhere was our theme... our promise. "You are mine/ and I'll wait for you my love/ even if it takes some time..." It was intense. I listened to it at LEAST twenty times a day. It was my connection to him. My reassurance of the promise that I was his and he would come again for me."

She broke the engagement while Kevin was in Korea and dated a few other guys, then sort of Brian. Kevin came back from Korea when she was 21 and not-dating Brian...

"Suddenly, after hearing Kevin's voice, I suddenly remembered the deep faith he had, the quiet fun he was, the joy I had experienced when I was with him, the hope I'd had for our future... and I did something I hadn't done in almost four months... I turned the music back on. I will be here for you... somwhere in the night... and a wave of loss hit me hard. Had I made the right decision? It didn't feel like it. What I wanted was to call Kevin back and apologize. Tell him to prep for me, I was coming home. To him. What I wanted was to pack everything up and go to Mississippi. That very night, if at all possible."

But she decided not to get back together with Kevin:

"Fact #1: I liked my job, my apartment, my landlord/lady, and my life.

Fact #2: I had never done anything half-ass in my life, and I wasn't about to start now. Whatever I was going to do, I was going to throw myself into it and be passionate. Nobody else was... so I might as well fill the position.

Fact #3: The unknown is skeery.

Fact #4: I didn't want to hurt anyone.

Fact #5: I was on my own with this decision-making crap."

"It would be REAL durn sticky if I dumped Brian. And maybe he would grow in faith, right?"

"So, with that lofty ambition in mind, I decided to pursue a relationship with Brian."

"So I put all thoughts of Kevin off-center in my mind (I'm not gonna lie and say I put them out of my head, because I didn't... couldn't...)"

"[brian]'d *finally* kissed me... in a cul-de-sac of a not-yet-built development (that looked more like a field of bulldozers with a ribbon of pavement in it). It was oh, so... not terribly romantic. It wasn't candlelight or fireworks or even soft music... it was construction zone and detour sign. But I tried to tell myself that moonlight and kisses are romantic, even with a bulldozer present, and at least there weren't street lights up, yet... right?"

"We'd just pulled into his parents driveway. It was THE most unromantic place in THE ENTIRE WORLD... and with the glare of the TV on the front window and the buzz of the halogen light over the drive, he said, 'I love you.'"

"I looked at him and said, "No, y'don't." And he blinked... stunned... and said, "Yes, I do." I took a deep breath and gave him the look. "No... you don't. It's just hormones. It's the thing to say, so you said it." He protested again and I decided to let him have his say and just drop it. But it sure didn't rock my world."

But hey, a schedule's a schedule! If you're gonna fuck your life up permanently, DO IT FAST.

"We'd spent six months as friends, six as a dating couple... time to step it up, now. So... how's about proposing? "

"He waited until the anniversary of our first date - it was June 10th, 1995."

"And I... me... Anna... the chick who'd been begging him to ask me to marry him, already, for about three months straight... OF COURSE said yes."

"We set the date for the fall, because I love the colors (and because tourists would be scant during our honeymoon). September 28, 1996 was the date."

She hated her wedding, doesn't mention dress shopping so I assume she wore the one she bought to marry Kevin, and...

"Brian got a room in a Holiday Inn he'd stayed in with his uncle for a remote control car competition. The room was pink from top to bottom (I despise and abhor pink). The curtains were falling off the rod, and there were no light bulbs in the lamp. I took a look around... and promptly burst into tears."

After the honeymoon, they came home.

"It's amazing how badly reality can suck. Seriously. First came the "Well, MY mom..." barrage. Because I was stOOpid and married a guy who lived with mummy until marriage. He'd never had to take care of anything himself, never tasted any responsibility or independance. Mummy washed his clothes. Mummy made his lunches. Mummy cooked his meals, picked up his messes, folded his underwear. And I had a clue phone to hand him... I'm not Mummy. I can't even count the number of times I heard that phrase that first week. If you want mummy, GO HOME."

"Third, he no longer had ANY desire to go dancing. The thing we loved to do while dating - that we went out every weekend and did - suddenly was a drag, a bore... he didn't like the mixers because he had to touch other women's hands. He didn't like people looking at him. He didn't remember the steps. And that was the end of dancing... marriage. He got the girl. No need to put himself out any longer."

"Remember how I'd been afraid of committing to Kevin because I would have to leave everything familiar behind? Remember how I was afraid he'd changed? Well... here I was. With someone who wasn't who he'd pretended to be when we were dating, in a different place, with a different job, far from everything I'd loved and held dear... with snakes."

But never fear, she'd never admit this was a mistake!

"I wanted to start talking about getting pregnant."

"Brian wanted nothing to do with it. I'd told him in pre-marital class that I was going to have four children... he now dismissed it, claiming he was afraid of children."

"Then I lost my job, had troubles with the theatre group, and finally decided to come off the Depo... WITHOUT Brian's permission. ((He'd get used to kids, I was sick of waiting, two years was ENOUGH.))"

"I wanted a family. I wanted a relationship like what I'd had in my college days with Yeshua. So I decided that - regardless of my marriage - I would DO something about my faith, my family, my circumstances. Even if it meant fighting against my spouse in order to achieve what's important to me. And that's exactly what I've done."

So, summary- she fell in love and got engaged to someone she adored, broke it at 19, then got engaged to someone she found boring, unromantic, and terrible. He converted to Christianity only to please her. She had a horrible wedding at 22, then a horrible home life with him, and she had to fight him to have kids.

No wonder she can't wait for the world to end, but you'd think she'd have learned something from this. Maybe doing things in a rush just to do them isn't a very good idea. But no, POP OUT THOSE BABIES FOR MOMMY, LYDIA.

[treemom]

Do you rememeber the posts about how she tote pregnant with Owen and her hateful post when she found out he was a boy?

[koolmom]

Being as I don't know much about this Anna, when I read her above story (not the meeting one, but the quoted one), I see a woman who's head over heels with being a mother, even in a quirky kind of way. I was 26 when I had my first-born, married at 22, met my then-hubby at 20, first real boyfriend. I wanted kids and didn't want to wait too much longer and was frightened if I did, I'd discover

I was sterile! So, I kind of threw caution to the wind, and ventured forth. I also didn't want to have kids too close together, so they'd be at different stages at the same time. Ideally, I'd hoped for three, but by the time my second came along, my marriage was showing signs of disrepair, and this second child would probably be my last. I certainly never held it over anyone's head about when or how many children other people had, as I knew it was their business not mine.

I didn't have any "swinging' singles" years, either. I went straight from my abusive dads' clutches to my husbands'. Well, husband wasn't abusive, but harbored many self-identity issues, which led to the downfall of our marriage. All in all, he is/was a kind-hearted soul who needed more nurturing and support than I alone could have possibly give him, and even in his old age today, those traits still loom large. At times, I sort of missed not being able to have had an "active" young life, but was an avid rock music fan, nonetheless, and danced like a fool in the confines of whatever home we lived in, pre-babies and after babies. The imagination is a wonderful thing, as long as it doesn't lead anywhere one shouldn't go.

[JMarie]

After reading the exerpts posted here (I don't think I can stomach the actual blog), I have just one question: why would ANYONE want to marry her, let alone more than one man wanting to marry her??????

[lawfulevil]

And why would you marry someone you're not in love with? I mean, good lord, you've got many years ahead of you to encounter the hard, boring, terrible parts. I love my husband to death and sometimes he still makes me want to pull my hair out and scream, I can't imagine how I'd feel if I'd thought he was awful to begin with. As if that wasn't bad enough, she added FIVE children to this interesting marriage and wants her kids to marry young.

With Mommy's example and pressure to pop out the first while still a teenager, what kind of man do you think Lydia's gonna end up with? That is, assuming she doesn't turn 18 and run screaming into the night away from her crazypants mother.

ETA:

FREE LYDIA

[Wolfie]

My guess, sadly, is that Lydia will be one of those who marries at 16 to get away from her crazy family.

[Georgiana]

Anna.xanga is a perrenial favorite for me. She's always trying to predict the end of the world in the next six months and is totally into some weird Faux Judaism/Torah believing Christianity and thinks Messianics are too mainstream and uncool. She is also pretty relaxed about things like reading harry potter/twilight or having her kids do ballet and hip hop dancing.

Anyway she posted some really snotty post about how her semi-quiverfull approach (she seems to have stopped at 5 kids for the time being) is so vastly superior to the typical 2.5 kids because she will always have babies! And she can totally plan on when her eldest kids start pumping out the grand babies. It gets me all very eye-rolly that she's so smug and certain she knows when her kids will start pumping out grand babies on her command.

5 is basically it for Anna unless she finds a new baby-daddy. Her husband took care of that. Mind you, he GOT is vasectomy because HE wanted to stop at 4 kids. But Anna got the "green light" for baby number 5. And after much pouting/temper tantrums/etc. he gave in/was tricked in to getting her pg one last time (the circumstances of Owen's conception always make me feel like hubs didn't really consent to baby #5).

Anyways, whether he said yes after much coercion or was tricked into it, it was pretty obvious he wasn't thrilled about 5 kiddos and it was pretty obvi that Anna was baby-crazy and would start wanting a new one as soon as #5 hit toddler stage. And since no hadn't meant much to her before, he went ahead and got himself fixed.

Also, her math sucks. Some of those stages are more than one year long. So for those stages you are going to need to factor that in because it is going to be more than 10 years of XYZ. Isn't she supposed to be all about math/numbers?

[julie paradox]

Oh, Anna's maths has always sucked. She can't handle negative numbers, which is a bit of a problem if you're trying to work out history BC from Genesis ;-)

Unfortunately she gives more credence to numerology than I've ever seen outside a teenager's dating game. Perhaps because she doesn't really understand numbers? She studies so much and yet misses a whole lot (like the fact that Jesus spoke Aramaic, something I learnt as a child).

I also was mean enough to hope her children wait till their thirties.

I feel I should point out, though, that she did eventually realise that Kevin was wrong for her (something I'd grasped from the facts as reported) and that actually Brian was a better bet. That's not part of the Life Story posts since it was an as-it-happens entry. I'm not sure where to find it, but a year or so ago.

[margiebargie]

Yuck. She seems like a self-absorbed drama queen from these little snippets. I wonder what Brian would say if he had a blog.

[fluttershies]

She writes like a teenager. So immature!

[koolmom]

So she kept on and got Baby #5 even after hubby wanted to stop at 4? Now, that's completely selfish! Wow, so sorry I didn't get any of that back story beforehand! Not that I thought she was all that normal, but upon hearing that, my skin crawls!

[holothuroidea]

Why do fundies always say (grin) or (smile) in brackets or asterisks on their blogs? It angers me so much and I don't know why! Either use a smiley or don't.

No graven images!!!

[MissA]

anna.xanga.com/761681909/item/

Hee. My youngest brother is ten years younger than I am (there's only three of us, we're just widely spaced). My mother is out visiting and just last night she said "You know, I'm so glad I had all of you, but if I had to do it over again I damn well wouldn't have opted to spend fifteen years living with teenagers."

But of course we were sulky and rebellious and pimply and questioning and trying to figure out who we were, whereas this lady's teenagers will be "blossoming". I'm sure everything will be butterflies and unicorns.

[treemom]

And then when she found out Owen was a boy she flipped out and posted a horrible post about shit smearing boys and how she didn't want another one.

It was clear to me she had baby #5 because she wanted a girl. Just the way she has always been so nice about Lydia and hateful about all the boys (except for Aaron and Owen because they were the baybeez)

[margiebargie]

And then when she found out Owen was a boy she flipped out and posted a horrible post about shit smearing boys and how she didn't want another one.

It was clear to me she had baby #5 because she wanted a girl. Just the way she has always been so nice about Lydia and hateful about all the boys (except for Aaron and Owen because they were the baybeez)

Another baby collector I suppose.

[valsa]

So she kept on and got Baby #5 even after hubby wanted to stop at 4? Now, that's completely selfish! Wow, so sorry I didn't get any of that back story beforehand! Not that I thought she was all that normal, but upon hearing that, my skin crawls!

Not to mention that it sounds like she went off her birth control to get pregnant with #1 without telling him. Because it's always great to introduce a child into a family where only one of the parents wanted him/her.

[doe]

She's also ripped on other QF people, suggesting they were doing it wrong. I think it was discussed before on the old forum. It was like her version of being Quiverfull was special and "green lighted," but how dare other people be Quiverfull. I don't know if that entry would still be around since she made changes to her site after yet another rapture didn't happen.

ETA: I think it was something along the lines of G-d told her when it was cool to conceive, but she accused other people of doing it without G-d's guidance, or something like that.

[Georgiana]

Wayyyyyy back in the day, she had some HORRIBLE posts about her eldest boy and how he was basically the worst child. She removed them because people really got upset about them. Anna has always been pity party central, but in these posts she wanted hard core pity because she had a "demon child", when in fact, her son sounded like a typical 3-4 year old boy with lots of energy and a little trouble potty training. Not much moves me to tears, but those did. Even from her warped perspective, you could tell that she just had a high-energy son who was DESPERATE to please his mother and be loved by her.

She's gotten less bitter over the years (also less vain, wonder if the two developments are related...?), but I still think that she is a terrible human being and a slightly less terrible mother. Of course, I am biased. I will never get over those hateful posts about her eldest son.

[darkplumaged]

She's only a terrible mother because she didn't get to start having her kids at 15. Waiting until the advanced age of 26 compromised her parenting abilities. :roll: