Wow, this adoptive mom is a bitch.

[LilMissMetaphor]

She made her blog private in January. I hope that kid is okay.

listeningwithourhearts.blogspot.ca/

...she melts down and when she does its epic, she doesnt seem to fear me and that scares me. She winds up way too easily, the littles have to play really mellow with her or in 2 minutes shes hitting someone or doing something wild or just yelling every second. She also calls my name, ALL DAY LONG EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. I know some will say "well, she never got to call anyone Mom before" I dont give a sh*t. You pay your friend to sit by you for 12 hours and say "Mama" every waking minute of your day and you will flat out punch your friend in the face. It has to be the most annoying thing ever. Ive caught her saying "mama" when im looking RIGHT at her and she just nods her head at me. I ask WHAT? She then asks me "what" back cuz she really had no idea she said "mama". It just comes out of her mouth all day long, it makes me want to kill.

[curlykate]

Yikes!

Um...every kid does this! My 2 year old ran around the kitchen all morning, yelling "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" while I was baking cookies. He didn't want me for anything...that's just his favourite word at the moment.

I think this mom needs to take a break, and decide if she really wants to have an adopted child or not....it sounds like she's close to the breaking point!

[valsa]

What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?

Does she know how many adoptive parents would absolutely love to have their kids all them "mom" or "dad", even once?

How did she get through the homestudy process without major red flags popping up?

[ladypuglover]

I really hope that someone who is in charge of that child's case got to see what she wrote.

This really pisses me off. I tried for years to adopt and was since I already had 3 kids of my own and could have more that we didn't qualify. I am a good mother, not the best but my kids know I love them and they always feel safe. Some of mine would have meltdowns, complete and total meltdowns and we just held them and worked through it. Always they felt safe and never, not even once did I want to hurt my kid or think evil thoughts about him. :evil:

I want to treat her like she treats her child and fucking see how she likes it.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I'll be honest that my offspring sometimes drive me to the brink of insanity when they engage in this totally normal part of kid behavior.

It worries me that the lady actually put this in writing for all to see on the internet. It also seems like she is insensitive to some emotional issues that the child might have from being adopted or is just understimulating her child in the first place.

[Feberin]

Wow! And those were only some of the crazy things in that post. There were a few more that also concerned me:

Other things that suck? The language barrier sucks. It doesnt help that I spent 7 weeks in Ukraine and now I dont want to ever hear Russian spoken again for at least a year. Its going on week 2 and still shes not picked much up to SAY, but kid understands me completely.

Why did you adopt internationally if you don't want a child who can't speak you language. Of course she's not going to be speaking fluent English after only two weeks!

Took her to the pediatrician yesterday and he wouldnt recommend or give her anything seeing as she just came home 2 weeks ago but I think she has trouble focusing for long on one thing and that overstimulates her.

At least the doctor seems to realize it might take her some time to adapt to all the changes she's been through in the past TWO weeks!

[emilymea]

What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?

Does she know how many adoptive parents would absolutely love to have their kids all them "mom" or "dad", even once?

How did she get through the homestudy process without major red flags popping up?

I've seen my friends adopt "older children" (age two and above and seen their joy at being called mommy repetitively or even for the first time. I'm thinking o one friend in particular that had the luck of having her older son video tape the first time she walked in the door and had her language delayed child diagnosed with RAD run up to her screaming MOMMY over and over. She and her family treasure that video and every time this little one calls for her mom and dad.

I hope this woman gets some help.

[LilMissMetaphor]

FWIW, I found this site by way of Reece's Rainbow, a Down syndrome adoption advocacy blog, but there is considerable controversy surrounding them anyway; it seems like they're not interested in what happens to the kids after they get adopted, just as long as they do.

http://reecesrainbow.org/16033/sponsorrobinson

[FireIsCatching89]

Wow! And those were only some of the crazy things in that post. There were a few more that also concerned me:

Why did you adopt internationally if you don't want a child who can't speak you language. Of course she's not going to be speaking fluent English after only two weeks!

At least the doctor seems to realize it might take her some time to adapt to all the changes she's been through in the past TWO weeks!

Gee, maybe she's saying "Mama" all the time, because it's one of the few words she knows? And I bet her daugher doesn't understand her, she just understands the angry tone in her voice and that scares her! And lashing out physically? Well, duh no shit, she doesn't have the words to express herself, so she does it physically.

And it sounds like she wants to medicate the kid into submission. How charming. At least the doc wasn't buying the bullshit she was selling.

[Miss M]

I can remember when my darling niece was about 3 years old, she would say "Auntie M", I would say "what" she would say "Auntie M", I would say "what" this would go on for hours, but I loved her and would never have thought to harm her because she liked to say my name over and over and over...she is 18 now and a pretty damn awesome young woman!

M

[celestial]

:shock: The violence in this woman's post scares me. I sincerely hope her kids, adopted or otherwise, are ok, and that her neighbors are attentive and someone has called CPS if necessary.

[Deleted03]

Wow! And those were only some of the crazy things in that post. There were a few more that also concerned me:

Why did you adopt internationally if you don't want a child who can't speak you language. Of course she's not going to be speaking fluent English after only two weeks!

At least the doctor seems to realize it might take her some time to adapt to all the changes she's been through in the past TWO weeks!

what is she expecting? That the doctor will put her 2 yo on ADD medicine?????? Like seriously?

Most kids go through a phase where they call you all the time, but have nothing to say. Did someone tell her she needed patience to raise a kid? Jeez. Have fun with her and keep calling her name in response!

Another reason why 1) there should be mandatory parenting classes and 2) SAHMhood should be a choice and not a social pressure!

[HijabiLady]

I researched international adoption quite heavily during my first marriage. I was interested in adopting from China. Part of my reading and research was understanding the mind of a child raised in an institution as well as in a different culture. I read sooooo many blogs written by parents who adopted from China, Russia, Ukraine and Guatemala. It was usually the fundie families that I read a lot of ivory tower/savior syndrome.

They fully expected these children to be grateful and obedient to the very people who removed them from the only life they knew. They were impatient and frustrated when the child acted out, hoarded food, attached superficially and showed other normal challenges that children with these backgrounds would show. Unfortunately the home studies did not reveal these parent's deficiencies because they are usually done by social workers familiar with domestic adoption, which really is a horse by a different color.

[Witsec7]

I truly believe that Americans have been participating in a baby scoop era that is focused on foreign adoptions. I'm not very well educated on this subject, I do know folks who have adopted from Romania, the Ukraine, Viet Nam, China and Africa. Only two received infants, purportedly all the children came from orphanages and all the adoptions were quite spendy. That being said, none of these folks expected sunshine and roses and knew that there paths to parenthood and raising healthy children could be a lot rockier than others. All availed themselves of resources that were provided by our community as well as our state and other agencies.

This woman thinks that adoption is turning on a switch. Once you sign the papers that gives the powers that be the power to turn on the happy well adjusted kid switch. The experiences of these kids are far too complex for those simplistic expectations and this woman's very sick attitude.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Gee, maybe she's saying "Mama" all the time, because it's one of the few words she knows? And I bet her daugher doesn't understand her, she just understands the angry tone in her voice and that scares her! And lashing out physically? Well, duh no shit, she doesn't have the words to express herself, so she does it physically.

Bingo!

Mom complains about spending time in Ukraine - I'm sure it WAS stressful and somewhat annoying because she was surrounded by people living life and doing stuff around her that she couldn't understand, and she had tasks to accomplish. It happens, it makes people tired even when they're prepared for it. At least she had a translator though!

Now if only she could think back to those days and then look at her kid and realize that for the kid, this is STILL GOING ON. Have a little empathy!

And yeah, kids who can't communicate for whatever reason can really, really, really be a pain to deal with, because they're frustrated and often mad even before anything else starts, because... they can't make their wants known. That's frustrating for anyone, but kids are happy to just let it all hang out there.

And yeah surely mom is venting here, but... you gotta expect some of this stuff to happen.

[Juliakitty]

I get being frustrated and I don't think it's unhealthy to express frustration in a blog, but she is going way over the top with irrational anger and hints of violence.

[No Fun My Babe]

What the fuck? It makes her want to kill?! She whined endlessly about how hard it was for her to be somewhere she didn't know, with a language she didn't know, with people she didn't know, but expects a child to be able to adjust automatically and perfectly in the same situation?

This poor little girl has medical issues and I'm sure psychological/emotional issues as well. Who knows what kind of background she had? Fuck this lady. It's disgusting that people like her can adopt while actual loving, good people get turned down every day.

Yes, I'm sure most parents have had fantasies of maybe slipping some nyquil in their kids' drinks or something when they were acting up. The difference here, is the violent words and it seems, animosity, toward a child. A child that needs understanding, patience and love. I feel so sorry for what her life will be.

[Elle]

You pay your friend to sit by you for 12 hours and say "Mama" every waking minute of your day and you will flat out punch your friend in the face.

As the mother of a child who's old enough that she should be saying at least 300 words but says only three, I would cry if my child would call me "mama" even once. She'll call her daddy "dada" for hours on end and giggle, and he loves it.

[Elle]

Can someone pretty please explain to me why hang diabetes or having had cancer can get you barred from adopting, but people like her can adopt? I have an adopted friend who is infertile, which wasn't a big deal since she wanted to adopt anyway like she was. She went through the comprehensive medical stuff, and it was determined that because of her history of having ADD, that she wasn't stable enough to adopt. That was several months ago, and she is still suffering major depression from it. She is such a patient, good person, but no child for her. But yet someone who is so pissed off at a child who's only been away from everything she's ever known for just two weeks that I'm fearful for that child's safety from reading just one blog post was allowed to adopt? WTF. Really. Just WTF.

[Elle]

Oh my god, what's worse is that child is disabled, has cystic fibrosis, and she has these feelings about that child.

[BelieveinScience]

what is she expecting? That the doctor will put her 2 yo on ADD medicine?????? Like seriously?

Most kids go through a phase where they call you all the time, but have nothing to say. Did someone tell her she needed patience to raise a kid? Jeez. Have fun with her and keep calling her name in response!

Another reason why 1) there should be mandatory parenting classes and 2) SAHMhood should be a choice and not a social pressure!

She's talking about the kid she adopted who is like 7/8/9 years old not a 2year old.

My friend does work with RR and I'm half tempted to email to this blog so the organization is aware of this and won't let the woman adopt another RR child.

[Elle]

BIS, please do that. It's NOT always better for kids to be taken from outer countries when the home they're going to will abuse them in this way and refuse to allow any bonding to happen. At least in their native countries they know the language and culture. What the hell does that poor child have here?

[PrincessOfSiam]

I seldom post, but read here daily. Just have to comment because this girl's situation is breaking my heart. I am adult who was adopted as a small baby from a 3rd world country. My adoptive parents always saw me as a servant in their home somehow. It was crazy. They dressed me up and paraded me around, but in private I was always reminded how grateful I should be and what if they had left me behind, blah blah. I have very mixed feelings regarding adoption because of the hurt that still plagues me way into adulthood. I think the worst is the "savior" mentality some adoptive parents take on. It's all about them, how charitable, how loving, how kind you are to accept another's child. My dad has called me the biggest mistake they ever made. Does anyone realize the lifetime scarring they are inflicting because of the attitude with which they greet the child. I am now a loving mom and grand mom, been through years of therapy, and I STILL have residual hurt. I hope this doesn't offend, but people need to see the impact on an adult. I don't feel my story has been told often and I know there are many more like me out there. BTW mine was a Christian/church facilitated adoption.

[notsocommon]

ALL kids go through the mommymommymommymommymommymommy thing. I just told mine that I was changing my name and not letting her know what my new name was. :lol:

[emmiedahl]

So the kid is a toddler and has only had a mother for two weeks? Of course she is saying Mama all the time. She has been waiting years to call someone that.

You would think an adoptive mother, after jumping through all the hoops of an international adoption, would just hug her and say, "That's right! I'm your Mama!"