Explain Your Hairstyle

[PBrooke]

My hair is... wild. I have a ton of it - probably three people's worth of hair - but it's fine, so it gets tangled extremely easily. It's wavy/slightly curly, but not SO curly that I can actually do a curly hairstyle when it's long. Even when I brush it, it looks messy in less than five minutes. When I was in high school I wore it down to my waist; if I washed my hair and went to sleep with it wet it would still be damp the next day. For most of my 20s I wore it somewhere below my chin and above my shoulder blades; it tended to poof out like Hermione.

Finally, last year, I realized I always secretly wanted to try a pixie cut, and I wanted to try it before I became old enough that hairdressers would only give me "mom hair" and not "edgy" cuts. I told my headship, and he supported me; he's always preferred less hair to more on me anyway, because he doesn't want to get strangled by the creeping jungle of my hair. I've got a pixie cut with longish bangs that I sweep to the side as they grow out and little pieces of hair (what are those called? Girl sideburns?) in front of my ears. I love it. I don't have to really brush my hair, and it never gets tangled; and it's short enough that it actually looks curly, as in, on purpose. And since the back is extra curly, it curls more as it grows, which means I only get a haircut maybe once in three or four months. I may never switch up my hairstyle again - I haven't gotten tired of it in a year. When I was gearing myself up to cut it I told a few people my idea and they all gave me crap about it - EXCEPT the ol ball and headship, who was nothing but encouraging. Since the Big Cut I've gotten more compliments on my hair than I've gotten in my life. So suck it, Jim Bob and Gothard - I've never felt more feminine and cute.

[NurseNell]

I have very thick hair that used to be very curly but is now just wavy. It is natural red and even at 67 is more red than white. People ask me frequently what I use to highlight my hair. Nothing other than the sun in summer. I use a tree oil shampoo made by Arbonne, expensive but a bottle lasts 6 months. In my 20's and 30's I wore it waist long but had to have it off my collar for work and the military so I had various bun like things I did with it. In my 40's and 50's I wore mostly a chin length bob. Now I wear it very short because of swimming and I think most older woman look younger with short hair. But I have decided I want to grow it long one more time, then donate my hair so that's what I'm going to do. I have no headship but one of my 5 cats, namely Clare, likes to groom my hair. The other feline members don't care.

[pixydust]

At this time I am submitting to my headship with my hair. He likes it short, and I rock a pixy cut like no ones business! Also, I'm submitting with the color, he loved it when I screwed it all to hell and it was pink, and I've done it again, so the hubs gets a pink haired wife for another week or so (I hate recoloring it to close together) when I redo it in Vampire Red. :dance:

Honestly, I love my hair short, it's fine and frizzy (very hard to style) and I'm busy, so a pixy works best for me. And yes, I color my hair blood red. I picked the right guy to marry, he likes my hair how I like it!

[moreorlessnu]

I hate the question or its close cousin, the "When are you donating it?" Umm, never, jerk.

I've heard conflicting things about locks for love (and other hair donating type charities). I'm never quite sure if they still need hair, and where the hair actually goes.

[Arete]

Chin length with some layers for me. I definitely have curly/wavy hair envy, but I try to keep sweet. My exes never seemed to have an opinion on my hairstyles, but maybe if I had asked I would have a headship by now. :P

Edit for grammar

[darareaksmey]

My headship has bigger fish to fry than wondering whether my hairstyle sufficiently signals submissiveness. In fact, however, he loves its short length. He also loves me continuing to be a blonde even though if I were to have my own way, I'd say fuck the color and let it go gray. But my decision to continue coloring is less about him than it is about not having my children have a white-haired mother at their young ages.

[Lianachu]

My hair's some past waist length. My husband doesn't care what length it is, except it probably annoys him that I'm always telling him off for accidentally pulling it.

[NurseNell]

I've heard conflicting things about locks for love (and other hair donating type charities). I'm never quite sure if they still need hair, and where the hair actually goes.

My dermatologist says she has young patients who have total hair loss who do get their wigs from Locks of Love. She told me that donated hair is used more often for kids and adults with total hair loss than it is for those with hair loss from chemotherapy. She is part of the process for her patients to be accepted by Locks of Love so I trust what she says.

[Jezebel]

The only authority I submit to is my hair itself. It's fine, stick-straight, will not hold a curl no matter what I do to it, tangles like mad, and is oily, to boot. So any hairstyle I adopt has to take all that into consideration. My hair is not my glory, and any fundie-approved hairstyle is going to look like hot buttered shit on me. Since God's the one who gave me crap hair in the first place, I figure they'll understand if I choose to make the best of it (and would look askance at any labor-intensive efforts to satisfy man-imposed rules for righteous hair--I'm here for better things, after all).

Having been around the block a few times, I know this--most normal, non-fundie men who genuinely love and respect women tend not to give a damn how I wear my hair. Any drastic change is always a shock, but they get used to it.

The whole "hair thing" is just another mechanism for controlling women. Keep them fixated on some aspect of their physical appearance, insist that anything that deviates from or falls short of the standard is ungodly, combine that with modesty standards and the necessity to please your husband--so much effort, time, thought, and worry go into keeping up appearances, so something's got to give, right?

It's the same struggle most secular and non-fundie women have to deal with. But while non-fundie women can choose to opt out of the keeping-up-appearances game (especially once you hit middle age), Women in the stricter fundie groups are stuck in it.

[alaeangelorum]

My hair is shoulder-length but I keep it tied up most of the time because I find it gets in the way otherwise. I cut it myself. I don't think my boyfriend could care less about whether I grew it long or kept it tied up or what. He might care if I shaved it all off perhaps but I'm sure he'd accept that was my decision!

I have a friend with pretty long hair (she can sit on it) and people seem to think that it is public property and that she should explain things about it... I also know the answers to all the annoying questions she gets - most frequently 'has your hair always been this long?', 'do you ever cut your hair?' and 'how long does it take to wash/dry?'. (no, it used to be shorter [duh]; yes I get it trimmed; about the same as normal hair)

[ladypuglover]

I've tried to explain what I plan to or have done with my hair to my husband but he always gets this look on his face. At the 1:00 mark, that is my headship's expression exactly.

ByyWL7FpU90

So I just keep my hair plans to myself. I don't have to see that look and my husband doesn't have to see this one when I see his look. :evil:

My hair is thin and baby fine wavy hair and since I'm to lazy and traumatized by hairdressers it is down to the middle of my back. Winter time I keep it pulled back with a hairband and just leave it as that. Summer time I pull it up with a clip and do some kind of pony tail thing. When in a mood to mess with folks and put on my full fundy wear I will take time to put it up in a fancy braid bun. I love seeing the looks I get when folks think they have spotted a full on fundy and have to do a double take when I do something very unfundy. :twisted: I am very bad.

Lately due to night sweats I have been braiding my hair before bed and have found that I'm sleeping much cooler and better. So instead of getting my hair cut like I planned I now plan on keeping it to be able to sleep better.

[Dinaberries]

I hate the question or its close cousin, the "When are you donating it?" Umm, never, jerk.

The longest it has ever been was down over my hips post-prenatal vitamins. Right now, it's flirting with being waist length (long layers, the longest layers hit my waist).

Ugh. I always hated being asked that. I had really long hair (at least down to my wait, and a little past my butt at the longest) since I was a kid, with a few "shorter" (a little past the collarbones at the shortest) hairstyles here and there, and I've had complete strangers try to guilt-trip me into donating my hair, even though I know that even if I did donate to Locks of Love, it would be extremely unlikely that my hair would be used in a wig. Right now, it's slightly shorter than bra-strap length, and I kind of miss it being a little bit longer.

I guess I sort of have explained my hairstyle to my husband. I've said things like, "I can't get my layers cut shorter than chin length because then my thick, wavy/curly hair will frizz out like crazy", or "When you go to the shops to pick up some shampoo for me, can you please make sure that it's something without sulfates? Sulfates will strip my hair of its natural oils, in turn making it frizz out like crazy". He's really not that fussed about my hair. I think he would prefer that I not cut it short, but he hasn't explicitly said so. It's just that he told me a couple of times that he likes the fact that even though we have a baby who pulls my hair and occasionally pukes in it, I haven't thrown my hands up and chopped it all off (which could be more about my patience and commitment to my hair than it is about its length). Before I go to the salon, I do ask him what he thinks about what I'm thinking of doing, and he will always sort of shrug and say that sounds nice, but I should do whatever I want. He does really like my hair after I've gone to the salon to have a blowout, or if I've straightened it myself. He'll go on and on about how pretty my hair looks haha. But he also LOVES it when I just pull it back into a ponytail. He really seems to love how I look all the time (even when I was 41 weeks pregnant, and huge and swollen). I guess that's because he loves me! Fancy that!

I do agree with other posters who have said that it's worrisome when a man wants to dictate how his wife's/partner's hair looks. My ex boyfriend, who turned out to be really abusive, was always controlling of my appearance. He was obsessed with long hair, and when I got my hair cut to a little past the collarbones, the first thing he said when he saw me was "It's too short". And in the months afterward, would touch the ends of my hair and look wistful. After that, he'd want me to talk to him before I went to get my hair done, and tell him what I was planning, and he would even critique my hair afterward. He would also critique my eyebrows after they'd been waxed, and my nails after I'd had them done. For a long time, I just thought he was really shallow and I wanted to please him. Then I realized that it was obviously part of his extremely controlling nature. The more I think about it, the more I realize that he would be very attracted to the Patriarchy movement.

[alysee]

Right now my hair is to my boobs and really straight. I'm thinking on Thursday when I go get my hair trimmed I may get side sweeping bangs. I look much better with longer hair. I look about 10 years old when my hair is in a bob. The fiancé doesn't care what I do.

[Jezebel]

I do agree with other posters who have said that it's worrisome when a man wants to dictate how his wife's/partner's hair looks. My ex boyfriend, who turned out to be really abusive, was always controlling of my appearance. He was obsessed with long hair, and when I got my hair cut to a little past the collarbones, the first thing he said when he saw me was "It's too short". And in the months afterward, would touch the ends of my hair and look wistful. After that, he'd want me to talk to him before I went to get my hair done, and tell him what I was planning, and he would even critique my hair afterward. He would also critique my eyebrows after they'd been waxed, and my nails after I'd had them done. For a long time, I just thought he was really shallow and I wanted to please him. Then I realized that it was obviously part of his extremely controlling nature. The more I think about it, the more I realize that he would be very attracted to the Patriarchy movement.

I've always seen any attempt to dictate my appearance as a huge red flag. Having an opinion? That's fine. But making unsolicited critical comments about my appearance, and how I'm doing things wrong? RUN AWAY.

My father is actually one of those guys. He's occasionally makes snide remarks about my appearance, but it's no fun for him because I don't respond. It's his girlfriends who get--and take--the brunt of it. He loves to take his latest infatuation shopping so he can, in his words, "dress her up." he has opinions about makeup and haircolor, too. Eventually, she'll look like all her predecessors--high heels, short skirts, blonde, with neutral-toned makeup and a French manicure. And then the infatuation wears off, he dumps her (claiming she has "issues"), then moves on to the next one. He's a narcissist, so women are there to enhance his image and let him feel powerful. And I've yet to encounter a man bent on controlling his girlfriend or wife's appearance who wasn't a narcissist.

[FireIsCatching89]

I've always seen any attempt to dictate my appearance as a huge red flag. Having an opinion? That's fine. But making unsolicited critical comments about my appearance, and how I'm doing things wrong? RUN AWAY.

My father is actually one of those guys. He's occasionally makes snide remarks about my appearance, but it's no fun for him because I don't respond. It's his girlfriends who get--and take--the brunt of it. He loves to take his latest infatuation shopping so he can, in his words, "dress her up." he has opinions about makeup and haircolor, too. Eventually, she'll look like all her predecessors--high heels, short skirts, blonde, with neutral-toned makeup and a French manicure. And then the infatuation wears off, he dumps her (claiming she has "issues"), then moves on to the next one. He's a narcissist, so women are there to enhance his image and let him feel powerful. And I've yet to encounter a man bent on controlling his girlfriend or wife's appearance who wasn't a narcissist.

YES YES YES. I took a sort of "domestic violence awareness for teens" seminar when I was about fourteen (through my ebil public middle school *gasp* at the recommendation of my gifted and talented teacher *gasp*), and the woman giving the talk emphasized this a LOT, since it was a sort of concrete example and we were getting to that age where we were concerned about our looks. And I mean, look at the FLDS and how it regulates women's looks. A lot of it is about desexualizing them and sort of hiding their individuality and womanhood (big sacky dresses), but the women were also not allowed to have short or loose hair, and not even allowed to war certain colors- it was too risque! And ol' J'Boob and his obsession with curly hair on his daughters. Since I'm single, my headship is my dad, and he has only ever made one remark about how he likes to see my hair, that he thinks it's cute when I braid it because it reminds him of Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby, and he likes her because she was such a BAMF in that movie. Honestly, my dad wouldn't care or notice if I did anything short of bleaching my hair platinum blonde or shaving it all off. He'd notice...but not care. To him, hair is hair is hair, and the only thing that matters is that he hasn't got any.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

My hair is cut short. Darned near butch short but it's nothing to do with sexuality, it's an act of desperation. I have VERY thick hair and it will not behave. Maybe in a couple of decades I can totally rock a mad scientist look, but for now I just keep it short.

[Little Miss Alien]

My hair is currently in a very short, graduated bob style. It's been getting steadily redder since Christmas, and is now a deep berry red shade.

I've never had hair longer than my collarbones, and it took me until my 20s to get it that long! I have very slow growing hair, and like it to always look nice, so I get it trimmed and/or styled every 4 months or so (can't really manage longer than that or else it looks awful!). It took me 3 years to get from a crop to collarbones, because I can never just let my hair grow.

I was bald as a baby, didn't need a haircut until I was 3, and kept my hair bobbed until I was 6, when I chose to have my first (of many) pixie crop. Then began a cycle of growing my hair out, then cutting it all off again, that continued into my teens. I grew out a bob between age 14 and 16 and the natural layers it grew out into looked amazing. But then I got sick and spent 3 months in hospital. In the end I had so many split ends I just cut it all off again. My boyfriend at the time hated it, but I had issues too from being so sick, so between the two of us it became a stupidly huge issue and one of the many reasons we split. But hey, I was only 18!

I then started growing it out again, and being at uni, found the joys of crazy colours. I spen the next 3 years with pink hair, until I had to get a job in the real world. My passport was a scream when I took it to job interviews, as I had pink hair in a Suzy Quattro style!!!

I grew it out until I had my son, then it went back to a bob again. When I split from my ex I felt very frumpy, so I cut it short and bleached it blonde until last October when I first dyed it red. Now I'm back to growing it out.

No one ever dictates my hair to me, it's how I express myself and how I have fun. If I want to change something in my life, I cut it or colour it. And as I currently have nn headship to explain to - alls the better!

[EmmieJ]

The only male I consult regarding my hair color and style is my stylist. And he defers to me for the final decision, natch.

If my guy's ego was so fragile that he felt it necessary to dictate my hairstyle, I'd lose him in the nearest Wal-Mart and head for greener pastures.

Edited: My hair is just above shoulder length because it is very thick and straight. Any longer and it would not look good, nor remain the very healthy hair that I love. It is a beautiful combination of reds, light browns, and blond shades.

[chiccy]

Part of the 7 Basic Needs of a Husband (according to Gothard/Duggars) is, apparently, that a wife should "explain her hairstyle on the basis of her submission to her authority". WTF?

I want to know who in the world ever demands people explain their hairstyle in day to day life. And if they don't, how you would approach the conversation. "You may be wondering about my hairstyle." "Um no, not really..." "It's a sign of my submission to my authority..." "Wow, fascinating. Is that the time? Got to go."

Is it just the case fundies have no idea how normal folk operate? Oh, stupid question.

LOL and WTF indeed. How do you even explain a hairstyle? Let alone "explain [a] hairstyle on the basis of [one's] submission to [one's] authority?" Does he mean choose a hairstyle on the basis of submission to one's authority? Because that would make more sense...although it still wouldn't make much.

I have asked my SO how he likes my hair and he has always said, "I would slightly prefer that you have hair." He doesn't notice when it changes in length even 8+ inches. I have no idea what he'd say if I asked him what hairstyle he thought would best indicate my submission to him. He'd probably run.

[Witsec5]

I had a chin-length bob for a while but I'm growing it out now and it's shoulder length and pin straight, very thick, and brown with some lighter foil highlights. When I don't straighten it, it has slight 30's style waves in unfortunate places. I had long hair (to my collarbone) before my cancer treatment six years ago and never got around to growing it out. Now I am.

[HOTW]

I have waist length hair and do nOt plan on cutting it except for dusting the ends. I get PO'd when people tells and my daughters to donate it, it is our Personal preference and no one has the right to question it.I have had very short hair for many years and I do not dye it either. Hair is a personal preference and I don't think anyone has the right to criticize anyone's hair

[ricky_ticky]

J'Chelle's hair looks oldfashioned but normal. Does she get asked on a regular basis to explain her choice of cut and style?

I would like to get an explanation for J'Chelle's hair do. I have always wondered why straight bangs and curly everywhere else? Does not make sense to me. Lately it's been getting curlier too, and kind of shiny and stiff. I guess that her daughters always wear it that way.

In the recent past I think she was pulling the top part back and before that it was feathered at the front and sides and spiral curly everywhere else. Seems very high maintenance to me.

I don't want to even mention J'Chelle's mullet phase because I recently realized that I had blocked out my own mullet moments back in 1985.

[itsnikki05]

Nothing special about my hair. I'm letting it grow out. It seems to be getting thicker (it goes through stages... of thinning out and getting back to the normal thickness, anyways...) I'm letting it grow out so I can style it different ways.

My husband could care less about my hair. I could dye it bright red and cut it all off and he would not care.

[itsnikki05]

My hair is cut short. Darned near butch short but it's nothing to do with sexuality, it's an act of desperation. I have VERY thick hair and it will not behave. Maybe in a couple of decades I can totally rock a mad scientist look, but for now I just keep it short.

I had my hair VERY short over the summer... omg. It was A-MAZ-ING! It goes through VERY thick and only sorta thick stages... welll, I couldn't do anything with it! It was breaking every pony tail holder I had, and leaving it down is not an option when it's that thick... or it isn't for me. Cutting it was very freeing! My constant headache stopped, and I felt lighter. :) Now I"m growing it back out. I think I need my head examined!! :roll:

[Peas n carrots]

My husband doesn't really care...I could look like Cousin It or Sinead O'Connor. Whatever makes me happy he says.

I have red hair that is extremely thick and stick straight. Growing it long is not an option unless I want a sore neck and head. Right now my hair is done faux hawk style so short on the sides and then a longer strip on top going towards the back. It takes about 5 minutes to do.

I've got tons of compliments on my hair since I started wearing it this way about a year ago...especially from women of color. In turn I've always loved how many women of color have meticulously styled hair...I realize it's a lot of work and it's a sensitive subject, but I personally think it's beautiful. My favorite is the short kinky twist look