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The "I'm feeling hormonal today" excuse


Swamptribe

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It's not an excuse. And it shouldn't be thrown out by someone else to discount an opinion or statement.

But it is real chemistry. Every bit as real as the brain chemistries involved in mental health.

Yes, and it's been used, and is still used, as a reason to claim women aren't responsible adults. The whole "hormonal" thing plays right into the patriarchy mindset. It's a crutch, and saddens me to see adult women posting here using it as such.

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I get migraines. The doctor recently made a change in my blood pressure meds, and that seems to have taken care of them.

I'm not saying there are not physical effects from our cycles. What I'm saying is, we have to stop using said cycles as a crutch. If we want to be viewed as responsible adults, we have to act as responsible adults.

I believe that such excuses are a detriment to women because for too long, women were considered unreasonable because of their emotional hormonal natures. The ole canard that 'well, women aren't emotionally stable enough to make the important decisions'.

Severe PMS/PMDD is an ILLNESS. How the fuck is having an illness using it as a crutch? If your body is making you act irrationally then you can't help it. It has nothing to do with being viewed as being a responsible adult. As someone who has depression and missed a lot of my studies because of it, the 'responsible adult' line annoys me because suffering from an illness is not the same as not taking responsibility for your actions.

Women were considered prone to being over-emotional because female anatomy was not understood - hysteria coming from the same root as hysterectomy, for example. It was believed that HAVING A UTERUS made you emotional, not hormones. A woman suffering from PMDD shouldn't be shamed for it because doctors used to be ignorant of anatomy.

You saying that brain chemistry is used as a crutch is dangerously close to suggesting that mental illness is also a crutch.

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Yes, and it's been used, and is still used, as a reason to claim women aren't responsible adults. The whole "hormonal" thing plays right into the patriarchy mindset. It's a crutch, and saddens me to see adult women posting here using it as such.
What the hell would you like us to do instead? I don't go to my boss and say "You have to excuse my behavior, I'm PMSing." It's not an excuse for any bad behavior on my part. And I don't use it as such. It can't/shouldn't be used to discount my feminist views. I do everything I can to keep the crazy under control. But here's the thing about crazy. Sometimes, you are the last person to be aware that you're crazy.

edited for clarity.

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Ok this is probably going to get me in deep trouble but I gotta say something.

We get all uppity about women's rights here. Nothing wrong with that. Then I read posters, over and over again, using the excuse "I'm hormonal". Does anyone else cringe when the read someone throwing out such an excuse? Is this really the image modern independent women should be projecting "don't mess with me today, I'm hormonal!"

Talk about setting the women's movement back a few steps.

I don't know if I get as upset about that one but it does irk. What bothers me more is when adults are all "DON'T TALK TO ME BEFORE I'VE HAD MY COFFEE!!" because I know that half of them would beat the every loving shit out of their toddler if they threw a tantrum like that. I think adults should have more control over their interactions than they expect from kids.

I don't spank at all, but if my kid screamed at me like that in the morning we'd have a pretty good talk about respect and how NOT to treat other human beings.

OT but I get pissed when people refer to their husband as "the big kid"...WTF ladies?! He's a grown fucking adult. You married his ass, at least treat him with the same amount of respect you demand! My husband isn't a child, I didn't marry a child.

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Some women have PMS so severe they have to take meds for it. Just sayin'.

Yeah, I get PMDD and it is hard to control my moods during that time so I might feel really shitty and violent but it doesn't mean I have to act shitty and violent. I'll often tell the people in my house that I'm having a "short fuse" type of day and they'll steer clear. However, no amount of hormones will ever be an excuse for me to treat someone terribly. I apologize when I go all haywire because while hormones contribute I'm always the one who makes the choice to be a heinous bitch.

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Yes, and it's been used, and is still used, as a reason to claim women aren't responsible adults. The whole "hormonal" thing plays right into the patriarchy mindset. It's a crutch, and saddens me to see adult women posting here using it as such.

Ah, and here's where I tell you to fuck off. And don't worry, it's not fueled by hormones.

Let me tell you something. Whoever compared PMDD to a mental illness is making a fair comparison. I was perfectly capable with living an adult life even in the worst times of my screaming and crazy moments; however, it was hard on my personal life. Admitting that I had issues - which I then saw a doctor to treat, which have dissipated, but which I am still on the lookout for because it hasn't been all that long since I was med-free - is no different than someone doing the same with their depression or anxiety disorder. Remaining quiet about it because you "Don't want to give women a bad name" is potentially harmful to your health.

It's only fairly recently that PMDD was acknowledged as an actual, life-affecting issue, instead of just someone who "couldn't handle" normal hormonal fluctuation. I'm getting similar vibes off you.

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Knew I'd be stepping in it with this thread. We're only two pages in, and personal attacks have started already.

Well, at least some posters have gotten the idea.

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Guest Anonymous
Knew I'd be stepping in it with this thread. We're only two pages in, and personal attacks have started already.

Well, at least some posters have gotten the idea.

I don't know what you mean by the emboldened part, but it sounds very rude and dismissive to those who have given thought to what they have said, even though they disagree with you. If you want a discourse on this subject, please engage less dismissively of other posters.

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Well, at least some posters have gotten the idea.
What idea is it you'd like us to get? Is there someone in this thread that promotes or supports or even winks at this "protect us/themselves from the hormonal women" nonsense? Cuz I'm not really seeing that. What I am seeing is "Sometimes it's hard not to be crazy but we all still have the obligation to not be crazy."

You can't seriously be suggesting that PMDD doesn't really exist.

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I'm going to give you an example of what I mean from this very board. Haven't done so yet because I didn't want anyone in particular to feel I was attacking them. I don't remember who the particular posters were, that's actually irrelevant to the argument. I don't care who the posters or poster was and I'm not particularly picking on you.

Recently on this board there was a thread in which a poster was attacking someone, on that persons facebook page or twitter account, for something offense said person had posted. To paraphrase, they repeated more than once "I'm hormonal, so I'm gonna keep responding until maybe they ban me from their page".

Just before starting this thread, I saw somebody else use the same excuse in a different thread.

This is what I mean by using the excuse "I'm hormonal" as an excuse. When did it become socially acceptable to excuse bad behavior or to abuse others because one is PMSing? Or for any reason? Just because it's a female hormonal disorder doesn't make it any more acceptable as an excuse than alcoholism or any other disease.

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I'm going to give you an example of what I mean from this very board. Haven't done so yet because I didn't want anyone in particular to feel I was attacking them. I don't remember who the particular posters were, that's actually irrelevant to the argument. I don't care who the posters or poster was and I'm not particularly picking on you.

Recently on this board there was a thread in which a poster was attacking someone, on that persons facebook page or twitter account, for something offense said person had posted. To paraphrase, they repeated more than once "I'm hormonal, so I'm gonna keep responding until maybe they ban me from their page".

Just before starting this thread, I saw somebody else use the same excuse in a different thread.

This is what I mean by using the excuse "I'm hormonal" as an excuse.

Then say that, instead of implying that women with PMDD are an affront to feminism or any other ableist bullshit.

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Then say that, instead of implying that women with PMDD are an affront to feminism or any other ableist bullshit.

That is exactly what I said. And it is an affront to feminism to use 'I"m hormonal" as an excuse for bad behavior.

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That is exactly what I said. And it is an affront to feminism to use 'I"m hormonal" as an excuse for bad behavior.
That's not exactly what you said though. What you said was
The whole "hormonal" thing plays right into the patriarchy mindset. It's a crutch, and saddens me to see adult women posting here using it as such.
when no one here (as in this thread) said that it was an excuse.
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That is exactly what I said. And it is an affront to feminism to use 'I"m hormonal" as an excuse for bad behavior.

You should have said it in the initial post.

I'm not saying there are not physical effects from our cycles. What I'm saying is, we have to stop using said cycles as a crutch. If we want to be viewed as responsible adults, we have to act as responsible adults.

I believe that such excuses are a detriment to women because for too long, women were considered unreasonable because of their emotional hormonal natures. The ole canard that 'well, women aren't emotionally stable enough to make the important decisions'.

If someone has PMDD then they can be very emotionally unstable. That is not their fault. It is the REASON behind subsequent 'bad behaviour', not an excuse. Blaming people for what their bodies do to them is ableist. Telling women that their hormonal difficulties make them an affront to feminism is misogyny. You act like it's women's fault that men used to think women weren't emotionally stable enough to make important decisions, when it was ignorance of how women's bodies work.

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You should have said it in the initial post.

If someone has PMDD then they can be very emotionally unstable. That is not their fault. It is the REASON behind subsequent 'bad behaviour', not an excuse. Blaming people for what their bodies do to them is ableist. Telling women that their hormonal difficulties make them an affront to feminism is misogyny. You act like it's women's fault that men used to think women weren't emotionally stable enough to make important decisions, when it was ignorance of how women's bodies work.

Uhm, actually, crying "I'm hormonal and can't be responsible because of PMS" is reinforcing the misogynistic idea that women are mentally unstable. Which is my whole point.

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Uhm, actually, crying "I'm hormonal and can't be responsible because of PMS" is reinforcing the misogynistic idea that women are mentally unstable. Which is my whole point.

I think what I and other posters have said is that there's a difference between saying "I can't be responsible because of PMS" and "I'm acknowledging I may be interpreting this in the most inflammatory or aggressive way because of this issue I have".

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Uhm, actually, crying "I'm hormonal and can't be responsible because of PMS" is reinforcing the misogynistic idea that women are mentally unstable. Which is my whole point.
I see. I agree to a point. With people that aren't the spouse and best friend, I usually just apologize. However, I feel like those two people deserve an explanation. And if we're around just like-minded women, I don't see anything terribly problematic with "Don't mind me, it's my crazy day."
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Men have hormones too. The myth that patriarchy supports is that men somehow aren't influenced by their biochemistry, but women are.

Or if men behave badly because of their biochemistry, it's somehow still women's fault - that is the basis of the whole modesty trap. If a man sees an alluring woman, he falls victim to lust, so it's up to women to police their behavior.

Recognizing that your hormones influence your emotions, and not letting emotions control your behavior, is being a responsible owner of a human body.

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Men have hormones too. The myth that patriarchy supports is that men somehow aren't influenced by their biochemistry, but women are.

Or if men behave badly because of their biochemistry, it's somehow still women's fault - that is the basis of the whole modesty trap. If a man sees an alluring woman, he falls victim to lust, so it's up to women to police their behavior.

Recognizing that your hormones influence your emotions, and not letting emotions control your behavior, is being a responsible owner of a human body.

QFT

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No, it's an affront to civilisation to use any sort of chemical imbalance as an excuse for bad behaviour that you yourself secretly know you could have controlled but chose not to, and it's acceptable to explain that a hormonal imbalance is a reason for a predisposition to a particular type of behaviour, especially when you know that you are doing your damnedest to deal with it.

That crosses gender, doesn't it? There's no difference between the woman who resorts to the 'frail, incapable hormonally driven little woman' paradigm and the man who blames his sexual harassment of women or his uncontrollable responses to them on his testosterone surges being triggered by their clothing.

Hormonal levels can be a reason for behaviour. A lot od 'behaviour' is chemically moderated.

So endorphins flooding your limbic sysytem post exercise are a reason for feeling euphoric, not an excuse

Low blood sugar / hypoglycaemia is a reason many people become irritable, not an excuse for irritability.

A drop in progesterone levels post partum is a reason why many women suffering from the baby blues, PPD or PPP, not an excuse for their depression.

Opening your mouth and inserting both feet, posting un-thought-out bullshit, behaving like an idiot on a board, and then regretting it later and trying to redeem yourself by pleading you were hormonal may well be an excuse for bad behaviour, and may equally not be true - it's just something to say when you haven't the courage to offer an apology for your stupidity.

Explaining that you are suffering from a hormonal imbalance and are therefore feeling sensitive, acknowledging that you may need to moderate your behaviour because of it, and doing something about it - like choosing not to post idiocies when you're not thinking straight, is giving a reason.

Interestingly, as several posters have said previously when discussing someone who did use this as an excuse, there is a clear difference in people's minds here between people who use excuses and people who give reasons, and anyone who usually gives reasons but who appears to be behaving out of character gets cut some slack and given an opportunity to explain.

What was your reason for posting this in the first place? You're saying that it has descended into ad hominem attacks very quickly - do you think you could have worded your OP differently to stop this happening?

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I gotta agree with swamptribe. This is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves. How would you all feel if someone who was bipolar or schizophrenic went all crazy on a message board and then later was all, "I'm sorry, it was my schizophrenia that made me post inflammatory things"? You'd be like, "you need to get this under control."

I think the fact that PMS is just so common makes acting like an ass more acceptable.

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How would you all feel if someone who was bipolar or schizophrenic went all crazy on a message board and then later was all, "I'm sorry, it was my schizophrenia that made me post inflammatory things"? You'd be like, "you need to get this under control."

If they genuinely had a mental illness I think we'd be quite concerned - as some people were about Mark Dreher.

I also think when we have been faced with something like that we make a distinction between trolling and possible mental health issues beyond the person's control.

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I used to be one of those who thought women complained too much about PMS, all that happened to me is I would have 1 day a month where I was incredibly exhausted and a little weepy. Then I became incredibly rage filled and hysterical at random times, and eventually discovered I had an ovarian tumor that was making my hormones go nuts.

I used to be really inpatient with people who had invisible disabilities like chronic pain. I thought ( secretly ) that they whined too much. Then I had surgery for the ovarian tumor causing the hormone imbalances, the surgery was done poorly and now I have been in 24/7 agonizing pain for the past 7 years that has messed up my life in a thousand ways.

I also didn't get how disruptive menopause could be with the breaking into a drenching sweat at random times, feeling like I've been set on fire and, oh yeah, horrible irritability and mood swings - until about 6 months ago when my one remaining ovary apparently decided it wanted to make my life hell.

Slightly off-topic - I also didn't understand how people could be so impatient with their kids until I had kids with special needs.

It is really easy to say people use something as a crutch -- until you are put in that situation.

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I think I was on the thread you're talking about but at the moment I cannot remember which one it was. My advice would be just to address it on a case by case basis in each thread. IMO there is a difference between somebody saying something in the heat of the moment, and then apologizing and somebody who is being deliberately antagonistic and excusing their rude behavior because of hormonal imbalances. FWIW, I didn't think you were saying PMDD did not exist.

I am actually just getting off of a medication that causes really bizarre mood swings, mostly anger or rage, and I have said quite a few very hurtful things that I've had to go back and apologize for, and it was almost impossible for me to calm down at the time. It's bad enough that I'm changing medications because I can't deal with how it's affecting my personal life. It's weird how real the emotions feel, and the conflict/argument I'm having is real, it's just that my response is disproportionate, so I would not use the medication as an excuse for my behavior, which has hurt people, but it is the reason. (If that makes sense.) I've had to do what I could to repair any damage to any personal relationships.

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I gotta agree with swamptribe. This is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves. How would you all feel if someone who was bipolar or schizophrenic went all crazy on a message board and then later was all, "I'm sorry, it was my schizophrenia that made me post inflammatory things"? You'd be like, "you need to get this under control."

I think the fact that PMS is just so common makes acting like an ass more acceptable.

Considering that bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are illnesses, the poster is more than likely not going to realise it was their illness behind the episode because from their perspective, they are just acting normally.

Can we also not use the word 'crazy' please? http://disabledfeminists.com/2010/05/17 ... ile-crazy/

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