WI GOP to battered women: Don't get divorced!

[MonkeyMomma]

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2012/03/13 ... -divorced/

“If they can refind those reasons and get back to why they got married in the first place it might help,†said Representative Don Pridemore.

What is going on in my state?!

[debrand]

It is even worse if you listen to the video. The represtentative says that the changes in the past few years have happened mainly because of women. (I don't remember the exact quote but that is close) He said that fathers are the disciplinarians and that children without a male influence tend to go astray.

His statements tell me that he is antiwoman.

[TXDuck]

Ok, I give up. Why are we going so backwards as a society? First Virginia, then Arizona, now this. Is it because it's an election year? Will everyone calm back down after Obama (God willing) gets re-elected?

Seriously, even if you think this is all feminism's fault, why aren't these same people at least paying lip service to how men need to have more self-control? My 6 year old knows not to hit people just because he's angry or frustrated. Heck, both my kids learned that around 3. Why aren't these same politicians demanding the same standard of behavior my (then) toddlers managed?

I do not get and I'm getting a little nervous.

[debrand]

Ok, I give up. Why are we going so backwards as a society? First Virginia, then Arizona, now this. Is it because it's an election year? Will everyone calm back down after Obama (God willing) gets re-elected?

Seriously, even if you think this is all feminism's fault, why aren't these same people at least paying lip service to how men need to have more self-control? My 6 year old knows not to hit people just because he's angry or frustrated. Heck, both my kids learned that around 3. Why aren't these same politicians demanding the same standard of behavior my (then) toddlers managed?

I do not get and I'm getting a little nervous.

It is frightening me also. I don't understand where this attack behind women is coming from. Why now? Yes, this is an election year but that is all the more reason to not bring these issues up. Aren't they afraid that they will loose women voters? Or do they hate women so much that they don't care?

[2xx1xy1JD]

WTF?????

The news report, at least, showed some common sense.

"Refind what they had"??? Are you fucking kidding me? I've been doing family and child protection law for 16 years. Abuse doesn't happen because people have suddenly lost that lovin' feelin'. It happens because people stop acting nicely and start showing their true colors. It happens because they want to exercise control. It happens because they can't - or choose not to - control their anger. It happens because they think that they can take out frustrations on a spouse. It happens because they may have substance abuse issues. It happens because they may have mental health issues. It happens because they may fly into a rage and have flashbacks to past trauma and be oblivious to the damage that they do. It may happen because the person feels entitled to do it for cultural reasons.

Whatever the reason for domestic violence - it's dangerous, both physically and psychologically. It doesn't go away by being ignored. It programs another generation to experience the trauma, and to see violence as normal.

And yeah, what's up with the woman-blaming? Last time I checked, it takes 2 to conceive a child. I'm assuming that he thinks that men are naturally horny bastards, and it's the woman's role to preserve order by saying no until marriage.

[Guest Anonymous]

WTH? They actually want women to go back to their abusive bastard of a husband?! Un-freaking believable! And I thought my home state of AL was ass backwards!

[Third]

It's victim blaming.

Basically they are asking What are you doing to make him hit you?

It's no different than when a woman is raped and people ask why she was there or why she wore that before they EVER ask why he felt he had the right to rape her.

It's 2012 and it's the same as it ever was people think women can prevent violence against them if you dressed right, talked right, acted right you wouldn't be hit, raped, abused etc. You must have done something to be a victim.

[TXDuck]

It's 2012 and it's the same as it ever was people think women can prevent violence against them if you dressed right, talked right, acted right you wouldn't be hit, raped, abused etc. You must have done something to be a victim.

Here's where their logic fails though. And even they should see that. Ok, let's for a moment just go insane and agree that a woman can avoid abuse by wearing, walking, and talking correctly. So why aren't the men at least as accountable? These same people except small kids to know better than to hit their playmates when something doesn't go their way. So, why don't they hold adult men to the same standard?

I'm actually asking. I've never seen one of these types explain themselves.

[Third]

Isn't that the way it is? When a girl\woman gets pregnant out of wedlock [how 1950s does that sound] it seems to be implied SHE could have prevented it. Like all the resistance and ability to 'wait until marriage' should be left solely to the female. Never mind the idea that a girl\woman might actually CHOOSE to have sex and WANT to have sex. Heaven forbid.

The whole extreme modesty movement is about how women need to protect men. How men can't help what they think, they are wired different, did you lead him on in anyway...

They sure do want us to believe men are a bunch of idiots

[TXDuck]

They sure do want us to believe men are a bunch of idiots

Well, they're making a great case for their idiocy. I'll give them that.

What do they say about men who work around women all the time and never do anything inappropriate? Do they just not believe those men exist? They work around normally dressed, educated women every day and never even say anything untoward. Do they think it's a constant struggle for said men not to turn into rutting pigs? Fundie men, apparently toddlers have more self control.

[Third]

If some of my 'conservative' friends are any indication about the line of thinking. Apparently there is this fear that all these women are gunning for their men so to speak, that they [the husbands] are powerless to resist them. My husband works almost entirely with women and if he has a number in his wallet it's because he's going to fix a computer or take a shift for a mom who needs it.

[Three and Done]

I am a DV survivor. I have permanent physical damage as a result.

I suppose these assholes would be happier if I had ended up DEAD instead?

This kind of attitude makes me so incredibly angry and sad that I cannot even put my emotions into words right now - I'm too upset.

I do wonder how these people would react if it THEY were the ones being abused by someone else?

[Sunnichick31]

If any of these republicans get in, I am so out of here. I'm not sure why I keep being surprised when something new comes up. I should be used to it, and maybe even expecting it, by now. I am so ashamed of where this country is right now.

[dawn9476]

IIRC from Vicki's story at NLQ, that is bascially what her Christian woman's group told her.

[doggie]

it's always easier to blame then to solve.

[AudreyE]

Emailed the vile excuse for a human being. Rep.Pridemore (at) legis.wisconsin.gov

[doggie]

quick someone call the loony bin we found your runaway.

[Hane]

I am a DV survivor. I have permanent physical damage as a result.

I suppose these assholes would be happier if I had ended up DEAD instead?

This kind of attitude makes me so incredibly angry and sad that I cannot even put my emotions into words right now - I'm too upset.

I do wonder how these people would react if it THEY were the ones being abused by someone else?

Three and Done, there are SO MANY douchenozzles out there that still, in 2012, refuse to believe that DV is indeed a "thing," 30+ decades after communities started to address this problem. (I signed on as a corporate officer of one of my state's first DV task forces, back in the '70s.).

Fuck these heartless bastards. Fuck them hard, with a great big huge perpetual-motion fucking machine.

[Fluffy-Boo]

IIRC from Vicki's story at NLQ, that is bascially what her Christian woman's group told her.

This is what most literalist/fundamentalist churches teach regarding divorce. In the case of DV you can (only sometimes) separate from a spouse in order to get counseling, but you cannot divorce. Sometimes separation is not permitted by the church.

In fundamentalist churches it is the norm for women to stay in miserable and sometimes dangerous marriages. To divorce would often mean being ostracized from the community (often the only means of support for the woman).

I see this ALL the time, and I have NEVER seen the children turn out normal in these circumstances. I usually see the children start exhibiting the same abusive behavior as the father.

And don't think it doesn't happen the other way as well. I've known of one case where the woman was extremely abusive to the father. One of the daughters had some somewhat fascinate psychological issues as a result.

An abusive marriage is ten times worse than the scenario of a loving single parent when it comes to children. There have been studies run on this issue.

The statistics regarding crime and violence in children from single parents are true. However, the sample of single parents that produce this outcome are single mothers usually on state assistance. The GOP cannot take these statistics and apply them outside of their cultural reference!

[SpeakNow]

“If they can refind those reasons and get back to why they got married in the first place it might help,†said Representative Don Pridemore.

Try telling that to my friend's mother. You know, the one who was pushed out of a moving vehicle by her abusive ex-husband. The one whose ex-husband then moved to Afghanistan and operated an illegal prison where he tortured people. You know, Idema's right hand man (for those of you that don't know about Idema: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Idema). I'm sure she's dying to re-find the reasons she married him. Oh wait...she married him before he became extremely unstable and psychotic.

[Three and Done]

Three and Done, there are SO MANY douchenozzles out there that still, in 2012, refuse to believe that DV is indeed a "thing," 30+ decades after communities started to address this problem. (I signed on as a corporate officer of one of my state's first DV task forces, back in the '70s.).

Fuck these heartless bastards. Fuck them hard, with a great big huge perpetual-motion fucking machine.

The same douchenozzles you speak of are the ones that ask "What did you do to make him angry?" (It's OUR fault,after all!)

What did I do the day my ex herniated a disc in my neck that is impinging my spinal cord (by holding me down on the stairs by the throat, just part of the fun that day)? I looked at his cell phone and didn't put it back in its hiding spot. (He had a secret phone that he used to talk to other women.)

What did I do the night he tried to kill us both by forcing me to drive into traffic? The same night he sexually assaulted me in the car? I asked him to please stop yelling abuse at me.

This man has been abusive toward every woman he has become seriously involved with, starting with his highschool sweetheart, and has been arrested numerous times for violence towards women.

I am so very fortunate he is out of my life.

[valsa]

I usually see the children start exhibiting the same abusive behavior as the father.

So true. I did this exact thing as a teenager. My father was abusive towards my mother (verbally and emotionally) and me (physically, verbally, and emotionally) and I, in turn, started becoming verbally abusive to my mother. I was angry with her for not stopping my father and wanted to punish her for it, as well as thinking, "Fine. If she's okay with being treated like garbage, I'll oblige."

[Three and Done]

So true. I did this exact thing as a teenager. My father was abusive towards my mother (verbally and emotionally) and me (physically, verbally, and emotionally) and I, in turn, started becoming verbally abusive to my mother. I was angry with her for not stopping my father and wanted to punish her for it, as well as thinking, "Fine. If she's okay with being treated like garbage, I'll oblige."

Ex told me numerous stories of his father's abuse toward him and his siblings. One of them featured his father injuring his sister to the point that she has permanent scars. Ex's brother has anger issues, but I cannot say for certain he is violent, as I have never seen it.

[Fluffy-Boo]

The really sick part of this is that government programs geared to help domestic violence victims are so often ineffective because women are not able to psychologically depart from these situations. The idea of shelters are frightening, they worry about money, what will happen to their children. It becomes overwhelming so they stay.

Reporting a DV situation to police means that the guy may spend a night in jail, but then when he gets released, how happy do you think he is to see his wife. Oh, he wants to kill her by that time.

A woman should be protected by her community, so how do the churches respond? They respond with the words of Jesus or Paul (me who didn't have wives) and tell them that without a adultery, they need to stick out their marital choices, be a martyr. And because these churches are run by male pastors (keep it Biblical!) you can see full well how MEN PROTECT WOMEN.

[Hane]

Back in the '70s, when my (majority Catholic) city was launching its DV task force, someone asked a nun how the church would feel about a woman who divorced an abusive husband. Sister said, "Well, if a man is abusing his wife, he's breaking his vows, and it certainly isn't a real marriage, is it?" Gotta love feminist nuns!