7 Basic Needs of a Wife

[xReems]

On the Duggar's website, they have posted two PDF's: 7 basic needs of a wife and husband plus the audio file to go with both.

I looked at the one a husband is suppose to do on regarding his wife--um, is it just me, or does the worksheets make it sound like as if a wife is weak and it's a duty as a husband to protect her and be her strength? I'm sorry, whatever happened with equality in a marriage/relationship?

My boyfriend and I have a balanced relationship. Whenever he's down, I'm there to give him strength and whenever I'm down, he does the same for me. I feel like after reading both of those worksheets, a woman is suppose to be obedient/submissive to her husband and never show his weakness to others and a husband is suppose is suppose to understand his wife is weak and needs help to get around this cruel and evil world.

I haven't listened to the audio tapes yet...I don't think I even want to.

Here's the pdf: http://duggarfamily.com/data/sites/69/p ... s_Wife.pdf

[Witsec7]

I'm kind of maxed on outrage right now xReems :lol: But as soon as Noot, Mitt, Frothy and the Gynecologist get done with their racist discourse on single parent homes I'll be back :D

riffle

[xReems]

Haha, oh don't worry, I think I've maxed out on my outrage too; just feeling numb with everything at this point. I've accepted crazy idiotic fundies will always do things to piss me off. My poor boyfriend, he's had to hear me vent out over dumbasses lately :D

[holierthanyou]

There is a lot of gold there, but this was definitely my favourite part:

When your wife expresses weakness during her monthly cycle, listen with compassion, give verbal reassurance of your love, but don't try to counsel or correct her

Woohoo! I would totally 'act up' during my monthly cycle, just because apparently he has to let me get away with it and can't lock me in the prayer closet or bring out the plumbing line to "correct" me during that crazy time of the month.

[Anxious Girl]

I love how divorce is out of the question. What about marriages where all the couple did was fight? I guess that makes my aunts and uncles bad people. I also wonder if the Duggars realize that they're persuading ebil Catholic beliefs with the divorce part of the pamphlet.

[Burris]

The woman's portion of this study, "Seven Basic Needs of a Husband," is a fill-in-the blanks affair.

The menfolk, meanwhile, are spared the busy-work; they need only read through their own portion.

[smores]

I feel maxed out too. I think I need a strong drink before I read this. Maybe I am weak. ;)

[thoughtful]

Interesting that they've come right out and put it on their site.

We did discuss them on an earlier thread:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=7917&start=40

[bionicmlle]

Whoa. I think I understand the font stylings of some of our favorite bloggers now... The writing kept getting bigger, bolder and more italic the further I read. That was exhausting on the eyes! (not to mention completely f'in idiotic. Thanks, dude, for the instructions that the wife should only read the wife portion and the husband the husband portion because I'm a dumb unsaved soul) :geek:

[Mokek Kwe]

holy shit! halfway down the PDF..... the word "retard" (context: Situations in your life or your wife's life which she has had a difficult time accepting:- one of the options- retarded family member). Awesome.

[Witsec7]

Whoa. I think I understand the font stylings of some of our favorite bloggers now... The writing kept getting bigger, bolder and more italic the further I read. That was exhausting on the eyes! (not to mention completely f'in idiotic. Thanks, dude, for the instructions that the wife should only read the wife portion and the husband the husband portion because I'm a dumb unsaved soul) :geek:

Jeez I thought I was having a mini stroke for a bit until I read your post. :lol:

[AudreyE]

I wonder if they posted it precisely because it has been leaked all over this week. Maybe this is their way of saying, "Yeah, whatevs, haters. We totally stand behind this."

[galaxygirl]

There is a lot of gold there, but this was definitely my favourite part:

Woohoo! I would totally 'act up' during my monthly cycle, just because apparently he has to let me get away with it and can't lock me in the prayer closet or bring out the plumbing line to "correct" me during that crazy time of the month.

I would love it if my husband tried to 'correct' me during my monthy cycle. It would be a blood bath accompanied with a massive amount of the f-word.

whoa, wait. Aren't men forbidden to get anywhere near women when they are on their period according to their precious bible?

[Witsec7]

When your wife expresses weakness during her monthly cycle, listen with compassion, give verbal reassurance of your love, but don't try to counsel or correct her she may be armed.

[smores]

I kid you not, I am eating chocolate chip cookies as PMS has driven me to want anything chocolate right now, and I choked on one when I read that. :clap: :lol:

[Guest Anonymous]

I need a good dose of Valium before I can even begin to read this. I don't need another vertigo trigger for my Meniere's Disease!

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

I tried to skim it, but the typos were killing me.

[emmyfair]

Women are supposed to have difficulty accepting, and I quote, "a retarded family member"?!? Is this bullshit for real? I just can't imagine the stupididty that wrote this crap!!!

*edited to add I would like to note this statement is found under point number three. If you can see it through all the bloody font changes.

[xReems]

What bothered me the most throughout the whole worksheets, was the whole beginning when the pastor mentioned to never get a divorce. So, if a husband is sexually/physically/mentally/emotionally severely abusive to his wife, it can be fixed without divorce?! are you shitting me?

Why is the whole "no divorce" not mentioned in the "7 basic needs of a husband"? And what's even more important, why does it seem like with fundies, when all else fails, to always point the finger at the wife, as if she's done something as her duty to be a submissive wife?

[Burris]

As I mentioned previously in this thread, I turned up the counterpart to the 'wife' document: “The Seven Basic Needs of a Husband†- a much longer piece of material than the one written for men.

It's a work of art – an absolute masterpiece of contemptuous, insulting, degrading bullshit. Not only is it filled with the usual stereotypical nonsense but also with an impressive array of spelling errors, font sizes, and formatting mistakes.

Its author isn't identified, but the worksheet is based on a series of audio sermons by Cliff Palmer. (The copyright for this item belongs to South Heights Baptist Church of Sapupla, OK – although I can't imagine for the life of me why anyone would own up to this mess.)

The first point Palmer offers is that a husband needs a wife who respects him as a man. I don't see anything wrong with that observation in itself. A better way to phrase it, however, might be to say a wife should respect her husband as a person.

He is an individual who will have unique interests – perhaps even all the traditionally masculine ones – and he should be allowed to pursue them without fear of ridicule or of retaliation for time spent away.

Yes, he needs to go out with the guys. Yes, he needs to be encouraged in his hobbies, no matter whether his wife is genuinely interested in those hobbies or not.

This is not merely a part of marriage, but it's foundation: Respect. Even more than love, every good marriage needs mutual respect.

Unfortunately, that's not precisely the kind of “respect†Palmer means. Rather than focusing on respect as a positive duty, Palmer starts in on how a lack of respect – a term he scarcely defines anyway – can unman a husband and leave him incapable of performing his gender-specific duties as protector and provider.

“HOW DOES A WIFE DESTROY HER HUSBAND'S MANLINESS?†Palmer asks.

A. By Expecting Him To _______ What Protection She Needs.

Yes, you did just read that right. Palmer is offering us a grade-school level worksheet complete with fill-in-the-blanks that have only one correct answer.

If some woman were to think more deeply about the question than that, she might overtax her brain and collapse into a quivering pile of female hysteria.

Palmer concludes the point by instructing women, and I'm quoting this in its original capslock, to “TELL YOUR HUSBAND HOW HE CAN PROTECT YOU.â€

Moreover...

B. By Being Financially _______.

1. ______ is killed by self-sufficiency.

2. Whoever controls the _______ controls the ________.

Any of you ladies need trouble filling in those blanks? (It's obvious: Whoever controls the spice controls the universe.)

Now bear in mind here that we are still on the first of Palmer's seven points. In addition to the sub-points A and B, reproduced above, there is also a C, a D, an E, and then another D. (I'll leave you to explore those nuggets of genius for yourselves.)

II. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO ACCEPTS HIM AS A LEADER AND BELIEVES IN HIS GOD-GIVEN RESPONSIBILITIES

WHAT ARE THE BASIC NEEDS OF A LEADER?

A. A Reassurance That His Authority Comes From .

1. Husbands are commanded to govern their wives (Genesis 3:16).

2. Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; I Peter 3:1).

3. A Wife's submission to her husband qualifies him for church leadership (I Timothy 3:4,5).

4. The headship of the husband is illustrated in Christ and the church (I Corinthians 11:3)

So, we're down to the Divine Right of Kings, except that in this case every man is a kinglet and fully half the human race is a slave caste that requires the kind of condescending instruction found within Palmer's document. (In fact, Palmer's second point, here, has sub-articles from letters A through I – because every concept must be explained in nauseating detail.)

Point three is one of my faves: “A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO WILL CONTINUE TO DEVELOP INWARD AND OUTWARD BEAUTY.â€

Oh yes, of course this section contains a fairly in-depth meditation on how a woman's hairstyle and clothing should conform to Biblical standards and to her husband's wishes. (In Michelle Duggar's case, I guess that means using so much product and heat on her hair that it's nothing but a frizzy rat's-nest now, and also wearing clothing so drab and dated that she can't help but to stand out.)

It also contains the requisite fat-shaming – because no primer of this nature would be complete without taking a pot-shot at rotund women.

Palmer one goes one step further, however, in arguing that fat women are visible proof their husbands aren't very good leaders:

E. Your _________ Is A Symbol Of Your Husband's Leadership And Your Self-Control As His Wife.

The next point, F, is even “better.†Throughout, the author always uses scare quotes when talking about a woman's rights.

F. A Meek And Quiet Is The Basis Of A Wife’s Beauty.

1. Meekness is yielding our “rights.â€

2. A quiet spirit involves conquering fear and worry.

# SEPARATE YOUR “RIGHTS†FROM YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES.

# YIELD YOUR “RIGHTS†AND EXPECTATIONS TO GOD.

# VISUALIZE HOW GODLY CHARACTER CAN RESULT FROM DISAPPOINTMENTS.

Point G argues that a woman's poise is, and I quote, “A Symbol Of your Husband's Training.â€

In this part of the document, women also learn that being well-groomed frees up their time to help others. I'm not sure how that works, but someone with a penis says it's true and so I should take Palmer at his word.

At any rate, Palmer continues to misapply solid principles such as respect and prudence and mercy and kindness and other necessary ingredients for a good marriage, twisting them into tokens of fealty owed by a slave to her master.

In point five, section E, Palmer even dares to condemn Abigail for “discrediting†her husband – as if that were a greater evil than allowing for Nabal's deadly insolence to go unchallenged.

If she hadn't apologized for her husband's failure, Abigail, Nabal, and the whole of their house might have been killed. (I guess death is preferable to calling an ass an ass, which explains why there is so much corruption and unchallenged avarice within the fundie sub-culture.)

Not surprisingly, the rest of Palmer's document is merely a rehash of the same tired, washed-out (and oft-times extra-Biblical) principles.

[bubbabearzle]

I would love it if my husband tried to 'correct' me during my monthy cycle. It would be a blood bath accompanied with a massive amount of the f-word.

whoa, wait. Aren't men forbidden to get anywhere near women when they are on their period according to their precious bible?

Dude, really really really bad visual :lol:

[bubbabearzle]

Damn, these fill in the blank forms make me really want to use them for dirty mad-libs!

[CanadianHippie]

*ahem*

IV. number 7 on page 10:

"Dressing in a manner that is provocative

and, thus, can cause men to lust after her. Help her with this, because she doesn’t see her body

the way a man does. It is your responsibility to see to it that your wife and daughters do not

cause men and boys to sin by the way they dress."

So men have to control their wives so their wives don't cause other men to sin...

This whole thing is fucked up!

[Elle]

What bothered me the most throughout the whole worksheets, was the whole beginning when the pastor mentioned to never get a divorce. So, if a husband is sexually/physically/mentally/emotionally severely abusive to his wife, it can be fixed without divorce?! are you shitting me?

She's supposed to pray for him and be even more submissive to help her "accept her husband's abuses of her". Michelle's stupid handout actually said this.

[Shirley MacLaine]

Any of you ladies need trouble filling in those blanks? (It's obvious: Whoever controls the spice controls the universe.)

HAH.