Oh noes! Not Left-Overs!

[Burris]

I was catching up on some reading this afternoon when I came across a post at raisinghomemakers.com called, “Mama's Serving Left-Overs.†(raisinghomemakers.com/2012/mamas-serving-leftovers)

Its author, Heather, offers a variable smorgasbord of sexist guilt-tripping to her readers, aiming her criticism at mothers who a) don't get up before dawn every morning to read the Bible, b) don't always, always plan well in advance for meals, and c) are too busy after a day of homeschooling their 43 kids to get busy with their husbands after sunset.

Aye! These women - these hussies - are serving their families the worst thing imaginable: Spiritual left-overs – an act that leaves said women filled with, “grumpiness, impatience, inconsistency, and selfishness.†(And of course, there can be no greater crime in a woman than “selfishness†– especially when her only real purpose, beyond preparing a daily banquet for everyone else, is to drop a kid yearly.)

And yet, because this sexist drivel is practically designed to leave women wedged between a rock and a hard place, it's not sufficient that mothers invest almost every waking moment into their children; they also need a high supply of energy left over – oops! - for their husbands:

When Mama (wife) has invested all of her time and energy into the children she won’t have much to offer Daddy (husband) when the children are in bed.

What's offensive about this is not the suggestion that a woman should put her marriage first, but rather that a woman can and should be held up to the impossibly high standards Heather and her peeps keep advertising: A "Mama (wife)" needs to be on-point all the time – a demon in the sack, a caring mother, a consummate housekeeper, and about eleventy other things – and then, if there's an iota of time left, she can be herself for a few seconds while standing over a sink full of dishes.

Not surprisingly, this kind of self-flagellation leads women like Heather to describe themselves in the most negative terms possible – and yet, oddly, these self-effacing autobiographical sketches have more than a whiff of braggadocio in them.

Heather writes...

Heather is a child of the King and in need of His abundant grace every day. She’s never found Him to give up on her, although she admits He should have a long time ago! Heather has been married to her best friend for 5 years. They have been blessed with 2 children so far that light up their lives daily. Heather and her family are currently pastoring their first church.

Heather is merely one of a type: The female fundie blogger who, despite her own youth and the relative novelty of her marriage, feels empowered to chastise other women.

Unlike the Titus 2 woman after whom Heather presumes to pattern herself, however, Heather's “right†to guilt-trip other young mothers is derived not from her age and experience but directly from her personal proximity to the leader of her church: She is, like so many of the fundie women we discuss here, married to a pastor.

And yet she's unwoooooooorthy. She's surprised God hasn't given up on her long ago, for her presumably vaniel sins of watching sitcom TV or ordering pizza instead of foraging for food in the back-40.

Does she honestly think she's as sinful as she claims, though? Oh hell no. If she did, her advice would be a lot more nuanced and compassionate than it is.

[julie paradox]

yikes. One of her commenters has children aged 6, 6, 4, 2 and 1. She's bothered that she's not trying hard enough.

And another commenter sent a second comment asking not to be posted in case it upsets her fellow church members, but no-one at the blog appears to have noticed that.

[Guest Anonymous]

As I read this, I'm getting a vibe that Heather is not happy with her life.

[debrand]

It's sad how much pressure is on these women to be perfect.

[AudreyE]

I'm only going to briefly hint at what "left overs" makes me think about when I think of a wife like Michelle...

[contrary]

EXCELLENT summary, burris. i think your observations are so spot-on.

in the meantime, this:

[reds]

You dont need energy for your husband at the end of the day. It is not like they want you to participate in the act anyway? Just dont snore too loudly!

[Confused_by_religion]

I

Aye! These women - these hussies - are serving their families the worst thing imaginable: Spiritual left-overs – an act that leaves said women filled with, “grumpiness, impatience, inconsistency, and selfishness.â€

Actually, I must admit that occasionally I serve grumpiness as a main dish.

Heather is a child of the King and in need of His abundant grace every day. She’s never found Him to give up on her, although she admits He should have a long time ago! Heather has been married to her best friend for 5 years. They have been blessed with 2 children so far that light up their lives daily. Heather and her family are currently pastoring their first church.

I agree, this is the good old strategy to humble yourself the most in order to appear holiest. Weird concept.

[penguinagogo]

I think you are meant to be a chef in the bedroom, a maid in the kitchen and a whore in the parlour

or something like that.... ;)

my version makes for interesting relationships

[LilMissMetaphor]

Heather is merely one of a type: The female fundie blogger who, despite her own youth and the relative novelty of her marriage, feels empowered to chastise other women.

Exhibit B: Lauren (aka child bride and daughter of child bride Maranatha Chapman)

Imagine for a moment that you are in your husband’s shoes. When you arrive home from a long day of work what are you greeted with? Do you walk in the door and meet with a stressed-out woman rattling off a list of complaints, rushing from thing to thing without pausing, and permeating the atmosphere of your home with an unsettled air? When you try to hug her does she stiffen and shoot you a look that says, “No more!â€. Or maybe you’re greeted by a cloud of gloom when you walk in and a cold exterior bids you to keep your distance.

Ask yourself, am I ever like this? Am I someone who is easy to connect with, easy to sweep off my feet, easy to lead, easy to romance?

Now imagine coming home to a woman that greets you with a radiant smile at the door... you walk into a home that has little glimpses of the heart of the woman that you fell in love with. She gazes into your eyes and lets just the strength that she finds there soften her. She embraces you with warmth. Her heart is settled and at rest and the peace you find in being with her makes your heart calm. She is genuine, real, honest, lovely, tender, soft, feminine, and settled and secure. She invites you to be strong and takes the time to really connect with you.

[reds]

Exhibit B: Lauren (aka child bride and daughter of child bride Maranatha Chapman)

and then she stabs you over and over and over. :lol:

[MollySee]

I'm pretty sure the song "Mother's Little Helper" was written for women like this. There is NO way they can have that many kids, do all the home-making crap, and be ready to great their husband in their heels and pearls and be told to do it all and not ever feel guilty!

[Elle]

Geez, Stepford Wives much? I think people like this KNOW that the standards are impossible, but enjoy the praise for "trying." It's a hobby to them, a competition.

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

Heather is merely one of a type: The female fundie blogger who, despite her own youth and the relative novelty of her marriage, feels empowered to chastise other women.

Unlike the Titus 2 woman after whom Heather presumes to pattern herself, however, Heather's “right†to guilt-trip other young mothers is derived not from her age and experience but directly from her personal proximity to the leader of her church: She is, like so many of the fundie women we discuss here, married to a pastor.

And yet she's unwoooooooorthy. She's surprised God hasn't given up on her long ago, for her presumably vaniel sins of watching sitcom TV or ordering pizza instead of foraging for food in the back-40.

Does she honestly think she's as sinful as she claims, though? Oh hell no. If she did, her advice would be a lot more nuanced and compassionate than it is.

[finleeport]

She sounds just like Serena Joy.