Anyone else want a lot of kids?

[Anxious Girl]

I'm child free. I might get married, but I don't want any kids. My dad's 1 of 9, my mom's 1 of 4, and I'm 1 of 3. I may sound selfish, but I have 19 cousins and only 4 of them are close to my age, but live in different states or farther north, and I don't get along with little kids. I just don't. This has persuaded me not to have kids, because even though the my dad and mom's siblings are adults, they can still cause unnecessary drama. I often joke around with my family that our extended family could be a reality show.

[Austin]

I'm child free. I might get married, but I don't want any kids. My dad's 1 of 9, my mom's 1 of 4, and I'm 1 of 3. I may sound selfish, but I have 19 cousins and only 4 of them are close to my age, but live in different states or farther north, and I don't get along with little kids. I just don't. This has persuaded me not to have kids, because even though the my dad and mom's siblings are adults, they can still cause unnecessary drama. I often joke around with my family that our extended family could be a reality show.

I don't think that choosing not to have children is selfish, or any less legitimate a decision than to have them.

[freejoytoo]

It is one of my pet peeves when people call people who don't have children selfish. And if they don't want children they have to have a 'good' reason. Not wanting kids isn't enough. It drives me crazy.

[darareaksmey]

I have two, and had the adoption situation worked out right, would have had a third. But when I look at my family now, I know that everyone who was meant to be here is here. I never wanted more than three, but two has proved to be all I can handle.

[alysee]

When I was younger I wanted at least 6 kids. Now I am down to 3. I had a faith that "God" would provide. Now, I know it's only hard work and patience that will allow me to provide for them, emotionally and physically. I am saying three because I want to give myself the option of twins since they run rampant in my family.

On a side note, I had family friends who didn't have children(they said God didn't want them to have kids) it was always so special to go to their house for a sleepover. It was always so much fun that I am so happy friends of mine don't want children so that they can spoil and go crazy with my future kids.

[Sydney Fox]

Yes, if I could I'd have 6 kids. I didn't always feel this way though. When Mr. Fox and I got married (I was 22) I wasn't sure if I wanted any kids. My sister had gotten pregnant and married at 16 and I definitely didn't want her life. As I got closer to 30, though, I realized that I wanted to have kids, but only if I could stay home with them. We waited until we could afford for me to stay home - just barely, since Mr. Fox had just finished his MBA, we were living in a one bedroom apartment, and had huge student loans but little else. We were transferred south to Pittsburgh when our daughter was 6 months old and we hoped to have another child soon after. It wasn't meant to be. We had two miscarriages and then couldn't get pregnant. We were in the U.S. 6 1/2 years and couldn't get or stay pregnant the entire time we were there. As soon as we moved back to Canada I got pregnant with daughter #2. She and DD#1 just had birthdays - they are 8 years apart. I knew I wasn't done after DD#2, even though I was 39 at the time. We had a little guy when I was 42, and I'm thrilled we got to have as many kids as we did. I'm 44 now and Mr. Fox is 50, so I think we're probably done.

I don't think it's selfish to not have kids. I think it's more selfish to have kids you don't want, just because everyone else is doing it. BTW, I don't really like most kids, just my own. ;)

[browngrl]

No way. I never even wanted one.

Although we use the evil birth control (and now that I am older - it would pretty much need a miracle for me to get pregnant)- should I ever fall pregnant I would advise all FJ'ers to immediately contact children's aid because I would a terrible (I can not stress this enough) mother.

[The Archivist]

No way, José.

[Jessica]

I don't think it's selfish to not have kids. I think it's more selfish to have kids you don't want, just because everyone else is doing it. BTW, I don't really like most kids, just my own. ;)

Yeah that!

[VintageJen1984]

I'd love to have a large family. I've always said eight, but I'm at age where even if I found out I was pregnant today (impossible) I'd still be having them in my forties if I had them two years apart. if my health held up I'd be totally cool with that, though. It would be great, but I still am single and haven't found someone worth having children with yet. I was an only child until my mom remarried when I was 17, and I have one sister now. It is not enough. I would never wish only-childhood on anyone, and I don't really feel like I have enough siblings now. I have friends with large families and I think it's great as long as you are doing it because you can provide and love having them and not because you have to, like the fundies.

[valsa]

I would never wish only-childhood on anyone

You know, some people are only children and LIKED it *happy only child*

[Anxious Girl]

You know, some people are only children and LIKED it *happy only child*

L-lucky you! *envies your childhood* When my brothers were younger, they would fight at night (they share a room) when I was reading or playing my gameboy. When I shouted for them to stop (our rooms were across the hall) they would bang the walls on purpose to annoy the hell of out me and I caught them once.

[tkr322]

My advice would be to have at least one or two before you decide what you really want.

I already do have 2 :) And of course, our main rule is that if we can't afford to send them to college (amongst other things) then we won't add to the bunch.

[Shirley MacLaine]

I don't want any children, but I'm only 25 and I don't yet feel confident saying I will never want children.

I enjoyed growing up with two brothers. I think we were all different enough with different interests that there was never much competition and we've always gotten along extremely well. I'd be afraid of having children that would develop intense sibling rivalries or who fight all the time ehhhhh! I hope if I ever have children they're as affable and chill as my little bros.

[jaynie]

Sometimes (mostly when I'm feeling lonely) I could imagine having lots and lots of kids. Trouble is, in these imaginings, they are all perfectly well behaved, intelligent, and well turned out, with diverse but not troubling interests and wide-ranging talents, and I am never frazzled or sick to death of them and we have picnics at the zoo on sundays, etc, etc. IOW, I would be happy with many fantasy children. Real children? MAYBE two, one day. Maybe. Not that I don't like kids, but real children require much more effort and come with a lot more problems than I think a lot of people realize...

I would never wish only-childhood on anyone

I have a brother, but he's so much older than me that I have more in common with only children than multiples, and I was happy with that. Not all kids are the same -- for me, all the extra adult attention was an academic boost, and all the alone time fostered my imagination. There are upsides and downsides to both, but saying you'd never wish only-childhood on anyone seems a bit much. (And my father was one of three and barely even speaks to his siblings, who he never got along with, despite having an otherwise happy home life, so siblings don't always suit people either).

[tkr322]

I don't think it's selfish to not have kids. I think it's more selfish to have kids you don't want, just because everyone else is doing it. BTW, I don't really like most kids, just my own. ;)

I agree. And the last statement is so true for me, too, lol. It's funny how that works.

[valsa]

L-lucky you! *envies your childhood* When my brothers were younger, they would fight at night (they share a room) when I was reading or playing my gameboy. When I shouted for them to stop (our rooms were across the hall) they would bang the walls on purpose to annoy the hell of out me and I caught them once.

Heh, my childhood was weird because I'm technically not an only child. I have a half-brother who is ten years older than me but he was in foster care for a year when I was about 4, then moved out when I was 6 or 7, and was just not around much, so that I consider myself an only child (my brother functioned like a cousin, or maybe a really young uncle that hung around the house occasionally, much more than a brother)

So I do consider myself very lucky that I never had to deal with annoying siblings close in age. Probably would have ended up with us killing each other.

[ThisOlGirl]

I don't think it's selfish to not have kids. I think it's more selfish to have kids you don't want, just because everyone else is doing it. BTW, I don't really like most kids, just my own. ;)

Oh thank you thank you thank you for saying this! I have a 9 year old and a 17 year old(17 in May), and it's only been in the last several years that I've realized I really don't care for any kids except mine. The thought of being a grandmother doesn't even appeal to me, and that's (hopefully) years away. I never say any of that out loud, because I figure people will just have a cow and tell me what a butthole I am.

[Defrauding Errday]

Two or three kids several years apart sounds good to me.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

My husband and I always planned on having 2 kids. Now that I'm pregnant with #1, we're starting to think, "You know, maybe one will be enough!" Part of that reasoning is because a ratio of one kid to two parents is good to help us keep our sanity levels, we can trade off when one of us is feeling overwhelmed. And for our financial situation, we should be able to keep up our current standard of living just fine with only one child to provide for. We're starting to wonder if we'd be able to do that with two.

This is pretty much why we have a 6 year-old and no plans whatsoever to have another. The financial reasons (I like being comfortable after spending a good part of our 20's not-so-comfortable) and the fact that neither of us think we'd be nearly as good parents to 2, while we're rocking -if I do say so myself- at having 1. Even if we had another kid at this point, the LittleSquirrel would be at least 7 (took us 7 mos to get pregnant with her) and wouldn't exactly share a lot of interests with her sibling, so she's screwed either way in VintageJen1984's eyes. :lol:

[Itsnotaclowncar]

No kids for me, I don't get the appeal. If I could have someone bring me a 5 year old and take him/her away at age 11 maybe I'd consider it. I babysat and nannyed for a pretty wide age range and I just don't really like kids.

I'm a happy only child (dating another happy only child). Don't feel like I've missed out on anything by not having a sibling as a child. After watching the really nasty fights about end of life care for my grandmother (my mom is kid 7 of 7) and the fights starting over my grandfather (dad is kid 4 of 4) I would never want to inflict siblings on a kid. So in the off chance I'd change my mind about having a child I'd stop after one.

[ellerigby]

I don't think it's selfish to not have kids. I think it's more selfish to have kids you don't want, just because everyone else is doing it. BTW, I don't really like most kids, just my own. ;)

QFT. It's not selfish to not have kids because you don't want kids- it's smart! The world would be a better place if all children were truly wanted.

As for the OP, my husband and I would like 2-3 kids. We both come from two-kid families, and think that's what we can handle mentally, physically, and financially.

[nimerha]

I always wanted a bunch. Well, as in, three to six (especially if they were spaced out a bit). I'm middle of three and wouldn't trade it for anything - but now I also know how much my mom paid for us having happy, healthy childhoods.

But then of course I had to go and turn into a lesbo and will consider myself (us) very, very lucky if we succeed in having one or two.

[CanadianHippie]

I'd be happy with 5 or 6, probably not more than that. Of course me actually having that many is unlikely. I am an old maid by fundie standards, and my fertility is questionable.

[CanadianHippie]

I don't think it's selfish to not have kids. I think it's more selfish to have kids you don't want, just because everyone else is doing it. BTW, I don't really like most kids, just my own. ;)

Another QFT. Whatever your reason, if you don't want kids, don't have them. Adults don't need to be forced to care for someone they don't want and kids don't deserved to be raised in a home where they are unwanted. It really makes me sad when people insist someone needs to have kids when they don't want to (and often have a very good reason not to want any).