Disgusting convo I had with a woman - Men and child care

[snarkbillie]

I have 2 kids and mostly my husband and I trade off to take care of him (he works on days I don't and I work on days he doesn't, etc.) but sometimes we both have to do something so a friend of the family who works as a nanny takes care of them. He's a great guy. I jokingly call him our "manny". Well, this evening the manny and I took the kids to a function and we were talking to a woman who was, I assume, fundie-lite. She assumed Mr. Manny was my husband and I corrected her that my husband was working but that he was our manny and we were just out with the kids. When he got up to go to the bathroom she pulled me aside and told me how she would NEVER let a man watch her kids because they might get molested. She said she never left them home with her husband or even let her older sons watch her younger daughters due to "too much temptation". I was shocked and sickened. While I do realize that most child molesting goes on between the victim and someone they know very well.....the idea that most men can be "tempted" by children makes me ill. I don't even want to think about how damaging it is for her husband to feel like he's a threat to his own kids or how sad it is that those kids will never have "dad time" like going to the store or watching kung-fu movies while mom is out with friends, or even how horrible it is for her to imply to her teenage sons that she doesn't trust them around their own sisters! Yuck! The whole thing has my dander up!

I told her I thought she was being a little weird about this and she directed me to James Dobson where they say not to let males watch kids.

drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=9b198c56-587c-437c-9686-5fdf42779187

I think this all is just whackadoodle! What do you think?

[nomi]

Except for one woman, my favorite baby sitters were my dad's male friends. They liked to get down and dirty and had no problems throwing me on their surfboard and taking me out and surfing with me. I love my Uncle G and Uncle S.

[snarkbillie]

Yeah, the Manny is pretty cool. He's all about diet coke fountains and jello filled balloon fights and silly string. I'm too tired to do most of that and my husband is too much of a neat freak to really let any of that go on. The kids really need some stuff like that, you know? I don't hang with my extended fam. so the Manny is like an uncle to them.

[Beb]

I told her I thought she was being a little weird about this and she directed me to James Dobson where they say not to let males watch kids.

drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=9b198c56-587c-437c-9686-5fdf42779187

I think this all is just whackadoodle! What do you think?

As much as I abhor James Dobson, the link you provided does not contain any statement like what that person quoted to you. Did you follow the link?

Here's what Weirdo Dobson (or the site) says:

What about leaving your kids with babysitters? Is that wise?

I think it is relatively safe to leave children with mature adolescent girls, although they should be told they cannot invite their boyfriends to come over. I would not recommend leaving kids of either sex with teenage boys since there is so much going on sexually within males at that age. Although there might be no problem most of the time, you must do all that you can to make sure that the devastation of child abuse does not occur even once in your children’s entire childhood.

So it's not referring to "all" males--only teenage boys.

IMO, not necessarily a completely fair statement, however.

[snarkbillie]

As much as I abhor James Dobson, the link you provided does not contain any statement like what that person quoted to you. Did you follow the link?

Here's what Weirdo Dobson (or the site) says:

So it's not referring to "all" males--only teenage boys.

IMO, not necessarily a completely fair statement, however.

She was being all "no males will ever watch my kids!!" while Mr. Dobson is being all "teenage boys will rape your children!" both of which I find whackadoodle.

[Beb]

Not only does she sound whackadoodle, her comprehension skills are lacking.

And, again, your interpretation of the Dobson link quote is also incorrect. It did not say that.

Also again, I don't necessarily agree with the link's premise.

[snarkbillie]

There is that. I'm googling around to see if I can find any other statements by him on the subject but what I keep finding are blogs about people talking about some book he wrote where it talks about how teenage boys can let their hormones talk them into raping children and thus you should never let a teen be alone with kids. I knew Dobson was weird, but this is a whole new level of weirdness. I wonder why he's so worried about this. I work with teens as part of my job and I don't think any of them could be "convinced" by hormones to rape someone.

[FaustianSlip]

Oh, well, if the head of Focus on the Family says so....

Actually, never mind. That would actually prompt me to go out of my way to do the opposite of whatever he's suggesting. Dobson's an idiot and the woman in question is definitely loopy. Who the hell says that to a total stranger, anyway?

[snarkbillie]

I was almost set on saying "She thinks you're a potential child molester because you have a penis" when he got back to our table. I thought it would be really funny to see her reaction but then I realized it might make Manny uncomfortable and I care more about him than I care about trolling the weirdo....so there ya go.

[devilsadvocate]

I probably won't leave my kids unsupervised with a male other than their father when I have kids. I think it is valid to be concerned about males being around young kids unsupervised - even family. One reason I probably feel this way is because I experienced some inappropriate creepy behavior from my adolescent brother a few times while I was a kid. I don't believe that my brother is a pedophile - I think he was just curious about female bodies and didn't know of a more appropriate outlet for it. Nonetheless it was something I found very disturbing (and still do).

Child molestation is unfortunately VERY common in this society - more common that you might think, because so many cases are never reported and sometimes when the victim does report it people don't believe them. Unfortunately, child molesters don't have "Hi I'm a pervert" stamped on their heads. They act like normal people, nice guys. That's why there are so many people out there who have been victims of sexual abuse and molestation and why so many molesters get away with it.

I definitely believe that you don't want anything bad to happen to your kids. I hope nothing goes wrong. Nonetheless, I think it's not realistic to think "It could never happen to me!" Lots of single moms think that their new boyfriend is a nice guy, but yet I know many women who were molested when they were young by their mom's boyfriend or a stepfather (I do recognize that biological fathers can also be abusers; it's just my experience that I haven't met as many women who have had that unfortunate experience). There ARE a lot of men out there who are predators and can be deceiving about it.

[snarkbillie]

I was molested as a child so I understand it happens. I also don't think it's helpful to label all males potential rapists. Women molest too, by the way. I don't think there's any "extra safety" leaving a kid with their parents. Parents are the #1 abusers of children. I choose to trust my instincts and my friend until something changes. I think it's a travesty how many children are raised with a message that men are evil.

[ChickeyMonkey]

Yeah, the Manny is pretty cool. He's all about diet coke fountains and jello filled balloon fights and silly string. I'm too tired to do most of that and my husband is too much of a neat freak to really let any of that go on. The kids really need some stuff like that, you know? I don't hang with my extended fam. so the Manny is like an uncle to them.

This may be a stupid question, but how does one get the jello in the balloons? And are these, say, birthday-sized balloons or water balloons? My boys would love this! And I would too - as long as it's outdoors and in an easily cleaned area. :)

[SealFan1963]

Well hell, no wonder all these fundie women stay with their children 24/7. According to their rules, you can't leave your kids with men cause they will rape them and you can't leave them with a teenage girl cause will defraud your husband and because he is just a weak-willed man, he will have sex with her, she will get pregnant and then there will be a divorce.

I had the neighbor boy watch our children quite a few times, I had known him since he was 3 years old and trusted him completely. I also used to trade babysitting with a friend of ours who was a stay-at-home dad. Never had a single problem.

As a child the meanest babysitter I ever had was a 20 year old girl who would put me to bed as soon as my mother left so she could make out with her boyfriend. I still hate that Judy bitch.

[Elle]

Oh shit, our toddler crawled in bed with her daddy a while ago and they're sleeping in there. Should I go get her before he can't resist that supple little girl body?

That woman is messed up. It's not normal nor natural to be attracted to one's own offspring. Also women are capable of molestation and rape, and so that must make her a risk.

I do wonder if she was molested as a child, and that's why she doesn't even trust the father of her children to be alone with them.

[AnnieC 305]

Titus 1:15

I'm going to keep quoting their book at them (or at the lurkers) until they figure it out.

[kittypie]

Having been molested by a teenaged male babysitter, I suppose I am biased but not because of anything James Dobson said.

[Conuly]

This may be a stupid question, but how does one get the jello in the balloons?

I would imagine you use a funnel and pour it in before it sets.

[currywurst]

Um, hello, it was not any of that woman's business! Now, if I knew or reasonably suspected that someone was a child molester, and I knew that they were babysitting kids, then damn straight I would make it my business to go tell the parents. But really, you are not supposed to give your opinion on something like that.

Having said that, I am always a little suspicious of male babysitters these days for one reason: most men I know refuse to work with children or be around children they are not related to. The reason? they say just the mere accusation of doing something inappropriate with a child is enough to ruin you life, so why risk it.

[Juliakitty]

My own gateway fundy was a lot less crazy than most of the fundies FJ snarks on, but I thought it was weird that she wouldn't let her husband or sons change diapers. Most of her kids were boys and she had a ton of them, so all the diaper changing fell on herself and her 1 daughter who was old enough.

[snarkbillie]

This may be a stupid question, but how does one get the jello in the balloons? And are these, say, birthday-sized balloons or water balloons? My boys would love this! And I would too - as long as it's outdoors and in an easily cleaned area. :)

Water balloons. You make Jello and pour it into the balloons with a funnel. Tie them up and put them in the fridge overnight.

[Childless]

That woman is nuts. My husband is a stay at home dad and he would never molest our son. In fact, he does way better at being the stay at home parent than I would. He's a lot more patient with our toddler than I am. I try to be patient, by my type A personality gets the best of me sometimes.

I think it's unhealthy to look at all men as potential child molesters. I think its especially bad to do that when you have sons. Talk about a blow to their self-esteem. I would never imply to my son that I think he has the potential to do something like that to a child.

[Mama Mia]

This mistrust of all men and boys is so, so sad and damaging to EVERYONE involved.

Jeeze, sometimes I really, really miss the 70's when people just seemed so much more tolerant and less paranoid ! It can not possibly be good or healthy for children to grow up with so much fear of evil lurking everywhere.

[Daisy4]

I was the youngest and only girl growing up, I guess my mom was never supposed to let me out of her sight?

Amazingly I was never molested by my brothers or my dad! I used to go sleep in my brothers bed when I got scared at night, I wonder what the fundies would say about that.

[StarrieEyedKat]

Before I became a SAHM I worked with special ed kids, and a lot of the BEST therapists/teachers/caretakers were the guys that I worked with. Straight guys, gay guys, young guys, older guys - they were all universally loved by the kids, parents, and coworkers alike. A lot of the time these men are the only positive male role model or positive male relationship that kids have, and we shouldn't be side-eyeing every man in the world that wants to work with kids. Are there people out there that molest kids? Of course, it's all too prevalent, but we can't let the bad apples spoil it for everyone else. There is a sad shortage of men in these positions because of the mistrust, and the lack of them really sucks for everyone.

[ElphabaGalinda]

That woman is nuts. My husband is a stay at home dad and he would never molest our son. In fact, he does way better at being the stay at home parent than I would. He's a lot more patient with our toddler than I am. I try to be patient, by my type A personality gets the best of me sometimes.

I think it's unhealthy to look at all men as potential child molesters. I think its especially bad to do that when you have sons. Talk about a blow to their self-esteem. I would never imply to my son that I think he has the potential to do something like that to a child.

It's especially bad that she won't leave her younger daughters alone with her older sons...she's looking at her sons as potential molesters and I'm sure they know that's what she thinks. Her daughters will also have messed up relationships with their fathers and brothers if they catch on to what their mom is doing.