AnnaT making passive-aggressive swipes at her husband again?

[Guest Anonymous]

Over at Domestic Felicity, Anna has written another post about Pesach cleaning draining her emotionally and physically. In the comments of a pre-Pesach post, a reader reminded her that she was going to go less crazy this year and not clean the bathroom as thoroughly since no one eats chametz there.... Anna replied that her husband likes clean bathroom cabinets. And then launched a full on post-Pesach 'poor old me' post that she acknowledges that her friends read... so I am guessing the same applies to Mr Anna T.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall in her home, and observe the crazy first hand. :)

[2xx1xy1JD]

She's not coping well, is she?

I can tell you first hand that Passover prep is a pain in the tuchus, but it shouldn't be THAT overwhelming that she practically has a breakdown. Did we ever learn what her issues are?

As for passive-aggressive swipes - I tend to think that tons of fundie women bloggers make them, and generally make their husbands look like jerks. "My husband is a natural manly leader with a Kingly personality, and there have been many times that I have sought guidance through prayer" is just a fancy way of saying "My husband is a controlling ass who is constantly ordering me around, and instead of telling him where to shove it, I'm so desperate that I'm asking G-d to stop him or possibly strike him down. And yes, I want everyone to see me as a martyr and to have that image of me being so desperate that I'm praying because I'm at my wits' end whenever they look at my husband."

[Confused_by_religion]

She's not coping well, is she?

I can tell you first hand that Passover prep is a pain in the tuchus, but it shouldn't be THAT overwhelming that she practically has a breakdown. Did we ever learn what her issues are?

As for passive-aggressive swipes - I tend to think that tons of fundie women bloggers make them, and generally make their husbands look like jerks. "My husband is a natural manly leader with a Kingly personality, and there have been many times that I have sought guidance through prayer" is just a fancy way of saying "My husband is a controlling ass who is constantly ordering me around, and instead of telling him where to shove it, I'm so desperate that I'm asking G-d to stop him or possibly strike him down. And yes, I want everyone to see me as a martyr and to have that image of me being so desperate that I'm praying because I'm at my wits' end whenever they look at my husband."

I think the whole lifestyle trains women for passive-agressiveness. They CAN'T talk back (-> ungodly, unfeminine) but they have a lot of anger (-> high demands, no power). So, even the most self-disciplined Christian Sister will at some point turn to the god old snide remark to get some relief.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I think the whole lifestyle trains women for passive-agressiveness. They CAN'T talk back (-> ungodly, unfeminine) but they have a lot of anger (-> high demands, no power). So, even the most self-disciplined Christian Sister will at some point turn to the god old snide remark to get some relief.

Agreed.

I honestly think that the whole submissive doctrine is unfair to men as well. They aren't mind-readers. Instead of good communication, they get a wife who smiles on the outside and seethes on the inside. It also kills any opportunity to stop the husband from acting like a jerk.

I have a female relative who fell into this pattern, and it did no one any favors. The males in her life were not all evil - it's just that it's human nature not to change our ways if there is never any reason to change. When I pointed out problems to some of the male relatives, they actually did regret some of their behavior and started to improve.

[deelaem]

Agreed.

I honestly think that the whole submissive doctrine is unfair to men as well. They aren't mind-readers. Instead of good communication, they get a wife who smiles on the outside and seethes on the inside. It also kills any opportunity to stop the husband from acting like a jerk.

I have a female relative who fell into this pattern, and it did no one any favors. The males in her life were not all evil - it's just that it's human nature not to change our ways if there is never any reason to change. When I pointed out problems to some of the male relatives, they actually did regret some of their behavior and started to improve.

I debated responding to this, because there are a lot of "what about the menz!" posters on here. But I can't really feel bad for men in fundieland. They have so many more benefits than the women do that there's no comparison. They get to see the world outside, and they know their behavior is shitty. But they just spend their time finding Biblical verses to interpret to suit their needs. I think it's a far more serious and sadder thing to have a human being's will and individuality completely oppressed than it is to have them have to deal with a submissive and probably passive-aggressive mate.

[Guest Anonymous]

I don't doubt Mr Anna T. is probably an arrogant shit (I'm judging him for going looking for a 'helpmeet' in the first place); I just wish Anna would get mad at him instead of becoming 'ill' and (latterly) taking her frustration out on the children.

[emmiedahl]

I debated responding to this, because there are a lot of "what about the menz!" posters on here. But I can't really feel bad for men in fundieland. They have so many more benefits than the women do that there's no comparison. They get to see the world outside, and they know their behavior is shitty. But they just spend their time finding Biblical verses to interpret to suit their needs. I think it's a far more serious and sadder thing to have a human being's will and individuality completely oppressed than it is to have them have to deal with a submissive and probably passive-aggressive mate.

I am not one of the "what about the menz?" posters but I feel really bad for fundie men. Not as bad as I do for the women, of course. But the submission and strict gender roles stop both spouses from really having a partner. How can you ever relax around a "headship" who is supposed to be ordering you around or around a slave whose job is to agree with everything you say? And the strict roles put a lot of pressure on both partners. When my husband lost his job, I was able to buffer the loss of income by working. When I am busy with school or work, he picks up more of the childcare and housework. Fundie couples have these ultra-strict job descriptions that leave them unable to ever relax. There is none of the give and take that define most relationships.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I debated responding to this, because there are a lot of "what about the menz!" posters on here. But I can't really feel bad for men in fundieland. They have so many more benefits than the women do that there's no comparison. They get to see the world outside, and they know their behavior is shitty. But they just spend their time finding Biblical verses to interpret to suit their needs. I think it's a far more serious and sadder thing to have a human being's will and individuality completely oppressed than it is to have them have to deal with a submissive and probably passive-aggressive mate.

It's not a competition. I'm just pointing out that patriarchy is bad for relationships all around. The fact that it's also bad for men doesn't mean that it's not horrible for women - it just means that there are even more reasons to get rid of it.

Patriarchal cultures pressure men into obsessing about their "honor", which is just bad for everyone.

How do men know that their behavior is shitty? If you see your parents act a certain way, and everyone around you acts a certain way, and if your wife doesn't object when you act that way, what are the odds that you will wake up one morning and spontaneously realize the error of your ways? I've seen men make changes once they are confronted and challenged and educated[/i.]

Genuine equality doesn't just change who wins a power struggle - it changes the nature of relationships altogether, to allow any entirely different dynamic of communication and relationships.

[lilah]

Continued proof that anna does not have the personality for a big family especially with all her weird plot self made restrictions.

As for fundie men we've seen that they don't get a quality education, are forced away from jobs if they don't fit the fundie culture (ala john david and his dream of joining the air force). I also think there's an emotional burden toll for having to support a large family

[deelaem]

When did I say it was a competition?