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Michele Duggar's Tips for a Happy Marriage


roddma

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People who think the Duggars are odd but cute and deserve admiration need to realize what fucked up stuff they really believe. I hope this gets out a to a lot of people.

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Okay, but it isn't your fault that your ex-husband was apparently a giant man-child who was unable to either discuss the discrepancy between your sexual wants and give your relationship a chance to do something to bring them closer to the same point, respect your sexuality and the potential reasons it may not be at the same level as his at that period in your lives (because, this may be a shock to him, but sex isn't the be-all of a marriage), or break things off with you properly before going on to be an asshole to some other woman.

I find this relevant: http://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/2010/ ... ting-rant/

It makes a lot of sense even to this vanilla girl. The gist of it? "Men, put away your cocks."

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This made the main page of MSN tonight.

http://now.msn.com/living/0220-michelle ... ssive.aspx

Your time in the spotlight as a beloved mega-family is about over, Duggars!

I'm hoping the press will pick up on this before their Anderson Cooper interview and he'll ask some good questions.

Though I wonder if they have a contract for appearances outlining acceptable topics or some other bullshit.

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well if the husbands ego is so fragile to need a submissive wife to survive then I say he is not worth having. Fundies think their way is so great but they seem pretty fragile. All we have to do is look at Michelle to see what that attitude makes a person into.\

Hey here is the male version of Michelle

'I'm truly under the thumb': Is this Britain's most henpecked man?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... z1my0RKaEF

Weird. Lots of weird people in this world.

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The AC segment was already filmed last week for his daytime show.

AC and CNN pulled no punches with the Pearls. I'm hoping AC's minions did their homework before the Duggar interview...

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AC and CNN pulled no punches with the Pearls. I'm hoping AC's minions did their homework before the Duggar interview...

I'm hoping ACs minions found FJ. :D

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When one person on the 19K&C Facebook page mentioned it, another person said, "Unless you can produce a screenshot you're just spreading rumors."

ETA: There's a thread about it on the Facebook page. None of the strong defenders are participating in it. The most favorable comment towards them are one person saying, "I think that Michelle should stop handing out that brochure or at the very least have it altered - I dont think the duggars as hardcore as the conferences and programs they attend."

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Have the defenders had anything to say about this yet?

http://now.msn.com/living/0220-michelle ... ssive.aspx

If you look at the comments, you will see that the defenders are in full force. They say things like leave this happy family alone. I dont see a happy family. I see people forcing a smile on their face. They eyes are dead. Its so sad to see kids with dead eyes.

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Ha ha. TLC is allowing the Duggars to hang themselves. I knew this was going to happen--milk the ratings and use the backlash to get rid of the Duggars once and for all. Seems that Michelle is taking the biggest hit. I'm still not going to watch the ridiculousness on TV though.

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http://now.msn.com/living/0220-michelle ... ssive.aspx

If you look at the comments, you will see that the defenders are in full force.

For real...we all just hate them because we hate christians, and we're intolerant of "traditional values". All that submission stuff is in the bible. The mainstream media is pushing their views on everyone, eleventy...

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Besides the abuse issues, there's another reason that leaving the finances to your partner is a bad move.

Long story short, my husband nearly died a couple years ago and was in hospital for over 2 months. Even when he came home, he was unable to care for himself, much less take care of paying bills or anything else. If I didn't have full access to the accounts and the ability to pay the bills, things would have been even worse than they were. As it was, I didn't have a couple passwords I needed. Luckily he was able to write them for me, even while intubated in ICU, but if he had died, I would have had trouble for a bit.

Everyone should know everything about how to access accounts, which bills need to be paid when, where all the important papers and passwords are, no matter what they believe. You never know when something catastrophic could happen and leave you completely screwed if you left everything to someone else.

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Besides the abuse issues, there's another reason that leaving the finances to your partner is a bad move.

Long story short, my husband nearly died a couple years ago and was in hospital for over 2 months. Even when he came home, he was unable to care for himself, much less take care of paying bills or anything else. If I didn't have full access to the accounts and the ability to pay the bills, things would have been even worse than they were. As it was, I didn't have a couple passwords I needed. Luckily he was able to write them for me, even while intubated in ICU, but if he had died, I would have had trouble for a bit.

Everyone should know everything about how to access accounts, which bills need to be paid when, where all the important papers and passwords are, no matter what they believe. You never know when something catastrophic could happen and leave you completely screwed if you left everything to someone else.

Ditto.

I once worked for a government office that handles the affairs of those who are deemed incompetent. A surprising number of files involved little old ladies who couldn't answer basic questions about their bank accounts. They would become widowed and find themselves completely unable to cope.

Of course, sudden crap doesn't just happen to old people. Dh has been dealing with a detached retina, and literally found himself forced to lie facedown in bed all day.

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Women who don't know anything about their family's finances has always been a pet peeve of my Mom, who is in her 80s. She has seen widows struggling with finance-related tasks, trying to learn everything involved, at the same time they were mourning -- not a pretty picture.

My grandmothers and great-grandmothers worked to help support the family, and knew what was going on with the finances. There is nothing "traditional" about keeping women in the dark about money.

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I once worked for a government office that handles the affairs of those who are deemed incompetent. A surprising number of files involved little old ladies who couldn't answer basic questions about their bank accounts. They would become widowed and find themselves completely unable to cope.

Of course, sudden crap doesn't just happen to old people. Dh has been dealing with a detached retina, and literally found himself forced to lie facedown in bed all day.

I know way too many (young) women like that, and get into arguments regularly. My SO and I have a shared account, and private accounts. Some of the bills come out of private accounts, so we keep one another updated about that. To some of my friends that's just "too much hassle" or they "don't like doing it, so he does it", and it boggles my mind. I trust my SO, but I've lived in houseshares for years, where I was the one who got stuck with keeping everything running. There is no way I'm going to go to war with yet another phone/gas/electricity company/landlord or landlady without full disclosure. When push comes to shove, I need to know, and as you said - crap doesn't just happen to old people.

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Besides the abuse issues, there's another reason that leaving the finances to your partner is a bad move.

Long story short, my husband nearly died a couple years ago and was in hospital for over 2 months. Even when he came home, he was unable to care for himself, much less take care of paying bills or anything else. If I didn't have full access to the accounts and the ability to pay the bills, things would have been even worse than they were. As it was, I didn't have a couple passwords I needed. Luckily he was able to write them for me, even while intubated in ICU, but if he had died, I would have had trouble for a bit.

Everyone should know everything about how to access accounts, which bills need to be paid when, where all the important papers and passwords are, no matter what they believe. You never know when something catastrophic could happen and leave you completely screwed if you left everything to someone else.

Couldn't agree more. My fiancé and I don't have joint accounts, but I have all the necessary info and paperwork should I need to access anything for him while he's deployed right now. I couldn't imagine being legally married and knowing this stuff.

Thought I think mullet has more control/power behind the scenes than the cameras let on.

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My MIL was the "leave the finances to the man" type. It resulted in complete disaster. FIL worked hard and at some points provided a very nice lifestyle for the family, but he has also made some really bad business decisions, failed to adapt to changing technology and, worst of all, refused to address spending issues. The traditional patriarchal model of family finances failed them both. MIL was/is a grown woman, but felt helpless, had only a vague idea of what was happening financially, and didn't think that she could question, let along confront, her husband about financial issues. I also see FIL as a victim, in a way, because he was socialized to see himself as responsible for the finances and to see it as a sign of his manhood. Instead of seeking help earlier on, there was a destructive cycle of depression, gambling, insane spending and refusing to discuss issues. If he had seen finances as a technical matter and not something tied up with honor, the cycle could have been broken far earlier and the emotional pressure would have been far less.

I'm trying to pull them, esp. MIL, out of "woe is me" mode and into "let's make a realistic financial plan and take control of our lives", but it's been a real struggle.

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Guess I'm feeling insecure or triggery today -- can you expand upon this? My ex-husband told me that the reason he cheated was because I rejected him sexually...

I'm coming in a little late on this one, but I just wanted to add that just because he said you were rejecting doesn't mean that was actually the case. Like other types of addict, cheaters will make up all kinds of crap to justify their destructive behavior and not take responsibility for it.

Men will cheat on women who are totally willing to have sex with them, even women who are actively seeking more intimacy. They cheat because of their own issues, not because of anything their partners say or do. If you had actively wanted more sex with him, he might have told you that he cheated because you were too aggressive. There's always a reason why it's your fault, and these reasons are uniformly bogus. It's an accepted fact in dealing with other addictive behavior that the addict is acting out of his own issues, and it is never the responsibility of other people in his life. Yet somehow, when it comes to sex, people will make all kinds of excuses for the one who is cheating. Don't put that on yourself.

Rules like the ones in the pamphlet are forcing everyone into an unhealthy mold of co-dependency, with wives supposedly responsible for every wrong their husbands may commit, and husbands inappropriately controlling even the thoughts in their wives' heads. It's a recipe for insanity.

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I'm coming in a little late on this one, but I just wanted to add that just because he said you were rejecting doesn't mean that was actually the case. Like other types of addict, cheaters will make up all kinds of crap to justify their destructive behavior and not take responsibility for it.

Men will cheat on women who are totally willing to have sex with them, even women who are actively seeking more intimacy. They cheat because of their own issues, not because of anything their partners say or do. If you had actively wanted more sex with him, he might have told you that he cheated because you were too aggressive. There's always a reason why it's your fault, and these reasons are uniformly bogus. It's an accepted fact in dealing with other addictive behavior that the addict is acting out of his own issues, and it is never the responsibility of other people in his life. Yet somehow, when it comes to sex, people will make all kinds of excuses for the one who is cheating. Don't put that on yourself.

Rules like the ones in the pamphlet are forcing everyone into an unhealthy mold of co-dependency, with wives supposedly responsible for every wrong their husbands may commit, and husbands inappropriately controlling even the thoughts in their wives' heads. It's a recipe for insanity.

This. I'm really sorry for what you went through, ricky_ticky, and I wish you the best of luck.

If a spouse wants to cheat, he/she will do it, and many dirtbags will blame their partner instead of looking at themselves. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.

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Ditto.

I once worked for a government office that handles the affairs of those who are deemed incompetent. A surprising number of files involved little old ladies who couldn't answer basic questions about their bank accounts. They would become widowed and find themselves completely unable to cope.

Of course, sudden crap doesn't just happen to old people. Dh has been dealing with a detached retina, and literally found himself forced to lie facedown in bed all day.

I had a friend of mine who is my age who was widowed unexpectedly. She knew nothing, nothing about their finances or what to do.

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I know a woman who was widowed in her mid-twenties with three kids and it was a disaster. She did not know anything about finances because her husband took care of it all. She had never written a check and did not know what bank held their mortgage nor what kind of expenses they had. It was a lot to deal with on top of being widowed with young children.

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This was also a tip in the Surrendered Wife. "Let" your husband do all the finances, even if you have an MBA and he failed high school math. "Let" him do all the finances, even if he forgets to pay the bills so long that your electricity gets shut off. This was the same book that advised a wife never to give her husband directions while he is driving, even if he gets so lost that he drives across the state line.

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