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The High-Heeled Housewife


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Lyndsiebot version 2.1, now with fewer exclamation marks and a slightly faster CPU.

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Thinking one of them comes from a wealthy family - or maybe they are just going into enormous debt.

She did work his 1st year and a half or so of law school (I think he's going into his 3rd yr) and quit to specifically become a SAHW

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I think whoever said that she's trying to make up for some serious insecurity due to the fertility issues hit the nail on the head. I find the blog a bit ridiculous (and loved those female law school students delurking to ask her a few hard questions), but I think a lot of it is for show and an attempt to make herself feel better about being unable (thus far) to give her husband a child. Never mind that given his class load and the collective debt they're probably taking on for him to go to law school in a horrendous economy with an oversaturation of lawyers, a child or three is probably the very last thing they need to be worrying about.

I feel a bit sorry for her, to be honest. And I'm also wondering how the two of them are financing a lot of this stuff when he's in law school and she's staying home being a housewife. :think:

Which posts has the female law students asking her questions? I want to read that!

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Hi, everyone. It's Brittany...from The High-Heeled Housewife.

I typically wouldn't respond to a thread like this, but I noticed that a lot of pageviews were coming from this source, and when I checked it out, I was surprised with the grace with which most of the comments were delivered. Many disapproving comments are along the lines of "you're just crazy", so I appreciate the respect in yours.

I had been working on a post which answers some commonly-asked questions (such as "what does your husband do?" and "how do you afford to stay at home?"), so I thought, upon reading this thread, it was a good day to finish it up and post it.

The post clarifies a lot of the raised questions, and I think that if people here are wondering and speculating about what the answers are, a lot of my readers probably are as well. In a nutshell:

  • 1. We don't believe in debt. We had some (not terribly much...just from working in college) savings coming into our marriage, we live in Texas (low cost of living), and my husband was offered a scholarship to law school, so we only have to cover living expenses. We saved my income for his first two years of law school, living off of our pre-marriage savings and his summer income. That's enabled me to stay at home after my husband finished two years of law school. He has one remaining.

    2. I know it's difficult for a lot of people (men and women alike) to understand why I would want to stay at home. To be honest, both my husband and myself want that, but we haven't always. When I met my husband, we both intended to attend law school. (I was his LSAT instructor at Kaplan, ha!) We both applied and got into the same schools. However, as graduation from college approached, I felt more and more dread about attending law school. We both wanted me to stay at home once we had children, so it didn't make a ton of sense to incur the stress (and debt we'd definitely have if we both went) for me to practice for a year or two and quit.

    Eventually, I decided not to go and to put my degree in communications to use instead. So, I worked for two years. I enjoyed it, but last summer, my husband and I were apart, and it was really hard on both of us. So, given that we had the savings, we decided that I would quit. It's been a real blessing to both of us, allowing me to spend more time cutting expenses (through couponing and DIY projects), spending time on the home, and pursuing other interests (blogging, Bible studies, spending more time with family).

All that to say... I don't necessarily feel the need to defend myself as much as I do to add to the conversation. Also, it's easy to make assumptions and speculate when it's unclear, but assumptions aren't always correct.

Again, I really do appreciate the grace, mercy and respect.

Also.... on a lot of issues, I doubt we'll see eye-to-eye, and for me, that's okay. I definitely respect your opinions, and I hope you'll respect mine. For now, it's not my intention to start a long drawn-out debate, but I did want to add my 2 cents on those two questions.

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Why do you want to risk ruining your tendons just to please your husband? Does he really think that little of you? In that post where you talk about it, you seem to imply in the comment section that women should endure pain just to please their husband. What sort of husband would want their wife to be in pain just for shoes?

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I want to know what products she uses in her hair. I have really fine, thin hair that only looks that good after careful drying and styling.

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Well, I think she figure out one more thing she does with her day! She spends time checking out people who lurk on her blog!

Seriously, Brittany welcome. You seem like a good sport.

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I like her! That was a fabulously level-headed response and its clear the girl has some brains. Brittany, welcome! You should join the conversation, I'm sure many of us would love to learn a bit more about your live and decisions as a stay at home wife. Its a world I have no knowledge of, but I would love to learn. Also, good luck with your fertility problems- I'm sure thats very painful and I wish you the best!

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I should clarify something. If someone loves dressing up and wearing high heels and make-up all the time because that it their thing, and they are okay with the risks of wearing high heels all the time, I've got no problem with it. It was just her implication that if you aren't all dolled up like a sex toy when hubby walks in the house and if that you should endure pain just to please him, you are doing it all wrong that I have a problem with. Personally, my husband would think there was something wrong with me if he walked into me wearing high heels and made up. And he would especially think I was crazy if I said dressing up that was caused me pain but I was going to suffer through because that is what God told me to do.

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Yes, a good response, but also meant to shut down the discussion. :lol:

Won't work around here, but nice try!

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That was a fabulously level-headed response and its clear the girl has some brains

It's all fun and games fabulous and level-headed till the Berber gets shat on.

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Metaphor- what?.... I don't think anything said in that comment by Brittany could be remotely interpreted as being troll-like or meant to raise tempers. There are many people on this forum who have "favorite fundies", many of whom I can't stand-but that doesn't mean i'm not allowed to find positives in this blogger. I think she is adorable. Overdone, yes, but that is who she is! I don't do this often, but I will actually defend her, because I think its clear that SHE is in charge of her decisions and how she dresses and acts. I don't get the sense that hubby is telling her to wear heels or stay home or cook his meals. She really seems to enjoy these things, and what is wrong with doing something in life that you enjoy? Just because we don't agree with it, doesn't make it wrong

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Here is her answer on the shoe post to someone who said that women should not be forced to be uncomfortable to solely please their huband:

Next to God, our husbands should be our first priority. I believe that it is Biblical to regard your husband before yourself. After all, the Bible tells us that we are to be subject to our husbands (Eph 5:22). We are to put aside our own will to honor his

In other words, suck up the pain and go please your husband. Everyone knows women are only here to please men anyway.

ETA: I left out an important word

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I'm a SAHW. I clean the house, run errands, and take care of our 4 dogs while my husband is at work. In addition, I spend lots of time reading, watching tv, and browsing the internet (all very worthy hobbies!). We recently had to move to a new city for hubby's job so we made the decision for me to stay at home.

Brittany, I know how hard it can be to struggle with infertility. We've been trying for over 5 years to get pregnant with only one successful conception that was followed by a miscarriage. I don't know where your beliefs lie (fundie?) but a reproductive endocrinologist can sometimes work wonders for women with endometriosis.

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Thanks everybody! It's good to be here. Really.

As to the high heels, I posted that when I was working full-time, and I wore heels to work every day. I definitely don't wear high heels all of the time at home, especially when I'm alone. I do try to have on respectable clothes (read: not pajamas...and believe me, it's tempting) when my husband arrives home, and generally that includes heels. To be honest, I like them, and I choose heels that don't hurt my feet.

Does my husband insist on my wearing them? No. Definitely not. I'm blessed to have a very loving, accommodating husband. My perspective on "dressing up" for my husband is something like this: I tried to look my best on our first few dates together, so why I wouldn't I try to do the same (at least generally) now? He means much more to me now than he did then, and I want to express that in every way I can (through keeping the house in order, running errands that need to be done, being pleasant, looking nice, etc.). It's certainly not something he demands, but I do want him to be as happy as I can make him.

As to the submission comment, yes, I believe that wives should be submissive (or subject to) to their husbands. That's a completely faith-based belief, so I think that's one of the issues some of us may not see eye-to-eye on. However, I will say that it works much better when both husband and wife are trying to act in accordance with the Bible (the wife submitting to her husband, and the husband loving his wife as Christ does the church).

Also, thanks for the well-wishes on fertility issues. Much appreciated.

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Brittany, I know how hard it can be to struggle with infertility. We've been trying for over 5 years to get pregnant with only one successful conception that was followed by a miscarriage. I don't know where your beliefs lie (fundie?) but a reproductive endocrinologist can sometimes work wonders for women with endometriosis.

Thanks, Kelsey. I do have an RE, and I had surgery for my endo in December. For now, we've decided not to pursue further fertility treatment (due to both financial concerns and some indecision on our parts as to what we morally agree with), but we're praying about it. I'm very sorry about your miscarriage & struggle with infertility.

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So do you really believe that women should be in pain and uncomfortable to look good for their husband?

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I believe that wives should be submissive to their husbands and husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. I know it's not an ideal world, but in an ideal (Christian) world, a husband who loves his wife as Christ loves the church wouldn't ask or demand that his wife is in pain.

When it comes to heels, I think maybe the "pain" is exaggerated here. If a woman has a particular foot problem which prevents her from wearing heels at all, it might not be, but a husband asking his wife to wear heels sometimes won't generally result in a great deal of pain.

In the event that a husband is demanding something of his wife that is ungodly (such as unnecessary pain), it's my belief that the couple should seek Christian counsel and seek counsel (in the form of prayer) from the Lord.

As a general rule, though, I do think that the attitude of both spouses should put the other's needs and wants before his/her own...after all, that's what love and submission is all about.

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I believe that wives should be submissive to their husbands and husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. I know it's not an ideal world, but in an ideal (Christian) world, a husband who loves his wife as Christ loves the church wouldn't ask or demand that his wife is in pain.

When it comes to heels, I think maybe the "pain" is exaggerated here. If a woman has a particular foot problem which prevents her from wearing heels at all, it might not be, but a husband asking his wife to wear heels sometimes won't generally result in a great deal of pain.

In the event that a husband is demanding something of his wife that is ungodly (such as unnecessary pain), it's my belief that the couple should seek Christian counsel and seek counsel (in the form of prayer) from the Lord.

As a general rule, though, I do think that the attitude of both spouses should put the other's needs and wants before his/her own...after all, that's what love and submission is all about.

Do you feel he is somehow better equipped to make the "final decision" than you are? If not, why specifically should YOU be the submissive one? What would be wrong with tossing that aside and just working together?

You mentioned that in the event that the husband is demanding something "ungodly", the couple should seek godly counsel. What do you think the wife should do in the meantime?

Oh, and welcome.

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But if it does cause a great deal of pain and the husband does ask her to wear them, should she suffer through the pain to please him? Because that is what I got from your answer. I have read enough fundie blogs and seen it enough times in real life to know that the there are a huge amount of fundie husbands who do not love their wives like Christ and would have no issue with inflicting pain on their wife, even if it is a minor amount of pain. And it is a shame that women are being told that they should endure pain just to please their husbands.

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Aside from all the other stuff -- if your husband is getting through law school without either one of you incurring debt, I am actually super impressed. That is not easy! Granted, you're lucky to be a situation where you were able to create a savings pre-law school as most of us couldn't do that... but still! We may disagree about things (read: almost everything) but seriously -- go on with your bad selves! I only know like, two people, in my entire law school graduating class who graduated w/o debt and both of them had rich families. Really and truly -- I disagree with you about almost everything else -- but I am wowed beyond belief on the lack of debt!

I have a serious legitimate question though. You seem well educated and you write grammatically and articulately, but still -- you devote a huge portion of your time to discussing being a stay at home wife and your view that wives should be submissive to husbands, etc. Do you have concerns about having to interact with your husband's female colleagues in social situations, when most of them would not agree with you, and in my experience, would actually disagree with you quite vehemently? Or do you plan to not discuss your views of biblical femininity in those situations? Also I know that many of the blogs we follow here have men who have removed themselves from the workplace for various reasons, including not believing they should have to answer to a woman in the workplace. Would your husband be okay with having a female boss? Female judges?

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Do you feel he is somehow better equipped to make the "final decision" than you are? If not, why specifically should YOU be the submissive one? What would be wrong with tossing that aside and just working together?

You mentioned that in the event that the husband is demanding something "ungodly", the couple should seek godly counsel. What do you think the wife should do in the meantime?

Oh, and welcome.

Re set 1 of questions: because it's Biblical. I think the reasons I believe in the Bible are beyond the scope of this thread (and the time I have left this morning), but I believe that God's way is the right way. It works well in our marriage. Because my husband loves me as the Bible directs, he considers my opinion with weight equal to or greater than his own in making family decisions. We still have detailed discussions (and debates) regarding our decisions, but he has the final call.

Re set 2 of questions: I think it would depend upon the circumstances. There's a big difference in an abusive situation (in which she should seek shelter/safety and godly counsel on her own) and a situation in which her husband requests that she wear heels (in which she should perhaps just discuss it with her husband).

I realize that there are a LOT of marriages in which both parties don't believe or act Biblically, which makes submission anything from inconvenient to unsafe. I won't pretend to issue a blanket statement to cover all of these situations. I will say that, as a general rule, I believe that, in Christian marriages, wives should be submissive to their husbands. For situations in which submission is a problem, I think that the couple (or spouse who is willing) should seek Christian counsel specific to their situation.

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Aside from all the other stuff -- if your husband is getting through law school without either one of you incurring debt, I am actually super impressed. That is not easy! Granted, you're lucky to be a situation where you were able to create a savings pre-law school as most of us couldn't do that... but still! We may disagree about things (read: almost everything) but seriously -- go on with your bad selves! I only know like, two people, in my entire law school graduating class who graduated w/o debt and both of them had rich families. Really and truly -- I disagree with you about almost everything else -- but I am wowed beyond belief on the lack of debt!

I have a serious legitimate question though. You seem well educated and you write grammatically and articulately, but still -- you devote a huge portion of your time to discussing being a stay at home wife and your view that wives should be submissive to husbands, etc. Do you have concerns about having to interact with your husband's female colleagues in social situations, when most of them would not agree with you, and in my experience, would actually disagree with you quite vehemently? Or do you plan to not discuss your views of biblical femininity in those situations? Also I know that many of the blogs we follow here have men who have removed themselves from the workplace for various reasons, including not believing they should have to answer to a woman in the workplace. Would your husband be okay with having a female boss? Female judges?

Thank you on the first point!

As to your second set of questions, my husband's colleagues (at least as a summer) are aware that I am a stay-at-home wife, but beyond that, our views of Biblical femininity haven't come up. An honest answer as to why we live this way is that "it works for our family". I don't feel bad about giving that answer to acquaintances without further explanation. I don't want to judge anyone else's way of life, and I don't want to be off-putting in the way I present my views (as I don't think that's a very good representation of Christ).

I'll also throw in a sidebar here: thank you for the comment about seeming well-educated and articulate. I don't mean to imply that I think I'm terribly intelligent, but I think it's often assumed that housewives are terribly unintelligent; I don't necessarily think that's the case. So, I appreciate that.

As far as my husband is concerned, he has no problem working with women. Again, neither of us wants to impose our way of life onto anyone else. He would prefer that I don't work (as would I), but we don't have any preferences as to other women. He has fellow female law students, summer associates, and superiors, and he respects them.

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