7 Basic Needs of a Wife

[LaydNimue]

List the unchangeable physical features, family circumstances, and past experiences

of your wife which she finds difficult to accept:

Divorced parents

Poverty

Lack of Education

Retarded family member

Physical handicap

[Burris]

List the unchangeable physical features, family circumstances, and past experiences

of your wife which she finds difficult to accept:

Divorced parents

Poverty

Lack of Education

Retarded family member

Physical handicap

This is what happens when certain authors deliberately ignore the evolution of polite speech, petulantly dismissing newer terms as “political correctness†without even the most basic understanding of why certain older terms have fallen out of favor.

They end up using antiquated terms that are known by most everyone else merely as pejoratives.

As an aside, however, I do a lot of writing about disability rights. While I use the terms in current preference, I've always disliked the word “disabled.†(I actually prefer “handicapped,†although I can understand why the language has shifted.)

“Disability†implies a complete lack of function. For example, a machine is disabled that has been turned off or is broken down.

A lot of folks are unaware that people with conditions that oblige them to use wheelchairs and canes and other adaptive equipment still have at least some facility with the 'disabled' parts of themselves. Too many people have been accused of fakery merely because they can do some things on their own that onlookers didn’t realize were possible.

The same is true for people with developmental disabilities: Their minds are not literally disabled. These minds work, even as the minds of other people do, but simply in a different way – in a way that requires more time and effort to reach certain goals.

This is why I'm of the opinion that 'retarded' is an accurate description of how someone with an developmental disability learns.

If I could do so, I'd bring the term back into polite use – with the reservation that people are better educated on what 'retarded' actually means: 'Retard' is from the French, and it simply means 'late' or, as a verb, 'to slow.' [The term is still in common use to describe the properties, for example, of fire retardant material.]

I doubt the guy who wrote that primer thought that deeply about the crap he spewed, however. His negligent use of a pejorative, without any thought given over to why preference has shifted to a different term, serves only to demonstrate what a fuckwit the author is.

[Confused_by_religion]

I would love it if my husband tried to 'correct' me during my monthy cycle. It would be a blood bath accompanied with a massive amount of the f-word.

whoa, wait. Aren't men forbidden to get anywhere near women when they are on their period according to their precious bible?

How do you actually "correct" someone during their monthly cycle? Say stuff like "Don't bleed so much?" or "If you've got cramps, you need to pray more?" Search me.

[thoughtful]

At any rate, Palmer continues to misapply solid principles such as respect and prudence and mercy and kindness and other necessary ingredients for a good marriage, twisting them into tokens of fealty owed by a slave to her master.

As ever, a great analysis, Burris.

The idea that there are men who want this, and women who actually want to be instructed in this, and treated this way, breaks my heart.

The fact that there are children being raised in this tradition enrages me.

I look at my own extended family, and my ancestry, full of authoritative, outspoken men and women, quiet, gentle men and women, and every personality type in between. We have well-groomed fashionistas and sloppy dressers of both genders -- nobody seems to care.

We are all taught to be responsible and respectful. Work, whether in the home or for pay, is expected and respected.

We have a few assholes, like any family. But even our assholes are of both sexes, are assholes to both sexes, and are usually not indulged in asshole-ery by the rest of the family. :D

The more I read about the awful lives of some of our snarkees, the more I appreciate my varied, interesting family, and my upbringing.

[apple1]

The idea that there are men who want this, and women who actually want to be instructed in this, and treated this way, breaks my heart.

The fact that there are children being raised in this tradition enrages me.

Made all the more outrageous by the fact that the origin of this specific list (yes, I realize that other patriarchalists have similar teachings) is Gothard, who has never been married, and is not (to the best of our knowledge) a parent.

Can someone explain this? I have never been able to find an explanation for the acceptance of Gothard as a leader in these areas; neither by Gothard's followers, nor by those who hate his teachings. Leaves me more than :?: , with regard to being able to explain it.

[thoughtful]

Made all the more outrageous by the fact that the origin of this specific list (yes, I realize that other patriarchalists have similar teachings) is Gothard, who has never been married, and is not (to the best of our knowledge) a parent.

Can someone explain this? I have never been able to find an explanation for the acceptance of Gothard as a leader in these areas; neither by Gothard's followers, nor by those who hate his teachings. Leaves me more than :?: , with regard to being able to explain it.

The whole thing is so bizarre to me, that his bachelor status is just part of the big bizarre picture, to me.

But why his followers accept it is beyond my comprehension, too.

[Dev83]

Anyone care to do me a solid and copy and paste the doc here? Stupid work has the site blocked - apparently even they think it is bad ;)

[apple1]

The whole thing is so bizarre to me, that his bachelor status is just part of the big bizarre picture, to me.

But why his followers accept it is beyond my comprehension, too.

Yeah, I guess my question is somewhat rhetorical. But the fact that he is so followed in this area truly does puzzle me. And, apparently, it is considered an honor to have him officiate weddings transfers of authority for the "royalty" families among his followers.

[kaetrin]

Yeah, I guess my question is somewhat rhetorical. But the fact that he is so followed in this area truly does puzzle me. And, apparently, it is considered an honor to have him officiate weddings transfers of authority for the "royalty" families among his followers.

My only idea probably just pushes the explanation back a level or two... but many if not most of our fundies create a false dichotomy between principle/theory and practice. They consider everything in life to be governed by absolute transcendent truth - "principles" which have direct application to every conceivable choice or situation. I realize that everyone basically acts according to a set of "life principles" or beliefs about reality and so forth, but the fundies take it to a level of specificity that most of us leave to the realm of preference or choice. Like, say, one might have a notion that natural law dictates people tend to organize into societies structured in certain ways, but the specifics might vary widely and have no essential moral weight attached to them, while a fundie will say that "natural law" i.e. God orders that men do A B and C and women do X Y Z always no exceptions amen. (This is probably not a good example but I'm on lunch break from dissertation writing and coherence eludes me.)

But anyway, once you have this idea of transcendent principles, the "right thing to do" becomes completely divorced from experiential reality. All you have to do is find the applicable "biblical principle." And in that context, experience actually becomes a hindrance. So if you say, "hey, I find that courtship as an absolute system is not really workable and is actually damaging and at the very least unnecessary" because of your own experience, you are disqualified to talk about it because your experience has tainted you and made you "bitter" or "pragmatic" (another bad word in a lot of fundie circles, where it implies doing the expedient thing instead of the Right Thing).

Thus you get elderly bachelors and teenage girls giving marriage advice and no one challenging them. Etc. This totally inexperienced "authority" is the flip side of the frustration of victims never getting heard because they "did it wrong" by definition.

(Or my fundie inlaws, who had never experienced courtship at the time either themselves or with their children, deciding that they had the high ground to lecture me on the subject and disregard my opinions, when I had already been through one and knew very well what I thought of it. Yes, that still stings.)

[Guest Anonymous]

Anyone care to do me a solid and copy and paste the doc here? Stupid work has the site blocked - apparently even they think it is bad ;)

I've pasted the document for you, in all its noxiousness:

SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A HUSBAND

Instructions: This study is for the WIFE ONLY.

The husband should study “The Seven Basic Needs Of A Wifeâ€, not this study.

I. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO RESPECTS HIM AS A MAN.

A MAN WANTS TO PROVE HIS MANLINESS.

HOW DOES A WIFE DESTROY HER HUSBAND'S MANLINESS?

A.

1. Physical

2. Spiritual

3. Mental

4. Emotional

TELL YOUR HUSBAND HOW HE CAN PROTECT YOU.

B.

1. is killed by self-sufficiency.

2. Whoever controls the controls the .

CENTER YOUR WORK AND YOUR MINISTRY IN YOUR HOME.

C.

1. Pastor and church leaders.

2. Men and women Bible teachers.

3. Relatives and friends.

ASK YOUR HUSBAND YOUR SPIRITUAL QUESTIONS (I CORINTHIANS 14:35).

D.

1. A wife's spirit controls her husband's ambitions.

2. Reviewing past failure destroys a husband's self-worth.

LEARN HOW TO WISELY APPEAL TO YOUR HUSBAND.

2

E.

1. This is the unspoken crushing of a man's spirit.

2. A wife's godliness is a powerful guard against her husband's abuse of her (I Peter 3:1).

LEARN THE POWER OF PRAYER BASED ON SCRIPTURE (JAMES 5:16).

F.

1. When a wife intrudes into one responsibility, her husband often surrenders other

responsibilities as well.

2. A wife may avoid temporary consequences by taking matters into her own hands, but doing

so will ultimately cause destruction (Proverbs 14:1).

DON'T BECOME YOUR HUSBAND'S CONSCIENCE. WISELY APPEAL WRONG

DECISIONS; THEN GIVE HIM ROOM TO FAIL.

II. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO ACCEPTS HIM AS A LEADER

AND BELIEVES IN HIS GOD-GIVEN RESPONSIBILITIES

WHAT ARE THE BASIC NEEDS OF A LEADER?

A.

1. Husbands are commanded to govern their wives (Genesis 3:16).

2. Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; I Peter 3:1).

3. A Wife's submission to her husband qualifies him for church leadership (I Timothy 3:4,5).

4. The headship of the husband is illustrated in Christ and the church (I Corinthians 11:3).

REASSURE YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND AND BELIEVE THAT HE IS YOUR

GOD-GIVEN LEADER.

B.

1. God works through a man's decisions - good or bad.

2. Bad decisions reveal his needs and allow the wife to appeal and demonstrate Godly character.

3. The more a wife trusts her husband, the more careful he will be in giving her direction.

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND MAKES A BAD DECISION, EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW GOD IS

USING IT TO BENEFIT YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE.

C.

1. Loyalty can only be demonstrated in adversity.

2. A husband's trust in his wife is often misinterpreted as taking her for granted.

NEVER ASK OTHERS FOR COUNSEL WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND'S APPROVAL.

3

LET YOUR HUSBAND HEAR YOU PRAISE HIM TO OTHERS.

D.

"Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly,

and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his

tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor. In whose eyes a

vile person is condemned; but he honoreth them that fear the Lord. He that sweareth to his own hurt,

and changeth not. He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the

innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved" (PSALM 15).

1. When he walks uprightly (honest sincerity).

2. When he works righteousness (does right).

3. When he speaks truth in his heart (meditation).

4. When he refuses to gossip (good report).

5. When he does no evil to his neighbor (not getting even).

6. When he does not take up offenses (loyalty).

7. When he rejects those who are evil (moral purity).

8. When he honors godly men (giving to, learning from).

9. When he keeps promises (when it costs him something).

10. When he doesn't gain at others misfortunes (finances).

11. When he refuses to accept a bribe (guarding his conscience).

WRITE OUT ILLUSTRATIONS OF THESE LEADERSHIP QUALITIES IN YOUR HUSBAND.

E.

"Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not coveteous;

One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man

know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) Not a novice, lest

being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover he must have a good

report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. Likewise must

the deacons be grave, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre."

- I TIMOTHY 3:2-8

1. Clear conscience.

2. One Wife.

3. Spiritual alertness.

4. Wisdom.

5. Modesty.

6. Hospitable.

7. Desire to teach.

8. Not deceived by wine.

9. Hard worker.

10. Generous.

11. Patient.

12. Peacemaker.

13. Not covetous.

14. A good manager of his family.

15. A maturing Christian.

16. A good reputation.

4

F.

1. A man is a man when he fulfills his God-given responsibility.

2. Expect the birth, death, and fulfillment of visions.

ENCOURAGE YOUR HUSBAND TO VERBALIZE HIS DEEPEST WISHES TO YOU.

G.

1. A man's goals often involve long-range achievement.

2. A wife's needs usually involve immediate projects.

ACCEPT DIFFICULT SITUATIONS FROM GOD WITHOUT GIVING HIM A DEADLINE TO

REMOVE THEM.

H.

1. Rejection of a husband's achievement is rejection of him.

2. Sharing his excitement is more important than sharing his work.

WHEN THERE ARE DIFFICULTIES, REVIEW THE BENEFITS WHICH HIS LEADERSHIP HAS ALREADY PROVIDED.

I.

LOOK AT YOUR HUSBAND ADMIRINGLY WHEN HE TALKS TO OTHERS, IT INSPIRES THEIR RESPECT.

III. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO WILL CONTINUE TO DEVELOP INWARD AND OUTWARD BEAUTY.

EPHESIANS 5

HOW CAN YOU BECOME MORE OF THE WIFE OF YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAMS?

A.

(I CORINTHIANS 11:10)

1. A woman's hair "is given her for a covering" (I Corinthians 11:15).

2. A woman's hair is a basis for her spiritual protection (I Corinthians 11:10).

3. A woman's hair is a glory to her (I Corinthians 11:15).

4. A woman's hair style must reflect her husband's wishes (Ephesians 5:24).

Your Hairstyle Should Show Your -

a. Femininity vs. Masculinity

b. Contentment vs. Frustration

c. Neatness vs. Carelessness

d. Submission vs. Pride

e. Diligence vs. Weariness

f. Softness vs. Hardness

g. Self-acceptance vs. Self-rejection

h. Obedience vs. Defiance

i. Patience vs. Impatience

j. Personal organization vs. Disorganization

k. Personal discipline vs. Inconsistency

5

EXTRA TIME AND EFFORT = EXPRESSION OF REVERENCE. DISCOVER AND CONFORM TO YOUR HUSBAND'S REAL WISHES. ENCOURAGE HIM TO LEARN PRINCIPLES OF HAIR STYLING. EXPLAIN YOUR HAIRSTYLE TO OTHERS ON THE BASIS OF YOUR SUBMISSION TO

YOUR AUTHORITY.

B.

1. Modesty is always in style.

2. A wife should dress to please husband.

3. A wife's dress should draw attention to her countenance.

EXPLAIN TO YOUR HUSBAND HOW COLORS, LINES, PATTERNS, AND ACCESSORIES AFFECT YOUR APPEARANCE.

REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKES, HE ENJOYS SEEING OFTEN.

C.

1. Cleanliness is a part of godliness.

2. Clean and mended clothes allow flexibility.

ELIMINATE UNUSED CLOTHES FROM YOUR WARDROBE.

D.

1. A man's message is determined by what happens in his home (I Timothy 3:4).

2. Convictions and character are formed in the home.

3. A wife's spirit sets the atmosphere in the home.

KEEP THE HOME FREE OF CLUTTER. TRAIN THE CHILDREN TO BE NEAT AND CLEAN.

PROVIDE GOOD MUSIC THROUGHOUT THE DAY. WISELY APPEAL FOR NEEDED HOME REPAIRS.

E.

1. God is concerned about overeating and being over-weight (Proverbs 23:21).

2. Physical or spiritual causes can produce an overweight condition.

3. Weight control requires consistent conformity to God's principles of living.

4. Fat cells don't go away once formed.

LET GOD AND YOUR HUSBAND KNOW YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT. DEDICATE YOUR BODY AS A LIVING SACRIFICE TO GOD (ROMANS 12:1). PRAY THAT GOD'S BODY WILL HONOR HIS REPUTATION.

6

WORK ON ACHIEVABLE GOALS TOGETHER.

IDENTIFY AND REMOVE HINDRANCES TO WEIGHT CONTROL.

1. Bitterness.

2. Wrong Foods .

3. Wrong Mealtimes.

4. Medical Problems, etc.

F.

1. Meekness is yielding our "rights."

2. A quiet spirit involves conquering fear and worry.

SEPARATE YOUR "RIGHTS" FROM YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES.

YIELD YOUR "RIGHTS" AND EXPECTATIONS TO GOD.

VISUALIZE HOW GODLY CHARACTER CAN RESULT FROM DISAPPOINTMENTS.

G.

1. Basis of poise is contentment (I Timothy 6:6).

2. Basis of contentment is self-acceptance (Psalm 139:14).

BE WELL-GROOMED SO YOU CAN CONCENTRATE ON OTHERS.

3. Poise involves giving something of importance.

LEARN TO COMMUNICATE.

1. Acceptance.

2. Encouragement.

3. Kindness.

4. Interest.

5. Understanding.

6. Godly Standards.

NOTES -

7

IV. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO CAN LOVINGLY APPEAL TO HIM WHEN HE IS GOING BEYOND HIS LIMITATIONS AND WISELY RESPOND TO THOSE WHO QUESTION HIS IDEAS, GOALS, OR MOTIVES.

WHAT WORDS, ACTIONS, OR DECISIONS SHOULD YOU APPEAL?

A.

1. A wife must be in right standing with God (salvation, dedication - Matthew 7:21).

2. A wife must use the right basis for her appeal - his reputation, his goals, his authority (Matthew

6:9-13).

3. A wife must have the right timing (accurate facts - James 4:3).

4. A wife must convey the right attitudes (Matthew 6:15).

5. A wife must use the right wording (John 4:24).

BE SURE YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN (ROMANS 10:9-13).

TOTALLY DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO GOD'S WILL (ROMANS 12:1,2).

DON'T CONDONE ANY SIN IN YOUR LIFE (PSALM 66:18).

BE WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR THE REQUEST YOU MAKE.

B.

1. A HUSBAND'S AUTHORITY IS DEFINED AND LIMITED BY GOD'S WORD.

a. He is to exercise headship in the family (I Corinthians 11:3).

b. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).

c. He is to teach his children godly wisdom (Galatians 4:2).

d. He is to support wife's discipline of the children (Proverbs 6:20).

e. He is to honor his wife as the "weaker vessel" and "heirs together" (I Peter 3:7).

f. He is to provide her with physical affection (I Corinthians 7:5).

g. He is to observe times of physical "separation" (Leviticus 12:2-5).

2. A WIFE'S SPIRIT CAN OVERCOME A HUSBAND'S RESISTANCE. ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO DEFINE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES. EXPLAIN YOUR NEEDS AND FEARS WITHOUT CONDEMNING HIM. AFTER APPEALING, FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE BENEFITS, WHATEVER HAPPENS.

8

C.

1. Attitudes must demonstrate genuine love (I Corinthians 13:2-9).

2. Attitudes must demonstrate loyalty (Ruth 1:16,17).

3. Attitudes must demonstrate a servant's heart (Phil. 2:1-9).

ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO TELL YOU WHEN YOU HAVE A RESISTANT SPIRIT. ASK FORGIVENESS WHENEVER YOU DO.

D.

BUILD APPRECIATION FOR YOUR HUSBAND'S MOTIVES, EVEN IF HIS IDEAS ARE WRONG.

EXPLAIN YOUR HUSBAND'S ACTIONS ON THE BASIS OF HIS CONVICTIONS.

E.

1. Abigail's appeal to David discredited her husband (I Samuel 25:25).

2. Those who react to your husband will often distort and misuse your words.

DISPEL A BACKBITING TONGUE BY SILENCE (PROVERBS 26:20).

F.

1. Sarah's obedient spirit (I Peter 3:1-7).

2. Esther's wise appeals (Esther 5-9).

3. Ruth's loyal spirit (Ruth 1-4).

V. A HUSBAND NEEDS QUALITY TIME TO BE ALONE WITH HIMSELF AND WITH THE LORD.

A.

1. Adam walked with God before his wife was created.

2. Isaac meditated in the field before his wife was provided (Genesis 24:63).

3. A man's success is based on his seeking after God (II Chronicles 26:5).

ADMIRE MEN WHO SEEK AFTER GOD.

SHARE QUESTIONS AND DECISIONS WITH YOUR HUSBAND THAT REQUIRE HIM TO SEEK THE LORD.

9

B.

1. When a man is out of fellowship with God, he is out of fellowship with his wife and children.

2. A man's love for God is reflected in his love for Scripture.

TELL YOUR HUSBAND HOW PLEASED YOU ARE WHEN YOU SEE HIM SPENDING TIME WITH THE LORD.

C.

1. A Bethel is a private meeting place with God. (Genesis 28:18-20; 31:13).

2. A Bethel can be a little room indoors or a quiet place outdoors. (Matthew 6:6).

ENCOURAGE YOUR HUSBAND TO FIND A PRIVATE PLACE IN WHICH TO MEET GOD.

D.

1. Times alone with God allow a husband to regain a bigger perspective.

2. Discussions with other men sharpen his thinking (Proverbs 27:17).

INCREASE YOUR PRAYERS FOR YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE IS ALONE WITH THE LORD.

E.

"For every man shall bear his own burden" (GALATIANS 6:5).

1. Man was made to work best under pressure (Leadership).

2. Lessons he learns can be shared with His wife and children (II Corinthians 1:4-8).

3. Heavy burdens should be shared (Galatians 6:2).

APPEAL TO HUSBAND TO SHARE BURDENS THAT AFFECT HIS SPIRIT OVER LONG PERIODS OF TIME.

F.

10

VI. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO IS GRATEFUL FOR ALL HE HAS DONE AND IS DOING FOR HER.

WHAT ARE THE BASIC ASPECTS OF GRATEFULNESS?

A.

"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him" (PSALM 62:5).

1. Human expectations destroy gratefulness.

2. Gratefulness is the basis of happiness - a happy wife is a crown to her husband. An unhappy

wife is a public rebuke to him.

3. Men are attracted to grateful women (Admiration).

4. A husband may try to decrease his wife's expectations by giving her less.

EXPECT NOTHING AND BE GENUINELY GRATEFUL FOR EACH LITTLE EVIDENCE OF YOUR HUSBAND'S LOVE.

B.

"But godliness with contentment is great gain" (I TIMOTHY 6:6).

1. Set your affections on things above (Colossians 3:1,2).

God the Father The Lord Jesus Christ True Wisdom

All Authority True Riches The Word of God

The Souls of others Heaven Rejoicing Angels

2. Trade temporal things to win more of Christ (Phil. 3:7,8).

a. Realize that "things" compete with Christ.

b. Offer to God all your things in exchange for more of Christ.

c. Rejoice when God takes anything you have, knowing you will get back far more in return.

C.

1. A wife's priorities are usually different from her husband's.

2. A husband's priorities usually involve activities and expenditures to build his reputation and

to provide security for his family.

HELP YOUR HUSBAND GAIN SPIRITUAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

D.

1. A wife often overlooks the mistakes and failures her husband has avoided.

2. Specific praise increases a man's self-image.

PRAISE YOUR HUSBAND FOR ANY ACHIEVEMENT HE ACCOMPLISHES IN AREAS

WHERE YOU WANT HIM TO EXCEL.

11

E.

1. God promises that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28).

2. Tribulation can produce the character of Christ in us (Romans 5:3,4).

3. For Godly character, we must love God and purpose to do His will.

MEMORIZE THE NINE FLAVORS OF THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT FOUND IN GALATIANS 5:22,23. VISUALIZE HOW THE STRUGGLES AND JOYS OF YOUR MARRIAGE ARE HELPING YOU ACHIEVE THESE QUALITIES.

VII. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO WILL BE PRAISED BY OTHER PEOPLE FOR HER CHARACTER AND HER GOOD WORKS.

LET YOUR LIGHT SO SHINE. . . (Matthew 5:16).

WE ARE A UNIQUE PEOPLE. . . (I Peter 2:9).

A.

1. For knowing them and their need (I Thessalonians 5:12,13).

2. For her wisdom and discretion (Titus 2:4; Proverbs 31:26).

3. For her love for her husband and children (Titus 2:4).

4. For her submission and obedience to husband (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; I Timothy

3:4,11,12; Titus 2:5; I Peter 3:1).

5. For her high morals (Titus 2:5; I Timothy 2:11).

6. For her home management (Titus 2:5; Proverbs 31).

B.

"Rise up and call her Blessed."

1. For her virtue (Godly influence on others - Proverbs 31:10).

2. For her harmony with her husband (Proverbs 31:11,12).

3. For her diligence, thriftiness, and wise home management (Proverbs 31).

4. For her alertness and skill in meeting her children's needs (Proverbs 31).

5. For her wisdom and kindness (Proverbs 31:26).

C.

1. For her prayers for them (I Timothy 2:1-5).

2. For her good works (Proverbs 31:31).

D.

1. For her generosity to the poor and needy (Proverbs 31:20).

2. For hospitality to visitors (I Timothy 5:10).

3. For relieving the afflicted (I Timothy 5:10).

12

E.

1. For submitting to her husband and thus not blaspheming God's Word (Titus 2:5).

2. For her practical care of the saints (I Timothy 5:10).

3. For her faithfulness to her marriage vows (I Timothy 5:9).

4. For her ability to teach younger women (Titus 2:4).

E. SPECIAL CAUTIONS.

1. A wife's good works should demonstrate her husband's sincere motives: giving to needs

without expectation of reward (Luke 14:12-14).

2. A wife should not try to resolve her husband's problems with good works without his consent.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

All I can say is "BLEC-C-H"

[Guest Anonymous]

Sorry, double post.

[keen23]

How do you actually "correct" someone during their monthly cycle? Say stuff like "Don't bleed so much?" or "If you've got cramps, you need to pray more?" Search me.

Wouldn't a correction include some uterine shamming- like "you should have tried harder to get pregnant, this is God's way of punishing you for having reluctant eggs."

[ladypuglover]

B. By Being Financially _______.

1. ______ is killed by self-sufficiency.

2. Whoever controls the _______ controls the ________.

2. Whoever controls the remote controls the TV.

[Terrie]

Damn, these fill in the blank forms make me really want to use them for dirty mad-libs!

Glad to see I'm not the only one.

[jesssnerch]

On the Duggar's website, they have posted two PDF's: 7 basic needs of a wife and husband plus the audio file to go with both.

I looked at the one a husband is suppose to do on regarding his wife--um, is it just me, or does the worksheets make it sound like as if a wife is weak and it's a duty as a husband to protect her and be her strength? I'm sorry, whatever happened with equality in a marriage/relationship?

My boyfriend and I have a balanced relationship. Whenever he's down, I'm there to give him strength and whenever I'm down, he does the same for me. I feel like after reading both of those worksheets, a woman is suppose to be obedient/submissive to her husband and never show his weakness to others and a husband is suppose is suppose to understand his wife is weak and needs help to get around this cruel and evil world.

I haven't listened to the audio tapes yet...I don't think I even want to.

Here's the pdf: http://duggarfamily.com/data/sites/69/p ... s_Wife.pdf

There's a disclaimer at the bottom:

[attachment=0]Screen shot 2012-02-23 at 7.50.35 PM.png[/attachment]

Because A) it's okay to keep grown women as dependent little girls because you're "treating them like queens" and B) because women are the only ones in a relationship that can be abused (or maybe that's them just admitting that in a patriarchal setting like this, women are going to be the ones being abused).

[chiccy]

OK, this is a little O/T, but it's always confounded me how some men think women get bitchy when they're menstruating. For me, it's always been PMS that's the issue. When I finally get my period, my mood gets better. I had assumed this was how it was for most women (between media talk of PMS, PMDD, and what I remember vaguely from 9th-grade Bio).

But a lot of guys, including the writer of this doozy of a document (or was that Michelle?), seem to think women get irritable during their periods. My friend's teenage brother has asked her "Are you on your period?" when he thought she was being annoying (the guy is a jerk). Apparently, this belief is rather common among men. I find it kind of puzzling myself...

[SamuraiKatz]

There's a disclaimer at the bottom:

[attachment=0]Screen shot 2012-02-23 at 7.50.35 PM.png[/attachment]

Because A) it's okay to keep grown women as dependent little girls because you're "treating them like queens" and B) because women are the only ones in a relationship that can be abused (or maybe that's them just admitting that in a patriarchal setting like this, women are going to be the ones being abused).

I would say there is someone from the Duggar camp reading FJ and other sites which might discuss their "Successful" marriage suggestions. They talk out of both sides of their mouths...and they sure don't want to take responsibility if some poor deluded woman submits herself to death....

[thoughtful]

Gee, the disclaimer sounds like the ones at the beginning of things like Jackass and Tosh.0.

Basically, it says "If you are enough of an asshole to do this shit, don't sue us."

[Sola]

5 Basic Needs of a Wife (The FJ Version)

1. Cake

2. Wine

3. Rampant Rabbit

4. Snark board

5. Alan Rickman

'Nuff said.

[flojo]

I was so bored reading the part about intimate conversation. I adore discussing and debating politics, policy, religion, gender equality, education etc with the significant other. He has come out and said that being able to have intelligent discussions is one of the things he is most attracted to in me. If he instead decided to have "intimate discussions" about such things as clothing I am thinking of making or buying, or ideas for home improvements, it would drive me crazy.