Men "need", women "want"

[2xx1xy1JD]

Stupid should hurt.

No, "men" don't NEED to be right. Ego-centric control freaks need to be right. If you've confused a personality flaw with a positive character trait, you've got a problem.

No, I've never argued over whether something was blue or grey. That would imply that we would actually care. Does fighting over trivial stuff indicate a deeper problem over power and control, Lori?

No, two equal partners can work IF they are committed to working coopertively, instead of issuing orders. Why is there this bizarre need to insist that women must choose between being doormats and having a marriage in turmoil? If you have mutual love and respect, you can avoid making every single decision into a power struggle. It sort of reminds me of what we call a "vote of confidence" in parliamentary systems - if the government loses a vote on an important issue, it's not just a loss on that issue but a sign that the party is no longer in control. In dysfunctional marriages, every issue is like a vote of confidence. OTOH, problem solving becomes much easier when you take your ego out of it, and just focus on the practical stuff.

No, I'm not going to say "you're right" if someone is wrong. Hubby and I value honesty, and if I agreed that he was right when I knew that he wasn't, that wouldn't be honest. More importantly, if I say, "that's fine with me", I need to mean it. "Fine" shouldn't mean "I know that you are wrong and disregarding my views, but I'll tell you it's okay while praying that G-d thumps you on the head and makes you realize that you are making a huge mistake."

No, it will not bring peace if I am neglecting any of my own responsibilities for the sake of appeasing a control freak, or if I expect a free pass in life by making someone else responsible. I have responsibilities to my children, and if I think that hubby's doing something with them that's really not wise, I have a responsibility to them to discreetly pull him aside and address it. I have financial responsibilities - if hubby were to make irresponsible decisions, I could lose my house or default on loans that I co-signed. Sure, I could have deferred to hubby, when he was in turn being pressured to defer to HIS father and chosen to use his real estate agent when we were selling our house 5 years ago - but we had just bought a house with a 60 days closing, his agent sucked, and we would have been in major trouble if we had to close without selling our house.

No, I don't think that G-d always wants the man to take charge. The term for helpmeet is literally translated as "help opposite", and sometimes the best way to help my hubby is by lovingly and respectfully opposing his view. We balance each other out, which benefits both of us. Again, with the house example, hubby actually relied on me to stand strong on the real estate agent issue, since I wasn't susceptible to the same pressure, and he agreed that it was the right decision when we sold the house in 5 days. In general, we value each other's input and like to talk out issues together.