Anyone else want a lot of kids?

[treemom]

I'd love to have a large family. I've always said eight, but I'm at age where even if I found out I was pregnant today (impossible) I'd still be having them in my forties if I had them two years apart. if my health held up I'd be totally cool with that, though. It would be great, but I still am single and haven't found someone worth having children with yet. I was an only child until my mom remarried when I was 17, and I have one sister now. It is not enough. I would never wish only-childhood on anyone, and I don't really feel like I have enough siblings now. I have friends with large families and I think it's great as long as you are doing it because you can provide and love having them and not because you have to, like the fundies.

Wtf? There are lots of only children who feel ok with their childhood and lots of kids with siblings who aren't happy with their childhood. Please don't decide all only children grow up "missing something" because you feel YOU did.

[treemom]

I had intended 4 or 5 kids, but that just didn't happen, we have one son and all not be birthing or adopting anymore.

No family setup will be perfect at all times, you just overlook the imperfections, my son only has one cousin and will lack that shared experience that my husband and I both have with our siblings. But it is what it is...in contrast he has traveled to 13 countries and get lots of attention from his parents.

[Rosa]

We're sticking with one, I would have liked to have two but the pregnancy not only almost killed me, it scared the FUCK out of my partner.

I do love the "there's something wrong with only children" meme, which people LOVE to tell me, because everyone I know who says that to me? Has at least one sibling who is totally messed up (and mentioning, you know, you know a lot of weirdos with siblings doesn't affect their views at ALL, because they're totally not reality based) and usually fights like cats and dogs with the ones who aren't a mess. I have a sibling, I see him once a year when he visits this continent.

There is not one thing you can do to guarantee your kids will be close and get along, except maybe be such a bad parent they band together against you. I think "only kids are weird/lonely" is one of those things parents tell themselves when they wish they didn't have so many kids and can't say that.

[freejoytoo]

I second that!

I slept through the night at three weeks of age. My Mom said that pretty much sealed the deal- I was meant to be an only child- no other baby would sleep through the night that young. She said I was the perfect baby. You don't tempt fate and try for number 2 because you might get the child from hell.

As an only child, I learned how to use my imagination because I played by myself a lot- I would spend hours in my bedroom playing dolls and making up stories and scenarios. I learned how to be by myself and not be lonely. I've never been scared to do things on my own. I never had to share my parents with someone else. Being an only is awesome!

It was kind of the opposite with my family :lol: My sister was born first and SHE was the child from hell. I was the perfect baby (most of the time). My parents said they considered having another but it's so draining raising a child from baby to toddler and then doing it all over again..and again....and what with finances on top of it they decided two were quite enough! I think I would like two myself, three at the very most!

[godlytomatosoup]

If I ever have (or adopt) my own, it'll be just one or two. But I really want to foster (once I'm in a better situation to do so - right now it's not possible at all) and if I do that, I expect that I'll probably have quite a few kids that way, but sequentially, not all at once. But if I end up with longer term fosters, I'll want only one or two.

This is not a judgement on people who have larger families, but for myself I think that I wouldn't have enough attention and focus to go around if I had more than three at the maximum. It's the same reason I limit the number of pets I have (right now just one cat.)

It's also a money issue, and a single person issue, but even with a very supportive partner and unlimited funds, I still wouldn't have unlimited emotional resources, or time, and I'd want to have plenty of individual time for each child.

[Austin]

I think sometimes people know an only child who has issues and they assume that all only children have issues. But if they think about it, they probably know a lot of kids with siblings who have issues, too. I don't believe there's any correlation; it's just more noticeable in a single child.

We have a newphew who is an only and he's a really, really weird and awkward child. However, my SIL and her husband are freaks, so it's no wonder. If they would have had seven children, they probably all would have had issues.

I grew up as an only child for a good deal of my childhood. I don't know if others consider me weird or not, but I thought it was a good thing. I figured out how to entertain myself and to this day, I rarely experience loneliness, even after long periods of being alone.

[Little Miss Alien]

I always said I wanted 3-4, but the reality is I have a genetic condition that means that even if I can sustain a pregnancy, it is very risky for me.

I accidentally fell pregnant with my son. My ex convinced me to keep the pregnancy, so I did. I lost a LOT of blood having him, and was ill for months afterwards. My condition limits me, so I'm frequently worried I'm not a good enough mother. My ex never offered any support emotionally, very little financially, and eventually I had to leave him when our son was 3, for our safety. I've been single for nearly 2 years now, am 30, and as I get older, pregnancy is going to be more risky, so I'm really very ambivalent on having any more children.

Of course, if I met Mr Right tomorrow, and he was willing to get married, share responsibility, accept my limitations, and understand all the risks involved, I might very well reconsider and take the risk, for one more.

[reds]

I think my older sister would have been happier as an only child. She wasn't too thrilled when I showed up!

Seconded. Mine (sister) tried to give me away as a baby to anyone who mentioned that i was cute.

As for me, i had to be talked into the first one, and then talked into the second one as well. After number 2, DH didnt get any nookie until he was fixed. And i dont think a week has gone by in 7 years that i have not tried to give them away or sell them. I love them dearly but I dont always like them. :oops:

[Nothing2CHere]

There is not one thing you can do to guarantee your kids will be close and get along, except maybe be such a bad parent they band together against you. I think "only kids are weird/lonely" is one of those things parents tell themselves when they wish they didn't have so many kids and can't say that.

This. One of the reasons my husband & I always said we wanted two kids was so that they could have each other, especially once we're gone, and in our heads of course they'd be best of friends, but from my own family I know that wouldn't necessarily be the case. I have one younger brother, we're only 18 months apart, and we get along, and it was wonderful having him as a playmate when we were kids, but now that we're grown - I still consider us close, but it's not like we're best friends who call each other all the time. My husband has one older brother, and they've got a pretty good relationship, too, but again - he's busy with his family, we don't hear from him a lot. My father has one sister. There's a big age gap between them - 7 or 8 years - and they have a very strained relationship at best. But you can't necessarily blame the age gap, because my husband's brother is 5 or 6 years older than him.

Part of me might feel guilty if Little Baby Nothing ends up being an only child - but then again, maybe he will prefer it. I remember when my brother and I were around 4 and 5, and our aunts and uncles would tease us, "What if your parents had another baby?" and we were both emphatically, "NO!!!!!!!!!" about it. What makes me feel less awkward about him possibly being an only child is that he still won't be alone in our family. He'll have a cousin who's only 4 or 5 months older than him, and I'm hoping that the two of them can grow up close to each other, whether or not we decide to try for Baby #2. That's something I did not have with my cousins, although we were all born very close in age, too.

eta: changed some wording to make my thoughts a little clearer - hope it worked!

[Avalondaughter]

I remember wanting a big family right up to my teens. I loved being with a group of kids and having fun. I loved summer camp. I watch shows like "The Brady Bunch" and "Eight is Enough" and saw these madcap families hanging out and having fun together and dealing with issues together and I wanted to have that. I wanted my life to be one big summer camp.

Then I took a job as a day camp counselor. I wanted to have a big camp in my house because I wanted to be a camper. Life is very different when you're the counselor. I loved being a counselor, but after taking care of a brood of kids, I realized that I didn't want any at all! I want to be a kid, not discipline one!

[Eoywin]

My sister and I don't get along at all - she's honestly an awful, self-centered person and has been since she was small. So I kind of wish I had been an only.

I make sure that my daughter does a lot of playdates so she can have plenty of playtime with other kids her age. I think she'll be just fine, even if we don't adopt in the future.

[SimplyMe]

I always wanted a big family- at least 6 children, though not 20. But my pregnancies (I have 4 kids) were difficult because of a uterine anomaly and all 4 were c-sections also because of said anomaly, so even though my dr didn't discourage me from having more, I felt like my body was put through enough and the risks of another c-section overrided my desire for more bio kids. We still haven't ruled out adoption in the future.

I love the way our family dynamic changed with each addition. I'm not the kind of person to get overwhelmed very easily and I love the busy, sometimes crazy life we have.

[changemanagement]

I'm an only with an only. Loved being an only child as does my kid. I got pregnant a 2nd time, but it was an ectopic pregnancy. Hubby called it the pregnancy from hell and got snipped.

"only children are higher in achievement motivation, largely because their greater share of parental attention translates into increased parental scrutiny: This scrutiny, especially as compounded by only children's access to a greater share of parental resources, exposes them to greater absolute quantities of both reward when they exceed parental expectations and punishment when they fall short.[20] A second analysis revealed that only children, first-borns, and children with only one sibling score higher on tests of verbal ability than later-borns and children with multiple siblings.[21]"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Only_child

Strange thing though. My kid is an over achiever. I'm an under achiever. Viva la difference!

[clibbyjo]

My best friend is an only and she feels she had a great childhood and was never lonely. She gets mad when people say things about only's being spoiled or weirdo's because she was (is)not either of those things.Like Treemom's son, she was able to travel abroad and she lived in England for a year during college. Those experiences she still talks about as some of the best of her life and she does not feel she has missed out on anything as an only looking back. She has 2 kids and she and her kids are very close to her parents.

For myself, I wanted 4 kids but stopped after complications after #3. I am fine with that.

[Little Miss Alien]

As far as the 'only children have issues' meme goes, I was, to all intents and purposes, an only child, as I was an only for the first 7 years of my life (aka Bolby's 'Critical Period'). I've got a masters in psychology and when taking child development classes we'd do all sorts of psychometric tests and such. I nearly always came out as an 'only child' on them, despite having a sibling.

My sister was adorable, but I was too much of a 'little mother' to her, which, while it was a big help to our Mum, she didn't like it ONE BIT. Our relationship has been strained at best since we both became adults because she sees any advice I try to give (based on my own experiences and fuck ups) as being preachy and motherly. So I've given up talking to her, except for banalities. She's yet to notice. She doesn't like that I have so many medical issues and require so much support from our parents, when she, as the fit and healthy one is told to sort herself out. I agree it doesn't seem fair, but if we were treated the same, I'd probably be long dead.

My son is nearly 5, no chance of a sibling any time soon, and so far, has no issues. He is an exceptionally well-rounded child for his age. It's always been a concern of mine, that I'll screw him up, because of being a disabled parent, but I just try to keep things real for him.

[darkplumaged]

I don't want to have just one child because I was an only for nearly eight years, and it was really, really quiet and lonely. (And I am a person who likes quiet!) I was overjoyed to finally have a sibling. That's not to say that all children would feel that way, but I do think that the sibling relationship can be invaluable and irreplaceable.

[Littlebirdy]

Yep. I am currently baking our 5th. We're not fundy. I think this may be the last baby though. We are running out of space in our home and we are at the point where we might have to consider a huge, gas-guzzling vehicle. We work hard to make sure that all kids get one on one time with both of us. I'll admit, it's tiring and a lot of work to keep things running smoothly. I couldn't imagine 10+ kids. No way.

[marmalade]

I'm 48 and still can, but while I love kids and am getting my master's to work with them professionally, I've never had the maternal bug.

We nurture and spoil furbabies, all rescues, of course.

Off to hug some trees now. :mrgreen:

[treemom]

I don't want to have just one child because I was an only for nearly eight years, and it was really, really quiet and lonely. (And I am a person who likes quiet!) I was overjoyed to finally have a sibling. That's not to say that all children would feel that way, but I do think that the sibling relationship can be invaluable and irreplaceable.

I think it is fine when expressed as a personal preference instead of a way things should be. And while siblings can be great, they can also not be great too.

Nothing in life is a guaranteed perfect happy situation, so you do what works for you...only, big, whatever, take care of your kids and love them and that is where my judgement ends. (although I might have opinions :0)

[AmandaP]

I love my siblings and don't know what I'd do without the sister that I'm closest to, but I would have loved being an only child. I'm an introvert and very sensitive and I think only-ness would have suited me.

I have two (11 months apart) and if I hadn't gotten pregnant again so quickly, I think my oldest would have been my only. I'm glad I've got the two but I wouldn't have committed to a second pregnancy if I'd had any time to think about it.

[fakepigtails73]

I loved being an only.

My boyfriend is the eldest of 3 boys. They're close, but it's not like they call each other every weekend. They get along well when they see each other.

My Mom has one younger sis, and they were estranged for at least 3 yrs. They patched things up a few yrs ago.

[ohpotteryourotter]

I dream of having 5 kids someday but that's definitely only under the right circumstances. First, whoever my husband will be would have to want that too. And then only if we could afford it. And then only if we think we can physically and mentally handle that many after our first (second, third, fourth). So yeah.

I'd like to. But that doesn't mean it's going to happen. If I have one or none or seven, it's okay. The important thing is, I genuinely want it and I can change my mind. My religion isn't telling my how many kids I must have and I don't have a choice.

[keen23]

I've got three, and that's plenty for me. Kids are SO expensive! I'm not talking clothes and cribs and all that (because yeah, buy once and pass down and all that), but everything that goes along with having kids. I do work full time, so my kids have been with a nanny or in daycare since they were 6 weeks old. There were a few years where our annual daycare bill was higher than our annual mortgage payments (and with the mortgage, I can write off the interest, with daycare, I can only write off a set amount per kid). With 3 you don't really need the minivan, but it helps keep you sane. You go on a trip, that's 5 round trip air tickets (if it's longer than a 4 hour car drive, we fly). Not only the day to day expenses, but saving for the future and looking into the future- cars, proms, college, weddings, etc. Raising kids into adults can be very expensive. I can't imagine trying to provide for 5+ kids.

[Athena]

My husband and wanted a lot before we had our first. Now we'll be happy we 3 or maybe 4. And if we can't have any more we'll spoil our one rotten! :lol:

But since having my LO I've come to realize that I would be spread too thin for lots of kids and I don't think I could give them the attention that I would want to give.

[Feberin]

I have one and another on the way. My husband and I always wanted four kids but we might stop at three depending on finances and energy. Or we might stop at two if this next one is a more challenging child. I do want to wait longer in between kids because changing diapers with morning sickness was not fun. I love my toddler and am so excited for another baby but I also look forward to a time when we're past the baby/toddler phase and can do things like spend a day out of the house with no concerns for naptime or bringing enough diapers.