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I went to a fundie-lite Hens Night ...


naysayersspeak

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... and lived to tell the tale. Just.

But I thought y'all might enjoy the story.

I've mentioned elsewhere on here that I grew up Fundie Lite, and lurking and reading has actually been really good for me as I sort out some of my post-Fundie angst. The community I grew up in was more like Mars Hill than ATI, and most of my family are still involved in it.

On Saturday, I went to my cousin's Hens night, before her wedding in two weeks time. So this is supposed to be a fun, bachelorette-y type thing. Of course, though, the bride and her friends weren't drinking, and instead of going to a bar or going dancing, we went to a crappy, overpriced chain restaurant.

Within ten minutes of arriving, the Maid of Honor asked me where I went to Church. When I replied that I didn't, she said "You are a Christian though, aren't you?", to which I replied honestly, which is that I have faith, but that I consider it a personal thing, and that for a religion that preaches grace and love, I find the church pretty devoid of both.

She replied "Well, that's just people everywhere." To which I replied that I've been a member of a couple of different institutions, and I've found the church to be particularly bad.

Her mother, who was sitting next to me, said "Well, you don't know what you're talking about. You should see what moms at my daughters' school are like".

I decided to talk to the person on the other side of me.

Later, we were talking about a guy I went to (Christian) school with who is married to the groom's cousin. She said he wasn't going to the wedding, and I said that was a bit of a relief, 'cause he's one of those Christian guys who married young and gives any unmarried woman a hard time (He called a mutual friend of ours a prostitute- to her face- because she had sex before marriage).

The Maid of Honour turned to me and said "How old are you?"

"I'm 27."

"Oh, you're fine. You've got a good ten years before you're left on the shelf" She was not joking.

To which I pointed out that marriage isn't necessarily for everyone, or the top priority of everyone. I joked that if I got married, I'd have to share my money, and who wants that- trying to lighten the mood.

She replied "I think everyone wants to get married. I couldn't NOT get married. I'd be too lonely. Besides, I wanted to have sex."

At which point the bride, my cousin, chimes in, singing "I get to have sex in two wee-eeks. I get to have sex in two weee-eeks".

And I looked at my food, kept my mouth shut, and wished the time would end.

Later, when we got to the movie, while they others ordered their pots of tea, I got a glass of white wine. It wasn't the best wine I've ever had, but damn, I doubt I've ever had a glass that felt as good.

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I would have called the waitress over and asked her to bring me a bottle of Patron and a glass first thing.

I would have asked for my bill. :whistle:

OP, you're a better woman than I. I would have either mouthed off and started a fight, or gotten knee walking drunk or just spilt. You are a saint.

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...you are a braver woman than I am. Or more patient, or something, because I would have been outta there in about 20 minutes.

Also, your cousin chanting "I get to have sex in two weeks!" sounds kind of...um...immature. I'm sure she's a lovely gal, but like so many of our fundie women, kind of emotionally stunted at the age of fifteen or so. That's the most striking feature to me. As someone about to make the biggest commitment of their life that I can think of, your cousin is talking about finally having sex? I'd be worried about sharing my credit rating 'n shit.

And goddamn, I bet that wine felt good, kind of a "and THIS is why I drink, folks" moment. Red or white? But at that point, I'm probably be doing shots, or at least having a coffee and kahlua...extra kahlua.

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Honestly, if I wasn't worried about certain things getting back to my mother (we kind of have an unofficial don't ask/ don't tell policy), I probably would have given her REALLY specific advice.

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Ha! Fresh out of college, my childhood friend got married and had her "bachelorette party" in the room she and her maid of honor were sharing at a cheap-ass motel. The festivities consisted of silly stringing the boys' room(!) and taking turns reading scripture.

Then there was a long prayer led by her fundiest friends, including the sister of the groom, whose prayer included the hope that the Bride and Groom would "enjoy each other physically." She also prayed that Bride and Groom's super-Godly marriage would be an example to the parents of the groom (her parents too) whose marriage was not sufficiently based on a "leader and helper/completer" model.

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Ha! Fresh out of college, my childhood friend got married and had her "bachelorette party" in the room she and her maid of honor were sharing at a cheap-ass motel. The festivities consisted of silly stringing the boys' room(!) and taking turns reading scripture.

Then there was a long prayer led by her fundiest friends, including the sister of the groom, whose prayer included the hope that the Bride and Groom would "enjoy each other physically." She also prayed that Bride and Groom's super-Godly marriage would be an example to the parents of the groom (her parents too) whose marriage was not sufficiently based on a "leader and helper/completer" model.

Well that all sounds like a barrel of laughs :shock:

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At which point the bride, my cousin, chimes in, singing "I get to have sex in two wee-eeks. I get to have sex in two weee-eeks".

I would have opened my big mouth "Wow, I get to have sex now, you could if you wanted too." My husband and I lived together for two years before getting married. Mom once actually gave me the 'he won't buy the cow' line. My response. "I'm getting it for free too Mom." She never brought the subject up again.

PS, next time, order the wine at the first restaurant. Wine helps make obnoxious people more tolerable.

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Ha! Fresh out of college, my childhood friend got married and had her "bachelorette party" in the room she and her maid of honor were sharing at a cheap-ass motel. The festivities consisted of silly stringing the boys' room(!) and taking turns reading scripture.

Then there was a long prayer led by her fundiest friends, including the sister of the groom, whose prayer included the hope that the Bride and Groom would "enjoy each other physically." She also prayed that Bride and Groom's super-Godly marriage would be an example to the parents of the groom (her parents too) whose marriage was not sufficiently based on a "leader and helper/completer" model.

Back when I was still in the Church, we had a "hens night" for another girl, which involved going to one of the Bridesmaid's family holiday house, and presenting the bride with this great book:

http://www.amazon[dot]co.uk/One-Flesh-Practical-Honeymoon-Beyond/dp/1876326425

which one of the Bridesmaids was too embarrassed to ask for at the local Christian bookshop. When one of the girls decided to read a bit from it, the some of the others hid their heads under pillows and started yelling for her to be quiet.

We were about 21 at the time.

I'd totally forgotten about that until just then.

*edit* Edited to break link- sorry, I thought it would do it if I left the http off.

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I don't drink alcohol but even I would have ordered a glass of wine or something alcoholic just to be a thorn in their side.

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I would have been half in the bag, at least, by the time dinner was over. And not even necessarily out of spite but to keep from exploding.

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Back when I was still in the Church, we had a "hens night" for another girl, which involved going to one of the Bridesmaid's family holiday house, and presenting the bride with this great book:

http://www.amazon[dot]co.uk/One-Flesh-Practical-Honeymoon-Beyond/dp/1876326425

which one of the Bridesmaids was too embarrassed to ask for at the local Christian bookshop. When one of the girls decided to read a bit from it, the some of the others hid their heads under pillows and started yelling for her to be quiet.

We were about 21 at the time.

I'd totally forgotten about that until just then.

*edit* Edited to break link- sorry, I thought it would do it if I left the http off.

OMFG, we got this book in once, I thought it was a humor book.

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I would have called the waitress over and asked her to bring me a bottle of Patron and a glass first thing.

Either that or pointed out that I was having sex later that evening...

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Guest Anonymous

This thread reminds me of something that happened at my sister's bridal showers. She had 2...one was a typical old-fashioned type held at her now mother-in-laws house with mainly older ladies. The next night was the bachlorette party at her best friends house. So, I bought 2 gifts the first was a nice set of dishes that was on her registry for the first party. The second was rather raunchy lingerie for the bachlorette party. I don't know how this happened but when loading the car for the first party the lingerie got packed instead of the dishes. I didn't realize this until it was time for her to open her gifts. OMG...my sister was so embarrassed, I felt like an idiot, & the expressions on some of the older ladies' faces were priceless. Strangely though they thought it was funny!

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...She also prayed that Bride and Groom's super-Godly marriage would be an example to the parents of the groom (her parents too) whose marriage was not sufficiently based on a "leader and helper/completer" model.

GAG. What arrogance.

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My SIL is pretty Catholic but the only really religious no sex before marriage people at her bridal shower were her and her best friend. We also went to a chain resturant but it was actually a good thing since my other SIL and I both had to bring our sons (our MIL suggested that the bachlorette and bachelor parties be the same day and she'd watch her grandkids then flaked out at the last minute since the guys were going to a strip club the kids had to come to the bachlorette party) and the flower girl was there too. I gave my SIL some KY as a gift. She didn't know what it was for and that had to be explained as best it could with children present.

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OMG...my sister was so embarrassed, I felt like an idiot, & the expressions on some of the older ladies' faces were priceless. Strangely though they thought it was funny!

I find that the little old ladies are really past being shocked and love to see others uncomfortable!

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This thread reminds me of something that happened at my sister's bridal showers. She had 2...one was a typical old-fashioned type held at her now mother-in-laws house with mainly older ladies. The next night was the bachlorette party at her best friends house. So, I bought 2 gifts the first was a nice set of dishes that was on her registry for the first party. The second was rather raunchy lingerie for the bachlorette party. I don't know how this happened but when loading the car for the first party the lingerie got packed instead of the dishes. I didn't realize this until it was time for her to open her gifts. OMG...my sister was so embarrassed, I felt like an idiot, & the expressions on some of the older ladies' faces were priceless. Strangely though they thought it was funny!

The best lingerie I got came from my future MIL and her friends. Experiences helps! Sex should be enjoyed, and I'll hand it to mainstream Methodists, they approve of a healthy sex life.

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I find that the little old ladies are really past being shocked and love to see others uncomfortable!

This is my personal experience, but some of the raunchiest women at showers/bachelorettes are the grandmas. I guess a lot of women just hit a certain age and they don't care what anyone thinks of them anymore.

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This thread reminds me of something that happened at my sister's bridal showers. She had 2...one was a typical old-fashioned type held at her now mother-in-laws house with mainly older ladies. The next night was the bachlorette party at her best friends house. So, I bought 2 gifts the first was a nice set of dishes that was on her registry for the first party. The second was rather raunchy lingerie for the bachlorette party. I don't know how this happened but when loading the car for the first party the lingerie got packed instead of the dishes. I didn't realize this until it was time for her to open her gifts. OMG...my sister was so embarrassed, I felt like an idiot, & the expressions on some of the older ladies' faces were priceless. Strangely though they thought it was funny!

How fat is your sister that her lingerie took up the same size/weight box as a set of dishes?! :o

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Guest Anonymous

I find that the little old ladies are really past being shocked and love to see others uncomfortable!

True, but my BIL's somewhat fundie aunt didn't think it was very funny!

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Guest Anonymous

How fat is your sister that her lingerie took up the same size/weight box as a set of dishes?! :o

I didn't actually pack the gift. While I was busy fixing the snack trays, I asked my boyfriend at the time to put the gift in the car, he just picked up the wrong gift.

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