Wow...Michelle and JB need to hear this

[Whit88]

I don't know if yall are familiar with actress Alyson Hannigan, who is currently pregnant with her 2nd child but she recently did an interview where she was questioned about why she waited to have another child. She gave the most beautiful response I have ever heard.

 

CBS:Awhile ago, you said you weren't sure about having a second child. What sealed the deal for you and Alexis?

 

Alyson: "Honestly, when she was younger I didn't want to share. I wanted her to have all of me. And now she's a little girl and so much more independent and self-sufficient. I see that she was ready, which made me ready.

I was an only child and I hated it, so I always wanted her to have a sibling. But I just wasn't ready when she was a baby. I wanted to give her those years."

 

The Duggars and the Bates need to hear this because they don't freaking realize how important it is to be fully present for your children AS PARENTS and not just throwing them on their siblings.

[meow139]

They want to bring more kids into the world, and don't realize that they need actual love to thrive. while I'm sure that there is love for them, it isn't as a mothers love should be.

[Deleted03]

I love Alyson Hannigan and her daughter is so cute. And this is so true, but in the Duggars household, it's JOY and JOY from the time you are born.

[Whit88]

Oh but how could I forget? ...it doesn't matter if a child learns to be self sufficient especially if the child is a GIRL...we wouldn't want the girl to be self- sufficient because ya know they might grow to kill their husband's manliness when they get married in the future :o

I don't give a damn about what the Duggars and Bates say..I never say anything is impossible but YES it is utterly impossible to be fully present to 19 children...that is bigger than a classroom...seriously when they are well into their 50s and 60s they will still have tons of kids to raise..and those older girls will be gone...yikes I don't envy them one bit...so much for retirement...have fun with that LOL

[Third]

Why would they take advice from a woman who WORKS outside the home! Also didn't see play a Lesbian in Buffy so she's a heathen too.

They simply don't see it that way. The key [iMO obviously] is to have as many kids as possible. As long as those kids show the outward signs of being the next generation of Christian warriors - they are happy. I honestly cannot see how they know personally how each child is doing emotionally and since they get in trouble if they don't express joy and happiness. I do think they love their kids but I don't think they have the personal, close relationship I hope I am fostering with my own kids.

Alyson is AWESOME. :P

[roddma]

Society is so funny. First they keep asking you when are you going to have kids. Then when are giving that kid a brother or sister.

[ladypuglover]

Society is so funny. First they keep asking you when are you going to have kids. Then when are giving that kid a brother or sister.

Then tell you that you are done at 2 kids and how selfish it is to have more than 2. :roll:

[Mais Pourquoi]

...seriously when they are well into their 50s and 60s they will still have tons of kids to raise..and those older girls will be gone...yikes I don't envy them one bit...so much for retirement...have fun with that LOL

1.) You can't retire if you don't work.

2.) Ahahaha who are we kidding? They will never let the J'Slaves leave and live fully independent adult lives that they deserve court and move away from the compound.

edited for grammar

[Dinaberries]

Then tell you that you are done at 2 kids and how selfish it is to have more than 2. :roll:

Ugh, this is so true.

Anyway, I really love what Alyson Hannigan had to say. I feel that same way. My husband and I had initially wanted to get pregnant again when our baby was between 12-18 months old, but now I definitely want to wait until he is at least 3 before we have another child. The reason I feel that way isn't because he's difficult (he's actually an incredibly easy baby), or even due to my horrible pregnancy, labor and emergency c-section. It's because I want him to have all of me and my husband's attention for a while. I started feeling this way a few days after he was born, and my husband now agrees that having another child in the next two years would limit the attention our baby gets, and we don't want that for him.

[daisyjane1234]

Come on. Dontcha know it's all about quantity, not quality.

More arrows for Jesus. If you break a few arrows cramming them into the quiver you can always grow more.

[Athena]

This is how I feel about my daughter right now. She's only 7 months and I just couldn't imagine splitting my time with another baby yet. I think I'll be more ready when she's around 2 years old. My hubby is really excited about having more already but I told him we're closed right now, try again later! It's funny too because I was preggers around the same time that Anna was with Michael and if she's pregnant again already, that really puts it into perspective for me for how quickly these fundies push out the kids.

[roddma]

Ugh, this is so true.

Anyway, I really love what Alyson Hannigan had to say. I feel that same way. My husband and I had initially wanted to get pregnant again when our baby was between 12-18 months old, but now I definitely want to wait until he is at least 3 before we have another child. The reason I feel that way isn't because he's difficult (he's actually an incredibly easy baby), or even due to my horrible pregnancy, labor and emergency c-section. It's because I want him to have all of me and my husband's attention for a while. I started feeling this way a few days after he was born, and my husband now agrees that having another child in the next two years would limit the attention our baby gets, and we don't want that for him.

The Jeubs would say you have a fear of pregnancy and birth if you stop at 2 or 1.

[bananacat]

The problem is that fundies seem to think that successful lives are handed out lottery-style, and that if a kid is destined to be a lawyer or even just a well-adjusted working class adult, then God will make sure they turn out that way even if they lack an education and parental attention. They think God assigns "this is the one will cure cancer" at the moment of birth (or probably conception) and that's all there is too it, and they don't need any input or help from their parents.

[Mais Pourquoi]

The problem is that fundies seem to think that successful lives are handed out lottery-style, and that if a kid is destined to be a lawyer or even just a well-adjusted working class adult, then God will make sure they turn out that way even if they lack an education and parental attention. They think God assigns "this is the one will cure cancer" at the moment of birth (or probably conception) and that's all there is too it, and they don't need any input or help from their parents.

Isn't this the same as Calvinism? Is the version of Christianity most of the fundies we discuss here rooted mostly in Calvinist ideology? Honest questions here- I have no personal experience with things like ATI and VF, or even growing up with much religion.

[fluttershies]

Isn't this the same as Calvinism? Is the version of Christianity most of the fundies we discuss here rooted mostly in Calvinist ideology? Honest questions here- I have no personal experience with things like ATI and VF, or even growing up with much religion.

Most people into ATI/VF are Calvinists, albeit a v extreme form of it - when people talk about being into 'Reformed' theology then it means Calvinism, basically.

[Mais Pourquoi]

Thanks fluttershies. I knew most of our beloved fundies were protestants, but I didn't know they were so fatalist (even though it seems pretty obvious now). Calvinist ideology totally makes sense given their worldview.

[thoughtful]

Some of these folks have a strange take on Calvinism and predestination.

It appears that parents need not concern themselves with:

- properly educating children

- giving them proper nutrition

- giving them full attention and parental love

- giving them proper medical care and insurance.

- teaching them any of the gentle, giving aspects of Christianity.

Nope -- all will turn out as God's will dictates.

However, it seems to be the parents' responsibility to beat the sin out of them, and make damned sure they know to sit still and obey instantly. :cry:

Why can't they trust God to take care of that?

[naysayersspeak]

I'm not sure if they're totally Calvinists, though- I'm not sure you see a real belief in total depravity- the idea that humans are fundamentally unable to please God- or of unconditional election. They're fond of limited atonement, irresistible grace and the perseverance of the saints- which is funny, 'cause limited atonement tends to be the one most rejected by other elements of the Calvinist-influenced protestant church.

Nor do they really seem to believe in covenant theology. The idea that the New Testament covenant is different to the ones in the Old Testament doesn't really seem to be around in a lot of fundie circles. They're certainly influenced by Calvinism, but I don't think they're truly Calvinists.

-edited to fix grammar-

[fluttershies]

Thanks fluttershies. I knew most of our beloved fundies were protestants, but I didn't know they were so fatalist (even though it seems pretty obvious now). Calvinist ideology totally makes sense given their worldview.

Most Protestant churches are Calvinist in *some* aspects, but very few take it to ATI levels.

[LadyBlue]

Anyway, I really love what Alyson Hannigan had to say. I feel that same way. My husband and I had initially wanted to get pregnant again when our baby was between 12-18 months old, but now I definitely want to wait until he is at least 3 before we have another child. The reason I feel that way isn't because he's difficult (he's actually an incredibly easy baby), or even due to my horrible pregnancy, labor and emergency c-section. It's because I want him to have all of me and my husband's attention for a while. I started feeling this way a few days after he was born, and my husband now agrees that having another child in the next two years would limit the attention our baby gets, and we don't want that for him.

I always wanted to have at least 2 years between kids since 2 yrs is my minimum for breastfeeding per the WHO & the Canadian guidelines. Multiple miscarriages meant there's nearly 4 yrs between my 2 eldest and then 3 1/2 yrs between my 2nd and 3rd. Having my 4th just over a month before my 3rd turned 3 was really difficult. Both my husband and I felt like we were stealing part of his babyhood from him. Luckily it hasn't turned out that way & he adores his baby brother, but I really don't get having closely spaced kids. Kids deserve to have some time to be "the baby".

[MrsKay]

I totally feel the same way as Alyson. BabyKay came along 6.5 years after his big brother, and almost 14 years after his big sister, due to fertility issues, but at least my first 2 kids each got PLENTY of time as "the baby". Now BabyKay is 13 months, and given my fertility issues, and the fact that I'm not getting younger, we kind of feel like we should be getting at the next one. However, I can't bear the thought of missing out on this time with BabyKay; if it means I might have 1 less child in the end because I waited too long, then I'll deal with that. BabyKay is just not ready to be a big sibling, and assuming there are no surprises, I'm happy to wait for more, if it means letting him be my baby longer. My older kids are pretty self-assured with all of the one-on-one attention they got for their "baby" years, and had no big problems welcoming a new sibling eventually, even when dealing with autism in the case of ODS, so I'm not too bothered by the large age gap issue.