I'm not a doormat, I'm just lazy.

[dairyfreelife]

Found this blog with a "lovely" post titled "Submission Does Not Make Me a Doormat."

She uses random dictionaries to explain submission and why women hate the word, but then says claims it's not what it really means.

However, when it comes to Biblical submission we are not talking about a communist marriage, as so many fear. We are talking about our husbands being leaders of the family. Leaders, as in ones who help make decisions.

Communist marriage? My Encarta Dictionary North America says submission is: a willingness to yield or surrender to somebody, or the act of doing so.

The first synonym of submission is obedience. Yes, submission DOES mean being obedient to another, but I would call it like an employer to an employee type of a relationship instead of a partnership.

Of course, we learn right after that she's fine with her husband "leading" so she does not have to:

Taking out a load

Car shopping

Buying a house

Certain medical needs

Buying new vs used

Buying appliances or repairing

Child discipline–boys when you get closer to the teen years.

In all honesty, menu planning is a little too much decision making for me at times.

So, basically, she's lazy.

Biblical submission in a husband wife situation means that you listen to each other, you discuss and then you let him make the final decision.

You can give your opinion, woman, but I make the final call.

What I love is the description of her at the end:

She has been married to her Hot Guy Brad for 14 years.

I couldn't find a picture of her husband on her blog, but for some reason I doubt her husband isn't all the "hot." Why? He may be okay looking, but no matter how "attractive" he is on the outside, he's still as ass for buying into the notion of submission.

titus2atthewell.com/submission-does-not-make-you-a-doormat/

peacecreekontheprairie.com/

[tankgirl]

It hurts her brain to pick what's for dinner? Damn, this lady has issues, and needs something to kick her lazy, most likely depressed ass into the real world. These are not tough decisions, some are a pain and take time, but seriously as a grown up, I want to be a part in the decisions that effect my life. And agree, the more they tell you the huby is Hot, the bigger dog he usually is, inside and out.

[bananacat]

I don't necessarily see that she's lazy, just that she's horribly, horribly abused. Abuse is not just about hitting and doesn't even have to involve hitting. In fact, I would say that even when the abuser is physical, the hitting isn't the focus of the abuse but more a tool to help with the psychological abuse. I don't think I've ever known of a case of physical abuse that wasn't ALSO psychologically abusive on top of it. So what I see is a woman who has been convinced that she can do absolutely nothing right. I see someone who has been into so many double binds that it's too much mental energy to even play the game anymore. I imagine that when she tried to pick what was for dinner, her husband told her she failed every single time. Each time she would do exactly what he said and take into account the things he had criticized previously and it still wouldn't be good enough to make him happy. He probably gave conflicting demands too. So now, rather than try to please him by making the right choice, it's easier to just obey and let him take the responsibility when she "fails". I feel sorry for her. Nobody deserves to be abused.

[kpmom]

Found this blog with a "lovely" post titled "Submission Does Not Make Me a Doormat."

No, she's trying to make submision sound very benign by saying this. But, by definition, a leader doesn't help make decisions, a leader has the final say. A partner helps make decisions.

ETA: I would agree with possible depression if she is having that much trouble making very minor decisions.

[Elle]

I don't necessarily see that she's lazy, just that she's horribly, horribly abused.

I don't think every fundy woman is the victim of abuse. Many times they are just pretty lazy. It's like the argument that Jchelle is abused because her husband is the leader when the truth right from the start she had the ability to leave, and still does.

Sometimes, when I'm stressed, making a week's dinner menus can be overwhelming. It has nothing to do with my husband saying I'm doing it wrong I can pick grilled cheese and soup for a week, and that's fine with him. He's a guy who will eat whatever someone makes, and if he doesn't like it, he'll eat it without complain anyway.

I think an allure to the fundy lifestyle for many women is that they don't have to do anything but pump out babies. Their husbands have to make all the decisions, so they're absolved of all blame if someone doesn't like something. There is a benefit to women in this lifestyle, and one for men. Women have no responsibility and men have to earn all the money and take the blame for things not working. But women don't really have hobbies outside the home and men don't have to do jack around the house. There are tradeoffs on both sides.

Where it's outright wrong is when one person doesn't want to be in the lifestyle, but both are trapped (if he leaves, he's going to be paying out the ass in child support because that's just how courts work, and if she leaves, she's going to be overwhelmed with the aspects of running a household she never had to do before while trying to take care of kids 24/7 leaving no time to learn the ropes), and when they teach their kids that girls aren't allowed to have a voice and men don't get partners and are expected to work themselves to the bone. Even those raised to expect this can see the perks, even if they don't see the negatives. I doubt all men want to be a king of the castle without a partner but instead only a servant, but they are pressured, the women pressured to submit further, the men pressured to take more control. Neither side is really without fault, and both sides have it bad. Unless a man is wealthy, I just don't see how this sort of arrangement benefits anyone.

I'll bet many pray that "god" sends fewer kids because they want intimacy but don't want yet another mouth to feed, but don't think they can talk to the other about avoiding that conception-likely time of the month. The fundies we see the most of are the most extreme in many ways. We don't see the ones too poor to afford computers and the internet, the ones most likely to wish for no more kids, and in a society where young people suddenly having no more kids must mean sin, the pressure's on to have more. It sucks.

But for those with internet, they've got the ability to look for an out and connect with the outside world. These are the women with enough freedom. The daughter of the Above Rubies bitch doesn't have this privilege. She's stuck. Ms. Lazy could use her internet access to go a google search on how to get out if she wanted out. I know a lot of abuse victims are too scared to get out, but there are usually signs of wanting to get out, and I'm not finding any of those signs in her blog, which makes me think she is just lazy and enjoys not having to use her brain. She sounds far too content, so I think she's perfectly happy.

[deelaem]

I just can't stop laughing at the idea of communist marriage. How she connected that with submission is beyond me.

I wonder if JFC would have had a communist marriage - were she so inclined, that is. :lol:

[bananacat]

Elle, I don't think every fundie woman is a victim of abuse. But I've seen enough abuse that this particular case really pings my radar. And honestly I have no tolerance for anyone saying that abuse victims could get out if they wanted to. You just don't understand what it's like.

[Elle]

Elle, I don't think every fundie woman is a victim of abuse. But I've seen enough abuse that this particular case really pings my radar. And honestly I have no tolerance for anyone saying that abuse victims could get out if they wanted to. You just don't understand what it's like.

Clearly you didn't read my entire post where I said it's not always easy for victims of abuse, but that not all these fundies are victims.

Also I spent over five years in a relationship that involved me on the receiving end of cords being swung at me and regularly forced into sexual things against my will in a home in the country without always having electricity and not always phone service, told repeatedly I needed to die. I got help when I tried cutting my wrists and ended up in a psych ward. So you have no goddamned clue what I've been through.

[dairyfreelife]

I just can't stop laughing at the idea of communist marriage. How she connected that with submission is beyond me.

I wonder if JFC would have had a communist marriage - were she so inclined, that is. :lol:

Yeah, I thought that was funny. Submission is like communism. YEah, if you don't know anything about what you are saying, just don't say it.

[holysnark]

I hate the submission posts I read on these blogs. I'm probably a horrible Christian destined for hell or something, but I do not understand submission. My husband and I make decisions together, if we don't agree we compromise. My husband would never just make a decision without asking my opinion, or hearing my thoughts on it. I actually asked a particular blogger in her comment section that I didn't get submission and said we make decisions together and compromise and she said we just shouldn't compromise that my husband should just make the decision. :roll:

I just do not get how these women do it.

[dairyfreelife]

I hate the submission posts I read on these blogs. I'm probably a horrible Christian destined for hell or something, but I do not understand submission. My husband and I make decisions together, if we don't agree we compromise. My husband would never just make a decision without asking my opinion, or hearing my thoughts on it. I actually asked a particular blogger in her comment section that I didn't get submission and said we make decisions together and compromise and she said we just shouldn't compromise that my husband should just make the decision. :roll:

I just do not get how these women do it.

You and me both. I never really got it either. I always believed marriage was a partnership, not an employer-employee one.

[ladypuglover]

:? What is a communist marriage? Is it so different from any other marriage? :think: