Why are people afraid of 'girly' boys?

[CanadianHippie]

It just comes across, to me, that people ooh and ahh over a man taking care of his kids, but not a woman. Like it is some novelty.

I ooh and ahh over both... Just because it's so nice to see parents who actually parent.

[valsa]

It just comes across, to me, that people ooh and ahh over a man taking care of his kids, but not a woman. Like it is some novelty.

Where I live, it is a novelty of sorts. I see maybe one father playing with his kids in public for every 15-20 women I see.

But again, appreciating that something is cute is not the same as appreciating whatever it is that's being done. I'm not "aww"-ing the fact that the guy is taking care of his kids, only that he looks adorable while doing it. I have the same reaction to cuteness whether the guy is holding a baby, a puppy, or a kitten.

As far as finding men playing with kids more attractive, there's probably some psychological mechanism at work that makes men who are seen as good caretakers attractive. Maybe, evolutionarily, that signaled a male was less likely to kill the offspring or something.

[Mama Mia]

I can totally see the evolutionary draw towards guys who are good with kids :-)

[JesusFightClub]

I think it's great when ANYONE is a great parent to their kid. I actually think it is kind of demeaning when people ooh and aahh over a guy with a baby / little kid just because he's taking care of his child .. I mean - it's his JOB right ? Shouldn't the expectation be that he'll be out walking the baby in the stroller or playing at the park or going to the grocery store ?

I think treating it like it is some big special deal makes it sound like generally men are too stupid to do a good job with a child, or that they are doing some big heroic favor to the mom ( and who knows he might be a single dad or the primary caregiver anyway ).

I am thrilled that my son and sons-in-law are fantastic fathers (they really are great ) .. and I'm really happy that my kids grew up with fantastic dad's. But I don't think it is all that unusual.

Totally, although I think valsa was being a bit different than this.

My brother is a single dad and people make some very strange assumptions. One people say to me is "Has he not got a girlfriend yet? He'll need to, with having the little ones" which is completely weird. So presumably he should make women the tempting offer "Hello, please date me and then move in pretty quickly so my kids can have a new mum. Er, nice to meet you."

It presumes men can never be primary caretakers, and if they go it alone they are heroes, while women with sole responsibility still get demonised in the media as slags who "got themselves pregnant". Bro is a great dad, if he doesn't find the right person until his kids are grown and moved out I wouldn't worry at all.

And the poor woman in this scenario! I would like to think she would be with bro because they were attracted to each other, not she was attracted to being a mum. They are not her kids, and I know some couples where the mum and stepkid can best be described as "kind of get on with each other, on a good day." Not every woman is maternal or wants to be "new mummy".

[ChickeyMonkey]

When my 8.5 year old boy was little, he liked Dora the Explorer. So I got him the pink plastic dufflebag that was at Mervyn's. He's also into wearing knit gloves for some reason, and about 2 years ago I got him the Skelanimals ones that were pink and purple because that's what he wanted.

He loved dancing to our DVD of Queen: Live at Wembley Stadium.

I would paint his nails, or he would. One time I painted them black (it was around Halloween, I think. But then again, maybe not) and my SIL removed the nail polish while we were at her house. I was FURIOUS! Who is she to decide if my son can or can't wear nail polish! I understand him not arguing because he was only 6 or 7 at the time, but it really made me mad.

Another time, he'd painted his nails each in different colors, or maybe silver (does it really matter? :)) and one boy asked him if he was gay, in a really snotty tone. My husband told the little boy off, saying just because someone has painted nails doesn't mean he's gay. I was surprised that my husband was so upset. My husband is Vietnamese from Vietnam. He doesn't have hangups about sexuality or sex, and usually doesn't get worked up over things either way, so I was kind of surprised he reacted the way he did. I think it was because the boy was being mean to our son with the gay comment. We haven't had many instances where we've had to deal with other people's kids like that, though. I'm probably not explaining myself very well.

The very rare times I put on makeup, my oldest wants to use the powder brush and put it on his face, too. It actually fits his skin tone nicely! :)

Our youngest also wants to play with it, but he's 2.5 years old and wants to play with EVERYTHING (and, of course, mess it up).

I was telling my eye doctor about how it's too bad that boys' clothes are so boring compared to the girls' clothes out there. Kids don't know about gender roles, they just like color. The brighter the better! They like sparkly things because they're pretty! He said something like, "All kids are a little gay. It's just how they are." FTR, he works in a neighborhood that is more-or-less where the gay community is strongest. He wasn't being mean in his statement. Just another reason why I like him. :D

I don't care if my boys are gay, straight, bi, whatever. I just want them to be happy with who they are. I worry about my oldest being ridiculed for wearing nail polish, having girly things, etc. because he's sensitive and it breaks my heart to think of someone hurting his feelings. He's not into the girly things so much now. It's guns and ammo, and weapons, and LEGO. I can totally do the LEGO thing (I bought one of the LEGO messenger bags on sale at the LEGO store - for ME! :) Oh, if I were rich I'd blow a shit-load of money on LEGOs!), but the guns and ammo thing gets old, you know? Yeah, it's a gun. Yay. :roll:

At least he's outgoing and isn't shy like me.

And, my husband doesn't care what the kids wear as long as it's warm enough and that they eat. He swears they don't eat enough (both boys are tall and slim, but they're both active and smart, so nothing to worry about. The doctors said so! :ugeek: ) and they'll never grow. The gender stuff? He doesn't really care. My husband cooks because he knows how and I don't. He can sew, although just enough to mend something simple, but still, he can do it. He bought a sheet set that was light purple and had small vines and flowers on it because he knew I'd like it. He painted our bedroom a light purple because he liked it, too, and it makes the room brighter. As much as he irritates me with other stuff, I'm genuinely happy that he is who he is and doesn't say "a MANly man does this!" :)

[Spider Burps]

My fiance had a favorite dress when he was in high school. He wore it every time he got a chance (which wasn't very often because it was deemed "costume only" by his mother :()! He also took ballet classes, loved The Little Mermaid, playing dress up and his hair has been past his shoulders since he was 14 (before that his mom made him cut it). His mom was completely convinced that he was gay until he and I started dating. :P I, on the other hand, dressed in boys' clothes, played football, hung out with boys almost exclusively, was into geeky "boy stuff", etc. My parents thought I was a lesbian for ages!

All of that to say I have a preeeetty good feeling that my fiance wouldn't give a fuck if our future kids behaved in gender "inappropriate" ways. He's just as comfortable putting on fancy hats for a tea party as he is playing with swords with his nephew--and that's one of the reasons I love him. <3 Oh. And he calls things "cute" too. Sometimes even "super cute". Gotta love a guy who can acknowledge when things are cute!

[Austin]

When I went on bedrest at 22 weeks with the twins, our eldest wasn't quite three and he and I spent a lot of time together in my bed doing all sorts of things together to pass the time. One thing he loved was my earring collection. In the 1980's like nearly every other young woman in America, I had earrings to match every single outfit I had, in just about every color. I stored them in fishing tackle boxes because I had so many pairs, and at least once a day, he would get that tackle box out and spent at least an hour putting different earrings in and out of my earlobes. He'd put some in and sit back and take a look and then decide to switch them up and this would go on until my earlobes started to get sore or he wanted to do someting else. But it would just delight him.

Anyhoo, my SIL asked me later how on earth I occupied him all day long and I laughingly told her about the earring thing (and a lot of Beauty and the Beast - which is a "girly" movie, apparently, but it was J's favorite at the time), and she was rather horrified. As if a 3-year-old was going to catch teh gay by playing with his mother's earrings. I just told her she was ridiculous. Yeah, it was another nail in the coffin of our overall relationship - no great loss.

[valsa]

Anyhoo, my SIL asked me later how on earth I occupied him all day long and I laughingly told her about the earring thing (and a lot of Beauty and the Beast - which is a "girly" movie, apparently, but it was J's favorite at the time), and she was rather horrified.

I find this rather ironic because, depending on what style earrings you preferred, you likely could have stuck a worm on the end of one and called it a fishing lure (which no doubt would have instantly made it acceptable for him to play with)

ETA: I actually Goggled "fishing lure earring" and apparently several places make them. Learn something new everyday.