Jump to content
IGNORED

''If a women wants to fight like a man...


tabitha2

Recommended Posts

Aargh, this thread is probably the most triggering thing known to mankind for me. It's an important discussion, though.

I said about my friend who died due to DV. Her partner killed her. She thought domestic abuse was normal, after all Mum's partners hit her. If you are a woman, you are rude to men when they annoy you, and then they hit you. That was how life worked, to her. One day she got hit so much that she died.

It makes me unbelievably angry that anyone can even defend DV. I was in horror for months because I wanted to know if she'd lived long enough to try to go for help. The polis wouldn't tell us. In the end they read out her post mortem at trial. She sustained multiple serious and fatal injuries trying to fight him off.

I tell people about that now. Where the wounds were, how long it took her to die, how she died and how it feels to be sitting in a witness room or in a courtroom with a murderer. Not as a matter of course, but when people say stupid shite like "Well, some wimmen need a wee smack now and again."

JFC, I know from other posts you have made how bad this is for you.

But I want to say that it is important that you tell this story. Maybe, just maybe, when you tell it, a tiny bit of truth sinks into someone's frame of reference. Because, yes, there are people out there who do think that it's OK for "wimmen to get a wee smack now and again."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Apple, thank you. I can get a bit obsessive about it. But she died so horribly and I can not take DV jokes since.

IRL I have stopped pub "jokers" about DV by saying something along the lines of

"Let me tell you about X. It took him so many blows to kill her and she tried so hard to fight him off. I attended her funeral and his trial for murder. All the time I wished I had died in her place. I listened to the official description of how she died. May you never have to listen to that. It wasn't an easy death."

The court bit was worse than the funeral. I knew I should not cry and I sat through "Ms X sustained fatal injuries to...The defendant then continued to...The number of attacks was Y in total. Ms X was dying when the defendant did..."

It feels like people don't get the horror and that is why they joke. I kind of want to give them an understanding of what it is like. There was a bloke in the pub the other week complaining his wife had divorced him and taken the kids "just because she got whit wis comin tae her now and again". I told him, stone cold, what X's autopsy results said. And never to hit another woman in his life. And what sitting through a murder trial is like. By the end of it his face was ashen and he was horrified. I hope it helped a little bit any future partners he may have.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aargh, this thread is probably the most triggering thing known to mankind for me. It's an important discussion, though.

I said about my friend who died due to DV. Her partner killed her. She thought domestic abuse was normal, after all Mum's partners hit her. If you are a woman, you are rude to men when they annoy you, and then they hit you. That was how life worked, to her. One day she got hit so much that she died.

It makes me unbelievably angry that anyone can even defend DV. I was in horror for months because I wanted to know if she'd lived long enough to try to go for help. The polis wouldn't tell us. In the end they read out her post mortem at trial. She sustained multiple serious and fatal injuries trying to fight him off.

I tell people about that now. Where the wounds were, how long it took her to die, how she died and how it feels to be sitting in a witness room or in a courtroom with a murderer. Not as a matter of course, but when people say stupid shite like "Well, some wimmen need a wee smack now and again."

I'm so sorry to hear this. I agree, it probably does good that you talk about it, but I'm still sorry to hear it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Conuly, thanks. I want to spread the word of X's story but I am not clever enough to know how.

I want to break the myth of "I deserve discipline from my husband if I misbehave". There are so many horrible details of X's death from "misbehaviour", too many to count, here's a wee one: she died in front of a photo of her children.

I feel like running and warning everyone who could be the next X. Do you know how she died? And he hit her before? And he told her if he couldn't have her no one could? And that we went out for drinks once and got wasted and tried to play a board game and couldn't because we were laughing too much? And that she was beautiful and hated injustice? And that it will be you next?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Regardless of who threw the first punch, LEAVE! In the OP's situation, the man might have initially defended himself but knowing that his girlfriend is abusive, he should permanetly seperate from her and press charges. The first incident should have been the last.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Me too am very much triggered by domestic violence...

The other day I watched a few minutes of The Honeymooners and I didn't find it funny at all ("to the moon, Alice...) Maybe I just don't get that old, "wholesome" (urgh) sitcom...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Regardless of who threw the first punch, LEAVE! In the OP's situation, the man might have initially defended himself but knowing that his girlfriend is abusive, he should permanetly seperate from her and press charges. The first incident should have been the last.

I wholeheartedly agree. There was a post earlier about a couple where the woman picked and picked and picked until the man reacted. That relationship needs to end.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was always taught, never throw the first punch, but always throw the last. I was also always taught that if I had to hit 'em hit 'em hard, and run like hell. Self-defense is fine, but running away is better.
:text-yeahthat:

On a serious note, I agree with other posters that no one should treat others with violence so lightly. I think I may have mentioned on another thread that one of my older brothers walked off the football field in the middle of a full fledged fight. His team mates were shocked and demanded to know later why he had turned his back on them. He responded that our Dad had taught him that the only time he should raise his hands was to fight to defend himself (or others) when a life was in danger. Not much any of them could say after that comment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.