Another Wonderful Modesty Post

[Jezebel]

I can't use cups either. :( I tried! But... I just made me some pads from an old flannel sheet (for the bottom), an old towel (for the middle) pul, and kitty printed flannel for the top! Love 'em! They're sooooooooooooooooooooooooo comfy. Comfy times infinity. I love them SO much! And my sewing... well... it leaves a lot to be desired. But they still work! Ha! (And it makes me VERY happy to not be paying 10 bucks on a dang pack of pads. What in the world? LOL)

I use a cup on the first two days when I bleed like I'm dying, and pads on the remaining 3-4 days when it's just a trickle. [/tmi]

I stitched up a bunch of homemade pads after the last time they were discussed here, and after two periods I'm sold on them--especially for at night, as I can make longer ones that catch everything. I can make thin ones, then stack them as needed. I also like to change them frequently, and now I can do that without feeling like I'm supporting the menstrual-industrial complex single-uterusedly.

I experimented with a few different fabrics, and the ones made from microfiber towels washed out the best--not a stain on them, even without any pre-treatment beyond soaking. I took them with me on a trip, washed the used ones in a hotel sink, and they were dry the next morning. And I found that none of the pads I made shifted out of place as long as I wore snug-fitting underwear, so I'm probably not going to bother making any with snaps.

[Aurora]

I posted a comment pointing that out, but I'll be surprised if she posts it. But then I also posted it on my blog.

It made me think of this:

freethoughtblogs.com/lovejoyfeminism/2012/02/29/who-are-the-real-babies-house-proofing-and-modesty/

Hmm, I still don't see your comment. Surprise.

But the blog post above the modesty one, about Princess Katharine, sounds awfully feminist.

[clarinetpower]

Righteous anger? I call bullshit. That's jealousy. Jealous, pure and simple.

And that's exactly what he wants.

When it comes down to this, her husband is a master manipulator who's toying with her like a cat toy on a string. Everything she does is up for scrutiny, down to the smallest detail, and she never can live up to his standards because they will constantly change. He treats her like an object, but holds up all the other women to compare so she can be even more objectified, with the smokescreen of him caring about her soul.

Bull.

This guy is emotionally abusive. Probably in other ways, too, but there is a serious lack of respect in that relationship. He is destroying her, little by little, and he's loving it. And the more modest and submissive she acts, the better, because he can hold it up to the world as what a great husband he is.

It is all about him.

[Deleted03]

[

I'll just be straightforward... I get really... *sensitive* during af. It has gotten to where tampons HURT, and cups... well, I've only tried the Diva. I could just order another, but haven't really gotten around to it. Not sure which else to try. I had no problems inserting it or removing it, but I could feel it and it um... well, I'll just say that it never got that far up in me no matter how far I pushed it up. LOL! Plus, it started to hurt the last couple times, giving me bad cramps. I do love my pads though. I cna't stand disposable. Freaking plasticy and the adhesive... when they twist (I'm an active sleeper) omgowowow! I like reusable pads more than I thought. Just snap 'em in and go. Easy peasy. :)

:) No, I don't have a filter. ROFL

ETA: Theres a livejournal group that I think you should check out. I don't remember the actual url, just search "Livejournal Menstrual Cups" and it'll direct you to it! There's so many different types, and there's ways to see if one might be better for you than another. (I think I need one where the rim is not as pronounced and maybe softer. But that's a whole lotta money I just don't have atm. *shrug*)

it's not supposed to be far up, it's supposed to be at the bottom, with the little "stick" (Queue?) that you should feel with your fingers without having to insert them. it's not supposed to go like tampons at all.

If you have any question, feel free to PM me, I think I'm gonna make an Ask A thread but if you'd rather be private it's fine too!

ETA: here's the thread: viewtopic.php?f=16&t=8338

[Lady]

Someone should read Miss Manners:

Dear Miss Manners,

Recently, I found out that I was the topic of discussion at a family gathering that I was unable to attend. Apparently, two older cousins brought it to the attention of the rest of the family that I do not wear bras. They proceeded to discuss this fact in front of the entire family, even going so far as to suggest that someone needed to set me straight.

I am appalled by this. It is my personal decision to not wear bras. I am 18 and am not particularly well-endowed. I don't wear sheer outfits or very clingy tops. I don't understand why my choice would have any effect on my cousins, or why this would be considered appropriate conversation.

I will be spending time in close quarters with this gossiping duo, and am wondering what a proper response would be.

Gentle Reader,

If we all heard what our fond relatives say about us when we are absent, family life would come to an end and everybody would have to celebrate Thanksgiving alone.

With any luck you will not have to deal with this at all, because your relatives may lack the nerve to mention it to you. But if you want to make sure, open the next family gathering by asking cheerfully, "Whose underwear are we going to critique today?" (And if one of your cheeky cousins breaks the shocked silence by saying, "Yours," the response is, "No, I've had my turn. What about yours?")

http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/ ... id=8319104

[gezykah]

If I can't wear tight or a low shirt, need to make sure the world's certain I'm wearing a bra, and can't "bare my middle" then the only alternative left for me is to start wearing corsets in public.

[Ruby]

Agreed, gezykah. Because breathing is overrated. ; )

[wtfrenchtoast]

Can I just say that personally, I really, truly do not care if some random guy happens to glance at me and have a sexual thought? Honestly, what's it to me? As long as he isn't being rude about it, I couldn't care less what goes on in his mind. It's not like I'm ever going to know. Some fundies bring it up like you should run screaming at the thought. "A visible bra strap could make a man have SEXUAL THOUGHTS about you!!eleventy!!!" Seriously, I don't care.

Also, if you think a little kid can be defrauding in any way, you need help. Serious help.

One more thing. I totally watched "Immortals" because of the award-winning acting, and not a half-naked Henry Cavill. Totally.

[Trynn]

“If you do not wear a bra every man will notice

Maybe this depends on the individual's breast size, but personally, I go braless quite frequently, and literally NO ONE notices. Not that I've ever polled any guys to ask them, but sometimes with close girlfriends I'll tell them, and they'll be surprised.

I actually worry about this a lot... now that I see it on such a list as this, though, I wonder how big of a deal it actually is?

I don't even understand this one...I really don't... what's it even supposed to mean?

I'm such a whore. I hate crossing my legs/ankles. I find it uncomfortable.

This is the only part of the post that, to me, made any sense. But even then, it should only be a rule if the girl is fond of wearing dresses AND doing random cartwheels in said dresses and will not be convinced to do otherwise (as was I at the ripe old age of 7.)

I agree that this post is just over the top, and that her husband needs some serious help. The way that woman was sitting, with one knee up, should not have bothered him. Unless she was wearing a very short mini skirt, I doubt she was showing anything anyway. Goodness.

ETA: I've been using a Diva for a few cycles, and while I'm sold on the idea, I'm not sold on the Diva. I've got another cup I'm going to try on my next cycle. I switched over for medical reasons that might be a bit tmi, but it really does feel good to know I'm helping keep tampons out of landfills AND saving money. I mostly consider those side affects though.

And you can add me to the list of women who are uncomfortable with their body because of the whole modesty thing. Sometimes my mom would tell me a shirt was too tight, and I'd have no idea why. On some of it I still have no idea why. As a result of this, sometimes I get really paranoid about whether or not a top shows off my breasts too much. And I am not well endowed at all. It would be so nice to know I could just stop worrying about it...

[Terrie]

I'm not a fan of having my nipples show, because I always feel like, "Hi, I'm Terrie and these are my nipples." But I tend to wear fairly loose shirts and I'm small-chested, so I can get away without wearing a bra if I want to.

[adidas]

Girls aren’t as visually stimulated by boys

Oohh yes they are. She obviously hasn't been to a gym lately. Not that I go to the gym to ogle the men, but you'd have to be blind not to notice that there are some men there who are very, very visually appealing. Hooboy.

[JesusFightClub]

This is so utterly confusing there are not words.

You can't dress femininely without showing you are female. And men notice you have breasts, unless you bind. Is the solution not to take no heed of men and their reactions?

Or! Dress like me. I would ordinarily advise against this, as I have no discernible dress sense. But this is the point. Huge baggy hoodie, army camouflage trousers, army boots* and I am getting my head shaved to a number 1 cut. I guarantee you that combo doesn't drive the average male wild with lust.

Thing is, fundies have a complete disconnect. "I want to look feminine, adorable and lovely. However I want no man to have lustful feelings towards me, because it will be my fault for tempting him."

* for the interested, ex NATO issue, sourced from German army

[desertvixen]

You can't dress femininely without showing you are female. And men notice you have breasts, unless you bind. Is the solution not to take no heed of men and their reactions?

Personally, this is my take on it. As long as I am dressed appropriately for the occasion and environment, that's all I really worry about. For instance, since I work with soldiers in training and frequently end up running by work in civilian clothes, I don't wear anything that's overly revealing.

I'm also a fan of the big hoodie sweatshirt - I own several - because they keep me warm and don't draw a lot of attention to my shape.

ETA: I do make my five-year old wear bike shorts underneath all skirts and dresses, because I want her to be free to do whatever - turn a cartwheel, run, jump, climb a tree - and she likes to wear dresses/skirts.

[Avalondaughter]

Yeah, this man is seriously disturbed. I hate how she accompanies the post with a picture of a girl who looks about SEVEN all covered up in a long dress on the beach. A child that age is perfectly fine in a bathing suit and if a man thinks a girl that age is "defrauding" there is something very wrong with him. Not that adult women shouldn't be able to wear bathing suits as well, but the comments on modesty of children and how "little cheeks tend to expose themselves" and things like that are really weird and disturbing.

It seems to me that the post about children is less about making sure girls don't tempt men, but about giving them "practice" for modesty as adults. She doesn't want little girls to get too comfortable showing their bodies. The message seems to be to teach girls to be ashamed of their bodies at a very early age.

[Terrie]

Thing is, fundies have a complete disconnect. "I want to look feminine, adorable and lovely. However I want no man to have lustful feelings towards me, because it will be my fault for tempting him."

As near as I can tell, they strive to look like a precious moments figurine.

[freejoytoo]

This blog post has made my blood boil. I bet they're the type who say it's a woman's fault for getting raped because she was wearing the wrong kind of clothing.

I also don't like it when little girls are put under pressure to act like ladies. They're little girls and it shouldn't matter if their underwear shows because they're children. They aren't sexual.

[Nesomja]

What would she/her husband say to someone breast feeding in public do you think? Would she go and quietly ask them to stop this defrauding activity or might she start to think maybe this was in fact her husband's problem? This post is so creepy, he sound so inappropriately controlling and not just of his wife, of all women he ever sees.

[MadameX]

What amazes me about this issue is that the women buy it hook, line, and sinker, yet they don't seem to realize that it implicitly gives them so much power over men.

[Esther]

Her husband sounds like a creep and an asshole and this list TRULY made my blood boil. How fucking dare he?

[Im2sexy4myskirt]

Her husband is a jackass. And she's an even bigger jackass for going along with him and having the nerve to approach other women to tell them how wrong they are. I don't give a flying fuck how my clothes make other people feel. I dress the way that makes me feel good.

[nokidsmom]

Righteous anger? I call bullshit. That's jealousy. Jealous, pure and simple.

And that's exactly what he wants.

When it comes down to this, her husband is a master manipulator who's toying with her like a cat toy on a string. Everything she does is up for scrutiny, down to the smallest detail, and she never can live up to his standards because they will constantly change. He treats her like an object, but holds up all the other women to compare so she can be even more objectified, with the smokescreen of him caring about her soul.

Bull.

This guy is emotionally abusive. Probably in other ways, too, but there is a serious lack of respect in that relationship. He is destroying her, little by little, and he's loving it. And the more modest and submissive she acts, the better, because he can hold it up to the world as what a great husband he is.

It is all about him.

Yep. I had an ex-boyfriend who decided to pull this stuff after we had been going out for awhile. He wanted to get married and all that, I didn't, so for some stupid reason thought pulling this type of stuff would work for him. When I called him out, I got the line that I did "more for him" (read: do what he wanted) he would stop. Yeah, right. He became the "ex" real quick after that.....idiot.

[Olive Plant]

Oohh yes they are. She obviously hasn't been to a gym lately. Not that I go to the gym to ogle the men, but you'd have to be blind not to notice that there are some men there who are very, very visually appealing. Hooboy.

I recently checked out "Troy" just to see Brad Pitt's hot body. And Eric Bana. And Sean Bean. And even Orlando Bloom. It was one long lazy afternoon of guilty pleasure.