The "I'm feeling hormonal today" excuse

[Swamptribe]

Ok this is probably going to get me in deep trouble but I gotta say something.

We get all uppity about women's rights here. Nothing wrong with that. Then I read posters, over and over again, using the excuse "I'm hormonal". Does anyone else cringe when the read someone throwing out such an excuse? Is this really the image modern independent women should be projecting "don't mess with me today, I'm hormonal!"

Talk about setting the women's movement back a few steps.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Ok this is probably going to get me in deep trouble but I gotta say something.

We get all uppity about women's rights here. Nothing wrong with that. Then I read posters, over and over again, using the excuse "I'm hormonal". Does anyone else cringe when the read someone throwing out such an excuse? Is this really the image modern independent women should be projecting "don't mess with me today, I'm hormonal!"

Talk about setting the women's movement back a few steps.

Honestly? i'm pregnant and there are days that I can tell that my mood swings are 100% hormones. Its not an excuse for me, its more of a "I can't fix this because no meds I can take will fix it and I just have to soldier through".

Its not a "don't mess with me today" more of a in the case of me telling my family i'm hormonal "Dude, I'm really really sensitive, please don't say anything to set me off on purpose because I seriously can't control it".

[shesinsane]

I think the difference is context and who's saying it.

Scenario A:

A woman posts something, then later down the thread changes her position or apologizes for the tone and explains she's hormonal. She's considering the possibility that her thoughts and actions might have been influenced by physical chemicals.

Scenario B:

A man and woman get into an argument, and he concludes that her hormones are making her all crazy. It's not his body so he has no clue what's going on internally, and he's choosing to blame hormones instead of listening/dealing with what she is saying.

I agree that hormones shouldn't be used to excuse bad behavior, as it sets a precendent to dismiss all women because they're just raging hormones in a skirt. However, sometimes the person feeling them can use them to attempt to explain words or actions.

Sometimes people do silly/dumb things while drunk. They can't solely blame it on the alcohol, as it doesn't make you do anything, but they can reasonably state how they only did the silly/dumb thing because the alcohol was effecting their judgement. I think for some people (men and women) hormones can effect their thinking and behavior as much as a couple of beers.

[Swamptribe]

Ok, just want to add that being pregnant doesn't count on the 'hormonal' thing. You've got a whole lot more going on there than just fluctuations in body chemistry.

I'm talking about women who use their cycles as an excuse. Hell, we don't allow men to use their 'well, men just think about sex ever seven seconds' as an excuse for their bad behavior.

[DarkAnts]

I think men also have days when they are "hormonal." I think its more of a way to explain why we are so sensitive at times. Its not an excuse but an explanation of the crazy behavior. I just expect the person to try to stop acting so emotional once they say that. It should be a realization that they are out of line. Once they realize that they are out of line, they need to step back and work on not being so emotional.

[Pclee]

I frankly don't ever feel hormonal (and I'm all woman and all that). I don't get it when women use hormones as an excuse, but maybe it's just me????? :shock:

[GeoBQn]

I had to tell my mother that she is no longer allowed to ask me "Are you getting your period?" when I'm upset. Yes, my anxiety spikes during PMS, but maybe, just MAYBE, I'm upset for a concrete reason. Getting rid of my PMS won't get rid of, for example, my current state of employment limbo.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I had to tell my mother that she is no longer allowed to ask me "Are you getting your period?" when I'm upset. Yes, my anxiety spikes during PMS, but maybe, just MAYBE, I'm upset for a concrete reason. Getting rid of my PMS won't get rid of, for example, my current state of employment limbo.

my mother used to do the SAME thing to me.

I have ADHD and it was either "are you getting your period" or "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS". Its sickening really, apparently i'm not allowed to show any emotion, period. /threadjack

[Spider Burps]

my mother used to do the SAME thing to me.

I have ADHD and it was either "are you getting your period" or "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS". Its sickening really, apparently i'm not allowed to show any emotion, period. /threadjack

:dance: :clap: :dance: :clap: You made a punny!

(I've had to do the same thing, by the way. Moms are just weird about periods, apparently.)

[fluttershies]

Some women have PMS so severe they have to take meds for it. Just sayin'.

[PBrooke]

Back in the day, I was on Yasmin for those extra-fun PMDD symptoms or whatever they're calling it now. I always called it the crazy. Yes, my periods would last longer than a full week, yes I'd be throwing up from the pain, but also once in awhile I'd become completely irrational. I mean COMPLETELY. Screaming and obsessive and full of rage. Once I was put on those pills, all symptoms all but disappeared in a poof of smoke.

My mother had the crazy too, though she assured me it went away by the time she was 30 (little consolation when you're 19). I finally went off birth control pills earlier this year, and I was terrified that all these problems would come back - the pain, the rage. I'm not too far away from 30 myself, and low and behold, everything's been entirely manageable, even the cramping. But when I'm feeling particularly one-track-minded and I COULD be PMSing, I tend to throw in "maybe I'm just hormonal but." Because the thing is, when you're irrational, you really CAN'T TELL you are. Maybe after six, or eight months, maybe I'll slip back into one of those rages before I know it. The bad memories mean that the possibility is always hovering over my shoulder.

[Mountain Girl]

I never had PMS until fairly recently so I never understood it either. It only lasts 1 or 2 days and doesn't happen every month. It took me awhile to realize why I was randomly having a crappy day when nothing bad was happening around me. I do think it's used too often to excuse women having "uppity" opinions, but it does happen it does genuinely affect mood and judgment.

ETA I also have taken anti-depressants since my deployment to Iraq and I do not appreciate AT ALL to be asked if I am taking my meds.

[smores]

Back in the day, I was on Yasmin for those extra-fun PMDD symptoms or whatever they're calling it now. I always called it the crazy. Yes, my periods would last longer than a full week, yes I'd be throwing up from the pain, but also once in awhile I'd become completely irrational. I mean COMPLETELY. Screaming and obsessive and full of rage. Once I was put on those pills, all symptoms all but disappeared in a poof of smoke.

This is me. I know afterwards when it happens and I sometimes know when it is starting so I can say something. I just started birth control a couple of months ago since it came back worse after my pregnancy and already I feel a change.

I'm not saying it's an excuse but it sure as hell is REAL for me.

[ladypuglover]

I'm perimenopausal and there are some days I know I'm feeling coo-coo for cocoa puffs and try to remain in control. Then there are other days that I have no idea that I am a raging bitch that could easily fling the fridge across the room. I was the same way after childbirth but not on my periods. So sometimes hormones are a good excuse because if people don't like it they can be set on fire and dragged down the street like a sofa. :whistle:

[Guest Anonymous]

Ok this is probably going to get me in deep trouble but I gotta say something.

We get all uppity about women's rights here. Nothing wrong with that. Then I read posters, over and over again, using the excuse "I'm hormonal". Does anyone else cringe when the read someone throwing out such an excuse? Is this really the image modern independent women should be projecting "don't mess with me today, I'm hormonal!"

Talk about setting the women's movement back a few steps.

I am not sure who/what posts you are talking about and I'm not sure it is a situation where one can easily generalise about all 'modern independent women'. As with all criticisms on FJ, yours would probably be best dealt with by asking the particular poster directly, on the post where it happens.

Personally I rarely experience mood swings, but if other women (or men) tell me they are experiencing them, then who am I to question their integrity? I don't experience migraines or indigestion or xxxx other symptoms either, but that's not to say those ailments aren't real, either, or that people who suffer with them should be unable to advocate for their own rights as a punishment for talking about them.

Why do you think a proportion of women experiencing mood swings sets the 'women's movement' 'back a few steps'? How does that work exactly?.

[Swamptribe]

Some women have PMS so severe they have to take meds for it. Just sayin'.

I get migraines. The doctor recently made a change in my blood pressure meds, and that seems to have taken care of them.

I'm not saying there are not physical effects from our cycles. What I'm saying is, we have to stop using said cycles as a crutch. If we want to be viewed as responsible adults, we have to act as responsible adults.

I believe that such excuses are a detriment to women because for too long, women were considered unreasonable because of their emotional hormonal natures. The ole canard that 'well, women aren't emotionally stable enough to make the important decisions'.

[Austin]

I don't have PMS because of the lovely oral contraceptive I take, and can't really even remember what it was like. I don't see any issue, though, with a woman saying to her husband, "I don't feel that well today because I have PMS" or whatever, just like he might say he doesn't feel well for a different reason (obviously).

But I admit to cringing when I hear women say that among anyone but their closest friends and family members. I don't want to hear that in the workplace. I don't want to hear that from the checker at the supermarket or the teller at the bank. It's just TMI and furthers the misconception that there are "just those certain times" when the little wimmins are not in their right mind, so let's not trust them with anything important.

[TXDuck]

I'm not saying it's an excuse but it sure as hell is REAL for me.

This. Not every month, but fairly regularly, I will be completely, irrationally, yelling angry about eeeevvvverrryyything, kids making too much noise, not making enough noise, commenting on dinner, not committing on dinner, co-workers who breathe wrong, husband who breathes wrong, dogs who breathe wrong, you get the picture. Sometimes, I can figure out why and put a damper on it. Sometimes I know I'm being completely irrational but the only thing I can do is keep the crazy to myself. Other times, I don't work it out until afterwards and then I have go apologizing to friends and family members and admitting that ok, maybe they didn't a migraine just to tick me off. It's not an excuse. I still have to go rebuild bridges I poured naplam all over in the midst of my PMS fueled rages. But at least wounded loved ones know it truly wasn't them.

All that said, "hormonal" shouldn't be thrown out casually. And if men think they don't act "hormonal", they are so not self-aware. And because it bears repeating, it's not an excuse. It's an explanation. I still have an obligation to act like a sane person no matter how stabby I feel.

[Shirley MacLaine]

Well, maybe everyone should just start breathing right!

[TXDuck]

Well, maybe everyone should just start breathing right!

I know! I've offered instructions. Apparently that just makes me a control freak. ;)

[keen23]

This. Not every month, but fairly regularly, I will be completely, irrationally, yelling angry about eeeevvvverrryyything, kids making too much noise, not making enough noise, commenting on dinner, not committing on dinner, co-workers who breathe wrong, husband who breathes wrong, dogs who breathe wrong, you get the picture. Sometimes, I can figure out why and put a damper on it. Sometimes I know I'm being completely irrational but the only thing I can do is keep the crazy to myself. Other times, I don't work it out until afterwards and then I have go apologizing to friends and family members and admitting that ok, maybe they didn't a migraine just to tick me off. It's not an excuse. I still have to go rebuild bridges I poured naplam all over in the midst of my PMS fueled rages. But at least wounded loved ones know it truly wasn't them.

All that said, "hormonal" shouldn't be thrown out casually. And if men think they don't act "hormonal", they are so not self-aware. And because it bears repeating, it's not an excuse. It's an explanation. I still have an obligation to act like a sane person no matter how stabby I feel.

I get the pre-period rage as well. It's awful. I feel so out of control during those times. I know I'm hurting people with my anger, but I can't stop it before it's too late.

[Marian the Librarian]

Thankfully, my own Good Ship SS PMS has sailed - but I remember only too well what it felt like to be channeling the kid in "The Exorcist" and wonder what in hell was going on...and the sense of relief that came with connecting the dots. As others have said here, it's not an excuse for bad behavior, but I do think it can be a legitimate explanation for a not-so-great day.

Hormones are powerful chemicals - at my worst, I'd try to remind myself that they do lots of nice things for men and women too (sex! love! metabolism!).

[apple1]

It's not an excuse. And it shouldn't be thrown out by someone else to discount an opinion or statement.

But it is real chemistry. Every bit as real as the brain chemistries involved in mental health.

[Feberin]

my mother used to do the SAME thing to me.

I have ADHD and it was either "are you getting your period" or "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS". Its sickening really, apparently i'm not allowed to show any emotion, period. /threadjack

My MIL does the "did you take your meds" thing with my younger SIL and BIL. I find it annoying and she's not even posing the question at me.

Personally the only person I'd say I was hormonal to is my husband and ussually after we've had a big fight or something about something silly that I started. I haven't really had a problem with PMS but being pregnant does affect my moods. Admitting it to my husband isn't an "excuse everything I did" as much as a "I realize now I was crazy please forgive me".

[apple1]

Hormones are powerful chemicals - at my worst, I'd try to remind myself that they do lots of nice things for men and women too (sex! love! metabolism!).

Their absence (or great decreases) do a lot of things, too.