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For some reason, Lori's latest post (about men "needing" to be right) disturbs and infuriates me more than anything else she's written has. If her husband commanded her to stop blogging, would she?

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For some reason, Lori's latest post (about men "needing" to be right) disturbs and infuriates me more than anything else she's written has. If her husband commanded her to stop blogging, would she?

:naughty: Men never died from being wrong. I do find it disturbing. Its a great way to invite abuse into a relationship.

Edited to add that People can die when men dont admit that they are wrong. Lots of examples of this in history.

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:naughty: Men never died from being wrong.

I invite you to read the Darwin Awards books. :)

I do find it disturbing. Its a great way to invite abuse into a relationship.

On a serious note, yes, this. :(

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Maybe your opinions, Lori, formed because you are married to an asshat?

Just asking.

My partner and I are obnoxious know-it-alls when discussing work, because we are both dabbling in medieval philosophy and moral philosophy with our dissertations, but this does not extend to daily life. He does not NEED to get that particular brand of toilet paper, you know.

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Links plox? This poor tater is still learning who all these people are! (And after a while, the dumb all seems to blend together into a big fail pudding.)

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Took a while but I found the blog :)

lorialexander.blogspot.co.uk/

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Sure, letting him be right leads to "peace"! :roll:

No wonder so many men are control freaks. My husband included. It was this very mentality that woke me up about the patriarch movement. Not before it almost ruined our marriage (and sometimes I think it still might, before it's all said and done). This has been the single hardest thing to overcome. There was a TV talk show host, can't remember his name, who used to say "anything with two heads is a monster". We would laugh and apply that to this idea. Yuck. :?

Edit: it was Bob Enyart, and zomg he is still on the air. I used to watch him religiously. Probably a LOT of snark potential there!

Edit: the more I read, the more it disgusts me. Quote from comments: "he pointed out to me(in an extremely sweet and humble way, I might add!) that he would appreciate it if I would just say yes to him when he asks me to do something.". That's exactly what my Daddy used to do. My husband is not my Daddy.

My husband trusts me (when he isn't falling back into that mentality) to give my honest opinion. To do otherwise is insulting to both of us.

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Besides, it is a prideful thing in me to always want to be right.

But it's not prideful when men always want to be right? Most people want to be right, but we're human and at some point, we're all wrong.

Two leaders never work. Two leaders would always be arguing and bickering trying to get their way. This is why most marriages are in turmoil. Most marriages have two leaders who always want to be right.

Its annoys me when fundies assume why marriages are in trouble. Lori does not know why anyone's marriage is in trouble. People cheat, people get married too young or too quick, etc.

Oh, and she's wrong. There's plenty of companies founded with two leaders and plenty of marriages that work with two leaders. However, most of those marriages are don't think of themselves as leaders, but as partners and lovers, a shared entity. I've never had a friendship where one of us was the leader and the other always said "you're right" to avoid an argument. I'll enlighten Lori to a little thing called compromise. It's how "two leader" marriages work, how friendships work, how companies work.

Having one leader makes for peace. Peace is a wonderful thing. A wonderful thing! Let your husband be the leader. Let him be right in the big as well as the little things.

Sure it does. There's not a discussion and you're husband's pride is intact.

Oh, and Lori, ever hear of picking your battles? Some things aren't worth arguing about, like the colour of something. Also, why did she use blue and gray as an example. Those are very different and I think it'd be obvious if something was gray vs blue. I've always hear the confusion of colours by the eye from dark purple, dark blue/navy blue and black. That would make sense. Yeah, the colour does not matter really. That's why you forget and leave it alone. It has nothing to do with leadership.

And no, men do not NEED to be right. I've had lots of fun and engaging discussions and debates and have had men tell me I'm right and they're wrong. It did not damage them at all. Again, everyone is wrong sometimes. Sometimes no one is wrong or right. Oh, and some of my male friends greatly enjoy talking with a woman like me who can discuss and debate with them because not all men are after women who're submission little followers.

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Yeah, I've never understood this "argument" by fundies that someone (i.e., men) must be in charge in a marriage, or the marriage is in turmoil. How to explain other relationships where no one person is in charge, and yet no one is in turmoil. Two best friends?

Business partners? Adult siblings? Colleagues? How do those relationships thrive when no one person is always in charge?

And yet they do.

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:naughty: Men never died from being wrong. I do find it disturbing. Its a great way to invite abuse into a relationship.

Edited to add that People can die when men dont admit that they are wrong. Lots of examples of this in history.

You win my truth-in-internets prize of the day for this statement. Here's a cake and kisses. ;)

birthday_cake-4.jpg

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You guys, how am I supposed to think of something insightful to say when you make me lol so much? Stop. :ugeek:

I wonder the same thing as the OP. Would these women happily stop blogging if their headship commanded it? It's sad that their obnoxious blogs are probably the only thing in life they have direct control over.

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Ugh. I hated her post so much. My marriage was normal and happy with your average disagreements but we did just fine, then we got sucked into the fundie movement and began the descent into hell. From 1995-2011 we were in the fundie movement and our marriage wasn't happy anymore...though it would have appeared to be from the outside. My husband thankfully was gone alot and couldn't totally immerse himself into model...we are military and alot of times I was on my own. However, when he was home I deferred to him for everything and he was the head and I was the doormat. I liked to pretend I was happy but I was miserable. My husband is a type A personality...a born leader...and the fundie movement brought out the worst in him. He became at times tyrannical and mean, which he had never been before. Our children were afraid of him, and couldn't wait for the next deployment or field exercise. We didn't even want him home anymore. I began to my escape from the fundie movement and sat him down one day and told him I was done. I was no longer a Christian and had no plans to ever be a submissive wife again. I told him our marriage was a partnership and that I was sorry that I had led us into fundie land. Yes, it was my doing. Can you believe that? Prior to that we were normal what you guys would call fundie lite...and I mean really lite. My husband went along with it because he actually is really a great guy and has always wanted me to just be happy. He knows my job is tough.....he is gone ALOT and I have done much of the child raising alone and it has been lonely and hard. I have always supported him and he has always supported me...and the ONLY time he has ever been an asshole was when we were in the fundie homeschool movement. Well, he took the news pretty good. He is still a Christian and that has caused some problems, but he has been pretty cool about the whole thing. Our marriage is a partnership again....I would NEVER...and I mean NEVER do what this Lori chick is advocating EVER again. To sit and let him think he is right all the time because he NEEDS to be???????? To have peace in your house?? How I remember that peace. Sitting on the other side of the car stifling tears and any individuality I had at all...while my previously wonderful husband had turned into a fundie monster and told us all the way it was going to be because HE was in CHARGE and that was that. Smiling at him and saying "okay honey" and encouraging the children to do the same...even if he was a complete jerk. Well, this made my Monday morning great anyway...I am so thankful to have my life back and very grateful that I have my real husband back and that we are a team. And truly happy again for the first time in years.

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Heh. This reminds me of a funny dynamic in my marriage. Whenever my husband makes a political point or other observation I disagree with, I will contradict him or qualify his point. This seems completely natural to me; why on earth say, "Yes, dear," when you are actually thinking otherwise?

Anyway, my husband often says, "Can't you just agree with me?" Now, he is not fundie at all. He's a very liberal, non-observant Catholic. And his request makes no sense to me: (1) Why would you want your spouse to pretend to agree with you? and (2) Men seem to have no trouble with lots of arguing in other contexts. Just watch any TV show with sports commentary. So why this need to have women agree with them automatically?

Whenever my husband says, "Can't you just agree with me?" I always kiss him and say, "I can't help it if you're always wrong, cupcake." We have a very happy marriage.

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Heh. This reminds me of a funny dynamic in my marriage. Whenever my husband makes a political point or other observation I disagree with, I will contradict him or qualify his point. This seems completely natural to me; why on earth say, "Yes, dear," when you are actually thinking otherwise?

Anyway, my husband often says, "Can't you just agree with me?" Now, he is not fundie at all. He's a very liberal, non-observant Catholic. And his request makes no sense to me: (1) Why would you want your spouse to pretend to agree with you? and (2) Men seem to have no trouble with lots of arguing in other contexts. Just watch any TV show with sports commentary. So why this need to have women agree with them automatically?

Whenever my husband says, "Can't you just agree with me?" I always kiss him and say, "I can't help it if you're always wrong, cupcake." We have a very happy marriage.

I just thought of something. If you think otherwise or you KNOW he's wrong, but say "You're right, honey!" Are you not then lying to him? Is lying to your husband better just to stroke his ego?

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Maybe your opinions, Lori, formed because you are married to an asshat?

Just asking.

My partner and I are obnoxious know-it-alls when discussing work, because we are both dabbling in medieval philosophy and moral philosophy with our dissertations, but this does not extend to daily life. He does not NEED to get that particular brand of toilet paper, you know.

Well maybe he has a super sensitive asshole and he NEEDS that certain brand. You don't know! ;)

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Having one leader makes for peace. Peace is a wonderful thing. A wonderful thing! Let your husband be the leader. Let him be right in the big as well as the little things.

Peace can occur even when you have two "leaders" in a relationship. This peace comes from both partners respecting each other. It comes from understanding where the other person comes from. It comes from two people truly working together to make their relationship work.

Why do these women think that a disagreement between spouses results in a screaming match? Most disagreements wont result in this. Emotions may be elevated or even hurt at times. But, the partners can come together after they have cooled off and reconcile. This often brings them closer together.

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Well maybe he has a super sensitive asshole and he NEEDS that certain brand. You don't know! ;)

As long as he only HAS one and isn't one, I consider buying THAT brand in the future ;)

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I think fundy men need to be right because there is not much else there in them. I know I am mistaken soften and it is when I think I have it down perfectly is when I really screw up. This stupid attitude is so against nature and even the bible. If she follows this advice she has be a very unhappy person.

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All men don't "need" to be right all the time. Only some men do, and that need to be right all the time is a character flaw. It is not something that she should be catering to. She would actually be doing him a big favor by discouraging that childishness. My husband is a very strong leader...at work. I am a very strong leader...at work. At home we are partners.

Btw, being a a leader does not mean always needing to be right. Quite the opposite. Often it means listening to a point of view you never considered before; or having to revise your course of action because new facts came to light (ie. realizing you were...omg...wrong). You put your personal preferences aside and do what is best for the organization as a whole - not what appeals to your ego. I think fundies get confused between "leader" and "control freak". Actually the more I think about it, the more offended I am by their notion of leadership. A leader is not a spoiled child always demanding his way.

ETA. gingernut's story is very interesting. I think it illustrates the main problem with the whole fundie marriage ideal.

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I wonder the same thing as the OP. Would these women happily stop blogging if their headship commanded it? It's sad that their obnoxious blogs are probably the only thing in life they have direct control over.

I'd ask Lori if she'd stop blogging at her husband's request, but she'd probably refuse to publish my comment and send me an email like she did last time.

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Two leaders never work. Two leaders would always be arguing and bickering trying to get their way. This is why most marriages are in turmoil. Most marriages have two leaders who always want to be right.

Sounds more like a dictatorship than a marriage. :snooty:

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So, I'm not supposed to tell the man that the socks he has put on with his black pants are brown? Because it doesn't matter? Um--not gonna let him leave the house looking like that. Sorry. Sometimes, even the little things matter! And if you are wrong, you are wrong. Just because you have a penis does not mean that you are automatically right!

And, yesterday the preacher (fundy lite Baptist) said that men had to be in charge, otherwise they are by nature lazy. That was a new one!

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I just sent my husband a link to that blog post and we both had a good laugh over it. He's color-blind, so the example was an especially funny one to us: in that situation, one person is right, and it's probably the wife. In our house, it's always going to be the wife. He'd rather I didn't just nod along when he thinks purple is blue, and I wouldn't be a very good wife if I did!

My husband also said, on a serious note, "Sounds like he's a failure as a leader, if he can't acknowledge his faults and weaknesses, and look for the right answer." And I actually think he's right, instead of just pretending to agree with him!

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I wonder why she hasn't posted my response. I just said that as a HELP meet it is my job to HELP. Sometimes that will mean agreeing and sometimes it won't.

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