Skylar's not changing her name

[LucySnowe]

Which is her choice and that's all fine, but I don't get why she is completely bewildered by other people asking her whether she's going to.

Maybe it's the most polite (and practical) thing to ask, but I never expected to get this question. It just didn't occur to me that the conversion is the most practical time to change one's name.

But...why not? Women (and a few men) who change their names when they get married do so because they are now married; I refused to let anyone call me Dr. Snowe until the official 'you now have a PhD and a lifetime of student loans' pronouncement was given, because I wasn't, and then I was. And, someone who knows more about Catholicism, please help me out with the whole 'getting another name at confirmation' thing?

I mean, sure, you can make arguments (as she does in the entry) to use your name before you're actually Jewish, and there's no reason not to. And she explicitly doesn't feel she has a new identity which requires a new everyday name. But if you're converting and it's a huge deal and part of it is taking a new name - which she's done in addition to the name she had when she converted Conservative - it seems logical to think the two might go together.

There's not much point to my post, I suppose. But hey, we haven't talked much about Skylar lately, and the Christian fundies are depressing me.

crazyjewishconvert.blogspot.com/2012/02/why-im-not-going-by-my-hebrew-name.html

edited to add the link

[Conuly]

I think many people who have a Hebrew name don't use it socially, isn't that the case? Just like most Catholics don't use their confirmation name socially (although my uncle did for a time, as he really disliked his own given name, but he's the exception here), it's a religious thing, not a lifestyle thing.

Changing your name "legally" means a fee, and a court date, and a big hassle. It's not like changing your name when you get married, which you can do just by writing in the new last name on your marriage certificate (and fun fact, in some states both partners can pick a new name, any new name they like! In others, however, men have to go through the whole rigamarole and women don't). When you do it through any other means than marriage or adoption it's a big fuss.

This conversation is ignoring common law name changes, which are uncommon and can be difficult to get places like the bank to accept. For a common law name change, all you have to do is use your new name consistently. Most states accept this to some degree so long as you're not attempting to defraud anybody.

(And to an extent, most people are familiar with this practice. If you introduce yourself as Betty even though the name on your birth certificate is Elizabeth, congratulations, you've just taken the first step in a common law name change! My mother gets bills and checks under three or four different names depending on how the institution in question interpreted the name "Anne-Marie". (Annmarie? Ann Marie? Anne M.? A. M.? Which of two last names does she use again?) Nobody particularly cares, because the variations they use all are clearly similar to her actual name. I have an uncle who signs checks "E. W. Lastname" and introduces himself as "Bill", and most people assume that W stands for William. It doesn't, of course, but so long as he's consistent it doesn't really matter. It just gets a little funny if your parents named you Anne and you start introducing yourself to everybody as Cordelia. You might get your friends and neighbors to go along with it, but sooner or later the bank is going to want to see proof, and they're disinclined to believe anything not from the government.)

[LucySnowe]

I think many people who have a Hebrew name don't use it socially, isn't that the case?

In more liberal forms, yes, but I don't know enough about Orthodox Judaism to know. My sister used her Hebrew name for a few years when she went very frum.

I expect Skylar is mostly dealing with people who don't know the ins and outs about conversion to Judaism - which, frankly, probably includes most Jews! (Including me.)

(And to an extent, most people are familiar with this practice. If you introduce yourself as Betty even though the name on your birth certificate is Elizabeth, congratulations, you've just taken the first step in a common law name change! My mother gets bills and checks under three or four different names depending on how the institution in question interpreted the name "Anne-Marie". (Annmarie? Ann Marie? Anne M.? A. M.? Which of two last names does she use again?) Nobody particularly cares, because the variations they use all are clearly similar to her actual name. I have an uncle who signs checks "E. W. Lastname" and introduces himself as "Bill", and most people assume that W stands for William. It doesn't, of course, but so long as he's consistent it doesn't really matter. It just gets a little funny if your parents named you Anne and you start introducing yourself to everybody as Cordelia. You might get your friends and neighbors to go along with it, but sooner or later the bank is going to want to see proof, and they're disinclined to believe anything not from the government.)

Yeah, I changed my middle name before I was 18, though not by any official means, and therefore my passports have no middle name because I have no legal claim to the new one, though my first bank happily accepted it, thankfully, and all the others followed suit.

There is religious precedent for a significant name change that isn't reflected in legal documents. My friend Sister Mary Margaret still has her passport in her birth name Sally Smith, and presumably if she has any kind of financial dealings (say someone died and left her something in the will), it would have to be dealt with under Sally Smith, even if she's completely rejected that name as a matter of identity.

[pomology]

My name in English is my Hebrew name, so I go by it, anyway.

I have relatives who are BTs and they go by their given English names. Although I've known BTs who go by their Hebrew name, too. In the end, it's obviously a personal choice.

If you had a name like Rachel, then you probably wouldn't stick out in an Orthodox community. With a name like Skylar, everyone will know that you are either a convert or a BT, because it's just not a name that Orthodox Jews would give their children. Thus, I can see why people are asking her if she is keeping a name that will always make her stand out. If she wants to, that's fine. It's her choice, and frankly a choice I would probably make (of course, I can't really speak to that as, again, I already have a Hebrew name) to maintain a connection to my roots. But, since converting Orthodox is entering a community, I can see why people would ask her if she's going to try to blend in further to that community. It's not that weird a question.

[Daenerys]

At confirmation you take a saint's name as your first name, but you never actually use it. It's supposed to be a saint that you admire or strive to be like.

/lapsed catholic

[BlackHawk]

As someone who has gone through a name change twice, it's a pain the ass and a hassle. The first was to change my complete name when I was 19. It involved explaining to the court why I was changing my name, hiring an attorney (which I actually ended up getting free), filing a shit ton of paperwork, then filing with the courts to prove I had submitted my name for the newpaper in my hometown that ran 3 or 4 weeks. It was more expensive than anything I've encountered before, but I do not regret it. The second name change was merely a last name change... from my chosen to my partner's. It went a lot smoother, but was also thrown out once by an asshole judge who decided that since gay marriage isn't legal here, I couldn't change my name. One simple appeal, a change of court venue, and BAM the next judge was very relaxed, asked if I was sure, then we moved on. Again I had to post my name in the local paper, but only for 2 weeks this time. Either way, changing your name is a hassle's that's just not worth it. After all that, then sitting in the county clerks office to get paperwork, then filing with the SS office and so on and so forth... I wouldn't do it again. I told the partner if we ever break up I'm keeping his last name for good and he laughed. (Us breaking up seems damn near impossible at this point, so we both often laugh at those type of comments.)

[alaeangelorum]

At confirmation you take a saint's name as your first name, but you never actually use it. It's supposed to be a saint that you admire or strive to be like.

/lapsed catholic

I thought you sort of added it to your name like a middle name, but I could be wrong. Either way I agree no-one uses it.

[clibbyjo]

At confirmation you take a saint's name as your first name, but you never actually use it. It's supposed to be a saint that you admire or strive to be like.

/lapsed catholic

Yeah, I have never heard anyone use their confirmation name. Mine was Francais. Dh has the best confirmation name ever, ALOYSIUS. Not only can't he spell it, he doesn't remember why he even picked it. :clap:

[reds]

I think my mother had a confirmation name but neither me nor my sister had one. I dont think it is done now as i was confirmed about 7 years ago.