Ruth is Requesting Help

[BravaAmica]

Quick update because the phone calls are happening fast and furious tonight.

Rachel is, at this moment, at a hotel, in another city, with my brother's boss' wife. They felt like they needed to get her out of town. Of course, this isn't a practical permanent solution (the hotel room). If I can get her here, a prof's family will host her until I can find her a more permanent place to live.

We do have some limitations.

I do not have a credit card. I have a debit card. She has neither. She also has no current state issued, photo ID. We were working on that before all hell broke loose today. We got her birth certificate, but not social sec. card or #. She doesn't have a driver's license, yet. She has $37 in her pocket for food. TANF benefits can't be started until she can provide the right sorts of ID and, as you can see...we're lacking those. That was going to be our goal. I can borrow a car and drive to get here, but that will require more gas money than I have in my bank account. I don't think she can fly (no id, pregnant). She's nervous about the train alone. Maybe I could train out to meet her and come back? That was a good idea. Any ideas are welcome. I'll tell her about the shelters and salvation army to see if they'll help. THANK YOU AND BLESS YOU!

Ruth, please tell Rachel to contact a domestic violence shelter. If she has no ID, they can help her get her SS card/#. Many women arrive at shelters w/just eh clothes on their backs- so the shelters are familiar with getting SS cards, ect. and may be able to expidite it.

[PokaDot]

Quick update because the phone calls are happening fast and furious tonight.

Rachel is, at this moment, at a hotel, in another city, with my brother's boss' wife. They felt like they needed to get her out of town. Of course, this isn't a practical permanent solution (the hotel room). If I can get her here, a prof's family will host her until I can find her a more permanent place to live.

We do have some limitations.

I do not have a credit card. I have a debit card. She has neither. She also has no current state issued, photo ID. We were working on that before all hell broke loose today. We got her birth certificate, but not social sec. card or #. She doesn't have a driver's license, yet. She has $37 in her pocket for food. TANF benefits can't be started until she can provide the right sorts of ID and, as you can see...we're lacking those. That was going to be our goal. I can borrow a car and drive to get here, but that will require more gas money than I have in my bank account. I don't think she can fly (no id, pregnant). She's nervous about the train alone. Maybe I could train out to meet her and come back? That was a good idea. Any ideas are welcome. I'll tell her about the shelters and salvation army to see if they'll help. THANK YOU AND BLESS YOU!

Getting her ID is going to be a problem (as you probably know). Birth certificate is a good place to start, but you need that second primary document (SS Card typically). I had a boatload of trouble getting my learners permit because we couldn't find my birth certificate.

So yes, until she has an ID she cannot fly. She can take the train, but that's only if they don't bother checking for an ID (which they rarely rarely do-and they only need a photo ID. If your brother's workplace issues IDs, maybe get one there? Picture + name counts for non-government issued). Greyhound has....interesting people on it, so for someone as sheltered as she is, I'd say....maybe next time.

ETA: Actually, don't suggest that thing about your brother's workplace. I just remembered most work IDs are backed up by two forms of ID, and they could get in a lot of trouble for something like that.

[Lainey]

Ruth, when you have a minute, would you mind expanding on what the hell happened?

Some ideas:

There are good people in the world who would do just about anything for anyone. Many of them are here on FJ. Hell, I'd volunteer, but I live in Canada so I'm no help.

Does your brother have a credit card? Perhaps he could put the cost on that?

[smores]

Have her call one of her local senators and explain the situation with her SS card. They get stuff done fast because they have connections and they are great with casework like this. She may need to fax them her birth certificate but they will handle it ASAP.

ETA: Has she gone in person to the SS office? When I changed to my married name all I needed to ask for was a temp card with my new name on it. This was good enough to take to the DMV; it was signed and they accepted it.

[Grace]

Ruth, I just sent you an email.

[polabear]

If she goes in person to the ss office, she'll need some form of photo id. It doesn't have to be particularly official - my sis got away with using her county's park and rec card. Her drivers license was expired, so they couldn't take that.

[silverspoons]

I would pick the state carefully that she delivers in. The laws vary so much from state to state. I know here in Utah the father has no rights unless he declares that he is the father before the child is born and signs the birth certficate. I have read numberous blogs of dads that wanted their kids after they were put up for adoption (some without knowledge) and they have no rights. I know the LDS adoption services really protects and takes care of the mothers. I'm not sure if she was still considering adoption? if she is, finding a good agency that will help with the legal issues and safe place to stay should be done asap.

The salavtion army provides travel vouchers for situations like this. They do not ask many questions and are very helpful(my mom on the board of directors & I had no idea how much money they give to help people travel that do not have the money for any reason, from empty gas tank to job loss, funerals etc). If you call the local number they will help. Although uncomfortable when pregnant if she can't fly because of ID, what about the train or bus?

[bionicmlle]

Ruth-- I, too, just sent you an email.

[TaylorMaid]

I would pick the state carefully that she delivers in. The laws vary so much from state to state. I know here in Utah the father has no rights unless he declares that he is the father before the child is born and signs the birth certficate. I have read numberous blogs of dads that wanted their kids after they were put up for adoption (some without knowledge) and they have no rights. I know the LDS adoption services really protects and takes care of the mothers. I'm not sure if she was still considering adoption? if she is, finding a good agency that will help with the legal issues and safe place to stay should be done asap.

She is. There was an ultrasound Thursday that strengthened her resolve to give the baby up.

I spoke to Rachel later and she confirmed that. Rachel isn't choosing adoption because she has to (I know some people are concerned about that). She's, at this point, choosing adoption because she's seeing a bigger picture. Rachel is, emotionally, where I was several years ago. She's just left a place where she wasn't treated like an adult or expected to make any adult decisions. She's just left a headspace where she wasn't allowed to; choose her own clothes, go out of the house alone (EVER!), listen to a radio, watch a television, or do anything without asking my father for his authorization. While she could physically care for a child (change diapers, nurse, or whatever), she has very real concerns about meeting the emotional needs of a child when she's really needing care herself. She's wanting to grow up first and find someone to share her life with before having a family. She trusted someone she shouldn't have and, from what I hear, didn't realize what they were doing was what would get her pregnant (as far off as that sounds). She's trying to do the best she can for her and this baby.

[DarkAnts]

Quick update because the phone calls are happening fast and furious tonight.

Rachel is, at this moment, at a hotel, in another city, with my brother's boss' wife. They felt like they needed to get her out of town. Of course, this isn't a practical permanent solution (the hotel room). If I can get her here, a prof's family will host her until I can find her a more permanent place to live.

We do have some limitations.

I do not have a credit card. I have a debit card. She has neither. She also has no current state issued, photo ID. We were working on that before all hell broke loose today. We got her birth certificate, but not social sec. card or #. She doesn't have a driver's license, yet. She has $37 in her pocket for food. TANF benefits can't be started until she can provide the right sorts of ID and, as you can see...we're lacking those. That was going to be our goal. I can borrow a car and drive to get here, but that will require more gas money than I have in my bank account. I don't think she can fly (no id, pregnant). She's nervous about the train alone. Maybe I could train out to meet her and come back? That was a good idea. Any ideas are welcome. I'll tell her about the shelters and salvation army to see if they'll help. THANK YOU AND BLESS YOU!

Two people on a train will cost close to $400 for a oneway trip from LAX to Little Rock. It would be about the same cost as flying. I would stay away from the bus. There can be some scary people on them. Besides, the train is usually a lot of fun to ride. You will have to bring food or buy it on the train.

[bubbabearzle]

What part of Arkansas does she need to get to? I have relatives in Hot Springs who may be able to help.

[Jezebel]

I don't know of a way to help her other than doing a chain of FJians picking her up and dropping her off to the next FJian. Kind of like an underground RR.

I'm far off the route she'd take, but if I were closer? I'd do it.

If that turns out not be possible, Amtrak would be the best bet. I recommend packing her own food (train food is expensive and crappy, and there's no guarantee of finding better at stations along the way), and traveling light. If she ships any non-essential belongings out to Ruth via UPS before leaving, that will make the trip itself easier.

Ruth, as far as possibly flying back, then accompanying your sister on the train, use Expedia to comparison shop for flights. You might luck out on a plane ticket that's cheaper than taking Amtrak back to Arkansas, and it'll spare you the extra 2+ days on a train.

[marmalade]

What part of Arkansas does she need to get to? I have relatives in Hot Springs who may be able to help.

IIRC, Ruth said NWA.

Unfortunately, I'm waaay out of any route they'd take, but I'll throw in after the hubs gets paid on Friday. Not that he'd notice the money was gone; he never looks at the banking. Woman in charge, here, beeyotches!!!!11 :lol:

In all seriousness, I'm sending postive vibes to you, Rachel, your brother and his boss's family who have been so generous in helping her. The rest of 'em can bugger themselves and I'm sorry, but that also means your mother, who is complicit by her silence. I really hate saying it, but if she can't question him, it's not anything near an equal partnership. SHE should take the remaining kids and run. At least she has a degree to fall back upon.

[SealFan1963]

Ruth - First thing is to get Rachel to a safe place, have her go to a Woman's Domestic Violence Shelter. Most shelters won't even allow men in the door so she would be safe from your father there, plus they will not confirm that she is even there. The shelter should be able to help her get an ID card and anything else she might need to travel.

Once she has ID, flying is probably the easiest way to get her to CA. If we could find enough people to donate $10 to $25 the ticket would be paid for easily. You can count on me for $20.

[marmalade]

If it takes as long to get pic ID as it does in CA, she'll have the baby before she gets it. Esp. since she doesn't have her SSN (or card). Did Darth get you SSNs at all, or are you applying for THAT from scratch as well? I'd guess an advocacy group can fast-track these for her, esp. given she's due so soon.

[Letgo]

I just did a quick hotwire search and found two different one way flights on Expedia from Little Rock to Ontario, CA on Thursday for $382.60. Both had one stop in Denver. I am not sure how close either city is from where Rachel and Ruth are located, but I would guess for $500 or less a one way ticket could be found. If enough of us donated, it could be done. How does the donation thing work? I have never done it.

The TSA site also says you can fly without a picture ID. You can use a birth certificate and your SS card. Does she have anything else?

[Jezebel]

I just did a quick hotwire search and found two different one way flights on Expedia from Little Rock to Ontario, CA on Thursday for $382.60. Both had one stop in Denver. I am not sure how close either city is from where Rachel and Ruth are located, but I would guess for $500 or less a one way ticket could be found.

I'm seeing much cheaper flights to Little Rock out of LAX, depending on the day one leaves.

For example, this Saturday, American Airlines has three morning flights out for $220 each (connecting in Dallas/FW). Next Tuesday, Frontier has one seat left at $177 (connecting in Las Vegas, then Denver).

And if Ruth's up at the other end of California, I'm seeing both Frontier and American Airlines flights to LR from Sacramento for around $220.

There are no cheap flights on Mondays, for whatever reason, but if you're flexible about which day you leave you can still find a good deal.

[rikkitikkitavi]

I posted on Razing Ruth volunteering my husband's legal services in Northern California. I told her I would send an email to her public email ID in case she wants to contact me. But now I can't find it. Isn't it just razingruth@gmail.com?

I also told her she could PM me here on FJ, but apparently I don't have PM privileges here (though I used to on the old yuku site). Argh!

[camdendayton]

Quick update because the phone calls are happening fast and furious tonight.

Rachel is, at this moment, at a hotel, in another city, with my brother's boss' wife. They felt like they needed to get her out of town. Of course, this isn't a practical permanent solution (the hotel room). If I can get her here, a prof's family will host her until I can find her a more permanent place to live.

We do have some limitations.

I do not have a credit card. I have a debit card. She has neither. She also has no current state issued, photo ID. We were working on that before all hell broke loose today. We got her birth certificate, but not social sec. card or #. She doesn't have a driver's license, yet. She has $37 in her pocket for food. TANF benefits can't be started until she can provide the right sorts of ID and, as you can see...we're lacking those. That was going to be our goal. I can borrow a car and drive to get here, but that will require more gas money than I have in my bank account. I don't think she can fly (no id, pregnant). She's nervous about the train alone. Maybe I could train out to meet her and come back? That was a good idea. Any ideas are welcome. I'll tell her about the shelters and salvation army to see if they'll help. THANK YOU AND BLESS YOU!

FWIW I have personally flown twice without my state issued ID since 9/11. It is a pain but it is definitely doable. Bring whatever you can for ID and expect TSA to be a huge pain. It would probably be good for someone to at least wait in that line with her. Not sure if they allow that, but at least try.

As far as keeping flight costs down, my dad is an agent for American Airlines, and for sure Sat, Tues or Wed are the days to get the best deals.

Safe travels! :auto-camptrailer:

[meda]

Ruth, link to domestic violence shelters in Arkansas and how to contact them.

http://www.domesticpeace.com/shelters.html

I don't think it makes much sense to have her run to you at this time. She needs to get her shit together, and a shelter will help with that. She needs valid photo ID, which according to Ark DMV she can get with h birth certificate, employee Id, and an SS number. She does not need to show an SS card. If she was never issued an SS number, the shelter will help her with the paper work. A shelter or DV safe house will also serve as a valid mailing address, which she will need to get any type of state issued ID. Take a few weeks to get her the basic docs she needs to function in society, and then take the train with her out to California if she wants to give birth someplace else.

The aid lawyer is not a social worker, but I'm sure that he or she can help with a restraining order against your father. You did not specify the "contact" made by The sperm donors family or yours, but if they showed up banging on doors, yelling or otherwise uninvited, they are trespassing and the cops should be called. If Isiah is not acknowledging paternity, and your sister has not named him as the father on any documents, he has no valid reason to contact her. Again, her lawyer or a shelter can help withs restraining order. Your brother and his boss who she is staying with now should not be enabling contact in anyway. If they are, even with good intentions,all the more reason to get her to a shelter pronto. She needs some secular professional help from people who have seen it all before.

[holierthanyou]

I am a little concerned about all the details of "the plan" that are posted on your blog, Ruth (and here, to a lesser extent). Since family members and others in the ATI community know of those places and lurk there, my concern is that it will be easier for them to approach and harrass Rachel, and figure out how to thwart your plans, with the more information they have on what those plans might be.

[apple1]

ETA: Has she gone in person to the SS office? When I changed to my married name all I needed to ask for was a temp card with my new name on it. This was good enough to take to the DMV; it was signed and they accepted it.

That. They will give her a temporary form with her name and SS#. Take the birth certificate when she goes.

Then take that to the BMV (bureau of motor vehicles) and get a state-issued ID. Don't wait to learn to drive for the driver's license. The state-issued ID works for all the ID functions that the driver's license does.

I concur with those who suggest working with a domestic violence shelter, though. They would be able to provide better support than us on FJ.

[Deleted03]

However keep in mind that your mother could go to the shelter and harass/ask her to come home. This happens often in immigrant cases where the daughters leave for fear of a forced marriage or domestic violence, and the family still manages to pressure them to leave. In that case forbiding men is not enough since all the women tow the party line.

I think you're right to take her to California, and a lot of people have provided ways to fund the trip. Somehow, I'm sure if you go to the Salvation Army, that some good soul might even want to make the trip with your sister, but I would try to fly out myself to pick her up. Can you borrow money from anyone if you don't have enough?

[Spider Burps]

If you're still considering the plane route, cheapoair.com has awesome, cheap deals and you can always find coupon codes online. It's the only site I buy my plane tickets from because every other site ends up costing more after taxes and fees.

You and your sister are in my prayers, Ruth. I wish I could do more.

[Alecto]

I just sent Ruth some specific places that can help her sister. I won't mention names here, but I think they can help.