Couple can't wait three hours after the wedding to have sex

[snarkbillie]

Who wants to talk about their sex life with their father? I mean, whatever floats your boat, but I think most people avoid those types of conversations with their parents.

I understand that most people do avoid it, I just don't understand why.

[Austin]

For the same reason that kids (even adult kids) do not usually wish to discuss their parents' sex lives. Do you not get that, either?

[Clementine]

I understand that most people do avoid it, I just don't understand why.

Because I have no desire to know if my mother spits or swallows and I am sure she feels the same about me. (I prefer not to know anything about people's sexlives unless I have been a part of it.)

[SpeshulTaterTot]

I don't want to discuss my sex life with my dad because my parents are asexual beings to me. I realize that they obviously had sex, but I don't want to know about it. That's absolutely normal and has nothing to do with being ashamed of sex.

[Jessica]

Because I have no desire to know if my mother spits or swallows and I am sure she feels the same about me. (I prefer not to know anything about people's sexlives unless I have been a part of it.)

:lol: :lol: :lol: Oh gosh, I had a neighbor when I first got married who was SO FREAKING LOUD during sex! We could hear the bed squeaking like crazy and both of them moaning and screaming. Jeez.

[keen23]

Because I have no desire to know if my mother spits or swallows and I am sure she feels the same about me. (I prefer not to know anything about people's sexlives unless I have been a part of it.)

This. Exactly.

[Confused_by_religion]

Frankly, I would be a bit miffed if my father insinuated that I wasn't able to control myself for 3 hours...after obviously having managed to avoid sex for the whole engagement period. I mean, what does the man THINK of his daughter's ability to delay instant gratification? Apparently, she's already proved that she can spend time with the fiancée without jumping his bones. Does a marriage certificate turn her into a sex-crazy person automatically? Weird.

[snarkbillie]

I don't want to discuss my sex life with my dad because my parents are asexual beings to me. I realize that they obviously had sex, but I don't want to know about it. That's absolutely normal and has nothing to do with being ashamed of sex.

How is it absolutely normal? Okay, typical... but probably not healthy. Is sex so bad that your parents couldn't have done it? This seems very strange to me. On the one hand I, as a parent, am supposed to realize my kids are sexual beings and thus provide them with an adequate education about sex so they can make good choices and not end up all diseased and shit...but they're supposed to think I'm a virgin? Very weird. Just sayin'.

I could understand that this particular conversation was controlling and creepy. I can understand not wanting to know if your mom spits or swallows, especially if you don't care to know that about anyone else. I don't understand for a minute the whole "my parents don't have sex!" meme.

[Jessica]

Some of us want our private lives to be private, and that includes sex. I don't know why that is so hard to understand.

[Hane]

I know plenty of people who've spent their wedding nights in a nearby hotel before leaving on their honeymoons--but it's usually because they're too tired (or buzzed) after the reception to go on a long car trip right away. Or, in some cases, their flight doesn't leave till the next day.

If Dad had put it in those terms, it would have been sweet, not squicky.

[Clementine]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Oh gosh, I had a neighbor when I first got married who was SO FREAKING LOUD during sex! We could hear the bed squeaking like crazy and both of them moaning and screaming. Jeez.

Our neighbours in the house across the street from us (we live in an inner city apartment building) used to have sex with the lamps on and the blinds open. It was like watching a live sexshow four-five times a week. It ended abruptly after I blinked with my lamp in their direction. DH was kind of disappointed when it ended, lol!

[JesusFightClub]

I understand that most people do avoid it, I just don't understand why.

Because parents having sex is something most people don't want to know the details about?

And how would you avoid it? "Mum, I've been doing [x] with Dave/Davina. But this part keeps going wrong. " "Oh well, when your father and I do that, we usually..."

I am cringing just thinking about it.

[snarkbillie]

Some of us want our private lives to be private, and that includes sex. I don't know why that is so hard to understand.

I understand privacy. I know a lot of people who are anything BUT private but then squick out if their parents even hint at maybe at some point having had sex. I don't understand that particular squick trigger when they don't have it with anyone else.

[snarkbillie]

Because parents having sex is something most people don't want to know the details about?

And how would you avoid it? "Mum, I've been doing [x] with Dave/Davina. But this part keeps going wrong. " "Oh well, when your father and I do that, we usually..."

I am cringing just thinking about it.

Would you have the same reaction if we replaced the parent in this story with your friend at work?

[Austin]

I don't want to discuss my sex life with my dad because my parents are asexual beings to me. I realize that they obviously had sex, but I don't want to know about it. That's absolutely normal and has nothing to do with being ashamed of sex.

Personal story on this: one of my sons is dating a girl from a fundie-lite family. He invited her and some other friends (both boys and girls) to come to our house and go into the spa and hang out. She ended up declining in the end, but he had invited these other guests, so he went ahead with the planned get-together.

The next day, the girlfriend told our son that her mother was horrified that he had been in a hot tub with other girls and wanted to know how my son would feel if the girlfriend had gone into a hot tub with other boys. My son wouldn't feel anything about it, but that's besides the point.

So husband and I are in bed one night after this happened and our eldest came in to discuss the brouhaha going on about it (the girlfriend had her nose out of joint over it and so this ended up playing out over several days). We all opined that it is ridiculous to assume that just because people use a spa or hot tub they are automatically having sex in it and how we thought it was a shame that the girl's mother was so uptight. Eldest son then exclaims, "It would probably shock her to know that no one has ever had sex in that hot tub!"

Both husband and I skipped a beat and looked down at our laptops and immediately our son knew and he was completely grossed out. It was so funny! He was just like, "That's gross, ewwww, when was this? We need to change the water, I can't believe you guys," blah, blah. We were just cracking up. He went downstairs and told his brothers and then they were all on the ewww-wagon. I said to our eldest, "Why are you so grossed out? Clearly, we've had sex", and he said, "Yes, I realize that, but I don't ever want to know anything about it", and I reminded him that we had not said a word.

Anyway, parents and adult kids generally do not want to discuss the sex lives of the other.

[freejoytoo]

If my mother asked me if I had had sex I wouldn't lie to her but that's as far as discussing it with my parents would go. I especially wouldn't talk about it with my dad. I mean, it's one thing for parents to honestly tell their children the facts of life, which I don't think is wrong at all, but I think it's weird to be discussing sex as an adult with your parents. I'm cringing thinking about it as well. I would be so unnerved if my father was asking me about honeymoon venues in relation as to how soon my husband and I could have sex. Ick!

[valsa]

Snarkbillie, are you really dumb enough (or, as I suspect, trollish enough) to not get that most people don't usually feel comfortable discussing their sex lives with their parents (or vice versa)?

Just a hint, constantly playing dumb only works if it's in the realm of believability.

[snarkykitty]

I have no interest in talking about my sex life with my father. And, I'd be horrified if he asked about it. It's frankly none of his business.

Is it specifically because he's your father or because you're just very private?

[snarkbillie]

Snarkbillie, are you really dumb enough (or, as I suspect, trollish enough) to not get that most people don't usually feel comfortable discussing their sex lives with their parents (or vice versa)?

Just a hint, constantly playing dumb only works if it's in the realm of believability.

I am neither dumb or trolling. I do understand that it is typical that people do not want to discuss their sex lives with their parents. I understand that as a fact. I want to know why. I am realizing now that not only is this off topic but it's beyond the scope of this board so we should probably drop it. I feel like I'm being misunderstood here. I'm not asking if the sky is blue. I'm asking WHY it is blue. I already understand it's typically blue. Telling me "because it's usually blue" doesn't answer my question at all.

[EmmieJ]

Reading the whole story, I think it was more of a control thing for dear old dad. He wanted to control where the couple went after their wedding etc. Not that they couldnt wait 20 mins. Dad was having issues that he would no longer have a say in what she did. Tried to control/steer the new headship.

Good point.

I cannot imagine having any sort of conversation like the one described with my father. I love my dad and he loves me, but any intimate stuff was always discussed privately with my mother. I was raised that certain things are very private and between a husband and wife only, such as when, where, & how they have sex. (I've softened on that particular concept, and my friends and I have been known to be quite raunchy and specific when we sit around shooting the breeze, but never have I relaxed that much with either parent!).

My general rule of thumb is: I don't want to hear about my parents' sex lives and I don't want to discuss mine with them.

Any dad who is that interested in their daughter's sex life has some creepy problem. Ugh.

[eohiken]

It`s a bit different to have a frank discussion about personal sex lives between offspring and parent once both parties are fully adults. I don't have an issue talking about sex with my mother NOW, but 10 years ago I did (not that I was any less adult, but I felt like my mother saw me as a child still). This might be simplified by the fact my mother does not have sex (she really doesn't, she DID in the past of course), but if she wanted to talk about toys, I'd be open about it.

I interpreted the father's concern was with the FIANCE having to wait three hours, not the daughter. Because females don't have sex drives, of course.

[EmmieJ]

I understand that most people do avoid it, I just don't understand why.

Because it's icky. Not a scientific answer, but from my own unscientific sampling among every friend I know - the universal response to the idea of discussing sex with the parental units is "ewwwwwwwww!" You are the first person who didn't have a somewhat similar response. Most people I know joke that their parents only had sex (insert number of children in the family) times.

Why is it so icky to contemplate our parents having sex? I don't know - it just is. I'm glad my parents seem to have a healthy physical relationship, but I very firmly go no further with that thought. If my mom or dad wanted to discuss my sex life with me, I'd shut them down immediately. Ain't gonna happen. There's something about the fact that it's parent/child that makes it unpalatable to me.

[Clementine]

I am neither dumb or trolling. I do understand that it is typical that people do not want to discuss their sex lives with their parents. I understand that as a fact. I want to know why. I am realizing now that not only is this off topic but it's beyond the scope of this board so we should probably drop it. I feel like I'm being misunderstood here. I'm not asking if the sky is blue. I'm asking WHY it is blue. I already understand it's typically blue. Telling me "because it's usually blue" doesn't answer my question at all.

I think sex is something private and I don't want to talk about it to other people than my sexual partner, one close friend or my doctor. There are a number of things I prefer to keep to myself and sex is one of them. Finances and health issues are two other subjects that I prefer to not discuss with other people than my partner.

[valsa]

I am neither dumb or trolling. I do understand that it is typical that people do not want to discuss their sex lives with their parents. I understand that as a fact. I want to know why. I am realizing now that not only is this off topic but it's beyond the scope of this board so we should probably drop it. I feel like I'm being misunderstood here. I'm not asking if the sky is blue. I'm asking WHY it is blue. I already understand it's typically blue. Telling me "because it's usually blue" doesn't answer my question at all.

And you think we can answer your question why? We're not psychologists here (as much as we like to armchair diagnose people)

Maybe it's an offshoot of the Westermarck Effect.

[snarkykitty]

I am neither dumb or trolling. I do understand that it is typical that people do not want to discuss their sex lives with their parents. I understand that as a fact. I want to know why. I am realizing now that not only is this off topic but it's beyond the scope of this board so we should probably drop it. I feel like I'm being misunderstood here. I'm not asking if the sky is blue. I'm asking WHY it is blue. I already understand it's typically blue. Telling me "because it's usually blue" doesn't answer my question at all.

Obviously our parents had sex. Obviously, most people's kids grow up and have sex. But trying to control where and when your newly married child has sex for the first time? It's wrong. This sort of control is borderline abusive. It's like whathisface praying over his newborn daughter's eggs. Seeing your child as simply sexual beings above anything else (and that's what this sort of behavior is) is disgusting.