Anyone else want a lot of kids?

[tkr322]

I am not a fundie or even really consider myself a Christian at all, however I think I was drawn to the Duggars show because I've always wanted a lot of children. Everyone always tells me I'm nuts though and immediately compares it to the Duggars. Are there any others of you out there who aren't fundies but like the idea of a lot of kids?

(and by a lot I mean 5-6, not 20 :))

[valsa]

I wouldn't mind having 6+ kids, if I had the money. By which I mean "enough money to not only care for the children and pay for their college, but also enough to hire a cook and maid so my only job would be to mother the kids".

[Parkersmom120106]

I would love to have a lot of kids....but like you, I'd like 5 or 6, not 20! lol. Unfortunately I only have one so far, am almost 33, and single with no sign of changing that in the near future. So I doubt I have enough time to have 5 more...maybe 1 or 2 more.

[EmmieJ]

To each his or her own. However, I do think it's important to take the parents' financial situation into account when doing family planning. How many mouths can the parents feed? Do you plan for your children to attend college, and if so, would you help finance it? What about little things, like Little League, summer camp, braces (not a little thing!), etc.?

Money isn't everything of course, and some people just really enjoy having a large family. I come from a family with 8 kids, and we were very happy. But we had to do without certain things, had lots of hand-me-downs, couldn't afford braces for the lot of us, and we all had to pay our own way through college. It worked because college was much more affordable 20 years ago than it is now.

But most importantly to me, is the reason people might choose to have a lot of children. I think it's much better to do so if you actively want them, have sufficient funds to feed, house and clothe them, and can (mostly) cheerfully handle the extra burdens that a larger family brings. I don't think it's a good idea to have child after child out of a sense of duty, especially if you really don't want them, nor particularly love your own children.

[Kitty]

No. I'll be happy with one, if that ever happens.

[Katiebug]

Before we were married and before we had children, we wanted a family that would be considered large for our area and socioeconomic status - 4 or 5 kids seemed like a great number. We both grew up in 2-child families and had wanted more siblings. We're not fundie at all, but we were naive about how long we'd have to wait to be financially able to start a family AND about how much kids cost. To us, part of responsible parenthood is not only ensuring proper food/shelter/clothing but also giving our kids necessities like braces and glasses and nice extras like swimming, music lessons, summer camp, etc. And for little ones, quality child care is so expensive!

Due to finances and the need for both of us to work outside the home/put our kid(s) in daycare, we will be stopping at 2 or 3. We have one toddler now, definitely plan on at least a second child, and hope that three will be possible, but that will be it.

[freejoytoo]

My friend is one of six and she wants six herself. I think she's crazy, I'd like two personally, three at the most.

[xReems]

Nope, definitely do not want a large family. My boyfriend has 3 older sisters, whereas, I only have one younger sibling. We both have decided that 2 is the perfect amount of children to have. Do not want 1 because we want our child to have a sibling, closer in age, like my sister and I are.

[Sola]

I would have loved more kids, but it didn't happen. I went 6 years between my two and only used contraception for three of the years. For the other three years we were trying but nothing happened. I was going to have it looked into but then I found out I was pregnant. That pregnancy was difficult and I went into premature labour. Afterwards I had a whole host of health problems which resulted eventually in my hysterectomy last year, so my quiver was full at two.

Hubby and I are both one of 4 so it would have been nice to have had at least that many. That's what I wanted, but things happen and life rarely works out the way you want it.

[zoestercoaster]

Nope. 1, maybe 2... if I'm feeling generous.

[Austin]

We originally wanted two and got three (second pregnancy was twins) - very happy with that, but we decided we did not want more children during the summer of 2000 and boy, I am ever so thankful we made that decision now.

[Caxpax]

I would love 4-5...I always have. That seems pretty unlikely at this point, as I have 1 and am pregnant with baby #2 and my husband (who is one of 4) is already freaking out about the idea of two children. I may be able to get him to consider a 3rd baby, several years from now, especially if it turns out this baby is a boy too. I was one of a set of twins, vs. my husband who experienced being in a "larger" family that really shouldn't have had more than 1 or 2 kids, since his parents weren't emotionally or financially equipped to handle 4. I wouldn't consider having more kids if I didn't think we could handle them financially and emotionally, but I understand his POV. A dear friend is one of 9 kids and she would love that many- all of her sibs think she's absolutely nuts and are going to have 1-2 kids max.

[Spider Burps]

I would love six children. I've always thought that would be the perfect number. :) I'm turning 24 this year and we're planning on starting to try for a baby when I'm 25, so it may just end up actually happening assuming everything goes smoothly...

[JenniferJuniper]

My advice would be to have at least one or two before you decide what you really want.

Many women think they'll take to motherhood, but end up finding it is not what they expected (just as the opposite can be true. Some women I've known who became pregnant accidentally and unsure whether it was for them have turned out to enjoy it every much and become wonderful moms.)

I came from a family of 5. It sucked. And it wasn't just because of the lack of financial resources. My mother would have been a fantastic mother if she'd stopped at two. By the third, it was becoming difficult for her. By the 5th, it was much worse. The pregnancies depleted her and led to several health problems. A couple of the kids had chronic, severe respiratory illnesses, one was autistic, and another turned into a true teenager from hell. Not that you can't have problems with one or two kids, but when you are dealing with so much at once, it can be overwhelming for anyone. Especially if the husband/partner does not take on an equal role in raising the kids. (And trust me, just because they say they will doesn't mean they will.) More money would have helped, but probably only to a degree.

[Deleted02]

No children for me.

[shesinsane]

None for me thanks. I've got a friend who is an only child and her husband is 1 of 6. They have one son, and her husband wants to stop at one. He feels growing up with so many siblings his parents didn't have time for him, and he doesn't want his son to feel that way.

That's one of the nice things about America, for the most part you can choose how many children you want to raise. Hope that doesn't change any time soon.

My advice would be to have at least one or two before you decide what you really want.

Very true. I had another friend who always wanted 4; 2 boys and 2 girls so everyone had a brother and a sister. After her first child was born, she changed her mind about having 3 more.

[Nothing2CHere]

My husband and I always planned on having 2 kids. Now that I'm pregnant with #1, we're starting to think, "You know, maybe one will be enough!" Part of that reasoning is because a ratio of one kid to two parents is good to help us keep our sanity levels, we can trade off when one of us is feeling overwhelmed. And for our financial situation, we should be able to keep up our current standard of living just fine with only one child to provide for. We're starting to wonder if we'd be able to do that with two.

I have a friend who always wanted four kids. And then she and her husband realized, "You know, given our current financial situation, four may not be feasible" and they changed that number to three, but then after their first two were born, they've stopped at two. I know she would really, really like a third child, but she and her husband realize that for the lifestyle they want to provide their two kids and would want to provide the third, it's just not going to work for them to add to the brood.

[Jessica]

I would love 6 or more. Teh Hubz would like a smaller family, so we'll probably end up with 4 or 5.

[slp]

As I stated in the thread on how likely it is to have a large family if you don't use birth control, we have six. I always wanted at least 5. My parents are both from larger families (6 in my mom's family and 7 in my dad's.) They wanted 6, but my mother had terrible complications with my birth and was unable to have more after me. Still babies were treated like they were the greatest thing since sliced bread for my family, so I grew up thinking how fun it would be to have a lot.

We don't use any sort of birth control, but we don't call ourselves 'quiverfull' b/c we aren't opposed to all forms of contraception at all, and if I had health issues we'd certainly revisit the issue and make a decision on what to do.

We just haven't gotten that 'we're done' feeling yet. My kids are 13, 11, 8, 6, 4, and 2. (about to have a round of birthdays though so up everyone a year in about 4 months) We'd love to have a few more.

We are not 'fundies' although we share some beliefs with some of them. You guys would likely call us 'fundie lite' if you met us.

slp

[slickcat79]

Hell to the no ;)

[Austin]

This is the first year that all three will be in college in the fall. Holy cow - it's insane.

[Spider Burps]

None for me thanks. I've got a friend who is an only child and her husband is 1 of 6. They have one son, and her husband wants to stop at one. He feels growing up with so many siblings his parents didn't have time for him, and he doesn't want his son to feel that way.

That's one of the nice things about America, for the most part you can choose how many children you want to raise. Hope that doesn't change any time soon.

Very true. I had another friend who always wanted 4; 2 boys and 2 girls so everyone had a brother and a sister. After her first child was born, she changed her mind about having 3 more.

I grew up with only one sibling and my mother didn't have time for me simply because he was a very difficult child and she was devoted to her career (and, ironically, she also taught parenting classes in her spare time rather than choosing to spend time with her children). Now that I'm grown I barely know her and she doesn't understand why I have no urge to talk to her about anything. It's not always the number of children that leads to lack of individual attention--though I'm not saying that having a large number of children doesn't contribute to the aforementioned lack of attention!

[PBrooke]

I am from a (non-fundie) family with 5+ children. I have always been good with children and genuinely love teaching/helping, so I'm pretty sure I'll do well at being a SAHM. HOWEVER, even as much as I long for a child, I'm planning on starting with one and seeing how it goes, with a maximum of probably three. Even when parents do the best they can and genuinely love their children - and my parents do - it's just so easy for emotional needs of one or two to slip through the cracks. As Spider Burps said, even one sibling can demand most of the resources, and when, say, three kids have high-maintenance personalities - well, it's draining for everyone. I can totally talk about the upsides of a big family, but for myself, I'm not striving for one.

[dramallama]

Not me! I don't want to have any children at all. The thought of 1, let alone 5-6, is more than I can handle.

[snarkbillie]

I think even if I had money I wouldn't have time/energy to raise any more kids properly. I still get into sticky schedule situations with the kids I have and each of them are only in 2 activities (1 sport and 1 social).