Anyone else want a lot of kids?

[pixydust]

Uh, nope! When I was a fundie lite teen, I wanted 9 kids. I was crazy! I have 3, my hubbie and I had wanted 4, but after number 3 came along, we realized that we had enough. We have discussed that if his niece ever needs a home, we will take her in and hopefully adopt her, so we are open to adding a 4th that way.

[emmiedahl]

I think there is nothing wrong with having a large family, and there are some benefits to it. I came from a large family and I have a large family. I always pictured myself having a loud, busy house like the one I came from. I think that coming from a large family has made me more able to manage relationships, more tolerant of other people's idiosyncrasies, given me a kick-ass sense of humor, etc. Not to say that only children don't learn these qualities, just that I personally credit my family background with those.

It's not morally superior though. Mothers of large families typically do a lot more housework, laundry and childcare (that is, unless you are a QF type who delegates it) but you can hold off on nominating me for sainthood because I chose this. I hate it when mothers of large families act like they are better than the childless or people with small families. There is no necessity or moral reason to have a ton of kids, it is basically a time-consuming hobby. Some people knit.

The thing I love about my siblings and I is that, while we bicker and make fun of each other, we have each other's backs. Coming from a family of seven, that is a lot of security. I hope my children have that, too.

[theologygeek]

I am not a fundie or even really consider myself a Christian at all, however I think I was drawn to the Duggars show because I've always wanted a lot of children. Everyone always tells me I'm nuts though and immediately compares it to the Duggars. Are there any others of you out there who aren't fundies but like the idea of a lot of kids?

(and by a lot I mean 5-6, not 20 :))

I'm game for 20 kids. Bring em on. I love kids. I would have kept going but my ex husband didn't want to. The cleaning woman would have to come in every day because there would be no way I'd clean up after 20 kids, and my kids wouldn't be expected to do it either.

[mockingbird]

Nope. Large families seem fun to me but I know I could never handle it in real life. I also think I would have been miserable if I was in one as a child. I like being alone way too much! I don't want kids right now, but like someone else I'm in my 20s and don't want to say never yet. If I did have kids, two or three would definitely be my limit. I'm one of three. My brother and sister don't get along at all (we'll see what happens when they aren't teens anymore), but I am five and eight years older so never really had any rivalry going on with either of them myself. I think the larger age gaps might be something I would strive for too.

[VintageJen1984]

This is pretty much why we have a 6 year-old and no plans whatsoever to have another. The financial reasons (I like being comfortable after spending a good part of our 20's not-so-comfortable) and the fact that neither of us think we'd be nearly as good parents to 2, while we're rocking -if I do say so myself- at having 1. Even if we had another kid at this point, the LittleSquirrel would be at least 7 (took us 7 mos to get pregnant with her) and wouldn't exactly share a lot of interests with her sibling, so she's screwed either way in VintageJen1984's eyes. :lol:

I'm not sure why you think that. My own stepsister is 7 years younger than me, and we were first sisters at 17 and 10. The first year wasn't great, but after that we have been great friends, and the older she gets the more I like her. :dance:

I do get the up sides of being an only child, as I was one for all of my childhood and the great, great majority of my teenhood. But I still wouldn't choose it for myself (though I know it's not something a person chooses for oneself). I know there are other onlies out there who liked it, but without the alternative to compare it to, do they know what they are missing out on?

[BayLee_10]

I have 6 kids who are grown up now. My youngest described her childhood as 'idyllic.' There were always others available to play cards, board games, kick ball, etc. Now, four of them live in the same area as my husband and I so holidays are wonderful. Thirteen grandchildren and 2 great grands have been added with another due in April. It's great when the children who live away come home, too, as they often do. I would not change a thing and neither would the kids. Having said this, I realize that a large family is not everyone's cup of tea and I would certainly suggest no one have more than they want, even if what they want is none at all. Different stroke, different folks...yeah, I came of age in the '60's. I'm a liberal Democrat and an agnostic, maybe even an athiest if I were honest, so not a fundie at all.

[Austin]

In making the decision of how many kids to have, college affordability is a wildcard, because the price of college varies wildly. I have one son going to state university in the fall ($10K - he wants to commute), another going to community college ($5K), and the third going to a private college (>$30K after scholarship).

We'd have to have a lot of money, far more than we or any of our middle class friends have, to write checks to cover tuition if all of them needed $30K per year.

[CustardTart]

I'm one of 5. Hubby is one of 6. We have 2 sons and feel that our family is complete. I didn't particularly like having 4 siblings. I do enjoy seeing functional large families, though.

[clever_name]

No kids for me, I don't get the appeal. If I could have someone bring me a 5 year old and take him/her away at age 11 maybe I'd consider it. I babysat and nannyed for a pretty wide age range and I just don't really like kids.

I'm a happy only child (dating another happy only child). Don't feel like I've missed out on anything by not having a sibling as a child. After watching the really nasty fights about end of life care for my grandmother (my mom is kid 7 of 7) and the fights starting over my grandfather (dad is kid 4 of 4) I would never want to inflict siblings on a kid. So in the off chance I'd change my mind about having a child I'd stop after one.

Funny, I feel the same way. I like kids, but I definitely don't want any of my own. I'm also a happy only child. I loved it. I was the center of attention in my house, have only a few cousins (so we had close relationships with our grandparents and aunts/uncles), and was always "mature and responsible" for my age.

That said, I do like kids. I used to teach, and I spoil the CRAP outta my "nieces" and "nephews." (My friends' children.)

[BlackHawk]

We want 4. We are adopting, so hopefully we can afford all 4, especially if the state doesn't get their act together... or if we don't move to a very nice state. We don't feel we have to pay for college for our children, as by the time they go, dear god, who knows how much it may cost! We plan to have each child a set up fund that if they choose to go to college, they will have that money. We also plan to put all the money from the adoption tax credits into that account. We don't feel right spending that money on anything, as we don't NEED to. We'd rather our children have it for their future.

[chiccy]

It's not a lot by fundie standards, but I've always wanted 4. SO only wants 2, though, so that's probably what we'll do.

[darareaksmey]

BTW, I don't really like most kids, just my own. ;)

THIS! And sometimes I don't even like mine!

[Guest Anonymous]

My husband and I have one child and that's enough for us. We love being a small family and it works for us. I am in awe of those families that have many children though. How the heck do they do it?

[Austin]

THIS! And sometimes I don't even like mine!

My kids would even comment on this when they were younger, as in, "Mom doesn't like any kids but us". lol

[pfamilygal]

I have six :)

We aren't having any more (because unlike my QF friends, I value what my docs say and love my kids enough to know they need a mom!). But we would like to adopt a child or two with HIV at some point. My SIL has adopted two HIV+ kids. I feel like I'd be well-prepared since I'm a nurse. And we won't be doing that til mine are much older.

[Seven Severn]

Wanted zero, had zero. Have gone to great lengths not to have any.

[3 is enough]

As my screen name indicates, 3 is enough for me.

this is the first year that all three will be in college in the fall. Holy cow - it's insane.

I hear you Austin! DD is in medical school, and is paying with loans. We pay for undergrad, and then they're on their own.

Both sons are going to a local state school, and living at home. It's affordable, but still adds up. And of course, tuition goes up every semester, because the state is still struggling. Older son is a junior, youngest is a freshman, so we still have a ways to go.

[Wolfie]

You know, some people are only children and LIKED it *happy only child*

I love my siblings and I've never disliked them, but I think it would have been a lot easier if we hadn't been so close. (Birth control failures, my parents intended to have more than one, but not 20 months apart.) I have lots of times in my childhood where I was frustrated because my mom was so busy with the other kids, and she admits that with three she didn't have time to enjoy us. She wishes that there had been more space. After watching my mom struggle with us (and she was a good mom, I can't imagine what it would have been like if she hadn't naturally been a good mom) I just don't understand the people who have kids less than 3 years apart on purpose. Many times they say they want to do it because they want the kids to be "best friends." I'm sorry, they're human beings, they may or may not even like each other, it's just the luck of the draw.

And like Austin my parents had a couple years with three of us in college too.

My niece is a very happy only child, and will be staying that way.

[Guest Anonymous]

My daughter is an only child and I have been called selfish, been told I would regret not having anymore, and was told my daughter will grow up to be a spoiled brat. Well, she isn't and she is a very happy, sweet 11 year old with many friends and cousins her age she spends a lot of time with. Not everyone with siblings are close or stay close as they get older.

[emmiedahl]

I would have been blissfully happy as an only child.

I mean, I am glad I have siblings and I think that having them was good for me in its own way. But I would have loved having the peace and quiet.

[sippin0nsunshine]

I'm one of nine but an only child. We're spread out quite a bit though, The oldest four range from 43-39, the next four range from 32 to 27, and I'm 20. I was an only child in that It was just me and my sister (the 30 year old) until I was 7 (she moved out at 17, hello abandonment issues) then it was just me.

I only want three or four though. :)

[Sydney Fox]

I would have been blissfully happy as an only child.

I mean, I am glad I have siblings and I think that having them was good for me in its own way. But I would have loved having the peace and quiet.

I think my older sister would have been happier as an only child. She wasn't too thrilled when I showed up!

[emmiedahl]

To be fair, all seven of us would have been happy as only children when we were younger. :lol:

[Mama Mia]

We have a blended family of 8, with a ten year spread between oldest and youngest. We never had all 8 live with us at the same time, full-time .. but had a lot of years where we had all of them for vacations, weekends, summer etc...

The last was born when I was in my late twenties and then I had a tubal ligation .. looking back I often wish we had a couple more a few years later. Everyone around me thinks I'm nuts for wanting more -- of course they are probably right and I think I probably look back at the little kid years a lot more fondly in retrospect.. and I know I was way too stressed out and frazzled and broke at the time, too much of the time. But we had a lot of fun too.

[Wickedwickedwitch]

I work hard and my kid gets all the time I can give him. We are adding a second kid in this year. I firmly believe in zero population growth. I stick to replacement level only.