Job Opening for fundies

[MissSeptember]

This link has been floating around on my facebook feed for a few days now. Which of our fundies do you think would be the best applicant (PP with his church leadership experience, Dna with his Bible school background, etc.)?

http://www.churchjobfinder.com/church-jobs/other/pastor-job-in-coal-township-pennsylvania-5321.asp

Coal Township, PA

Please make sure you read all of the information thoroughly before contacting us. This is where we stand. We are not here to debate and argue. If you meet these qualifications feel free to contact us. If you fail to meet these qualifications please do not waste our time.

We are currently looking for a Pastor for our church in Coal Township, PA. Currently we hold services once a week at my home with our 6 members with me teaching due to the lack of a Biblically based church in our area. We are looking for a Pastor who is BIBLICALLY QUALIFIED and KING JAMES ONLY! We also need a Pastor who is constantly reading and studying God's word.

The Biblical qualifications of a Pastor are

Titus 1:6 If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.

7 For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre;

8 But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate;

9 Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.

1Timothy 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;

3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;

4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;

5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.

7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

In the qualifications for a Pastor it says he must be the husband of one wife. We believe that divorce is biblically unacceptable. We believe in biblical words such as Pastor, Bishop, Deacon etc. We Reject titles such as Reverend, Doctor, Minister, and Scholar. Reverend is used once in the bible and it is referring to God so unless you're God... Simply put don't give yourself a stupid name and we won't call you by it. We also believe the Pastor MUST currently be raising or have raised Godly children. We currently have our service on Sunday 1-2:30pm, and then after we go Soul winning. We believe door to door Soul winning is VERY IMPORTANT as a church, and that it must be done on a regular basis. And finally we believe that salvation is through faith and faith ALONE! We do not believe in repentance of sins to be saved, or to be a good person, or to go to church.

The only repentance (Change) that has to be made is where your faith is. Repentance is not a guilty feeling it is just a change. We believe that the Holy Spirit DOES NOT Convict you of sins! It is NO WHERE in the bible unless you are reading an NIV. Salvation is not about emotion; it is about your FAITH. We also believe once you are saved you are saved FOREVER!

1John 5:13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

On the back of our Soul Winning Pamphlet we put what we believe:

We believe the King James bible is thee word of God in English. Modern “Translations†remove verses, words, and change the meaning of Gods word.

We believe the entire bible from cover to cover including the Old Testament. There has been a change in some of the laws such as the Sabbath, the Passover, and a doing away of the Cardinal and fleshly ordinances including meats and drinks. However Gods laws of right and wrong still apply therefore murderers, adulterers, kidnappers, sodomites, etc. deserve the death penalty according to God’s word.

We believe in Door to Door Soul winning as thee only biblical method to reach the lost. Tracts, Street Preaching, and Life Style Evangelism are all unscriptural and will never work.

We believe in the local church as an independent congregation separate from all religious organizations and governmental rules and regulations.

We believe in separation from both the world and any one who teaches or believes false doctrine. This includes dress, music, speech, etc.

We reject the false teaching of the pre-tribulation Rapture. We believe that Gods people always have and always will go through tribulation. The Great tribulation is not God pouring out his wrath.

We Reject ALL forms of Dispensationalism.

We believe that everyone is created equal and that there is no difference between Jew or Gentile, black or white!

We stand firm on God’s word and God’s word only as our final authority in life.

We believe that God put in his word everything we needed to know, and he didn’t write a sequel. We are 100% King James ONLY! We do not consult the History books to see if Man is smarter than God.

In addition to this we believe in a single church. No Sunday schools, Nurseries, Youth Groups etc. We also believe Bible colleges, Christian Schools, etc are biblically incorrect. You DO NOT have to be ordained by a bible college to be a Pastor considering it is NO WHERE in the qualifications! Also we believe that the church should not be selling ANYTHING and that includes an Education. Why would it be okay to charge for a “Bible Education†However it is not ok to charge for a church service? Why do you think Jesus threw tables in the temple? TWICE!!!!!

We believe the women are to have NO PART in the Teaching at church! A woman is to keep SILENT during the Teaching and Preaching. This DOES NOT forbid a woman from singing. Women can and should be preaching the Gospel through soul winning, and any chance she can get. She is only forbidden from doing so during church!

1Timothy 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

1Corinthians 14:34 � Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Revelation 2:20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.

We also believe in a literal six days of creation.

We reject all forms of theistic evolution, gap theory, day age theory etc. SIX DAYS MEANS SIX DAYS!

We also believe the King James is the inspired word of God in English! We do not believe in going back to the Greek, Hebrew, Chaldean, Sand Script, Native American, Cave paintings, or Finger Paintings by children to “interpret†Gods word. God can speak English just fine and since he promised to preserve his word there is no need to go outside the English language to find it.

Once again Do not contact us if you are not interested in the position. If you’re looking for an argument find a tree and maybe you’ll win!

Job Category: Other

Job Status: Interim

Denomination: Other

[bbfreethinker]

And just how much does a church with only 6 members plan on paying this Pastor?

[Witsec7]

Pretty effing hardcore. Does anyone here believe this stuff?

[clibbyjo]

I looked it up, lucky it is hours from me. They are about 3 hours from my fundie sister and she has all those beliefs, maybe I should hook them up?

[Justvisiting]

Love that they say there is no difference between Jew and Gentile or black and white. Fat chance they would include "between male and female" as the actual reference says - haha!

And the KJV only always cracks me up. I mean, seriously? Have they ever read anything about the Kings and Queens of England?

**edited for clarity

[GiGi_41]

We believe the King James bible is thee word of God in English.

We believe in Door to Door Soul winning as thee only biblical method to reach the lost.

Um, are they trying to say "the" with a hard E? Because using the word thee is incorrect. 

Thee is the nonformal singular use of the word you or thou.

But obviously since they don't believe in reading anything other then the KJV they wouldn't know.

Maybe we should send them a link to PP's church...I'm sure he has an apprentice!

[Witsec7]

I looked it up, lucky it is hours from me. They are about 3 hours from my fundie sister and she has all those beliefs, maybe I should hook them up?

I've actually be to Shamokin. :lol:

[doggie]

Boy I bet they are a blast to hang out with. what a bunch of losers. what they really want is a custom made preacher that will cater to their extremes. no church would be quit that bad.

[Whydoyouask]

Why do they need a Pastor? Obviously they know everything.

Curious as to what happened to the previous 'Pastor'

[doggie]

Why do they need a Pastor? Obviously they know everything.

Curious as to what happened to the previous 'Pastor'

He misquotd th bible and they ran him out of town.

[Kitchen Princess]

Those nutjobs will be mixing up a vat of kool-aid, putting on their Nike swooshes, and taunting the ATF from inside the compound before you know it.

[salsa]

yeesh! (imagine a "shudder" emoticon)

I'd almost think it was a fake except I've known too many people even in mainline churches to have that kind of self-righteous sarcasm.

I agree with whoever wondered why they even need a pastor, as they know everything. They want to hire a puppet to perform marriages or whatever else they might need a clergyperson (oh, I mean clergyMAN) for.

If they do hire someone with children, I feel sorry for the kids and wife! Imagine the pressure of what "godly" means to the congregation - not your parents, but those 6 members your dad (not you or your mom) was called to serve.

[JesusFightClub]

I'm fucked then, as I've been accused of riot. :D Of course, possessing a vag disqualifies me anyway.

What do they do if they are "soulwinning" and come to a house where a gay couple live?

[Hane]

"Sand Script"? Might this intellectual powerhouse be referring to Sanskrit?

[ilovetchotchkes]

A few weeks ago, on craigslist, (I've been halfassedly looking for part time work) there was an ad searching for an assistant for a "Christian Chiropractor's Office".

I skipped over it as far as job prospects were concerned but read it for amusement factor. The applicant had to have a "servant's heart".... amongst other things.

[holierthanyou]

A few weeks ago, on craigslist, (I've been halfassedly looking for part time work) there was an ad searching for an assistant for a "Christian Chiropractor's Office".

I skipped over it as far as job prospects were concerned but read it for amusement factor. The applicant had to have a "servant's heart".... amongst other things.

Code for- "we will not pay you minimum wage".

I saw the same ad on kijiji a few weeks ago.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Code for- "we will not pay you minimum wage".

I saw the same ad on kijiji a few weeks ago.

I've had BAAAAAD experiences working for Chiropractors. Several my friends as well. One was under the philosophy that a certain Lord Xenu was the way to go religiously if you KWIM. I lasted about 6 months before I told her where to cram her "low carb diet". (yes it works well for me and is about the only way I lose weight, as I later found out at the suggestion of my fertility doc but it was NONE of her GORRAM business how much I weighed unlike the fertility doc who mentioned it in the course of my treatment that fertility drugs would make me gain a LOT of weight and the last thing he wanted was a high risk pregnancy for me on TOP of having trouble getting pregnant. )

[Peas n carrots]

A few weeks ago, on craigslist, (I've been halfassedly looking for part time work) there was an ad searching for an assistant for a "Christian Chiropractor's Office".

I skipped over it as far as job prospects were concerned but read it for amusement factor. The applicant had to have a "servant's heart".... amongst other things.

I interpret that as "crappy pay."

I don't get why the pastor posting is up, because obviously they don't need or want anyone with any real qualifications. Out of the 6 of them you mean none of them can preach?

[lilwriter85]

I also don't get why the job opening is up. I think maybe those six people want to get a pastor and then try to recruit people or something.

[snarkykitty]

"Sand Script"? Might this intellectual powerhouse be referring to Sanskrit?

You beat me to it!!!

[Olive Plant]

"God can speak English just fine and since he promised to preserve his word there is no need to go outside the English language to find it."

So... tell me again why the King James is the only English version God has seen fit to endow with infallibility? Because it's the most accurate compared to what it was translated from? Wait, no, that can't be it, since they are not allowed to look at the originals for inspiration... It must be because King James himself (whoever he was) was so godly and spoke such nice, archaic English.

[doggie]

I think because it seem elegant and it is hard to understand it must be the only true version.