Seven Sisters friends make me angry

[tankgirl]

sevenfarmgirlsisters.com/?p=787602

First I lost my first version of this post so if it reads jacked up, it's because I am now extra annoyed.

So basically, I saw a recent post on SS about a church friend and decided to do a search, what I found made me sick and sad. Basically a 17 year old girl goes in and they find a tumor, they do surgery and give her a shunt, the parents decide they want to do alternative treatment, they get word back things are worse, get a second opinion and things are really bad, they stick with alternative treatment, take her home, complain hospital would have killed her with morphine, little over a month later things are heading down the tubes, but can you pray for a new house, a house to sell and cash for the family.

What makes me mad is I wonder first how long this girl may have had issues that were ignored (though I know sometimes brain tumors can be hard to spot early), and why did they decide so early on to do alternative treatment? I also am so freaking mad that when their kid is dying they are asking for prayers for stuff! That isn't freaking important right now, your kid is! It isn't Christmas and Jesus isn't Santa!! If you didn't have more kids then fit in the house you own, and you fucking had insurance you wouldn't have to be asking for shit at a time your only focus should be your kid!! Sorry this just reminded me of more reasons I hate fundies.

[Witsec7]

From her mom:

“Meredith is on the home stretch. She’s been mainly sleeping last night and today. Her breathing is more labored and noisy from fluid buildup in the lungs. She does not respond to questions and rarely opens her eyes. She’s not drinking anymore and hasn’t eaten since Sunday.

Please pray for a peaceful trip to her heavenly home.â€

No palliative care.

[pixydust]

From her mom:

“Meredith is on the home stretch. She’s been mainly sleeping last night and today. Her breathing is more labored and noisy from fluid buildup in the lungs. She does not respond to questions and rarely opens her eyes. She’s not drinking anymore and hasn’t eaten since Sunday.

Please pray for a peaceful trip to her heavenly home.â€

Wait...is this girl not getting any morphine? Drugs? IV for liquids?!? What is wrong with these cruel, sadistic poeple?!?!

[tankgirl]

No palliative care.

Yeah, I meant to mention that, it seemed that way to me, from the morphine comment. The whole thing makes me sick.

[Rowan]

No palliative care.

:angry-cussingblack: :crying-blue: That this poor 17 year old has/had to go through this. And this quote shows no evidence of grief at all from the mother.

[Sola]

She has glioblastoma multiforme, which my friend's husband died of a couple of years ago. It's fast growing and an almost certain death sentence. If you do treat it, you need to treat it aggressively and quickly and not waste 6 fucking weeks on alternative therapies. Looks like this poor girl hasn't got long now.

[Witsec7]

Wait...is this girl not getting any morphine? Drugs? IV for liquids?!? What is wrong with these cruel, sadistic poeple?!?!

I'm sure these folks were bitching and screaming about Terri Schiavo when she was in hospice care.

I could not watch my DD suffer daily without medical care. These assholes are only concerned about themselves.

[tankgirl]

I'm sure these folks were bitching and screaming about Terri Schiavo when she was in hospice care.

I could not watch my DD suffer daily without medical care. These assholes are only concerned about themselves.

Thank you!!! I was reading this thinking either I'm crazy or these are some heartless fucks. Not being from a medical background I was hoping I was missing something about some real care being given to this poor girl, but you are all seeing the same red flags I saw. So I suspect they are waiting for a miracle and not doing shit to help this poor girl not to suffer as she passes. I want to cry and punch this woman.

[Witsec7]

The girl was diagnosed with an aggressive stage 4 brain tumor. Her case was hopeless. I do not condemn her parents for seeking alternative treatment. I condemn them for forbidding comfort care and pain relief and fluids.

[holierthanyou]

It is sad, but I am not angry. I am just sad that a family is losing their daughter and sister this week.

edited to remove more sensitive/personal information

[fluttershies]

The girl was diagnosed with an aggressive stage 4 brain tumor. Her case was hopeless. I do not condemn her parents for seeking alternative treatment. I condemn them for forbidding comfort care and pain relief and fluids.

This. If I had a late-stage aggressive tumour like that then I would not seek treatment but would just want to stay comfortable for as long as I had left - comfortable being the key word. Pain relief is just basic kindness.

[pixydust]

It is sad, but I am not angry. I am just sad that a family is losing their daughter and sister this week.

My friend died of a stage 4 brain tumor last year. It was a similar process, even though she did chemotherapy and radiation, etc. Her family would have been open to pain medications (and she had used them months earlier), but near the end she didn't need them. I suspect it is different for everyone?

It is very sad though.

It probably is different for everyone, but everyone needs liquid. Not having this girl hooked up to an IV just seems cruel. How would the parents like not eating or drinking for days on end?

And yes, I am angry with these people.

HTT, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.

[CelticGoddess]

I do a lot of end of life care, and I would throttle anyone who refused Roxanol for a loved one. I don't care if the patient has cancer, Alzheimers, or end stage renal failure. Not providing palliative care for anyone who is at the end of life and who is in distress and/or pain is wrong. I don't believe in hell but if I did, there would be a special place reserved for these people

BTW: My FIL died from a glioblastoma (they found his at stage 3). Aggressive tx was done but sadly wasn't enough. My MIL and husband made sure that palliative care was provided for him. His passing wasn't exactly easy but it was it was at least more peaceful than this poor girls.

[Witsec7]

I do a lot of end of life care, and I would throttle anyone who refused Roxanol for a loved one. I don't care if the patient has cancer, Alzheimers, or end stage renal failure. Not providing palliative care for anyone who is at the end of life and who is in distress and/or pain is wrong. I don't believe in hell but if I did, there would be a special place reserved for these people

BTW: My FIL died from a glioblastoma (they found his at stage 3). Aggressive tx was done but sadly wasn't enough. My MIL and husband made sure that palliative care was provided for him. His passing wasn't exactly easy but it was it was at least more peaceful than this poor girls.

I had a cousin pass from the same blastoma. He died at home and the Drs. amped up his morphine, so that the family did not have to deal with seizures at the end.

[holierthanyou]

edited to remove personal information.

[Witsec7]

I assume if it was causing her pain to not eat the staff would have recommended/given her a feeding tube?

Feeding tubes are typically with held for someone who is that close to death. As a minor child her parents could refuse a tube if suggested. My advanced directives are pretty specific as to when I would permit a feeding tube.

[valsa]

Honestly, I know my friend wasn't fundy at all (neither was her husband or parents), but she also wasn't able to eat or drink her last couple days. It is just how the body shuts down. They followed all medical advice and never refused any treatment, and she spent her last couple days in a hospice run by the hospital. I assume if it was causing her pain to not eat the staff would have recommended/given her a feeding tube?

You are correct that most terminally ill people stop eating and drinking eventually but I think the key words here are "last couple of days". I don't know how long this poor girl hasn't been drinking but she hasn't eaten in 7 days.

[browngrl]

This. If I had a late-stage aggressive tumour like that then I would not seek treatment but would just want to stay comfortable for as long as I had left - comfortable being the key word. Pain relief is just basic kindness.

I agree. A Glioblastoma is a terrible tumor. Sometimes treatment can prolong life - but cures are extremely rare - I don't think I've ever seen one - and I worked for years at the centre for neurosurgery. It sounds like this poor young girl has a particularly aggressive tumour. I am not sure that conventional medicine has much to offer her. So I don't blame the parents for seeking alternative treatment - but to limit pain control/palliative care measures seem cruel and pointless. I hope the family is actually much kinder and gentler than their updates seem to suggest.

[ADoyle90815]

I could never allow a family member to die without care, especially pain relief. It does sound like this girl had an overly aggressive tumor, and no amount of treatment could have prevented her death, but at least she should have received palliative care at the end.

[tankgirl]

I agree with not treating, my issue is it seemed like they wanted to go that way right from the beginning, not after they found out how bad things were. I think I might have misread things. When they got the news that treatment might just delay death, I agree that it might not be worth going with western medicine. But the lack of palliative care, and the prayers for their house and stuff is what really got to me. I mean I understand the house and money might be stressful, but you have a house, and your kid is dying, it isn't the time.

[Deleted03]

You are correct that most terminally ill people stop eating and drinking eventually but I think the key words here are "last couple of days". I don't know how long this poor girl hasn't been drinking but she hasn't eaten in 7 days.

it took my grandfather about 4 days to die from dehydration and starvation ( he had colon cancer that spread, he was 80). He was at home, with morphine patch (in the end the doc did not bother taking the old patches off). The doc said his heart was strong and even if he was unconscious the whole time, his heart was the last thing to go and it took time.

those cases are just terrible, and seeing your loved one die slowly is cruel.

[FundiesInMyFamily]

This really angers me. Sometimes there really is no hope, that is what pallative care is for. My stepmom has been a hospice nurse for 20+ years, and when my dad's pain (lung cancer) was not responding to treatment she checked him in to the hospice center, which was great. His last 4 days he was comfortable and so were we, the staff there is awesome. I think it took a lot of the stress off of everyone.

There is nothing wrong with alternative medicine, but I don't think it should be used completely in lieu of traditional care. Certainly pain meds for someone who is hurting.

[Third]

Stage 4 brain cancer I could see realizing it wouldn't extend her life to try chemo etc only make what is left of her life more awful. That being said her pain could and SHOULD be managed. How cruel can you be. I wonder if either of them have been in extreme pain and have refused pain medications for themselves. It seems people like this hold their children to higher standards than they do themselves.

I hope for her sake she didn't feel the pain in her sleep and it simply didn't follow her there.

[emilymea]

How can someone deny the dying comfort? Pain relief is a mercy!

When my grandmother was a hospice patient we kept her as pain free as possible with morphine and sedated with haldol. She did not want IV fluids or a feeding tube and we respected those wishes. It took 14 days after she stopped eating for her to pass.

She had stage 3 pancreatic cancer that quickly progressed. It was painful to watch her body shut down, but we were comforted by knowing she wasnt hurting.

[nomi]

You know, if I was faced with the same diagnosis I probably would refuse treatment and die with dignity...heavily drugged and pain controlled dignity. That girl is a minor and cannot make the choice to treat her pain so she lies in her bed suffering while her life slips away so that her parents can feel good about their wholesome lifestyle. It makes me sick.