Speciel needs kids in fundie families

[AuntCloud]

Full disclosure: I'm a fairly new FJer, fascinated by everything that extreme (and less extreme) forms of religion to to families and human society in general, and thoroughly enjoying the snark. I also have a child whose birth stats were very close to those of Josie's. She now attends an sinful public school. I'm pretty sure this has been brought up before, but still:

How do dedicated homeschoolers who live way out in the boonies cope when reality hands them a child with special needs? How do delibarately poor families with a double-digit number of kids handle the financial strain of the medical needs of a sick child? What about children with autism who are physically healthy but need constant supervision, nevermind costly therapies? I have a sweet nephew with autism. As his parents say, having a special-needs child is an expensive hobby.

I've been following the blog of a fundie whose oldest son is on the more severe end of the autistic spectrum (it's not in English, if there are any Hebrew speakers here I'll post the link). She refused to have her son officially diagnosed or receive therapies, had a private assessment and very soon ran out of money so he didn't get any therapies at all since the age of 3. She describes a chaotic house, with her son showing severe anti-social behaviours and the other 5-6 children "homeschooled" but not really getting any time with their mom or going anywhere because their brother needs constant supervision. She has a very strong anti-school agenda and whenever she describes a particularly difficult day says this is a "trial" and a "lesson". She started looking into a program for her son but of course finds fault with every single one, as they would "tear the family apart". Your thoughts and insights are appreciated.

[alysee]

I think you nailed it. Most famillies will ignore their little problem. I can only hope they don't go as far as beating a special needs kid.

[CanadianHippie]

I think you nailed it. Most famillies will ignore their little problem. I can only hope they don't go as far as beating a special needs kid.

If they follow people like the Pearls, Dobson, Ted Tripp etc, they can't not "chastise" a child because they are special needs. A child with sever autism gets the same rules and the same punishments as all the other kids because treating anyone with dignity or like an individual with individual needs is a no-no.

[Kitty]

Fundies are control freaks, first and foremost. Everything revolves around the parents. It's the concept behind tomato staking- kids are never far from the parent's reach. It's the concept behind "training"- fundies don't want individuals, they want spawn who think exactly like they do, or the way they want. Even a typical kid would fail in this system, ESPECIALLY if they were isolated in a rural area and did not go to public school (and possibly even if they did, because of how compliant rural schools are with fundamentalists and their bullshit).

So a special-needs child would never do well. They are in the hands of uneducated parents, regardless of their birth order. They are never allowed away from the house, they are never allowed to go to school outside the home, and their parents can't afford therapy because fundamentalism locks people out of decent-paying jobs. If the kids qualify for public assistance of any kind, the parents will refuse to take it and call it "socialism" or more comically, "communism." Diet can go a long way in easing neurological and even some physical issues, but from what we've seen, fundies eat nutritionally inadequate crap and pretty small portions of it (which is how they're not all obese). Special needs kids will suffer more than their 'typical' siblings. The only kind of 'therapy' the kid will likely ever get is prayed over by the parents and a preacher and family friends, and probably beaten with 'the rod' repeatedly. That's not at all helpful to a kid who is blind, deaf, mentally impaired, etc.

The worship of "THE FAMILY" the fundies partake in is actually destroying their families- by refusing to separate the siblings for more than 5 minutes at a time, and by refusing to allow someone else to even supervise their children unless they hold the same beliefs the parents do regarding child "training." I don't have much experience with special education, but I'm aware that they do use non-violent forms of discipline and teaching that even more mainstream conservative (American) parents scoff at.

[AuntCloud]

If they follow people like the Pearls, Dobson, Ted Tripp etc, they can't not "chastise" a child because they are special needs. A child with sever autism gets the same rules and the same punishments as all the other kids because treating anyone with dignity or like an individual with individual needs is a no-no

Goodness, that just makes my heart break. The though of my sweet nephew happily dumping an entire jar of beads on the floor or endlessly opening and closing the fridge, and what would be done to him in a proper fundie family if he didn't grow up with heathen parents.

[AuntCloud]

Kitty, I guessed as much but still I cringe thinking about a blind, deaf or CP child being beaten because they dropped their bibles and wouldn't pick them up (was going to say "toys", then rephrased).

[lilwriter85]

Fundies are control freaks, first and foremost. Everything revolves around the parents. It's the concept behind tomato staking- kids are never far from the parent's reach. It's the concept behind "training"- fundies don't want individuals, they want spawn who think exactly like they do, or the way they want. Even a typical kid would fail in this system, ESPECIALLY if they were isolated in a rural area and did not go to public school (and possibly even if they did, because of how compliant rural schools are with fundamentalists and their bullshit).

So a special-needs child would never do well. They are in the hands of uneducated parents, regardless of their birth order. They are never allowed away from the house, they are never allowed to go to school outside the home, and their parents can't afford therapy because fundamentalism locks people out of decent-paying jobs. If the kids qualify for public assistance of any kind, the parents will refuse to take it and call it "socialism" or more comically, "communism." Diet can go a long way in easing neurological and even some physical issues, but from what we've seen, fundies eat nutritionally inadequate crap and pretty small portions of it (which is how they're not all obese). Special needs kids will suffer more than their 'typical' siblings. The only kind of 'therapy' the kid will likely ever get is prayed over by the parents and a preacher and family friends, and probably beaten with 'the rod' repeatedly. That's not at all helpful to a kid who is blind, deaf, mentally impaired, etc.

The worship of "THE FAMILY" the fundies partake in is actually destroying their families- by refusing to separate the siblings for more than 5 minutes at a time, and by refusing to allow someone else to even supervise their children unless they hold the same beliefs the parents do regarding child "training." I don't have much experience with special education, but I'm aware that they do use non-violent forms of discipline and teaching that even more mainstream conservative (American) parents scoff at.

I agree with you, fundies love controlling every aspect of their childrens' lives. Special needs children in fundie families probably aren't doing well. My friend has a special needs child who has cerebral palsy. She admits that getting advice and tips from therapists and doctors can be hard, but she knows she has to consult with those people for her daughter's well-being. My boyfriend's mother is an occupational therapist. She works mostly with adults, but she has said that she has worked with children, it is hard at times to get the parents in line. She said that most parents eventually warm up and accept that they have be assisted in caring and teaching their children.

[CanadianHippie]

The example I heard once that always makes my hear hurt: the deaf child who gets beaten for not listening properly.

[kpmom]

I agree with you, fundies love controlling every aspect of their childrens' lives. Special needs children in fundie families probably aren't doing well. My friend has a special needs child who has cerebral palsy. She admits that getting advice and tips from therapists and doctors can be hard, but she knows she has to consult with those people for her daughter's well-being. My boyfriend's mother is an occupational therapist. She works mostly with adults, but she has said that she has worked with children, it is hard at times to get the parents in line. She said that most parents eventually warm up and accept that they have be assisted in caring and teaching their children.

I hope she doesn't really see it as getting parents "in line". And if she does, this could be why she finds it hard.

[valsa]

I hope she doesn't really see it as getting parents "in line". And if she does, this could be why she finds it hard.

I think I understand what she means. I know of a pediatric speech therapist whose biggest challenge isn't teaching the children she works with, it's getting the parents to work with their kids at home. Some parents who go to speech/occupational/developmental therapists don't want to put in the time and effort necessary to do the "homework" with their children, then they get upset because their kid isn't "fixed" after a couple sessions.

It's apparently pretty common. When my mother had physical therapy (as an adult), the therapist gave her daily stretching exercises to do at home, which she never did unless I hounded her. The therapist never seemed surprised to find out my mother hadn't done a single exercise in the week between her appointments.