36 (Not) Cool Things to Do for FakeJew Passover

[GeoBQn]

From the latest issue of Torah Family E-magazine, I'll just cover the highlights.

http://freepdfhosting.com/4b64bdc371.pdf

 

 

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1. Visit a sheep farm. What better way to teach your children about the ram sacrifice than for them to see a ram close up. The Hebrews had to care for that ram for five days and then kill it. That must have been very hard to do.

Always good to traumatize the kids early.

 

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14. Make a list of meals you can eat during Feast of Unleavened Bread.

For families that actually keep kosher for Passover, this isn't really "fun" so much as a necessity.

 

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15. Use red construction paper strips on your door during your seder. It is a great visual aid for the kids, and can even give opportunity for witnessing to someone.

What, they were too lazy to pick up some ram's blood on that trip to the farm?

 

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17. Decorate your table with jewelry to remember how the Hebrews spoiled the Egyptians.

This makes no sense. How could the Hebrews spoil the Egyptians? They were slaves!

 

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25. Perform a footwashing ceremony to remember how Yahshua washed his disciples' feet

in John 13. What are some other ways we can be a servant to others?

This is the 2nd time I've seen FakeJews incorporate foot washing and servitude into the seder, and I'm really offended by that. The whole point of Passover is to celebrate our freedom from slavery, and a lot of the rituals in the seder symbolize luxury (sitting with cushions, reclining while eating, dipping food). Trying to incorporate servant imagery shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the holiday.

 

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26. Learn about barley and how it is harvested. There is a great article here.

27. Read the book of Ruth which took place during the barley harvest.

The barley harvest is associated with the holiday of Shavuot, 7 weeks later.

 

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30. Blow a shofar! A feast day is always a good time to blow a shofar.

Just because a shofar is Jewish, doesn't mean we use it for every single holiday.

[chiccy]

UGhhhhhh I hate Messianics. I'm wondering, do they even know the real rules of Passover? Do they know not to eat kitniyos, etc.? Do they observe the Yom Tov days properly? It always seems to me that their Torah understanding and quality of observance are pretty shoddy in general; I wonder if Passover is any exception.

*or do they do more of a Karaite style of observance? It has been mentioned that they sometimes are this way...

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Very WTF.

If they want to read those same stories in the Christian Bible and have a celebration of their own thing, well, party on. But don't say it's a Passover Seder, because even some of us heathens know that's entirely something else.

Not quite the same thing at all but I've seen a bunch of homeschooling "geography" lessons or better yet homeschool summer Bible camp type things where for whatever reason they're studying Asia (or "let's learn about China, where Christians are being persecuted now" etc), and they manage to get all the countries completely mixed up and stereotyped horribly. I suspect some of the thought processes going on are similar, the whole "ooh, exotic!" coupled with "well, close enough, don't criticize me because we just wanted the spirit of the thing!" thing.

[valsa]

This makes no sense. How could the Hebrews spoil the Egyptians? They were slaves!

I might get what she's saying, but that's an extremely stupid way to put it. I could see something like "Decorate your table with jewelry to remember how the Egyptians prospered and lived in luxury from the slave labor of the Hebrews" but even that is a weird way to go about teaching that lesson.

[AuntCloud]

Why not dress up as pirates and stuff ourselves with matzah doughnuts? let's mix up all the holidays into one while we're at it.

Funny how posts like that make my atheist, Jewish-by-birth but mostly non-practicing blood boil. Shofar in Passover? seriously.

Me and my friends spend the day cooking (and enjoying it. Really), read choice section of the Haggadah until food is served, then sing a few songs, pack all the leftover food and call it a night. Oh yes, you should always make at least three times the amount of food that will be actually eaten. Also, Passover is prime time for flourless chocolate cakes.

[GeoBQn]

UGhhhhhh I hate Messianics. I'm wondering, do they even know the real rules of Passover? Do they know not to eat kitniyos, etc.? Do they observe the Yom Tov days properly? It always seems to me that their Torah understanding and quality of observance are pretty shoddy in general; I wonder if Passover is any exception.

*or do they do more of a Karaite style of observance? It has been mentioned that they sometimes are this way...

I'm guessing they don't know about kitniyot, since on another page they make a list of ways to eat matzah and one of them was to eat it with bean dip. They also came up with the idea of eating "matzah ice cream sandwiches," which sounds incredibly nasty.

[AuntCloud]

Matzah and ice-cream do not mix. Matzah, caramel and good chocolate, however, do so beautifully.

[pomology]

UGhhhhhh I hate Messianics. I'm wondering, do they even know the real rules of Passover? Do they know not to eat kitniyos, etc.? Do they observe the Yom Tov days properly? It always seems to me that their Torah understanding and quality of observance are pretty shoddy in general; I wonder if Passover is any exception.

*or do they do more of a Karaite style of observance? It has been mentioned that they sometimes are this way...

Messianics range from Lina, who tries to be Orthodox + Yeshua to the Dixons who follow some obscure calendar that is only considered Biblical in the Horn of Africa (interestingly, by Ethiopian Jews and Christians both) and are otherwise Karaite-like in their observances.

No matter what they enrage me by their total ignorance of how offensive of it is for them to play Jew.

ETA: I think the rules about kitniyot are utterly ridiculous and although I generally try to follow them as my family is Ashkenazi, I don't plan on following them this year, for various reasons. So as much as I hate them, I can't blame them for ignoring those rules.

[Terrie]

Wow. I'm not Jewish and even I can tell that they are WAY off on some of those things.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Why not dress up as pirates...

Heh. That part would be remarkably appropriate for what they're doing. :dance:

[Conuly]

Do they know not to eat kitniyos, etc.?

I thought that not all observant Jewish traditions had the rule about kitniyos...? (Then again, now I'm making the assumption that these people know there ARE other Jewish ethnic groups besides the Ashkenazim.)

[ladypuglover]

25. Perform a footwashing ceremony to remember how Yahshua washed his disciples' feet

in John 13. What are some other ways we can be a servant to others?]

:doh:

[chiccy]

I thought that not all observant Jewish traditions had the rule about kitniyos...? (Then again, now I'm making the assumption that these people know there ARE other Jewish ethnic groups besides the Ashkenazim.)

Correct. Which is why there could easily be a good reason why they don't do it...except that I'm pretty sure they don't have a reason or even know that many people do it.

I doubt some of these "Jews" have even heard the term Ashkenazim, let alone know of the other groups.

[2xx1xy1JD]

The best thing about marrying an Iraqi Jew was getting the green light for kitniyot on Passover. In recent years, the local supermarkets have started to stock "kosher for Passover for Sephardim only" items like canola oil, hummus, mustard, rice noodles and wrappers, etc.

Personally, I'd be horrified if anyone started to wash feet in my dining during a formal ceremony and feast, but maybe that's just me. Our seder has a symbolic handwashing, but anything else in the way of personal hygiene gets a sink and takes place AWAY from the dinner table.

[Arete]

When the messianics are refering to "spoiling" the Egyptians, do they realise that the Israelites "liberated" valuables from their Egyptian overlords and that is more about the spoils of war in the Bronze Age?

[emmiedahl]

I thought that not all observant Jewish traditions had the rule about kitniyos...? (Then again, now I'm making the assumption that these people know there ARE other Jewish ethnic groups besides the Ashkenazim.)

Mizrachi can eat kitniyot, but I have stopped because it is really confusing to other Jews who don't know that. :) It's not a big deal to me.

[kaetrin]

I might get what she's saying, but that's an extremely stupid way to put it. I could see something like "Decorate your table with jewelry to remember how the Egyptians prospered and lived in luxury from the slave labor of the Hebrews" but even that is a weird way to go about teaching that lesson.

Actually, I think it's archaic phrasing for "despoiled" (also rather archaic). Isn't there a part of the story in Exodus where the Hebrews go around asking their Egyptian neighbors to give them jewelry and stuff, and they do it, so the Hebrews walk away with a bunch of Egyptian wealth? I think that's what this refers to. "Plundered the Egyptians" would be a better way to say it, and it's a really obscure part of the story anyway.

[kaetrin]

Ah, AreteJo beat me to it.