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The High-Heeled Housewife


skankbiscuit

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She's only 23, she is going to crash and burn. I read her blog and it's, well, tiring to read. She has a lot of fear. I think he will get tired of her eventually, either because she is so vacant mentally or because she can't have babies.

ITA with the eventual crash and burn. Marriage isn't about putting on a perfect-housewife act and looking polished at all times. Sometimes it's ugly. She will not be able to maintain that facade forever. Eventually she may get pregnant, and if she can stay glamorous and perky at all times throughout, I will have no choice but to conclude she's a robot.

I disagree, though, that she's vacant. I think there's more to her than she's showing; for some reason, she thinks this is the most appealing way to present herself, both to her husband and to her (strangely small audience of) readers.

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I think I'm not my usual balanced self because I just spent the last 4 hours writing an exam and before that worked 8 hours...but her day in the life looks pretty good right now. I'm tired, there's laundry all over my bed that I will have to move before I can actually get *into* bed, and there are dishes all over the kitchen. Not to mention the random piles of crap. So, you know, if tomorrow morning I magically had the whole day to get the house straightened up and have some "me" time? That would be pretty awesome!

I kind of feel the same way she does about the "hotness" thing - I know it's bad, but I struggle so much with self-confidence that sometimes putting on the hyper-feminine mask of "pretty" helps. I don't know if I'm phrasing that right...it's just that since I don't feel like I'm very pretty/attractive all on my own, I feel better if I add a bunch of stuff like makeup, heels, etc.

I should probably stop rambling now.

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Well yeah, of course it's perfectly "normal" (whatever that is...lol) to want to look pretty and spiffy and boost one's self confidence. With Brittany...it's almost like she feels that's the best thing she can offer her husband. A hot wife who has sex on demand, who starches his work shirts and has a perpetual plastered on fakey smile. And her mother has put into her mind that she isn't a proper hottie housewife if she isn't wearing heels AT ALL TIMES. Brittany wears 4" heels to do the laundry so her husband will think she is sexy at all times. Her mom played a real mindfuck on her for sure.

She has created herself into this robot Stepford Wife character that translates very creepily on her blog.

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I can only think two things reading this blog:

1. She is going to destroy her hips and knees. And feet. And lower back. My achilles is having sympathy twinges.

2. I want a housewife who'll keep the place clean all the time and get up before me every morning to make me coffee and make sure my clothes are properly ironed.

Also, I think that "Make an effort to look attractive for your partner," phrased broadly, is actually good advice. I dig it when the boyfriend puts on the tight-ish jeans for date night. But taken to extremes like that, it's pretty creepy.

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On her post "Shoes are a lifestyle" or something like that (it's listed under her most popular posts) she gets some really pointed comments about the fact that she's setting herself up for health issues.

ITA, it's wonderful to look good for your partner! I just wish she didn't feel like she had to look date night done up at all times with the high heels. I think it's possible to have a polished casual look that is pleasing to your partner as well. That's what I don't get/find so facinating about these fundies...everything is one extreme or another. If you aren't a barbie and wearing 4" heels doing the dishes you are frumpy and not trying to look good.

Her video blog about her struggles with eating disorders is horrifying/sad

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I do love how these young twenty-something wives feel they know it all about marriage and are in a position to tell us all where we are going wrong :roll:

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It's really sad because she can't stay this hot forever. And she has basically nothing else to offer, so she'll be hit really hard once her looks start to fade. She'll try lots of plastic surgery, but there's only so much that can do. Her mom gave her terrible advice without thinking even 10 years in the future. It seems like she picked a husband who only cares about looks, and he'll probably be the same throughout his life. In about 20 years, he'll cheat with a younger woman that looks exactly like she does now. She'll feel guilty and worthless and will get plastic surgery to try to look younger. Eventually she'll give up and get a divorce, probably with a decent settlement. But she'll still feel like her looks are her only value and she'll get depressed as she watches herself get older. After this divorce, she'll have options and I hope she chooses the option to live for herself and learn that there is more to her than just her ability to look hawt for a man.

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I was going to let this go without commenting, but... here goes.

No, marriage is not about "high heels" and looking great.

Marriage is STILL being in love when you're recovering from a mastectomy, have 3 drain tubes pinned to your nightshirt, and not a hair on your head due to chemo.

Marriage is helping him manage his diabetes. Marriage is bringing him what he needs when he's had his 2nd knee surgery.

Marriage is the both of you loving holding your first grandchild for the first time.

Marriage is being best friends 34 years later.

Really.

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I had a friend in art school who always always wore heels.

Her achilles tendon shortened as a result and she was almost unable to wear tennis shoes.

Just sayin'.

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My mother was very focused on her own looks. Men liked her but she had trouble staying in a relationship. Once she told me that she never let men see her without makeup. In the morning, she would try to wake before they did and put on makeup.

My mom had a hard time accepting her age. She was also very jealous of other women.

My sister and I wear little makeup. No doubt, my mother's overemphasis on looks had an effect on us

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where are they getting the money for ann taylor clothes, herrera perfume, benefit make up brushes, and trips to montego?

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When my husband was in school, we were both working and living in a dingy old apartment. We carried our laundry to a laundromat, my makeup came from Walmart and my clothes from the Target and Old Navy clearance racks.

How are they living so well while paying law school tuition??

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haaa. my husband is a PhD (in the humanities, totally not a money-maker), and i'm 15 years in the working world, and we STILL buy clothes and make up at target.

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Yeah they are on a pretty strict budget so they can afford for her to stay home while he's in law school. Why not have her work at least part time so they are not on a total bare-bones budget? My mom worked for almost 10 years as a paralegal to support my dad while he was in medical school and making peanuts as a resident.

Anyway she is not hardcore on the modesty train, she does wear jeans and pants.

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You know, I have never worn heels. Not even once.

Neither have I. I also barely wear make-up. We have been married over 10 years and we have seemed to survive without heels. If you build your whole marriage around shoes and looks, your marriage sucks. He is going to end up leaving her and she is going to have to figure out who she really is outside of pleasing him.

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I think whoever said that she's trying to make up for some serious insecurity due to the fertility issues hit the nail on the head. I find the blog a bit ridiculous (and loved those female law school students delurking to ask her a few hard questions), but I think a lot of it is for show and an attempt to make herself feel better about being unable (thus far) to give her husband a child. Never mind that given his class load and the collective debt they're probably taking on for him to go to law school in a horrendous economy with an oversaturation of lawyers, a child or three is probably the very last thing they need to be worrying about.

I feel a bit sorry for her, to be honest. And I'm also wondering how the two of them are financing a lot of this stuff when he's in law school and she's staying home being a housewife. :think:

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I mean, it can be done, if you take the max loans every year and maybe there's some family help and scholarships or grants. It's possible. I don't know anyone from law school who had a SAHW at the time, but I do know one or two who had kids and the mom stayed at home with the kids b/c her job would basically cover childcare. I just don't know why, if you don't have kids, you would choose to stay at home and accept the burden of insanely high student loans, when you could just work instead.

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I think whoever said that she's trying to make up for some serious insecurity due to the fertility issues hit the nail on the head. I find the blog a bit ridiculous (and loved those female law school students delurking to ask her a few hard questions), but I think a lot of it is for show and an attempt to make herself feel better about being unable (thus far) to give her husband a child. Never mind that given his class load and the collective debt they're probably taking on for him to go to law school in a horrendous economy with an oversaturation of lawyers, a child or three is probably the very last thing they need to be worrying about.

I feel a bit sorry for her, to be honest. And I'm also wondering how the two of them are financing a lot of this stuff when he's in law school and she's staying home being a housewife. :think:

Neither of them have any income. They are married, so their parents' incomes don't count as far as what they are eligible for, so I can answer this one: Pell grants and Stafford loans to the max. Grad school (which includes law school) students are eligible for more than undergrad. The Pell grants (which do not have to be repaid) are limited, so the loans, which include money for living expenses, just keep adding up. They will come out of his law school with the equivalent of a mortgage in school debt. Really. And I know a couple of people in this same situation. It's very scary, because it all hangs on being able to make good money once they are out of school.

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Word to apple1. I have reasonable debts from law school because I had a very generous scholarship and my parents basically paid out around $50,000.00 to help support me and pay tuition. (And I'm still almost 60k in the hole). But I have friends who literally owe more than a small house mortgage. One owes about $190,000.00 with undergrad and law school combined. Two law student friends who are gettign married owe between them $260,000.00. If you don't get a scholarship and go to a private (non-state school) or are out of state, you could easily owe more than $200,000.00 by the time law school is over. And people think lawyers are millionaires. Some are and yes, jobs exist where you can make $100,000.00 as a first year associate. But they are RARE and almost impossible to get. I think it's much more common to be unemployed than anything else. I feel fortunate to have a job that I love in the legal field -- but I make $40,000.00/year and receive no benefits. So... yeah. I hope this guy is going to a good school and graduates in the top %10 of his class.

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haaa. my husband is a PhD (in the humanities, totally not a money-maker), and i'm 15 years in the working world, and we STILL buy clothes and make up at target.

My husband has a Masters and is a director of a department(ok, he has 4 employess LOL, but he is the director of it)at a hospital and I buy clothes from the 75%off clearence rack at Target(don;t even look at the 50%,pleazzzzzzzzzzzzze!),JCPenney's and Kohl's 90% off and Goodwill. Its more my hobby to find the cheapest clothes possible, I LOVE deals. Getting my son $60 Tony Hawk Jeans at Kohl's for $3.80 a pair this week was my best deal of the week. I have everyone in my family trained to head straight to the clearence section first.

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I think whoever said that she's trying to make up for some serious insecurity due to the fertility issues hit the nail on the head. I find the blog a bit ridiculous (and loved those female law school students delurking to ask her a few hard questions), but I think a lot of it is for show and an attempt to make herself feel better about being unable (thus far) to give her husband a child. Never mind that given his class load and the collective debt they're probably taking on for him to go to law school in a horrendous economy with an oversaturation of lawyers, a child or three is probably the very last thing they need to be worrying about.

I feel a bit sorry for her, to be honest. And I'm also wondering how the two of them are financing a lot of this stuff when he's in law school and she's staying home being a housewife. :think:

That was my reaction, too. There were quite a few married students in my law school and some of the women without children behaved in ways that reminded me very much of this one. Added to what you mention was also what I perceived as them seeing female law students as a threat so there were sometimes displays of how they could out-homemaker us.

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Just to clarify, I assumed the law school was being paid for with loans up the wazoo (that's what put me through grad school, though I had no debt from my undergraduate work- the result of a deliberate choice to go to a state school that offered me a bunch of money instead of one of the Seven Sisters), but it's more trips to Aruba or wherever and clothes from places like Anne Taylor that left me scratching my head. If I knew that I had no intention of working outside the home and that every penny I spent was going to have to be paid back with interest as part of those loans, I'd be wearing the same ratty jeans and t-shirts until my husband graduated before I bought any new clothes. The decisions they're making make no sense to me, especially for a couple who want children. Jesus, lady, go out and work for a few years so you're not under such a ginormous pile of loans. I have friends with a ton of debt from undergrad who find it stressful, and that doesn't even touch what you pay for professional school.

It seems like they're going to be in for a really rude awakening when those loans kick in six months after the guy graduates. Especially when friends I know who fled law to come and work in my field tell me that any jobs in law are hard to find right now, and most people end up in doc review purgatory. Unless this guy's going to Harvard or something, which I doubt, this could end really badly.

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