Went To A Fundie Wedding

[Creaky Mom]

Went to a fundie wedding Sat.

Preacher started off by quoting "wives submit to your husbands in all things." He then balanced that with "husbands are the head of the household."

He then said that marriage is not about love. But that the primary focus of marriage is jealousy. That was the only mention of love.

It was awful. The groom was not directed to love his wife but instead told he was responsible for his wife's spirituality and growth. A recipe for him micromanaging her life if you ask me. I felt like jumping up and shouting at her to run.

Preacher spoke for an hour mostly about hell and death and sin. The worst wedding I have ever been to.

We sang three hymns that had nothing to do with love or marriage.

Bride and attendants were lovely, all with bare shoulders and modern dress.

Reception was disastrous. Good food, wine, but no dance and interminably long speeches broken up with short ten-minute breaks for bathroom break before we were all ordered back to our seats. The groom's speech was, 45. Minutes. Long. His parents spoke 40 minutes. They all talked about things that should have been said only privately.

There. I dumped and feel so much better.

[tabitha2]

How do you know these folks so well you were invited to such a wedding in the first place?

[kpmom]

OMG! That must have been awful! Only redeeming thing I can see is there was wine. Were you able to have lots?

P.S. Please share the "should have been kept private" stuff the parents said. Anything good?

Edited to correct lousy grammar.

[icecreamycakeycake]

Blech! Shocked at the wine though.

[Sweetpea1]

Blech! Shocked at the wine though.

That was my thought. They allowed the ebil wine. How can you not have dancing if you have wine?

[Creaky Mom]

We know the bride's side when we were briefly in their church years ago.

Yes, I drank wine. Lots of it. It was delicious and I had three damned desserts too.

Dutch people drink at their weddings but don't dance at the weddings. (I'd forgotten about that.)

What they lack in fun they make up for in words. Hence the long sermon and speeches.

[Spider Burps]

That was my thought. They allowed the ebil wine. How can you not have dancing if you have wine?

Trust me, it's possible. My (non-fundie) wedding had an open bar, but no one would dance. Okay, some people did, but they mostly sat glued to their seats. Oh, they did stand up for fucking "Footloose", but that's a whole other rant.

[Creaky Mom]

Stuff they should have kept private was everything that needed editing out of the speeches. All the crap about, "thank you for giving me my homeschool lessons" And thank you for making my bed and feeding me and for birthing me. I. Kid. You. Not. It was all junk that did not need to be said.

At the end the groom was gobbing all over the bride about how much he loved her, since he had said everything else he could think of. It was almost orgasmic. However, by that time the wine had kicked in pretty good, so I just thought what an idiot.

[formerlegalist]

Stuff they should have kept private was everything that needed editing out of the speeches. All the crap about, "thank you for giving me my homeschool lessons" And thank you for making my bed and feeding me and for birthing me. I. Kid. You. Not. It was all junk that did not need to be said.

At the end the groom was gobbing all over the bride about how much he loved her, since he had said everything else he could think of. It was almost orgasmic. However, by that time the wine had kicked in pretty good, so I just thought what an idiot.

Slightly off topic, but I went to my first and only "Vision Forum wedding" a couple years ago and was pleasantly surprised by the open bar. And the Vision Forum church pastor and his wife up front doing a robot dance to top-40 pop/dance hits after a few trips to the open bar. :mrgreen:

Meanwhile, I've been to more than my fair share of ATI weddings and will probably not go to another. Long, boring, and they send my BS meter through the roof.

[xDreamerx]

I was once at a wedding similarly bad. It was not fundie and there was an open bar, but they refused to open the bar until the speeches were over. We left after an hour and people were still giving speeches. That hour was pure hell. Keep it short and sweet.

[ellerigby]

Went to a fundie wedding Sat.

[snip]

Oh man. I went to a very similar wedding with my now-husband (then semi-boyfriend) when I was 19 or so. The bride's family were old family friends of his, but the families had drifted when the bride's family went uber fundie (my father-in-law and his wife are Christian hippie home-churchers, but not fundie in the least).

The service was unbearably long and chock full of how the bride must obey and submit to her husband, blah blah blah (we all know the drill). There was very little mention of "love," just how she would submit to him and he would "honor" her. I hadn't heard anything like that before (even though many of my relatives have married in the Catholic church), so was completely shocked and had a reallllllly hard time keeping quiet about it during the reception. The reception also had no dancing and uncomfortably long speeches, but had horrible food and no drinking (my husband and his family would have scored me a drink, despite my age). We left very early.

One good thing came of the evening, though: my father-in-law says that my outraged rant during the drive home was the moment he knew his son should marry me (though that didn't happen for another 7 years). ;)

[skrmom]

beginning to end, how long did the ceremony last?

and the reception?

[ladypuglover]

So knowing what you know now would you have wasted a Sat on this? Would you do it all over again or just send a gift?

[Sweetpea1]

Slightly off topic, but I went to my first and only "Vision Forum wedding" a couple years ago and was pleasantly surprised by the open bar. And the Vision Forum church pastor and his wife up front doing a robot dance to top-40 pop/dance hits after a few trips to the open bar. :mrgreen:

Meanwhile, I've been to more than my fair share of ATI weddings and will probably not go to another. Long, boring, and they send my BS meter through the roof.

Sigh, I would luuuuurve to crash a Vision Forum wedding. Preferably one of the Botkins (if I'm still alive.)

[Hane]

OMG. Except for the wine, this sounds EXACTLY like NR-Anna's wedding.

[Letgo]

Dutch people drink at their weddings but don't dance at the weddings.

What religion was this? Was it Dutch Reform? I have a few relatives who married people belonging to that church and I seem to recall there was no dancing or card playing. Don't remember about alcohol. Do people really sit around and listen to speeches for hours? Any Maxwells there to speak endlessly about death? :D

[tacky]

Fundie weddings are so boring. My wedding was similar with the submitting and the "obey" and the sermon. Lucky for me I married a big old heathen who thought all of that submitting stuff was bullshit. Because our reception had alcohol (provided by the heathen in-laws) and dancing; my grandparents refused to attend. Traditionally, there is cake and punch in the fellowship hall after the ceremony and that serves as the reception.

[keen23]

I wouldn't have been able to stand it. I don't care how good the food and wine were, there's only so many speeches I can take before I need to find a reason to go home.

I've been to my share of Mormon wedding celebrations, which are just punch and cake in the church hall. Coming from a WASP/New England Catholic background where weddings are formal, boozy affairs, these were a shock to my system the first time I went to one.

[wildrose]

What religion was this? Was it Dutch Reform? I have a few relatives who married people belonging to that church and I seem to recall there was no dancing or card playing. Don't remember about alcohol. Do people really sit around and listen to speeches for hours? Any Maxwells there to speak endlessly about death? :D

My sister converted to Dutch Reform when she married her husband. As we are several years apart in age, I was quite young when she married and I have no memory of her wedding reception, even though I was a junior bridesmaid. There was alcohol at her children's weddings, but no dancing. On the other hand, the speeches were short and sweet. The no card playing rule is followed in her house as is the attendance at two church services on Sunday. I am an atheist, so for the sake of family peace, there are no discussions about religion when we visit each other.

[geniebelle6901]

OMFG WTH!!! Marriage is about jealously? No way would I have sat through all of that without saying something.

[Olivia]

I've been to my share of Mormon wedding celebrations, which are just punch and cake in the church hall. Coming from a WASP/New England Catholic background where weddings are formal, boozy affairs, these were a shock to my system the first time I went to one.

That's what the fundie weddings I've been to are like. Very frugal, but not really my idea of a party.

[Creaky Mom]

It was a mix of Dutch Ref. and Reformed Baptist.

Bride's side are DF. The bride's mother was rolling her eyes about the stick-up-the-butt-no-fun-allowed Ref. Bapt. groom's side. The daughter has really gone uber fundie. Groom's side are DR and he is Ref. Bapt.

We stayed for a variety of reasons.

But never again. No. I won't go to another one like this. I'd forgotten how awful Reformed weddings are.

The ceremony was around 90 minutes.

The reception lasted from 6:30 to 11:00.

It was exhausting. Most people left before the bride and groom speeches.

If Maxes had been there, that might have actually been fun. I'd for sure would have stirred up some fun for them. Somehow.

[latraviata]

What religion was this? Was it Dutch Reform? I have a few relatives who married people belonging to that church and I seem to recall there was no dancing or card playing. Don't remember about alcohol. Do people really sit around and listen to speeches for hours? Any Maxwells there to speak endlessly about death? :D

I suppose it is. Dutch American reformed that is. No bare shoulders for the reformed here in the Netherlands, wine, must be the modern equavalent of the Dutch jenever.

In the Netherlands, it is a very small minority, they all emigrated to the USA.

[snarkbillie]

Fundie weddings are so boring. My wedding was similar with the submitting and the "obey" and the sermon. Lucky for me I married a big old heathen who thought all of that submitting stuff was bullshit. Because our reception had alcohol (provided by the heathen in-laws) and dancing; my grandparents refused to attend. Traditionally, there is cake and punch in the fellowship hall after the ceremony and that serves as the reception.

Yeah, all the weddings I had been to as a child/teen had the cake and punch and little mints in the fellowship hall. When I was an adult I went to my first wedding that had actual food, dancing and an open bar. I had no idea how "the other side" did things. I was shocked.

[debrand]

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It sounds like Gogol Bordello has been to a fundie wedding.