My "date" with a fundie-lite

[dairyfreelife]

I met this guy. He's nice, attractive and hardworking. I knew he called himself a Christian, but that's normal around these parts. Most people are raised as such and identify as that, even if they aren't really into the religion much.

So, somehow our conversation turned after I joked about a kiss for a prank. We got into a discussion about intimacy.

He came up with the following statements and arguments that I can remember:

1-He wants to save his kiss for his future wife and wants the next person he dates to be his future wife. Claimed he wanted this to avoid being hurt or hurting someone.

2-He does not want to be alone with me because guys are weak in that area and he doesn't want to be "tempted". Guys are weak and it's not good to be alone with a girl.

3-When I joked about tempting him (in jest since he found me attractive), he said it would cause too much temptation to be alone and he respected me too much and wanted to respect his future wife. He said the Bible says to avoid any temptations or something like that.

4-I asked him if would have less respect for his wife if she had kissed someone else and even slept with someone before him. His response was that he'd forgive her.

5-I asked where in the Bible it specifically says premartial sex is a sin since fornication came from the Greek word Porneia, simply implying sexual immorality, but never stating what that meant...

His reply was to say where doesn't it say that? He said marriage was so man wouldn't leave his wife and leave her alone to fend for herself or something like that.

6-He said husbands are to honor wives and that because we are made in God's image, we are disrespecting God by having premartial sex, so premartial sex was like having sex with God. :shock: :confusion-questionmarks: :confusion-scratchheadblue:

7-After more discussion, he ended with "even if the Bible doesn't say anything about it (premartial sex), I still think the Bible says it's wrong." :?

8-When I mentioned Song of Songs being all about sex, he said it was about preparation of the groom for his bride. I do remember him saying that specifically.

9-When I said I would not want to buy shoes without making sure they were the right fit (in regards to love and sex), he came back with having premartial sex is like buying shoes, running 1000s of miles with it, getting them filthy and then deciding you don't want them.

(I was intending the shoe thing to mean if we don't even buy silly shoes without trying them on, marriage should be far more important and not be left to chance that you will work together completely).

*This guy in question was homeschooled and while that does not mean anything, I think he was definitely sheltered and raised with some crazy beliefs about the world.*

**I did not get into it with him about how sexist some of the things he was implying were. I was not too hard on him because it was obvious he lacks a lot of critical thinking skills. Not because he's stupid. He's not stupid at all, just naive. I never tried to change his mind, I just wanted to know his reasoning behind his decisions. I gave him too.

So, we are obviously not going to be truly dating and that's fine. Thought I'd share my experience here though. This may be better in chatter and if the admin thinks so, they are free to move it.

[Witsec7]

I hope you kept a piece of his heart as a souvenir. :lol:

[StarrieEyedKat]

2-He does not want to be alone with me because guys are weak in that area and he doesn't want to be "tempted". Guys are weak and it's not good to be alone with a girl.

Ugh, that would scare me enough that I'd walk out on the date after telling him that I wouldn't be comfortable being alone with someone that is so easily "tempted."

[Kitty]

He needs to get laid.

Being serious, I really don't understand why fundies think physical intimacy causes heartbreak after a break-up. If you really like someone and the relationship ends badly, why would the extent of physical intimacy factor in to whether or not you've been hurt? And how is kissing someone disrespectful to a future partner?

I don't get it.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I met this guy. He's nice, attractive and hardworking. I knew he called himself a Christian, but that's normal around these parts. Most people are raised as such and identify as that, even if they aren't really into the religion much.

So, somehow our conversation turned after I joked about a kiss for a prank. We got into a discussion about intimacy.

He came up with the following statements and arguments that I can remember:

1-He wants to save his kiss for his future wife and wants the next person he dates to be his future wife. Claimed he wanted this to avoid being hurt or hurting someone.

2-He does not want to be alone with me because guys are weak in that area and he doesn't want to be "tempted". Guys are weak and it's not good to be alone with a girl.

3-When I joked about tempting him (in jest since he found me attractive), he said it would cause too much temptation to be alone and he respected me too much and wanted to respect his future wife. He said the Bible says to avoid any temptations or something like that.

4-I asked him if would have less respect for his wife if she had kissed someone else and even slept with someone before him. His response was that he'd forgive her.

5-I asked where in the Bible it specifically says premartial sex is a sin since fornication came from the Greek word Porneia, simply implying sexual immorality, but never stating what that meant...

His reply was to say where doesn't it say that? He said marriage was so man wouldn't leave his wife and leave her alone to fend for herself or something like that.

6-He said husbands are to honor wives and that because we are made in God's image, we are disrespecting God by having premartial sex, so premartial sex was like having sex with God. :shock: :confusion-questionmarks: :confusion-scratchheadblue:

7-After more discussion, he ended with "even if the Bible doesn't say anything about it (premartial sex), I still think the Bible says it's wrong." :?

8-When I mentioned Song of Songs being all about sex, he said it was about preparation of the groom for his bride. I do remember him saying that specifically.

9-When I said I would not want to buy shoes without making sure they were the right fit (in regards to love and sex), he came back with having premartial sex is like buying shoes, running 1000s of miles with it, getting them filthy and then deciding you don't want them.

(I was intending the shoe thing to mean if we don't even buy silly shoes without trying them on, marriage should be far more important and not be left to chance that you will work together completely).

*This guy in question was homeschooled and while that does not mean anything, I think he was definitely sheltered and raised with some crazy beliefs about the world.*

**I did not get into it with him about how sexist some of the things he was implying were. I was not too hard on him because it was obvious he lacks a lot of critical thinking skills. Not because he's stupid. He's not stupid at all, just naive. I never tried to change his mind, I just wanted to know his reasoning behind his decisions. I gave him too.

So, we are obviously not going to be truly dating and that's fine. Thought I'd share my experience here though. This may be better in chatter and if the admin thinks so, they are free to move it.

uuuh How is : O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the covert of the cliff, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely Not a metaphor for sex.

The whole dang BOOK is rife with sexual innuendo!!! There's at least 4 mentions of kissing. Or how her lover's lips taste, so i'm pretty sure they were at LEAST making out.... O_o

I seriously have NO idea how fundies claim this is about G-d's love for us, its seriously ALL SEX. (which I dig!)

[kpmom]

Premarital sex is like having sex with God? Ewwww, that's disturbing. Although being God, hopefully he'd at least buy you dinner first.

[Witsec1]

Premarital sex is like having sex with God? Ewwww, that's disturbing. Although being God, hopefully he'd at least buy you dinner first.

But why does he never call??????

[kpmom]

But why does he never call??????

Now Flora, you know God won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. tsk tsk

[doggie]

Premarital sex is like having sex with God? Ewwww, that's disturbing. Although being God, hopefully he'd at least buy you dinner first.

I could say we never heard that he bought mary anything.

[ilovetchotchkes]

But why does he never call??????

He never calls, he never writes, I'll just sit here alone... in the dark..... a person could DIE.....

[ladypuglover]

All joking aside, did this guy raise any red flags for you? It sounds like you are mature enough to know that this would not become a relationship and wise enough to walk away instead of trying to make it work. Do you think any future woman should be worried about meeting him? I'm thinking of real nasty creeps and con artists, not just a normal guy that has different ideas than you do.

[Eoywin]

Eek! Sounds like he has some serious issues. I can't imagine marrying someone you haven't even kissed, let alone had sex with. Though it sounds like I've had sex with God :o - I don't remember is being that good :lol:

I dated a guy in college that was Catholic, insisted his future wife be or become Catholic (which is a deal-breaker for me as a Lutheran :lol:). He refused to make a move so we never even kissed. But boy he was cute so we hung out for a while until I realized how boring he was.

[CynicMom]

Another way of saying point #1 is that he plans on settling for the next woman he dates regardless of her qualities in order to avoid being hurt.

That's...... sad.

[CynicMom]

He refused to make a move so we never even kissed.

Yeah, wth! If I'm ever single again (God forbid) I'm sure as hell not waiting for the guy to make the first move. I HATE waiting.... and waiting.... and waiting.

[BravaAmica]

He sounds like a keeper, especially the part where he'd forgive his future wife if she'd kissed someone before him.

[Rosa]

This is why, way back when, I stopped dating people that had even been raised fundie, even if at that moment they were not fundie. Because the other side of that "I respect you too much" coin is that if you do sleep with them, they either hate themselves or they decide you're trash and unworthy of respect.

Some people outgrow those beliefs but the only way to find out is see how bad they freak out after sex and I just got burned too many times.

[Deleted02]

I wonder what he would've done if you grabbed his ass.

[JaChelle Sugar]

Sprung one and raped her. his widdle manly self couldn't resist the temptation, duh.

[FloraDoraDolly]

He sounds like a great catch... for Sarah Maxwell.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

1-He wants to save his kiss for his future wife and wants the next person he dates to be his future wife. Claimed he wanted this to avoid being hurt or hurting someone.

I used to think this kind of thing with cute. Now it's just insulting. I've gotten over much, much worse dished out to me by intimate partners and it's demeaning that someone thinks I can't handle a kiss. Nor would I want to date someone who's going to get hungup over it.

[salsa]

uuuh How is : O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the covert of the cliff, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely Not a metaphor for sex.

The whole dang BOOK is rife with sexual innuendo!!! There's at least 4 mentions of kissing. Or how her lover's lips taste, so i'm pretty sure they were at LEAST making out.... O_o

I seriously have NO idea how fundies claim this is about G-d's love for us, its seriously ALL SEX. (which I dig!)

Biblical literalists do not take this book literally. Instead, it's a metaphor for God's relationship with his people. Yeah; I've been to Bible studies about "warrior brides." I mentioned it on Anna T's blog and she said the same thing - that it's about God's relationship with Israel (same thing, sans Jesus). :roll:

[ladidah]

That's one tradition, stretching far back into early Catholicism.

Another approach common in evangelicalism is taking it very literally, parsing it verse by verse and shredding the metaphors to pick out explicit details on what the lovers do. You can then use it to prooftext your reasons for saying that, for example, oral sex is in the Bible. In that version, it's all good as long as you insist the lovers are married.

[deelaem]

Sprung one and raped her. his widdle manly self couldn't resist the temptation, duh.

What the hell does this mean?

[samurai_sarah]

(snip) He wants to save his kiss for his future wife and wants the next person he dates to be his future wife. Claimed he wanted this to avoid being hurt or hurting someone.

(snip)

Meh. Of course no one wants to get hurt, and I imagine most people don't want to hurt others, but the idea that this is somehow failsafe is rather silly. In real life, there are no guarantees, and the best of intentions can go horribly wrong. It just sounds immature to me to think that one's intentions are all it takes.

[fluttershies]

That's one tradition, stretching far back into early Catholicism.

Another approach common in evangelicalism is taking it very literally, parsing it verse by verse and shredding the metaphors to pick out explicit details on what the lovers do. You can then use it to prooftext your reasons for saying that, for example, oral sex is in the Bible. In that version, it's all good as long as you insist the lovers are married.

I myself consider it to be *both*. It's a celebration of sex as a God-given gift AND the relationship between Christ and His Bride. Many parts of the Bible, eg some Psalms, are about both the now and the still to come.