Being A Wife To A Good Man Is Not A Right

[debrand]

I don't think that the writer is fundie. She is probably just a normal conservative Christian. However, her advice to wives is not that different from what a fundamentalist might give.

Being a wife to a good man is a privilege -- not a right. I see it as a high calling to have the opportunity to be married to a man of God, and it is worth most any sacrifice

Why do so many Christian women sound like they advocate turning their husbands into go? The bible seems to advise the opposite.

Also, why is being married to a good person not a right? A good person respects their spouse, is courteous and kind. Everyone should have the right to respect decency extended the them, especially from their spouse.

Sacrifice? I love my husband. There are many things that I would not sacrifice for him, such as my children, my own individuality, my sense of right or wrong.

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriag ... d-man.html

God honored and entrusted me with the joy of a marriage to a truly high caliber man and even the "crumbs" of his time are so much better than the lack of love some women experience. This realization fashioned an important decision: Don't complain about the time I do not have, rather enjoy the time I do have with Bill.

This sounds sad. She has trained herself to expect only crumbs because some women are in loveless marriage. There is nothing wrong with being single. If my choice was between getting only crumbs or being in a loveless marriage, I would simply not be married.

[Austin]

That's just pathetic. These women must truly hate themselves.

[finleeport]

That's just pathetic. These women must truly hate themselves.

They probably have internalized misogyny.

[Boltingmadonna]

If my choice was between getting only crumbs or being in a loveless marriage, I would simply not be married.

Word. Maybe having a good husband isn't a right--but deciding what you want in an intimate relationship and asking for it certainly is, and so is the right to leave that relationship if your partner persistently refuses to give what you ask for.

I wonder if posts like the one quoted are really a highly crafted form of complaining. The Good Christian Wife can't say "My husband acts like a pompous jerk, he thinks he's more important than me, and he doesn't listen to me or spend time with me." However, you can say that he's such a wonderful man of God that he just doesn't have a lot of time to spend with little old me, and that makes him the Godliest, bestest husband EVAR so I don't mind nobly sacrificing myself for him because that makes me the Godliest, bestest wife EVAR, also. That way, people will feel sorry for you and jealous at the same time. So, win-win even though you know in your heart he's still a jerk.

[CanadianHippie]

I don't feel it's a right to marry a good man.

She does have the right to walk away from someone who isn't a good man; and take her children with her if she fears for their life or emotional/physical well being

[deelaem]

They probably have internalized misogyny.

:greetings-clapyellow:

[Ruby]

In my experience, this attitude comes from the whole "trusting God to deliver His best spouse for you" mind-set. All the fundie girls I knew back in the day prayed for God's Best For Them, whether they were crushing on anyone or not. Some of the parents had been praying for the girls' future husbands since they were babies.

So, if you've done everything "right" and still find yourself in a horrible situation that you can't get out of because divorce isn't even remotely an option, and despite your efforts God isn't changing your man's behavior, what's a girl to do? Twist your mind into a pretzel to convince yourself that everything is Just As It Should Be, and that you appreciate it, that's what!

[Childless]

Sorry, but I actually have respect for myself. I refused to get married until I found a good man because that is what I deserve. It is a right to be treated well and to be loved by your life partner. I chose to stay single until someone good enough for me came into my life.

I honestly don't know how this woman is capable of loving her husband or her children. If you can't manage to love yourself, you can't love anyone else.

[Kaylee]

I don't feel it's a right to marry a good man.

She does have the right to walk away from someone who isn't a good man; and take her children with her if she fears for their life or emotional/physical well being

This. But I think a lot of people are afraid to do that for fear that they won't find another man any better than the first, especially in many conservative Christian groups where divorce, regardless of the cause, can make you a pariah.

[OohLaLa]

My draw dropped at "crumbs of his time." I definitely get busy couples who don't get to spend a lot of time together, but that way of phrasing it just makes me sick. Like she's lucky if her godly husband deigns to grant her a few minutes so she can make him a sandwich.

[ElphabaGalinda]

It's a right to be treated well by someone you choose to spend the rest of your life with, just as it's a right to choose to leave someone because you're not treated well.

I guess they're not allowed to critisize their husband, and must keep sweet at all times, so this is their solution. It's really sad how being treated badly by a husband is turned into some wonderful super godly thing. With this attitude the man can get away with anything and the woman has to gladly take it. And they call THAT Godly.

[Elle]

I am concerned about how many women like this are probably in abusive relationships and they're trying to normalize abuse by essentially saying that not being in an abusive relationship is a privilege.

[jesssnerch]

It's amazing how so many women let themselves be emotionally abused by rationalizing, "He doesn't hit me or cheat on me, my feeling bad must be my problem." A lot these fundies don't realize that the "don't worry your pretty little head about things" attitude taken by their husbands is emotionally abusive in a way. It's got to by murder on these women's self esteem or are they that brainwashed?

Edited for errors

[Kaylee]

It's amazing how so many women let themselves be emotionally abused by rationalizing, "He doesn't hit me or cheat on me, my feeling bad must be my problem." A lot these fundies don't realize that the "don't worry your pretty little head about things" attitude taken by their husbands is emotionally abusive in a way. It's got to by murder on these women's self esteem or are they that brainwashed?

Edited for errors

Some people know that it's abuse but feel like it's better than the alternative or that they have no way out. A lot of the women we talk about on here have no college education, have never worked or have been out of the job market for years, have no saving or money of their own, and may have never had to budget or pay household bills and might not even know what it would cost to live on their own. Many of them believe that using government assistance, daycare, or public school is morally wrong or even sinful and would make them bad parents and put their kids at risk for all sorts of things. The divorce would also cost them most of their friends and social/support network and, in many cases, their families would either turn against them or be so full of "I told you so's" that they wouldn't provide much support either.

Even if you have an education and/or some sort of marketable skills, living with emotional abuse tends to make you feel like you aren't competent enough to use them or can't handle being on your own and taking charge or your live without massively screwing it up. It also tends to go hand in hand with depression and can make depression and anxiety much worse, to the point where they become disabling. Even trying to get counseling or help for those things becomes impossible if the abuser controls the money, which they usually do, because they will convince you that you are just feeling sorry for yourself and need to get your shit together on your own, that you don't have any real problems, and that anyone who says they might have one is just trying to tear your family apart. A lot of women also realize that the man in this case can make a damn good case for custody of the children, and that's scary as hell when most of your adult life has centered around your role as a mom.