The "I'm feeling hormonal today" excuse

[TXDuck]

I gotta agree with swamptribe. This is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves. How would you all feel if someone who was bipolar or schizophrenic went all crazy on a message board and then later was all, "I'm sorry, it was my schizophrenia that made me post inflammatory things"? You'd be like, "you need to get this under control."

Eh, maybe. Let's play this out a bit. Say you're schizophrenic. If you really know that the lamp post is not out to control your breathing habits, but you go off on lamp posts, then yeah, get that under control. Or if you know that the reality you are perceiving is in fact not reality, then you still have an obligation to find out what reality really is. But if you really, truly perceive the lamp posts as attempting to control your breathing, then the only thing you can do is apologize for your lamp post hate filled rant later on. And maybe don't mention why you thought the lamp posts were out to get you. Not everyone needs to know the whys behind the WTF moments. That's probably what it boils down to. PMS hormones are making you nuts. But you don't have to and probably shouldn't tell everyone why you're nuts right now. Just apologize for being nuts and clean up as much of the spill as you can.

[rhianna]

I agree with you one hundred percent, txduck. It's not so much the crazy behavior but the explanation of it that really bothers me. And the fact that, well, if you have a medical illness that makes you act wacko 25% of your life, then you really, really need to get it treated and controlled somehow. Lashing out and then apologizing repeatedly is not acceptable.

[PBrooke]

Considering that bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are illnesses, the poster is more than likely not going to realise it was their illness behind the episode because from their perspective, they are just acting normally.

Can we also not use the word 'crazy' please? http://disabledfeminists.com/2010/05/17 ... ile-crazy/

Yeah, I had a feeling I'd get called out on that after I posted. Sorry - it was what I called it 10-15 years ago when this all started, and I tend to think of it that way to this day. I also personally think there's a difference between saying "I felt literally crazy" because it's demonstrating just how irrational you feel, and between saying "I am crazy" or "So and so is crazy"... but that's quibbling, and it's easier to eliminate altogether.

[TXDuck]

I agree with you one hundred percent, txduck. It's not so much the crazy behavior but the explanation of it that really bothers me. And the fact that, well, if you have a medical illness that makes you act wacko 25% of your life, then you really, really need to get it treated and controlled somehow. Lashing out and then apologizing repeatedly is not acceptable.

Well, yeah, but even with meds and coping skills, sometimes you perceive reality in a way that it just isn't and you lash out. Like all chronic illnesses, you can keep it under control but sometimes you still have flairs/episodes/breaks. However, the other side of this coin is to recognize you need to keep it as under control as you can.

[Swamptribe]

Honestly, the reason I phrased it the way I did was because I didn't want to be perceived as singling out any other posters or poster. Just kind of tried to be as neutral as possible, which obviously backfired.

[2xx1xy1JD]

my mother used to do the SAME thing to me.

I have ADHD and it was either "are you getting your period" or "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS". Its sickening really, apparently i'm not allowed to show any emotion, period. /threadjack

Do we share a mother?

As a little kid, I got "are you cranky because you need a nap?"

As a teen, that changed to "What's REALLY bothering you? When your period due?"

It was annoying as hell....and oddly effective. For one thing, I would often realize that I had PMS. For another, we learned pretty quickly that if we got obviously angry, we'd lose the argument

I've used my moms technique a lot of the years. For one thing, I don't think that any productive discussion happens when one person is totally angry or otherwise overwhelmed, and you do sometimes need to deal with physical issues and getting everyone calm first. After I got married, I quickly figured out that my hubby and I always got into stupid fights when he was sleep-deprived. Soon, I just started to refuse to talk about anything with him when he was coming off of a 30 hour shift, and said that we'd talk after he slept. Best of all, I was able to use the line on my mother when she was going through menopause and acting just a bit psycho. She was NOT happy about it, but she realized that I was right and that she was going out of control.

Oh, and the other never-fail, annoying-yet-effective technique for any argument is to put on your teacher voice, and drop a grade level whenever you don't like the response that you get. Unlike yelling, you can't actually get in trouble for it, but it annoys the hell of out people.

Re the OP: I do know people who really do react to hormones in a pretty obvious way.

My middle daughter is like that. She's amazingly mature and emotionally steady...so when I'd see her start crying for no reason, it caught both of us off guard. We quickly figured out that it was hormonal. It's not an excuse, really, but something to be aware of because she's learning to recognize when she needs a break, and we are learning to recognize it too.

I used to spend a lot of time on a board run by a woman with severe PCOS, and she would periodically go off the deep end. Sometimes, after the fact, she'd apologize and explain that she had just dealt with X health issue. I sympathized a bit, but I also started to spend less time on that board and she alienated enough people to slow things to a crawl. I think she would have actually benefited from being MORE aware of the fact that she was being hormonal - maybe she would have learned to step away from the computer during those times and take a deep breath. Instead, I saw her alienate friends and get emotionally wounded.

[Third]

My husband always knows I'm pregnant because I start hysterically crying and then get extremely angry over something really stupid.

My cycles used to be insane before medication. I was a mess.

Sure women use it as an excuse. Oh I'm on my period...

[SpeakNow]

Slightly off-topic, but I misread the title of the thread as "The 'I'm feeling homosexual today' excuse." Suffice to say, I was confused.

[apple1]

I also didn't get how disruptive menopause could be with the breaking into a drenching sweat at random times, feeling like I've been set on fire and, oh yeah, horrible irritability and mood swings - until about 6 months ago when my one remaining ovary apparently decided it wanted to make my life hell.

It is really easy to say people use something as a crutch -- until you are put in that situation.

Glad you brought up this "hormonal" issue. Especially since the hot "flash" (misnomer of a word if there ever was such a thing) is preceded by a panic attack/adrenaline release/nausea/massive release of stress chemicals. Which disrupts sleep patterns massively. BTW I bite my tongue several times a day, until that episode passes.

Be interesting to see what some think once they reach this stage of life.

[smores]

Uhm, actually, crying "I'm hormonal and can't be responsible because of PMS" is reinforcing the misogynistic idea that women are mentally unstable. Which is my whole point.

Who the fuck said they weren't responsible? I'm responsible for what happens when I have hormonal fluctuations. I am not responsible for my body directing my hormones to change my mood.

So what exactly should I be doing? I just need to suck it up, even though it is something beyond my control? I always apologize for any arguments I cause while suffering from PMDD, I always know it is MY FAULT, and I am getting better about knowing when it may happen - but what else can I do? It IS close to being a mental issue that is due to me being a woman! I don't like patriarchy any more than you do but how the hell is it misogynistic to have a disorder that happens to women that involves hormones? I just don't understand.

[Sunnichick31]

I don't know if I get as upset about that one but it does irk. What bothers me more is when adults are all "DON'T TALK TO ME BEFORE I'VE HAD MY COFFEE!!" because I know that half of them would beat the every loving shit out of their toddler if they threw a tantrum like that. I think adults should have more control over their interactions than they expect from kids.

OT but I get pissed when people refer to their husband as "the big kid"...WTF ladies?! He's a grown fucking adult. You married his ass, at least treat him with the same amount of respect you demand! My husband isn't a child, I didn't marry a child.

I agree. I don't get why people need coffee before they can be spoken to. WTH? I mean, I understand that a lot of people need a few minutes to actually wake up in the morning (myself included.) but acting bitchy and childish just cause you haven't had caffeine? Really?

And I can't say I've ever heard of women refering to their husbands as kids, but the idea of it annoys me.

[spragger]

I agree. I don't get why people need coffee before they can be spoken to. WTH? I mean, I understand that a lot of people need a few minutes to actually wake up in the morning (myself included.) but acting bitchy and childish just cause you haven't had caffeine? Really?

And I can't say I've ever heard of women refering to their husbands as kids, but the idea of it annoys me.

I don't like talking much in the morning until I've had some coffee to wake me up. I have trouble sleeping because of a seizure disorder so I wake up really tired even if I've been sleeping all night. Some people just don't jump out of bed chatty. Some of my relatives chatter away at the breakfast table tho. If I have to wake with an alarm they just know I'm probably going to respond with one word answers for awhile. Ofc it's rude to tell people "don't talk to me" but it seems equally rude to demand somebody interact with you if they aren't interested.

[deelaem]

I gotta agree with swamptribe. This is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves. How would you all feel if someone who was bipolar or schizophrenic went all crazy on a message board and then later was all, "I'm sorry, it was my schizophrenia that made me post inflammatory things"? You'd be like, "you need to get this under control."

I think the fact that PMS is just so common makes acting like an ass more acceptable.

Oh my god, what an incredibly insensitive thing to say! Do you know anything about what goes into "controlling" a person's mental illness? Do you even realize how hard it is for people with mental illness to even get proper treatment? Shit alive, would you tell a person who was yelling in pain from a physical illness to "get it under control"?

Do some research on what being seriously mentally ill really means before you go shooting off your mouth like that.

[Guest Anonymous]

Oh my god, what an incredibly insensitive thing to say! Do you know anything about what goes into "controlling" a person's mental illness? Do you even realize how hard it is for people with mental illness to even get proper treatment? Shit alive, would you tell a person who was yelling in pain from a physical illness to "get it under control"?

Do some research on what being seriously mentally ill really means before you go shooting off your mouth like that.

rhianna said something that made me give them serious side eye on a different topic in regards to a mental illness. I commented on it but gave them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't mean it to come off the way it did. In light of this post, I'm revoking that.

rhianna - check yourself on this subject. You are being ableist and gross and wrong.

[spragger]

rhianna said something that made me give them serious side eye on a different topic in regards to a mental illness. I commented on it but gave them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't mean it to come off the way it did. In light of this post, I'm revoking that.

rhianna - check yourself on this subject. You are being ableist and gross and wrong.

Also, I'm pretty sure this is not even what OP swamptribe was saying at all.

[Dinaberries]

rhianna said something that made me give them serious side eye on a different topic in regards to a mental illness. I commented on it but gave them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't mean it to come off the way it did. In light of this post, I'm revoking that.

rhianna - check yourself on this subject. You are being ableist and gross and wrong.

Holy shit...it took me a while to realize that she wasn't being sarcastic! Rhianna, what you said was disgusting. I'm really shocked that not only in this age of information, that there are still people who feel the way you do about the mentally ill, but that you actually seem to think that your views are the norm.

[SealFan1963]

I'm perimenopausal and there are some days I know I'm feeling coo-coo for cocoa puffs and try to remain in control. Then there are other days that I have no idea that I am a raging bitch that could easily fling the fridge across the room. I was the same way after childbirth but not on my periods. So sometimes hormones are a good excuse because if people don't like it they can be set on fire and dragged down the street like a sofa

This is me too. I'm perimenopausal and I also had horrible PPD after I gave birth to my kids. Hormones are part of what make life fun! :roll:

[pomology]

Recognizing that your hormones influence your emotions, and not letting emotions control your behavior, is being a responsible owner of a human body.

Yeah, this. Like many other women on this thread, I have PMS that just makes me fucking batshit. I start crying and screaming and feeling shitty when there is absolutely no reason to feel shitty. I hate it. My parents, who are pretty much the only people that see me/hear me at my craziest understand that I'm suffering from something beyond my control and cut me slack. With everyone else, I can normally keep my grip, but still feel like shit.

Understand that what is causing this reaction is crucial for me dealing with this. If I didn't understand why I was feeling crazy I would spiral into an anxiety tailspin that just might make me into the stereotype that misogynists put forth. But because I understand what's happening to me, I can just be like "WTF self, you are blowing this way out of fucking proportion. Things are fine and this shitty feeling will go away, soon, so just calm down and be nicer to yourself."

As others have said, being hormonal is an explanation for how I act sometimes, not an excuse. Mostly it just makes me feel really terrible inside. And sometimes feeling terrible inside causes me have bad reactions to shit. I try be aware of my hormones precisely so that I can be a responsible human being in control of my reactions.

[Zoom]

Back in the day, I was on Yasmin for those extra-fun PMDD symptoms or whatever they're calling it now. I always called it the crazy. Yes, my periods would last longer than a full week, yes I'd be throwing up from the pain, but also once in awhile I'd become completely irrational. I mean COMPLETELY. Screaming and obsessive and full of rage. Once I was put on those pills, all symptoms all but disappeared in a poof of smoke.

My mother had the crazy too, though she assured me it went away by the time she was 30 (little consolation when you're 19). I finally went off birth control pills earlier this year, and I was terrified that all these problems would come back - the pain, the rage. I'm not too far away from 30 myself, and low and behold, everything's been entirely manageable, even the cramping. But when I'm feeling particularly one-track-minded and I COULD be PMSing, I tend to throw in "maybe I'm just hormonal but." Because the thing is, when you're irrational, you really CAN'T TELL you are. Maybe after six, or eight months, maybe I'll slip back into one of those rages before I know it. The bad memories mean that the possibility is always hovering over my shoulder.

Are we the same person?!

I get annoyed when people trivialise what for me is a very real medical condition. I don't use it as an excuse. I use it as an explanation. Usually accompanied by an appology. I had a very stressful week last week. One I should have been able to handle much better, but I was also in PMS mode. I had to appologise several times for my behaviour. I knew it was wrong, I knew it was wrong as I was saying it, but I just could not stop myself. It isn't an excuse. It is an explanation.

[rhianna]

Holy shit...it took me a while to realize that she wasn't being sarcastic! Rhianna, what you said was disgusting. I'm really shocked that not only in this age of information, that there are still people who feel the way you do about the mentally ill, but that you actually seem to think that your views are the norm.

I posted something but it disappeared. Anyways, as someone who was hospitalized for a suicide attempt, I am pretty sure I have some idea of the consequences of mental health issues. That being said, I firmly believe every individual is responsible for everything they do or say, and have individual responsibilties to get treatment. Mental illness is not an excuse to be rude, violent or inappropriate.

[rhianna]

Upon reflection, my posts are sacrificing nuance for the sake of forcefulness. While I understand that mental illness (including PMDD) can cause people to behave in wide variety of ways which we consider outside the norm for human interaction through no fault of the individual's own, and I do think we shouldn't hold say, chronic schizophrenics, responsible for their actions to the same extent as mentally-healthy people, again, I think it's absolutely reasonable to tell most people with mental illness responsible for their actions within reason.

Or do you all think it's okay to post inflammatory things on message boards just cause you're feeling "hormonal"?

[BelieveinScience]

I posted something but it disappeared. Anyways, as someone who was hospitalized for a suicide attempt, I am pretty sure I have some idea of the consequences of mental health issues. That being said, I firmly believe every individual is responsible for everything they do or say, and have individual responsibilties to get treatment. Mental illness is not an excuse to be rude, violent or inappropriate.

It's never okay to make a mockery of someone with a mental illness. Even though you've had a suicide attempt it still gives you no right to judge someone else with a mental illness or like I said-make a mockery of it.

Many people don't even realize they have a mental illness. Guess what? I didn't know I had depression or OCD or an anxiety disorder until a medical professional pointed it out based on things I was telling them! I had NO clue- I thought I was normal.

Are you aware of what goes into medicating someone with a mental illness? Are you aware of some of the horrid side effects that goes along with treating something like bipolar, schizophrenia, or even something like depression? Furthermore, some people, like myself, are allergic to most medications used to treat psychological disorders. I'm just lucky enough to be aware of my actions 95 percent of the time, but what about the schizophrenic who is allergic to the medications? Should he still be held accountable to everything he's ever done even though he's not aware of it? Or should we just make fun of him.

I've been battling depression an anxiety disorder since I was a toddler, depression since 5th grade and OCD since I was in high school. Most people don't know about my mental issues and the ones that do look at me different- they don't see me as a person but rather a thing. It's a sucky feeling. I've even had friends call me names like "psycho" and have never apologized for what they did because they don't get what the big deal is.

Maybe instead of sitting there making a mockery out of psychological disorders, since you have one, you can educate people on what its like to live with a mental illness and how its not this fun thing to make fun of. I certaintly don't enjoy my mental disorder and I'd imagine people other mental illness don't enjoy it either. It's a hard road to travel down and with a society who is not really supportive of people with mental illnesses-it's even harder.

[rhianna]

It's never okay to make a mockery of someone with a mental illness. Even though you've had a suicide attempt it still gives you no right to judge someone else with a mental illness or like I said-make a mockery of it.

Many people don't even realize they have a mental illness. Guess what? I didn't know I had depression or OCD or an anxiety disorder until a medical professional pointed it out based on things I was telling them! I had NO clue- I thought I was normal.

Are you aware of what goes into medicating someone with a mental illness? Are you aware of some of the horrid side effects that goes along with treating something like bipolar, schizophrenia, or even something like depression? Furthermore, some people, like myself, are allergic to most medications used to treat psychological disorders. I'm just lucky enough to be aware of my actions 95 percent of the time, but what about the schizophrenic who is allergic to the medications? Should he still be held accountable to everything he's ever done even though he's not aware of it? Or should we just make fun of him.

I've been battling depression an anxiety disorder since I was a toddler, depression since 5th grade and OCD since I was in high school. Most people don't know about my mental issues and the ones that do look at me different- they don't see me as a person but rather a thing. It's a sucky feeling. I've even had friends call me names like "psycho" and have never apologized for what they did because they don't get what the big deal is.

Maybe instead of sitting there making a mockery out of psychological disorders, since you have one, you can educate people on what its like to live with a mental illness and how its not this fun thing to make fun of. I certaintly don't enjoy my mental disorder and I'd imagine people other mental illness don't enjoy it either. It's a hard road to travel down and with a society who is not really supportive of people with mental illnesses-it's even harder.

How am I making a "mockery" of anything?

[JesusFightClub]

LOL, a male comrade of mine just came back from a *seriously* offensive thing he said to me with "Oh, it was just my hormones." He is not getting forgiven in a hurry.

[BelieveinScience]

How am I making a "mockery" of anything?

Did you not even read what you've been writing?

Things you've said-

God she's so bipolar. This was like the most normal, sane, inoffensive post. And then she'll come out with something about how victims of school shootings deserved it for going to ebil public school.

I gotta agree with swamptribe. This is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves. How would you all feel if someone who was bipolar or schizophrenic went all crazy on a message board and then later was all, "I'm sorry, it was my schizophrenia that made me post inflammatory things"? You'd be like, "you need to get this under control."

I agree with you one hundred percent, txduck. It's not so much the crazy behavior but the explanation of it that really bothers me. And the fact that, well, if you have a medical illness that makes you act wacko 25% of your life, then you really, really need to get it treated and controlled somehow. Lashing out and then apologizing repeatedly is not acceptable.

How is diagnosing someone through the internet, referring to someone with a mental illness as a Wacko, "went all crazy", not making a mockery of mental illness?