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"Purity" After Marriage


RR88

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Which one??? Please tell me you read it and laughed.

Intended For Pleasure and they gave us they "bride" "groom" cassettes to go with it. :oops: It was from my husband's sister and bil. My first big clue that these people had no fucking boundaries. I nearly died. Lord.

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My best friend is now planning on getting me a fundie sex book if I ever get married. I showed her those wedding pictures that were up here about a month ago with the mom giving the daughter a sex book and she thought they were hilarious. So now she thinks it would be funny if she gave me the same gift and someone got a picture. LOL At least it should be an entertaining read.

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My best friend is now planning on getting me a fundie sex book if I ever get married. I showed her those wedding pictures that were up here about a month ago with the mom giving the daughter a sex book and she thought they were hilarious. So now she thinks it would be funny if she gave me the same gift and someone got a picture. LOL At least it should be an entertaining read.

Eh, if it's a gag gift that's one thing. But to give it seriously, is another.

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Eh, if it's a gag gift that's one thing. But to give it seriously, is another.

Oh, definitely... I hope nobody I know would give it as a serious gift!

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After a while my shoes are so dirty or threadbare that I throw them away and get new ones. Just sayin'.

And my DH and I each got "Letter to Karen" and "Letters to Philip". They were advice manuals on gender differences and included instructions to the husband like "Remember that it is perfectly normal for your wife not to enjoy sex". DH just about lost it when he read that.

I need copies of these books. And a bottle of wine. It will make for the greatest night of comedy ever. Who wants to join me?

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I think my family was pretty sex-positive for fundies, and they always said to ask any questions we had, BUT when there were sex-ed days my mother would give me a book (yes, they had the Ed Wheat one) and tell me to read one chapter and tell her when I was done. Basically, it was all on a need-to-know basis, and I am very glad I eventually decided to see just what a horrible person I might be and look up info online. Oddly, I did not turn into a porn addict! But yeah, as a teenager I could not wait to be 18 so I could finally get married and have sex without being bad. Instead it would be holy. :roll:

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Oral and hand action is totally forbidden/quote]

Somebody asked Candy (my gateway fundy), on her blog comments (that are now gone), if oral sex was ok. Well, she asked if o#$! s#% was ok, but I'm assuming she meant blow jobs. Her husband was asking her for things that made her "uncomfortable in the bedroom" and wanted Candy's all knowing biblical view. Candy assured her that o#$! s#% was in fact ok. If Candy does it, I believe it. I'm sure she found it somewhere in Leviticus. Between modest dressing (except when exercising) and head covering (except when it is inconvenient).

The original poster had heard that o#$! s#% was sodomy if the man finished in her mouth. I guess it fits the actual definition of sodomy (non penis-vagina sex) but the question made me laugh!

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Sometimes I think I'm the only one who has thought about this.

Fundies usually encourage their daughters to remain "pure" before marriage. (Their sons, not so much. But that's another story!) Other than the inherent problems with attributing a moral status ("pure") to whether or not a penis has been in someone's vagina, I have always wondered if this means that married women are "impure".

Once a fundie gets married, she's probably having sex. Doesn't that make her "impure"? I don't know; I just always wondered about that. Your thoughts, please.

I always wondered about this myself. I know the official line is that marriage makes it OK, but I wonder if the real attitude is that even in marriage you're somehow "ruined" until "redeemed" by pregnancy. It would explain why so many "fundie" princesses (looking square at the Botkins) don't seem to be in any rush to marry.

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As I recall from being a pre-Vatican II Catholic kid, the Church taught that you could be impure even when married, if you enjoyed sex TOO MUCH or in the WRONG WAY! I think there was some debate about whether it was still a sin to get pleasure from sex while married. I believe it was Augustine who said that, but he said it was just a venial, or minor, sin. Whereas sex outside the "marital act" was always a mortal sin that would send you to hell unless you scurried to confession immediately. I think the conclusion by the 1950s was that oh well, okay, you ARE allowed to enjoy sex with your wife and it isn't really sinful, but it is still kind of icky and self-indulgent, and it would be far more holy for you to devote your life to God as a priest or monk. Failing that, the cool kids all agreed to live "as sister and brother" after they'd had the requisite number of kids. Being married but not having sex was being more like Mary and Joseph, so it was good.

Now I think they're trying to retcon this notion with "Theology of the Body" that says sex within marriage can be fun and enjoyable--provided that every single act ends up with PIV and NO CONTRACEPTION. Back in the day, any kind of stimulation other than man-on-top intercourse was considered immoral in itself. Now the "Theology of the Body" folks argue that oral/manual stimulation is okay as long as the man doesn't ejaculate. Anal is still a no-no, probably because it's too gay. And conservative Catholics think "Theology of the Body" as practiced by some is a heretical outrage because everybody knows God intended sex for procreation only, not for fun!! Needless to say, every discussion of sex has to do primarily with the male experience. Women's feelings about sex are just not that important.

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I still can't fathom how awkward wedding nights must be. I mean, don't get me wrong -- waiting till marriage, that's your prerogative -- but people who don't even hug each other go from 1 to 100 in the same day. I can't imagine how disconcerting that would be.

I'm hoping they take it a little slower than 1 to 100 in one day. Or bring lots of k-y.

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I imagine that after growing up in that environment, plenty of fundie husbands feel disgusted by their own wives after the wedding night. It's a way to keep the women in line though, because surely he could convince her that no other man would want her now that her ruined her.

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Ok, this is going to be a TMI post, but here goes. I was raised conservative Christian but not fundie or fundie-lite. When Mama has the sex talk with me she did kind of stress of waiting until marriage, but she also said married sex is enjoyable and isn't just for making babies. Fast forward many years, I was scared of becoming a teen mom and AIDS (this was the mid 80's & no as much was known about AIDS/HIV then), so I waited.

In college I met a wonderful guy who was also virgin to for pretty much the same reasons as me. We fell in love and had this tremendous physical attraction. After dating for a year we decided to take the next step. We had..umm...fooled around a lot, so we weren't completely ignorant. I went to my gyno for an exam, asked some questions about VD's & pain/bleeding the first time, and got a script for BCP, and was highly advised to use condoms as well. My boyfriend went to a local drugstore and bought condoms. So when "it" happened, it wasn't bad. Yeah, I felt something but it wasn't pain more like pressure, and their was only a pinhead amount of blood that I didn't noticed until I used the bathroom (definitely no stains on the sheets). After it was over he was sweet enough to asked if had hurt me. Of course I told him no, because he didn't. All in all, I enjoyed it and He enjoyed it. It wasn't mind-blowing sex, that part came later. I just didn't have that bad first time experience. We were just comfortable with each other. I guess our age and maturity had a lot to do with that.

When discussing first times with other women, they look at me like I'm crazy or lying. Oh well. I'm sorry for those who had bad first times. I just didn't have that kind of experience.

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As I recall from being a pre-Vatican II Catholic kid, the Church taught that you could be impure even when married, if you enjoyed sex TOO MUCH or in the WRONG WAY! I think there was some debate about whether it was still a sin to get pleasure from sex while married. I believe it was Augustine who said that, but he said it was just a venial, or minor, sin. Whereas sex outside the "marital act" was always a mortal sin that would send you to hell unless you scurried to confession immediately. I think the conclusion by the 1950s was that oh well, okay, you ARE allowed to enjoy sex with your wife and it isn't really sinful, but it is still kind of icky and self-indulgent, and it would be far more holy for you to devote your life to God as a priest or monk. Failing that, the cool kids all agreed to live "as sister and brother" after they'd had the requisite number of kids. Being married but not having sex was being more like Mary and Joseph, so it was good.

Now I think they're trying to retcon this notion with "Theology of the Body" that says sex within marriage can be fun and enjoyable--provided that every single act ends up with PIV and NO CONTRACEPTION. Back in the day, any kind of stimulation other than man-on-top intercourse was considered immoral in itself. Now the "Theology of the Body" folks argue that oral/manual stimulation is okay as long as the man doesn't ejaculate. Anal is still a no-no, probably because it's too gay. And conservative Catholics think "Theology of the Body" as practiced by some is a heretical outrage because everybody knows God intended sex for procreation only, not for fun!! Needless to say, every discussion of sex has to do primarily with the male experience. Women's feelings about sex are just not that important.

There is this hilarious Québec show where an Haitian immigrant interpret life in Québec, and he reminds his Qc wife how it was bad way back when and has a flashback of her great great grand parents, in the islands, submitted to poverty, bad land and the catholic church. so the priest comes to visit them they're at the table, there are about 10 kids sitting all miserable there, and the priest ask, I notice you haven't had a kid in a while, you're still trying right (ie not enjoying without producing kids) and the woman bows her head down, blushes. the priest ask her, what you are having sex without meaning to make children, and she says hesitantly: "and yesterday I opened my eyes during the act"

And he leaves outraged :lol:

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Ok, this is going to be a TMI post, but here goes. I was raised conservative Christian but not fundie or fundie-lite. When Mama has the sex talk with me she did kind of stress of waiting until marriage, but she also said married sex is enjoyable and isn't just for making babies. Fast forward many years, I was scared of becoming a teen mom and AIDS (this was the mid 80's & no as much was known about AIDS/HIV then), so I waited.

In college I met a wonderful guy who was also virgin to for pretty much the same reasons as me. We fell in love and had this tremendous physical attraction. After dating for a year we decided to take the next step. We had..umm...fooled around a lot, so we weren't completely ignorant. I went to my gyno for an exam, asked some questions about VD's & pain/bleeding the first time, and got a script for BCP, and was highly advised to use condoms as well. My boyfriend went to a local drugstore and bought condoms. So when "it" happened, it wasn't bad. Yeah, I felt something but it wasn't pain more like pressure, and their was only a pinhead amount of blood that I didn't noticed until I used the bathroom (definitely no stains on the sheets). After it was over he was sweet enough to asked if had hurt me. Of course I told him no, because he didn't. All in all, I enjoyed it and He enjoyed it. It wasn't mind-blowing sex, that part came later. I just didn't have that bad first time experience. We were just comfortable with each other. I guess our age and maturity had a lot to do with that.

When discussing first times with other women, they look at me like I'm crazy or lying. Oh well. I'm sorry for those who had bad first times. I just didn't have that kind of experience.

I don't really know what to say because I don't see how it is related, but not all women bleed, not all women hurt, and I don't think it's related that much to fooling around beforehand but I don't have data on that.

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I don't really know what to say because I don't see how it is related, but not all women bleed, not all women hurt, and I don't think it's related that much to fooling around beforehand but I don't have data on that.

I think it is less likely to hurt though if you feel more comfortable and turned on. #1 because your muscles will be more relaxed, and #2 because of the psychological element of pain - if you're uncomfortable and expecting it to hurt it probably will hurt because that's what you're expecting.

Obviously it's not black and white, but I could see a lot of fundie women having bad first-time experiences because their new husbands probably don't really KNOW how to turn them on and they haven't spent a ton of time alone together so I doubt many of them feel very comfortable with their partner. (ETA that they probably don't know how to turn themselves on either considering the fundy stance on masturbation.) Also because it doesn't sound like the women are expected to enjoy sex so that doesn't give couples any incentive or reason to change things.

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That's just it, I was expecting some pain and bleeding based on what other girls had told me about their first times. Even my gyno said it could happen. So, not only was I was surprised that it didn't hurt and that I had very light almost undetectable bleeding, but I also enjoyed it. Anyway, whatever it was, I'm grateful my first time wasn't bad. I can't even being to imagine what it's like for fundie girls. Sometimes I wish I could sit down and talk to them. But, that won't ever happen. But if some of the fundie-lite girls in my family come to me, I will talk to them about sex (if they hint they hit they are looking for advice) and what to expect, even if it pisses off their parents. It just breaks my heart for these girls not to know what to expect.

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I have a really hard time understanding HOW they can be so sheltered as to not realize that most people find sex enjoyable ? I mean even with no tv and no books ... they MUST hear the occasional song on the radio in passing, or notice the KY Yours and Mine Explosive Orgasm Fire Gel while buying kotex, or see the articles about "100 ways to have a Better Orgasm" next to the Tuna Casserole recipe in Good Housekeeping magazine.

I just don't see how they couldn't think sex is supposed to be good ? Even if they strongly feel that sex should be something just for married people, wouldn't they have to think that once you are married sex will be an enjoyable part of your life together ?

I'm glad I was never led to believe sex would be painful or unpleasant or dirty. I sort of wish I had waited until I was older, for the emotional connection. But even at a very, very young age it was still enjoyable the first time. The main disappointment was that I expected the orgasm to be more explosive than the 'regular' kind I got from fooling around with boys. I blame Cosmo for that.

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First time fundy sex must be terrifying,for the women especially. I imagine they're pretty tense so it would hurt even more and have to switch their mindset from sex being bad, dangerous and dirty to their duty as a wife! And it can't be fun if neither know what they're doing.

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I have actually wondered the same thing. I think they are sort of "pure" in a married way? Where it's okay if they have sex with their husband for reproduction, but it's not the same as being a virgin. I don't know though, it's very odd to put such a status on virginity when most adults don't remain one, surely it must give you some cognitive dissonance issues.

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I've always wondered how fundies act around each other in the house before they have kids. Do they shower together like my husband and I? Do they walk around the house naked? Or is it clothes off for baby making only?

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I've wondered that too! One forum I was on had a fundie who was open about things like that, and her and her husband, while completely crazy, seemed to at least value things like orgasms for both of them, sex for fun as well as for procreation etc. So I think, for them, anything they wanted to do was okay once they were married. (They didn't use birth control though, and maybe various "kinks" would be out.) I suspect a lot of other fundies are, tragically, probably not comfortable with each other naked and think it's "immodest" to be naked at non-baby-makng times.

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I have a hard time believing all fundies are virgins before they are married. I've said it before...all those conferences and horny, sexually repressed teens and young adults is a recipe for sneaking off and making out and getting some. I'll take that one step further and say the more some these fundie teens/young adults brag about purity on their blogs makes me wonder just how pure they really are. Same goes for their parents. The more they brag about their teen/young adult's purity, the more they realize their child may not be so pure after all. I'm only saying some fundies, not all.

I remember watching the episode where Josh proposed to Anna. After she said yes, boy, not only did they almost forget about only a Christian side hug thing, but it appeared to me they wanted to kiss and go off and umm...celebrate! LOL

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I have a hard time believing all fundies are virgins before they are married. I've said it before...all those conferences and horny, sexually repressed teens and young adults is a recipe for sneaking off and making out and getting some. I'll take that one step further and say the more some these fundie teens/young adults brag about purity on their blogs makes me wonder just how pure they really are. Same goes for their parents. The more they brag about their teen/young adult's purity, the more they realize their child may not be so pure after all. I'm only saying some fundies, not all.

I remember watching the episode where Josh proposed to Anna. After she said yes, boy, not only did they almost forget about only a Christian side hug thing, but it appeared to me they wanted to kiss and go off and umm...celebrate! LOL

I still think that was one of the most awkward things I have ever seen on TV. Not even hugging your fiance? You'd hug a friend who was crying, wouldn't you?

I can't remember where I read it, but some Christian slogan -- "Keep room for the Holy Spirit in your embraces." Really? Why do they have to sexualize every damned thing?

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As long as they're trying to have all the babies they can, I guess that means they're still pure in fundy-eyes.

And I bet anything that fundies are having premarital sex about as often as the rest of us, and maybe even more. So many weddings are so incredibly quick with babies born so fast. Since the girls aren't supposed to double-click the mouse and think their bodies are gross, what else is there to do?

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I used to think that a lot of them weren't really virgins, but then I discovered a lot of them actually are (like ones who left talking about their wedding nights etc, so they had no reason to lie any more) and it surprised me. I'd sort of rationalised in my head that most of them weren't really like that, or were virgins who had had oral sex etc. and it was quite upsetting to find out that wasn't the case, lol.

Though the blog with the ex-fundie (Ruth?) was interesting, the one with the pregnant teen sister who gave it up for adoption, conceived on a church camp with a fundie boy whose family denied it...not surprising. So I'm sure it does happen too.

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