Non-Reversal Anna's baby shower post is up!

[bbfreethinker]

The Maxwells have their own vision of the perfect Christian, the perfect child and the perfect woman.The Max daughters were/are prototypes,works in progress who had to buffered from other influences IE. the world;With the granddaughters all their theories,methods and teachings can be applied from infancy with no distractions-The Maxwell Frankenstein perfected. The same applies to sons and grandsons even more so.Most Fundamentalists do this to some extant but this family is beyond what is normal and appealing for regular ATI and VF followers.

Free Abby & Bethany! (and any future Maxwell spawn)

[Katiebug]

In our social circle you get one baby shower for your first baby. Lots of folks give gifts for every baby; it's just not a coordinated thing like a baby shower would be and you usually get the gifts after the baby arrives. When it's pretty typical to have two kids in 2 years and be done, odds are you still have everything from your first child.

With subsequent pregnancies, usually female relatives plus close friends will get together with the expectant mom for lunch and mani/pedis. There are no gifts, just a relaxing time before the baby arrives. With my husband's extended family it was a little awkward for me because I was always the only one in attendance who was not yet a mother - it's more fun now that I can actually share in the mom-oriented conversation.

NR Anna wore a particularly unflattering maternity frumper, but I know how I agonized over what to wear for my shower (I wanted to be comfortable and look pretty, yet not whale-like). All of the sewing pattern companies have maternity patterns, but I doubt most of the current ones would be suitable from a "modesty" standpoint, so the poor girl is wearing a style that I think my mother likely wore when pregnant with me in 1980.

[fundiefan]

In my little smidgen of the world, baby showers are given with the first baby. None for any subsequent kids. At birth, gifts are often given for kids after the first, but no showers. The reasoning, as I've always understood it, is when you have your first baby, you have nothing for it. After the first, you already have the 'big' stuff like cribs and car seats and bedding and newborn clothes, etc.

I remember being invited to two showers of friends, one for a second baby (not even two years after the first) and one for a third (several years after the second, and with a new husband). I chose not to attend either. Not to be mean, but I'm not rich. I can't afford to give baby gifts to people who already had babies and already received those gifts. I can't afford to chip in on the latest & greatest stroller when I just did that a year or two ago.

I'm not too keen on showers for second weddings either. When my sister got married the second time all the women in the family got together and had a 'personal' shower - lingerie, bath & body stuff, things like that. That I'm good with because it was mostly just about us being together.

[WonderingInWA]

I would love to see Teri and Steve come clean with their own past. Did they have premarital sex? Did they smoke pot? Did they masturbate? I mean, certainly there must be so many reasons they are so amazingly strict with their own children about all the praying and social restrictions, right? If they'd just come clean with their own pasts, maybe more people would find them palatable?

[ilovetchotchkes]

My friends are talking about hosting a "sprinkle" basically, not a shower, we all get together for a pot luck, and I get an new outfit/onsie and any girly hand-me-downs anyone has. :) It was presented as an idea because i'm having a girl after having a boy and really don't need much more than clothes. I said "if someone else is throwing it, fine. I'm not hosting it myself. "

I have everything I need honestly aside from clothes, from my son, except for a carseat for Girl Fetus and a double stroller- which I'm SURE between my mom and dad and in laws I will get regardless. Clothes? feh, a lot of his stuff is "unisex" for the first 6 months, and I don't care if my daughter wears dinosaurs. :)

I would have no issue if, say my sister had a shower for any subsequent babies. Her oldest will be over 6 by the time any other babies are born. ;)

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I think official "showers" are for when you specifically need to solicit a lot of goods - fine for a first kid, probably not really needed even in a lot of FIRST marriages these days when both people have lived alone for years and already have a full set of kitchen crud.

But of course you don't need any excuse or official "shower" to just plain have a celebration party! :D So hopefully Melanie will have a party to celebrate the events, if she wants one, even if she doesn't need a single thing other than companionship and some great food.

[Katiebug]

Yeah, if you still have most of the gear all you probably need is a new car seat, maybe a second crib depending on the child's age, and maybe to borrow a tandem stroller. Two of my mom friends and several of my husband's relatives had their kids 18-19 months apart and while they did have registries (which I initially thought was a little tacky) it was intended purely as a shopping list for the parents AND to get the completion discount coupon!

When we have a second kid, DD will be around 3 or older and we'll still have all of her things from babyhood. Our layette was gender neutral, and there are so many boys in the extended family that I'm not worried about getting sufficient boy clothes. There's always the children's consignment store and the outlets if we end up having a boy. My parents have committed to buying a crib for each of our babies, but our next child will be in our room for the first ~6-12 months anyways. I can't think of a single thing that would be necessary for a new baby that we don't already have from our first.

I do understand having a second baby shower if multiples are expected or if it's been a long time since the mother had her first child (5-6 years at least).

I hope that Melanie has a great celebration party for her new baby after s/he arrives! All babies should be celebrated.

[Daenerys]

You European FJers are lucky. In the U.S., if you're female, you go to tons. Family, friends, co-workers. It never ends. Although some aren't so bad. If there's alcohol that's a plus. But you have to play dumb games (yeah, I've played both of the ones Sarah mentioned), and then watch the guest of honor open gifts while everyone ooohs and awwws

We don't do them here; it's generally seen as ill-wishing to give gifts for the baby before it's safely into the world.

[fluttershies]

We don't do them here; it's generally seen as ill-wishing to give gifts for the baby before it's safely into the world.

I think they've become more popular here thanks to Pinterest, mommy bloggers having UK readers etc but yeah, they're rare. I did see an item on the breakfast news about gender reveal parties a la Smuggar and JAnna though :shock:

Edited to ask why the 'reversal' Maxwells are called that?

[MamaJunebug]

Free Abby & Bethany! (and any future Maxwell spawn)

Here I'd thought - or hoped - that "raising the perfect child" had gone the way of the 1950s. My mom, wonderful woman that she otherwise was, thought that she could raise me to be perfect. Need it be said that I was firstborn? :lol: She abandoned the plan before the next sibling came along, but along the way her scheme for perfection left me with a couple of things that have helped my therapist with his boat payments. ;)

I can't be as wry about the Maxwells. Number one: Their first Reversal Baby (tm Poor Sarah) was born about 1986, and by that time the world had plenty of examples of why perfection wasn't desirable, much less possible.

Number two: As Christians, they should know full well that perfection is not possible, only God is perfect. To expect perfection of a human being is to make that perfection, itself, an idol. Hope Steve reads this.

[WonderingInWA]

Stevie had a vasectomy after Sarah was born because Teri suffered from depression and a Pepsi addiction due to the stress of mothering 3 small children (Nathan, Christopher, and Sarah). He had it reversed when he found Jesus (and he has written about this openly) and they went on to have the remaining 5 children (the "reversal" children).

[Koala]

I was recently invited to a shower for a woman on her 3rd child and 6th shower (yes you read that right). Breakdown: 1 for the first child, 3 for the second child, 2 for this child.

I would have totally gone (as I believe every child should be celebrated), however, the invitation came via email and had the heading, "Please come help _______________ pad her nest for baby _________". At the bottom she included a detailed wish list which included a request for gift cards to restaurants (if I'm lying, I'm dying).

I politely replied that I had a prior engagement and would not be attending. Right before the shower was to go down, I got another (mass) email from the lady saying that she hadn't got a lot of responses and needed everyone to RSVP. She added that if you just wanted to drop a gift by that was fine. :roll: REALLY?????

[MamaJunebug]

Stevie had a vasectomy after Sarah was born because Teri suffered from depression and a Pepsi addiction due to the stress of mothering 3 small children (Nathan, Christopher, and Sarah). He had it reversed when he found Jesus (and he has written about this openly) and they went on to have the remaining 5 children (the "reversal" children).

BTW, IIRC was initially Poor Sarah who referred to the younger five as "our [sic] reversal babies" and many of us here thought it weird that she would refer to her siblings as "our babies," but then again it is the Maxwells we're talking about. Weird is the word.

[WonderingInWA]

I was recently invited to a shower for a woman on her 3rd child and 6th shower (yes you read that right). Breakdown: 1 for the first child, 3 for the second child, 2 for this child.

I would have totally gone (as I believe every child should be celebrated), however, the invitation came via email and had the heading, "Please come help _______________ pad her nest for baby _________". At the bottom she included a detailed wish list witch included a request for gift cards to restaurants (if I'm lying, I'm dying).

I politely replied that I had a prior engagement and would not be attending. Right before the shower was to go down, I got another (mass) email from the lady saying that she hadn't got a lot of responses and needed everyone to RSVP. She added that if you just wanted to drop a gift by that was fine. :roll: REALLY?????

Oh, my. I can understand if she needed a head count for people attending (some people don't really understand the RSVP process -- you need to respond whether attending or not), but the whole gift drop-off thing? Wow. I remember being in my 20s and single and barely able to afford to pay my bills and not attending such events because I literally could not afford to bring a gift. I hate that an invitation implies an obligation. That's just wrong.

[Koala]

Oh, my. I can understand if she needed a head count for people attending (some people don't really understand the RSVP process -- you need to respond whether attending or not), but the whole gift drop-off thing? Wow. I remember being in my 20s and single and barely able to afford to pay my bills and not attending such events because I literally could not afford to bring a gift. I hate that an invitation implies an obligation. That's just wrong.

I just saw that I spelled "which" "witch"... :lol:

[luckystone]

Stevie had a vasectomy after Sarah was born because Teri suffered from depression and a Pepsi addiction due to the stress of mothering 3 small children (Nathan, Christopher, and Sarah). He had it reversed when he found Jesus (and he has written about this openly) and they went on to have the remaining 5 children (the "reversal" children).

I thought that was a joke until I googled it. Oh my. I love your summary of the situation.

[1004srs]

I generally give resturant gift certificates for baby showers or grocery delivery certificates. I was so tired after I had both kiddos. People come over and want to be entertained & play with the new baby. No way was I cooking during the first 2 weeks. I tried with Baby 1 and life sucked.

[kpmom]

I just saw that I spelled "which" "witch"... :lol:

A little Freudian slip there, Koala? Seriously, Miss Manners would be having the vapors reading that invitation. Restaurant gift cards are a cute idea, but how is that helping them "pad their nest"? And after a million previous showers, how much padding do they need? Even if they are expecting a baby of a different gender than the other two, how much blue or pink crap do you really need at this point?

[Feberin]

Yeah, if you still have most of the gear all you probably need is a new car seat, maybe a second crib depending on the child's age, and maybe to borrow a tandem stroller. Two of my mom friends and several of my husband's relatives had their kids 18-19 months apart and while they did have registries (which I initially thought was a little tacky) it was intended purely as a shopping list for the parents AND to get the completion discount coupon!

I created a BRU registry for #2 just because of the completion certificate. It has two items a Fisher Price Rock and Play sleeper (I've heard amazing things about it but want to wait until my baby comes to find out if we need it or if she'll sleep in our infant crib) and a new car seat for my son since the baby will be getting the convertible that we have right now once they outgrow infant carrier/it expires whatever comes first. I believe I get 15% off anything that's not purchased.

[contrary]

have yall had to play the "guess the melted candy bar in the diaper" game?

revolting. like, i'd HEARD of it, and it sounded revolting? but it's even more revolting IRL.

[kpmom]

have yall had to play the "guess the melted candy bar in the diaper" game?

revolting. like, i'd HEARD of it, and it sounded revolting? but it's even more revolting IRL.

So, you have to guess what kind of candy bar it was? Glad to say I haven't played that one.

[jenny_islander]

The old-fashioned U.S. baby shower wasn't a gift event primarily. Gifts tended to be either low-cost practical things that new parents tend to underbuy and need on short notice--diapers, spitup cloths, etc.--or sentimental things such as pretty picture frames. The point of having the shower for the first baby only was to mark the mother's impending transition into a new life and the point of her not throwing her own shower was that she wasn't supposed to be doing the work! She got to be pampered and relax with friends without having a countdown to go-get-the-baby or call-the-babysitter in the back of her mind. The guests were traditionally all female, and mostly mothers themselves, so that they could provide (hopefully constructive) advice without embarrassing other women's husbands with highly personal anatomical details. (Remember, lesbian couples didn't officially exist!) Done properly, it was an uplifting celebration of impending motherhood.

This modern idea that couples ought to expect big-ticket items at multiple baby showers just chaps my hide. :snooty:

[emmiedahl]

I had baby showers for my first and my second. There was a six year gap so I had nothing left, and my baby shower was a joint one with a few other pregnant coworkers so only smaller stuff was given. It was sweet though, and I still have the batiked quilt that a mennonite coworker made for my daughter.

For first babies, I buy something in my price range off their wishlist. For second and beyond, I give them a pizza gift card. They will put it to good use after the baby is born, some night when mom has not had a chance to go grocery shopping and the meals in the freezer have already been depleted.

I was invited to a baby shower for a friend who seriously was having her fifth child. The gift issue was pushed hard and when I looked at her registries, there was nothing under $50 bucks. Only a few things were under $100. She had top-of-the-line taste and thought everyone else should pay for it, apparently. I think that is kinda unclassy. It is so, so nice when people spoil your kids (and after all, that is the point of the shower, right? to give the baby nice things) but one should not ask or demand or bring it up.

[alysee]

The old-fashioned U.S. baby shower wasn't a gift event primarily. Gifts tended to be either low-cost practical things that new parents tend to underbuy and need on short notice--diapers, spitup cloths, etc.--or sentimental things such as pretty picture frames. The point of having the shower for the first baby only was to mark the mother's impending transition into a new life and the point of her not throwing her own shower was that she wasn't supposed to be doing the work! She got to be pampered and relax with friends without having a countdown to go-get-the-baby or call-the-babysitter in the back of her mind. The guests were traditionally all female, and mostly mothers themselves, so that they could provide (hopefully constructive) advice without embarrassing other women's husbands with highly personal anatomical details. (Remember, lesbian couples didn't officially exist!) Done properly, it was an uplifting celebration of impending motherhood.

This modern idea that couples ought to expect big-ticket items at multiple baby showers just chaps my hide. :snooty:

It bothers me as well. I am getting married soon and in the invitations we are asking for money. We've put this in our invitations, "Friends, as you are aware we already have most items needed to 'set up house'. This is the reason for us choosing a wedding wishing well. At the reception there will be a wishing well in which we would love to receive your greeting card and contribution. This will be a great way for us to pool together and buy ourselves a literal foundation for our love. "

Asking for money weirds me out a bit too, so I have told as many people as I can that I don't "expect" money if you don't want to get me something, then don't. I'm not going to say anything, if you feel more comfortable making a donation to the charity we've picked (what we've decided to do for a wedding favour) then do that.

It's gross to expect something like that.

[Witsec7]

It bothers me as well. I am getting married soon and in the invitations we are asking for money. We've put this in our invitations, "Friends, as you are aware we already have most items needed to 'set up house'. This is the reason for us choosing a wedding wishing well. At the reception there will be a wishing well in which we would love to receive your greeting card and contribution. This will be a great way for us to pool together and buy ourselves a literal foundation for our love. "

Asking for money weirds me out a bit too, so I have told as many people as I can that I don't "expect" money if you don't want to get me something, then don't. I'm not going to say anything, if you feel more comfortable making a donation to the charity we've picked (what we've decided to do for a wedding favour) then do that.

It's gross to expect something like that.

I gotta tell ya I think you have big balls for this and I do find it quite tasteless. I come from a culture where money is a normal gift given as a wedding present, but even in that culture it would be rude to flat out ask for it.Why not just ask them to make a check payable to the bank that holds your student loan, or your auto insurance?