That Wife Wanted a Cubic Z?

[Terrie]

Diamonds as THE engagement stone are a product of diamond industry advertising anyway. I don't find them all that impressive looking and prefer them as accents on colored gems.

[Rachel333]

Why not just go for a plain gold wedding band if she can't afford a real gem? I wouldn't want to walk around with a fake bling on my finger, but I think that the old-fashioned plain wedding bands are quite lovely.

Why is does not having a diamond mean it's "fake bling", and why is that bad? I hate that the diamond industry has made it a requirement to spend a lot of money on a diamond for an engagement ring when there are much less expensive options that look just as good. I would prefer not to have a real diamond, personally. I think ideally I'd have a lab-made sapphire as the main stone.

And men are "supposed" to spend three months salary on an engagement ring, whatever that means to them.

[Morton Fan]

I have no problem with anyone getting a Cubic Z, lump of coal from Jim Bob's sphincter, or anything else, or nothing at all for an engagement ring. I just find it so surprising that TW would want that, especially since I doubt she has any ethical qualms about diamonds. I think the previous posters must be right, that she felt sort of hip and counter-cultural by saying she didn't need a diamond.

I only started reading her once I saw a thread about TW on FJ, so maybe others who followed her from her wedding-planning days can enlighten me. Was she "frugal" back then? Did she ever post a budget breakdown for her wedding, etc.? Just curious. She seems to have expensive taste now, but maybe that's a product of keeping up with the Joneses at U of Chicago, since lots of students at BYU are pretty frugal (since they marry young, have kids young, are putting husbands through school after they come home from missions, etc.)?

ETA: My mom had a beautiful, moderately-sized diamond wedding ring throughout my childhood. I had often heard the story of when she had her ring stolen from their trunk while on their honeymoon, though, and that they'd had to buy a new one to replace it. I was very surprised one day when I heard my mom on the phone with a jeweler, telling him that her diamond was actually a Cubic Z, and had cracked, and that she needed a replacement (20 bucks! Quite a steal!). She's since (i.e. 20 years later) replaced it with a real diamond, but had the Cubic Z for at least 15 years and I never knew. I always thought that it was strange that she kept that secret from us ... we wouldn't have cared at all. I guess she must have felt slightly embarrassed that they couldn't afford to replace the original.

[Clementine]

A very quick Google search for average ring cost gives figures from $1500 to $4000.

The Knot seems to have come up with $5200 but if that's a survey of people based on who use that website, then it's a self-selected group and I'd expect it skews much higher than a national average.

Also they say (from that survey) that the average groom takes 3 months to find the engagement ring. Ha. I would love to see how that time breaks down. (2 months 30 days ignoring the situation, 1 day frantically running around the mall...?)

It's pretty much the same as here then, but must people buy the expensive ring for the wedding and go for an engagement band. But the American diamonds seem to be much bigger than the ones I see here, probably because the brides here are OBSESSED with having a PERFECT diamond. It doesn't matter that most small inclusions are hard to see even with a magnifying glass and are not visible to the eye, noooo - it has to be PERFECT! And thus, smaller.

Why is does not having a diamond mean it's "fake bling", and why is that bad? I hate that the diamond industry has made it a requirement to spend a lot of money on a diamond for an engagement ring when there are much less expensive options that look just as good. I would prefer not to have a real diamond, personally. I think ideally I'd have a lab-made sapphire as the main stone.

And men are "supposed" to spend three months salary on an engagement ring, whatever that means to them.

I don't think it's bad to not have a diamond at all - I have sapphires in my engagement ring and love plain gold bands.

The whole thing with gems to me is that they are natural made wonders and that's what's so appealing with them. A man-made "gem"... I might as well have a rhinestone ring then.

I'd much rather have a ring with my favourite gem, kunzite (pink and lovely and not expensive at all) than a lab made diamond.

Three months salary on an engagement ring is... a lot. Wow.

[donks]

My 1st engagement ring was a cluster of small diamonds on a very wide 14kt yellow gold band (it was the 80's, that's what most of my peers wound up with, musta been an 80's thing?)

A couple of years ago, my husband 'upgraded' my ring.

I had stopped wearing it because it was so dated appearing (small cluster on yellow gold, white gold is in now). He snuck it from my jewelry box and had it re-worked: had the old head cut off, had a new one put on, complete with a large diamond solitaire (around a carat and a half). Had it polished and it looks amazing, better than new!

He presented it to me on Xmas eve. I wear it every day now, even though it's not the current 'in' white gold. I'm over the moon about my 'new' ring!

[smores]

You think? I don't know, there's a thread over there right now about how $10k is perfectly reasonable for a ring and how you shouldn't "cheap out" on something like that. :roll:

I don't know how it is now. I was there in 09 and that's how it was then - so many feeling defensive about their ring choice that their CZ one ups whatever you chose.

[smores]

I only started reading her once I saw a thread about TW on FJ, so maybe others who followed her from her wedding-planning days can enlighten me. Was she "frugal" back then? Did she ever post a budget breakdown for her wedding, etc.? Just curious. She seems to have expensive taste now, but maybe that's a product of keeping up with the Joneses at U of Chicago, since lots of students at BYU are pretty frugal (since they marry young, have kids young, are putting husbands through school after they come home from missions, etc.)?

Her planning posts are easy to find on weddingbee. Just go to weddingbee.com and look at the top bar for the bloggers. She was Avocado. I don't really remember too much of her wedding... she definitely had an expensive photographer.

[Elle]

You think? I don't know, there's a thread over there right now about how $10k is perfectly reasonable for a ring and how you shouldn't "cheap out" on something like that. :roll:

I have an ex-friend who refused to marry her now-husband unless he proposed with a very particular ring. The setting alone was $16k, and she demanded a minimum of 1.5ct for the diamond, flawless. Well he did it, and they married, and last I heard, he's pretty miserable and she's been forcing the South Beach diet on him under threat of divorce.

I have this theory that the more expensive the ring, the higher the chance of divorce, just based off those I know.

[Elle]

Anne of Green Gables wore a "circlet of pearls." Laura Ingalls Wilder had a Garnet with a Pear on each side. ;)

I just reread the Little House series again, and I always chuckle when Almanzo so shyly proposes and she so shyly says, "I think I would like that." And I'm rereading the Anne series right now! I'm parkway though Anne of Avonlea, so a ways until marrying Gilbert. I always hate the chapter about their first baby. :(

[Elle]

Why not just go for a plain gold wedding band if she can't afford a real gem?

My ring has a Moissanite center stone, not a "real" diamond. Why is my ring somehow inferior because it's now a stone you consider to be worthy of anything? Synthetics and lab-created are perfectly suitable if they're something the couple wants.

How much do "normal" people (ie, not Kardashians or Trumps) actually spend on an engagement ring in the US?

This really depends. On area, on economic times, etc.. Right now there's a trend away from diamonds because of the economy. Really, until things started tanking, diamonds were still in fashion, and now the PC-explanation is worry about African diamonds, though something like 2% of diamonds entering the US now are from Africa, thanks to the Kimberely Process, though in December there started to be some issues with a few countries finding work-arounds that the KPCS hasn't stopped.

It's disturbing to me how so many people are worried about where diamonds have been coming from, yet insist on buying cheap gods at WalMart made by sweatshop labor, often by kids, in deplorable, dangerous conditions. I'm not saying to stop caring about people in Africa being exploited (I'm personally furious that Jennie Chancey is using her missions trip as a chance to turn those African women into manufacturers for dresses she's planning to sell for personal profit), but I am saying it's hard to justify why it's okay to use what amounts to slave labor as long as it's for items you want.

[Lainey]

I requested, and received, a lab-created diamond as my engagement ring. I had several reasons: I'm very frugal, DaBeers & their false inflation of diamond values can kiss my @$$, and I didn't want to worry that some poor kid in an African mining village go their leg chopped off so I could wear a rock.

You can get a brilliant and clear stone for a fraction of the cost of a natural diamond of the same quality, which are actually not even as rare as some semi-precious stones but DaBeers keeps them locked in a cave or something and only trickles a few out a year to keep prices up, and I would always have been thinking of a tiny little foot laying in a field every time I looked at a real diamond on my hand.

This is why I chose a Canadian diamond. I need more information about these lab-created diamonds...because, see, I have this thing for baguette diamonds, and my wedding rings, though lovely, do not have baguettes.

[tankgirl]

I worked at a jewelry store for a while, Americans, and some other cultures, just want BIG Diamonds. We had quite a few customers who didn't care what a stone looked like it had to be huge! We had a trade in 5 ct crappy colored, flawed, ok cut stone, that people were falling all over, cause it was 5 ct. We had barely out of high school girl's with their college boyfriends, who were getting helped from their parents to buy the ring, begging for "nothing less then 1ct", in huge settings. I kept wishing some of these guys would run. One girl in particular had priced out a $12,000 ring, she just loved, and felt she deserved, and her boyfriend, would find a way to pay for it :roll:

Thank Goodness my employer had ethics, he tried to talk sense into people, helped them save money, with smart decisions, like CZ's and White Saphires, and he used a finacing company that was strict, so most of these fools, that would have screwed themselves with heavy debt, couldn't get finaced.

Oh, best engagement ring hussy story (sorry not a fundie though), three of us got engaged around the same time, a co-worker/friend-AB, her friend-BC and I, all went to a party, and when BC was showing off her ring, AB saw the size of our two rings (note mine is not a big stone, but on my tiny hands does look closer to 1ct, instead of the 1/2ct it is closer too), AB screamed she she hated her ugly, tiny ring, threw it across the room and stomped out of the room. Her fiance and his friends were all in the room. AB's man was a bit of a man-child, nice, but not bright, but he was a hard worker, managing at a fast food place. We all were pissed, but talked the damn ring up for the guys sake. He deserved better, we should have told him to dump her ass. He bought her a new ring not too long after and she claimed the first was a promise ring, the new one had a huge center stone. She bragged about the price, until, her man came into my jewelry store to replace the CZ, turns out she knew all along too it was not a diamond and not the price she quoted.

For myself my rings are all old cut diamonds. I like Diamonds, but am not thrilled with the issues. I know there was issues even then, but my friend who I really want to support as a small business, doesn't deal in Canadian diamonds, though I am trying to get him too! But at least I know no kid right now or Debeers is making money off my rings.

[Clementine]

My ring has a Moissanite center stone, not a "real" diamond. Why is my ring somehow inferior because it's now a stone you consider to be worthy of anything? Synthetics and lab-created are perfectly suitable if they're something the couple wants.

Everybody is free to have whatever they want on their fingers and I was just speaking for myself.

I personally don't like the current trend when a lot of people think that they "must" have something, even if they can't afford it, so instead of getting something else, a different style, brand or stone that they can afford, they go for the fake thing just to look like everybody else.

Like it's a must with a big white centre stone in an engagement ring or a particular logo on a bag. Not pointed at you or anybody in particular, but I don't understand the wish to wear something that I really can't afford anyway just because "everybody" has it.

If I wanted a diamond ring, I would get an antique one since I don't want to support the diamond industri and here you get a lot more for your money if you buy used and save the difference. Plus I like the antique cut better.

[Clementine]

I worked at a jewelry store for a while, American's, and some other cultures, just want BIG Diamonds. We had quite a few customers who didn't care what a stone looked like it had to be huge! We had a trade in 5 ct crappy colored, flawed, ok cut stone, that people were falling all over, cause it was 5 ct. We had barely out of high school girl's with their college boyfriends, who were getting helped from their parents to buy the ring, begging for "nothing less then 1ct", in huge settings. I kept wishing some of these guys would run. One girl in particular had priced out a $12,000 ring, just just loved, and felt she deserved, and her boyfriend, would find a way to pay for it :roll:

Here, it's just the opposite: diamonds must be PERFECT or else nobody will buy it. I used to work for an antiques dealer who also sold old jewelry. Big brilliants are very rare here, so she mostly had rings with amaller stones (0.30 ct and under) but one day she purchased a ring with a stone that was just over 1 ct.

BUT - it had a small inclusion. It was impossible to see with the eye and when I looked at it through a 10x magnifying glass, she had to point out the black dot so I could see where it was.

And because of that tiny black dot, nobody wanted to buy it. The cut and colour were great but it was not good enough for our costumers who prefered much smaller and uglier rings, as long as the diamond was perfect. It was ridiculous.

She had it for over a year, finally lowered the prize and one day an American tourist walked into the store and bought it and thought that she had made a bargain. She did - it was a beautiful ring.

[Sprocket]

Different tastes for different people.

My own ring is diamond, but it's rather unique (or it was in 2005). The engagement ring is three rows of small diamonds all the way around. The middle row is larger than the top and bottom. My wedding ring is diamond all the way around too. I just have super, duper long fingers and wanted something that would "fill up" my finger without costing a fortune. You can't size my rings, so only someone with a 5.5 ring size could wear it... that's why we got a great deal on it -- they were practically giving it away. I'm S.O.L if I gain a lot of weight though.... as I found out in both of my pregnancies. But I get lots of compliments on it -- but I also got asked a lot if my square cut sapphire (that I used to wear on my left ring finger) was an engagement ring. I didn't necessarily care if my ring was diamond, I just wanted something that I would like wearing in 30+ years. I just wanted to marry my husband, the ring was secondary. I was fine with not having an engagement ring but instead having a really wide gold band. -- seriously, I have freakishly long fingers.

[lilwriter85]

Some people go with CZ because they want a large stone and because most people will assume it's a real diamond if it's in a wedding band. My sister did this on one of her marriages - she got a ring with a big CZ, with the intention being to replace it with a diamond later on when they could afford it better and to spend most of their money on getting a house instead.

One of my friends did a similar thing. She and her husband had a last minute wedding because they decided to get married before he deployed to Afghanistan in 2006. They replaced with a diamond when he got back.

[donks]

Just Google Image searched "flawed diamond"... There are a couple that are amazing looking, one has a Garnet inside the diamond!

[liltwinstar]

I didn't want a big diamond - but I did want a (small) round diamond solitaire and a plain yellow gold wedding band. When we went shopping for my rings, I got so mad at the sales people - I told them I wanted simple, I wanted plain, I wanted small (and we told them our budget which was...well, let's just say it was not anywhere near $10k!!!!).

The sales people pushed the biggest, gaudiest crap they could find on me. One of them showed me a solitare that could have been pretty, then she put these baguette-cut starburst things around it that went up to my knuckles and kept talking about how I could "add bling." I finally just told my husband I was ready to go - she clearly was not listening to a word I said. So frustrating. At another place, they basically laughed at our budget and then showed us rings that were $300-$400 higher than what we were prepared to spend. The bands on most of the rings were really flimsy too - it's like they used a minimum of gold so they could make the diamond as big as possible for the price.

My husband is pretty stubborn, so if he'd been shopping on his own, he would not have been pressured by the sales people. Plus, he had me around to veto stuff I didn't like. But I can imagine that some men could be pressured into spending more than they want to or can afford.

In the end, we found a gorgeous (to me, anyway) bezel set diamond; I think it's .4 carats? Something like that. Yes, it has a "flaw" but 1. you can't see it and 2. the cut of the stone minimizes it anyway (apparently good diamond cutters know how to do this). It fit our budget and my tiny hands perfectly and I smile every time I see it. The saleslady at the shop we bought it from was a dream to work with, too - she listened to my preferences and worked with our budget without batting an eye. No, my ring is not blingy or trendy, but it's perfect!

[Lainey]

Gah, now I've gone diamond-mad! I was looking for a pic of my ring set (couldn't find), and I came across these beauties:

I love inukshuks:

This isn't really my style, but I thought it was cool. I love rose gold. It made me wish mine was made out of rose gold:

Okay, sorry about the diamond porn. Please feel free to return to your regularly-scheduled...er, whatever we were talking about.

ETA: Those are all of Canadians diamonds, too, so no blood. Except maybe the ring--not sure what that is. I don't think it's Canadian, though.

[ADoyle90815]

I didn't want a big diamond - but I did want a (small) round diamond solitaire and a plain yellow gold wedding band. When we went shopping for my rings, I got so mad at the sales people - I told them I wanted simple, I wanted plain, I wanted small (and we told them our budget which was...well, let's just say it was not anywhere near $10k!!!!).

The sales people pushed the biggest, gaudiest crap they could find on me. One of them showed me a solitare that could have been pretty, then she put these baguette-cut starburst things around it that went up to my knuckles and kept talking about how I could "add bling." I finally just told my husband I was ready to go - she clearly was not listening to a word I said. So frustrating. At another place, they basically laughed at our budget and then showed us rings that were $300-$400 higher than what we were prepared to spend. The bands on most of the rings were really flimsy too - it's like they used a minimum of gold so they could make the diamond as big as possible for the price.

My husband is pretty stubborn, so if he'd been shopping on his own, he would not have been pressured by the sales people. Plus, he had me around to veto stuff I didn't like. But I can imagine that some men could be pressured into spending more than they want to or can afford.

In the end, we found a gorgeous (to me, anyway) bezel set diamond; I think it's .4 carats? Something like that. Yes, it has a "flaw" but 1. you can't see it and 2. the cut of the stone minimizes it anyway (apparently good diamond cutters know how to do this). It fit our budget and my tiny hands perfectly and I smile every time I see it. The saleslady at the shop we bought it from was a dream to work with, too - she listened to my preferences and worked with our budget without batting an eye. No, my ring is not blingy or trendy, but it's perfect!

When I was engaged to my ex-husband, I actually walked out of a jewelry store at a local mall because the salesperson was trying to push something that was really gaudy. Even though my ex-husband was an asshole, he also didn't like the ring, so he left that store with me, and got me a set at a different store that was less expensive and more to my taste.

I just got engaged recently, and it was more of a mutual decision than an actual proposal as we had talked about eventually getting married. We haven't set a date since we both want to be more financially secure first. If possible, I would like something simple for an engagement ring, and a plain gold band as the wedding ring.

[Lainey]

My abusive, manipulative ex-asshole was trying to pressure me into marrying him, to the point of taking me to jewellery stores. I kept saying anything he could afford wasn't expensive enough, I didn't like it, etc. because I DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY HIM! Silly woman at the jewellery store didn't pick up on that, so I wound up with an engagement ring. It was pretty, but naturally he bought it on credit and never paid it off. 'Cause that's how he rolled. :roll:

[plaidninja]

Not a diamond, but...

I am very fond of this idea, and would have it done if I were ever to marry, since I'm a huge geek. You record something, and the soundwave is etched into the jewelry. I'd prefer something more delicate than the picture though.

http://news.nationalpost.com/2010/07/02 ... -thee-wed/

[Tanaqui]

Not a diamond, but...

I am very fond of this idea, and would have it done if I were ever to marry, since I'm a huge geek. You record something, and the soundwave is etched into the jewelry. I'd prefer something more delicate than the picture though.

http://news.nationalpost.com/2010/07/02 ... -thee-wed/

That is awesome!

[polabear]

I've been through a number of engagement rings, due to a series of errors.

1. Ring from my first fiance. It was beautiful - yellow gold with a white sapphire. The band was from a local artisan and looked like flower leaves. I sent it back to him in a moment of insanity after he dumped me.

2. First ring from my husband. It was very pretty, and had a 1 carat moissanite stone in white gold, with side diamonds. I liked it, but the yellow tinge to the moissanite (they add it in on purpose - its really slight) drove me mad. I kept wearing it even though it needed to be resized, and it fell off in a Target. That one was 1k, and my husband gets to lose just about anything before i can yell at him about it. ;)

3. Second ring from my husband. This was my stand in ring, and was sterling silver with a large green peridot. We found it at the ren faire.

4. Third ring from my husband. He went to the local antique shop and found a gorgeous antique gold ring with a large opal and rose cut side diamonds. We took it to the jeweler to get it resized, and the jeweler (a friend of ours) told us that it's a lovely ring from 1840, but incredibly fragile and wouldn't hold up to every day use. Several of the diamonds had already fractured in the setting. I don't know how much that one cost, but it was under 500, I believe.

5. Last ring - I ended up with a white gold ring with sapphire and diamond side stones and a half carat diamond. The setting is art deco in style. The diamond is GIA certified, colorless with a very good cut. It does have some flaws, but you can't see them with the naked eye. It was WAY over budget, but I fell in love with it. We put it on layaway and paid it off before the wedding. My wedding band was my sister's from her first marriage. It has five small diamonds, and my jeweler added millwork to make it match my band. We did do a cleansing ceremony to remove all bad vibes. :)

[Itsnotaclowncar]

Lainey, you and I have very similar taste. I love all of them.

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting engaged in the next year or so. When he told me how much he thought he should spend I was shocked, I talked him down a lot. He's got a great job but I just finished grad school, am unemployed and have some student loan debt. Besides I'm not taking the subway with a five figured piece of jewelry. :shock: Those huge things just scream "mug me" and there's something just wrong (to me) about wearing the equivalent of a car on my hand. I made him a pinterest board of some reasonable stuff that I like and now I wait.