Why are people afraid of 'girly' boys?

[tingeofginge]

I love girly boys:) Especially when it's never conditioned out of them by society.

Me too. My 7 year old son likes his fingernails painted and wearing headbands (he has longish hair), and I will be so sad if he stops because of outside pressures to conform to gender norms. He also loves Strawberry Shortcake and has asked to get the dolls, and of course we'll get them when we can. If anyone ever tells him he shouldn't like these things I will be right there, telling him that person is wrong.

[Sydney Fox]

Me too. My 7 year old son likes his fingernails painted and wearing headbands (he has longish hair), and I will be so sad if he stops because of outside pressures to conform to gender norms. He also loves Strawberry Shortcake and has asked to get the dolls, and of course we'll get them when we can. If anyone ever tells him he shouldn't like these things I will be right there, telling him that person is wrong.

My 19 month old son wore a pink dress and headband all day yesterday and can't wait until he's old enough to wear nail polish like his sisters. He's a very pretty boy and I have no trouble dressing him in his sisters' hand me downs. I think both men and women should just get over their fear of turning their boys gay if they let them do girly things.

Also, not every girl wants to dance around like a butterfly in dance class. My oldest daughter was 3 when she tried out a pre-school dance class. She lasted 2 months before I pulled her. She complained that all they did was flap around the room and didn't learn to dance at all.

[eohiken]

My sister has recently turned into a huge gender essentialist. She's is young (21), spoiled and currently dating a military guy, but seriously, we have the same feminist mother, I don't know how these ideas took root in her head. She recently told me that I'm making my 5 yo son gay because I permit/encourage him to keep his hair longish (it's not that long at all, it's curly so it has a little length, but it's not even pigtail-able). My response was:

A) sexual orientation doesn't work that way obviously e_e

2. I don't give a shit if he does turn out gay, that's completely up to him.

Maud forbid that she ever see him enjoy a pink ballon (as he does on occasion).

[Trynn]

I think that the whole girls can do these things but guys can't is ridiculous. What helped me become more accepting of such things is that one of my best friends is very into sewing, knitting, crochet, baking and cooking, and he's a (heterosexual) guy who would never (intentionally) hurt anyone. (And he's also into "guy" things too...) Anyway, since meeting him a good 5 years ago, I've had my eyes opened and realized that it doesn't need to mean something if a guy likes "girly" things.

[ladypuglover]

My oldest son wanted a pair of jelly shoes witht these big poofs of jelly ribbons on them. He was 3 at the time and I would have bought him a pair but all were way to big. I told him to wait until he was older or wait until we found some his size. But he did get the suzy homemaker kit he wanted at age 4. He is straight.

My second son at age 4 wanted nothing for Christmas if he couldn't get a real vaccum that really sucked up stuff. We looked everywhere for a toy version that would do the trick. We found one at last but would have bought a real one if we needed to. He is straight.

My 3rd son loved to have grandma put his hair up in pink curlers after his bath. He would make us put lipstick on him if he saw any woman wearing it. He was 2-3 at the time. He is straight.

My 4th son loved to dress up as a toddler and had a favorite wig that completed any costume. We believe he is straight as he is only 12 and hasn't told us different yet.

My youngest from 1-5 had a huge love of baby dolls and all that went with it. He had at least 10 baby dolls that he was a very good daddy to. One Christmas he recieved his dream, he got a new baby doll with a toy carseat/stroller combo and a toy diaper bag overfilled with everything for his new baby. He took his baby out in public at every chance with the carseat and stroller and heads would turn thinking a toddler was pushing a real baby. Even though he still loves real babies he appears to be straight as almost 10 it is really to young to tell other wise.

We think all 5 boys are straight and even if they weren't it would matter as they are still all male. Loving a certain type of toy or activity isn't going to turn a boy gay anymore than playing sports or playing with trucks or being good at math turns little girls gay. That line of thought is just plain stupid. Want to raise your kids right? Then let them play with all types of toys to explore all areas of their dreams.

[emmiedahl]

Most of the things that make a boy "girly" are actually very good things that should be encouraged in either gender. Playing with baby dolls=developing the capacity to nurture, dancing=grace, ability to control your movements more effectively, gross and fine motor skills, love of pink and sparkly=age appropriate aesthetic sense. And so on.

Balance is okay. And men who are comfortable in their sexuality aren't all caught up with proving how masculine they are. But I guess I am the wrong one to judge, because my stepfather dressed up as a fairy last Halloween, the kind with wings and a wand (a big hairy Jewish fairy. yes.). My husband is pretty stereotypically manly, but he lets the girls paint his nails and put clips in his hair. He knows the proper French names of ballet steps and can make one hell of a floral arrangement, but that is because his mother owned a ballet studio and a florist business. Even his dad, a tough big city cop, helped out with the businesses when needed because those were the biggest money-makers in the home.

[ladypuglover]

Most of the things that make a boy "girly" are actually very good things that should be encouraged in either gender. Playing with baby dolls=developing the capacity to nurture, dancing=grace, ability to control your movements more effectively, gross and fine motor skills, love of pink and sparkly=age appropriate aesthetic sense. And so on.

Balance is okay. And men who are comfortable in their sexuality aren't all caught up with proving how masculine they are. But I guess I am the wrong one to judge, because my stepfather dressed up as a fairy last Halloween, the kind with wings and a wand (a big hairy Jewish fairy. yes.). My husband is pretty stereotypically manly, but he lets the girls paint his nails and put clips in his hair. He knows the proper French names of ballet steps and can make one hell of a floral arrangement, but that is because his mother owned a ballet studio and a florist business. Even his dad, a tough big city cop, helped out with the businesses when needed because those were the biggest money-makers in the home.

QFT.

[CanadianHippie]

Yes, unfortunately. Most men I know are beyond help. All I can do is accommodate myself to their stupidness since i cannot educate them and make up for their mistakes if it happens around me.

You don't have to accommodate a damn thing if you truly think they are in the wrong. It's just a lousy excuse to let the men in your life get away with saying shit about people because you either 1) agree to an extent with what they say or 2) think it's ok for them to say if even if a woman is somehow not allowed. People like you can't be bothered to call someone on their BS so the rest of us have to put up with "well my friend virginmojito doesn't agree with me but she doesn't get her panties in a twist because I say it, so stop being so damned sensitive".

[deelaem]

If it was the fathers, I'd just make a face and shrug. but coming from mothers... they should know better! Where is the unconditional love that a mother has for their children?

Ah, GatorGut/shangrila - you're back! And saying the same stupid things you've said before. You really do need to get some new material. I've been watching since you showed up with this name, and you blew your cover even quicker than I expected you to. You're slipping!

Seriously, there's got to be a forum full of misogynist idiots that you could join. They'd love to hear what you have to say.

[snarkbillie]

I had a cousin who carried a purse and a baby doll growing up.He was not into sports and did not like getting dirty. His dad berated him forever about it. When he grew up he cut off the family completely. For the record he's heterosexual and married a very nice woman. They have kids and he's a stay at home dad and a wonderful one at that! He still isn't into sports but is endlessly creative and does short films and writes plays. It really annoys me that when a guy is a little bit feminine or even just not overtly macho masculine people assume he must be gay. Nothing is wrong with being gay, and nothing is wrong with being yourself even if it's not super stereotypical.

[Boogalou]

Ah, GatorGut/shangrila - you're back! And saying the same stupid things you've said before. You really do need to get some new material. I've been watching since you showed up with this name, and you blew your cover even quicker than I expected you to. You're slipping!

Seriously, there's got to be a forum full of misogynist idiots that you could join. They'd love to hear what you have to say.

Is this the same person again? Sigh. I can't keep it all straight.

[valsa]

I'm a total sucker for men who are suckers for kids.

Me too. If I so much as see a man holding a baby or pushing a stroller down the street, I have to "awwwww" it.

My youngest from 1-5 had a huge love of baby dolls and all that went with it. He had at least 10 baby dolls that he was a very good daddy to. One Christmas he recieved his dream, he got a new baby doll with a toy carseat/stroller combo and a toy diaper bag overfilled with everything for his new baby. He took his baby out in public at every chance with the carseat and stroller and heads would turn thinking a toddler was pushing a real baby.

That is so freakin' adorable! I'm sure he was a much better baby doll daddy than I was a mommy. I used to bite the toes and fingers off all my baby dolls :oops:

Seriously, there's got to be a forum full of misogynist idiots that you could join. They'd love to hear what you have to say.

S/he should try hanging out on a "love shy" forum. They're are a bunch of psychopathic Nice Guys who like to say that stuck up women who won't date them will be to blame when they inevitably commit mass murder against women because they're so lonely (including one who said it should be the job of the government to get them dates to stop them from committing horrible crimes against society) That seems like it would be right up his/her alley.

[valsa]

Is this the same person again? Sigh. I can't keep it all straight.

I've probably just got this mixed up with another forum but I thought sockpuppets used to be an auto-ban thing?

[FJismyheadship]

When my 16 year old brother was three, he would see me paint my nails and want me to paint his. I really wasnt sure how to handle that... I did it a few times, because it made him happy and my mom didnt have any problems with it. One day though, I told him no and never did it again. I kind of wish I had kept letting him, because now I see he looked up to me cause I was his big sister, and I really shouldnt have said no just beccause I thought it was a girly thing.

He's straight! Right now I feel kinda sad for my 6 year old brother, who is already definat in "girls things" and "boys things"

[Guest Anonymous]

I've probably just got this mixed up with another forum but I thought sockpuppets used to be an auto-ban thing?

I don't know that there was ever hard and fast confirmation. GGC was horrible, got called out for it, and abruptly stopped posting. Then shangrila started posting constantly and when she was questioned about being GGC she abruptly quit posting. Then virginmojito showed up posting like wildfire with some of the same mannerisms/style/clueless bullshit. It wouldn't surprise me a bit if they were socks, I tend to think they are.

Of course the world isn't exactly suffering from a lack of stupid people, so maybe they aren't.

[Boogalou]

I've probably just got this mixed up with another forum but I thought sockpuppets used to be an auto-ban thing?

I thought it was too. But then there was that thing where there was supposedly a sock of a poster with quite a high post count and the sock wasn't banned or the original poster and the supposed sock said they weren't a sock and I don't think anything happened. What a confusing time. Do we even know that v...whatever the rest of it is, gatorgut and the other one (see how good I am at remembering names?) are all the same people?

[ladypuglover]

That is so freakin' adorable! I'm sure he was a much better baby doll daddy than I was a mommy. I used to bite the toes and fingers off all my baby dolls :oops:

I was a bad baby doll mother too as mine all had pin holes poked in them from playing doctor with them. All my barbies hands and feet were missing from chewing them trying to get them into their clothes. Thankfully I out grew that before I had the real thing. :shock:

[LIzzieB]

My 20 month old nephew loves to dress up. His sister, despite her parents' best efforts encourage a broad range of interests, is a true girly-girl, obsessed with pink, purple, dresses, ballerinas and fairies. She likes to dress in her beautiful fairy costume, and my nephew always asks us to dress him in a second, smaller, pink fairy costume, so he can dance alongside his sister. Noone has any problem with this.

He also likes to wear hair clips, partly because his sister wears a different one every day, and partly because he has hair that tends to flop in his face. Strangers now assume he is a girl because of the clip, despite the rest of his outfit being made up of jeans and shirts with cars on them. Weird.

If he wanted to wear pink tutus and tiaras every day, noone in my family would have a problem with it. One day, he might go through a phase of not wanting to wear any pants, or only a Batman cape, or become a ballet or a racecar fanatic. He will grow up surrounded by our family and friends, who are musicians, artists, craftsmen, academics, me and entrepreneurs. He's going to be exposed to a lot of different interests and he will want to try them out himself to find what is a good fit for him as a person. Whoever he turns out to be, he will be a better human being if we love and accept him for who he is, not what society thinks he should be.

[MamaJunebug]

It's been stated before, so I'll just put my oar in on the "amen" canoe: Women and femininity are seen as inferior, thus effeminacy in males is negative, and - and this is just MHO - when men who are insecure about themselves identify in any way with a more-effeminate male, they panic.

Those of you who haven't watched "Ma Vie en Rose" will enjoy it - yes, I say enjoy because there's a happy ending. But you'll also ache for what the family have to go through. it's subtitled in English and very easy to watch even if you don't have French.

[synchroswimr]

I was a bad baby doll mother too as mine all had pin holes poked in them from playing doctor with them. All my barbies hands and feet were missing from chewing them trying to get them into their clothes. Thankfully I out grew that before I had the real thing. :shock:

Me, too, LPL! I have no human children, but the fur babies are surviving so far. ;-)

[aubrietta]

My 20 month old nephew loves to dress up. His sister, despite her parents' best efforts encourage a broad range of interests, is a true girly-girl, obsessed with pink, purple, dresses, ballerinas and fairies. She likes to dress in her beautiful fairy costume, and my nephew always asks us to dress him in a second, smaller, pink fairy costume, so he can dance alongside his sister. Noone has any problem with this.

He also likes to wear hair clips, partly because his sister wears a different one every day, and partly because he has hair that tends to flop in his face. Strangers now assume he is a girl because of the clip, despite the rest of his outfit being made up of jeans and shirts with cars on them. Weird.

If he wanted to wear pink tutus and tiaras every day, noone in my family would have a problem with it. One day, he might go through a phase of not wanting to wear any pants, or only a Batman cape, or become a ballet or a racecar fanatic. He will grow up surrounded by our family and friends, who are musicians, artists, craftsmen, academics, me and entrepreneurs. He's going to be exposed to a lot of different interests and he will want to try them out himself to find what is a good fit for him as a person. Whoever he turns out to be, he will be a better human being if we love and accept him for who he is, not what society thinks he should be.

My son wears hair clips too, and a very "boy" wardrobe of dark colours and shirts with trucks etc. He's mistaken for a girl every time we go out. I never correct people, and he doesn't either. He doesn't care (he's four now). He also loves to play with dolls, and says he's playing "mommy" and wears his babies in a little sling, just like I wear his little brother. He also loves to play with cars and his favourite thing to do is crash them together. I think it's perfectly normal for him to imitate the parent he spends the most time with, he's just playing what he sees, this is normal and healthy. After the dance class fiasco, he actually asked me to make him a tutu so that he could dance like the girls. I made him one, and he wore it for a bit before he went back to wanting to be a hip-hop dancer and wearing sweats and a baseball cap. My husband and I thought it was cute, and like your LizzieB, we'll love and accept him for whoever he turns out to be.

[StarrieEyedKat]

I watched a little interview a while back with RuPaul Charles and he (he was not in drag at the time, so I believe that's when it's appropriate to use "he" - please correct me if I'm wrong) said that he noticed a trend in Disney movies. A lot of the male villains were somewhat effeminate men - Jafar, Scar, Cpt Hook, Frolo... Obviously it's not a hard and fast rule, but there does seem to be an effeminate = creepy and bad, manly = heroic and good mindset.

In my own frustrating anecdote, my mom's husband acts like an ass whenever one of the grandsons does something that he doesn't think is "manly" enough. One of my nephews wore Elmo underwear and he (mom's husband) mocked them for being too pink. My son is 3 and occasionally likes to "do ballet" (e.g. dance and jump around the living room). Mom's Husband rolled his eyes a bit, but I think he knew better than to comment in front of me. I cannot stand people like that.

[Mama Mia]

I think it's great when ANYONE is a great parent to their kid. I actually think it is kind of demeaning when people ooh and aahh over a guy with a baby / little kid just because he's taking care of his child .. I mean - it's his JOB right ? Shouldn't the expectation be that he'll be out walking the baby in the stroller or playing at the park or going to the grocery store ?

I think treating it like it is some big special deal makes it sound like generally men are too stupid to do a good job with a child, or that they are doing some big heroic favor to the mom ( and who knows he might be a single dad or the primary caregiver anyway ).

I am thrilled that my son and sons-in-law are fantastic fathers (they really are great ) .. and I'm really happy that my kids grew up with fantastic dad's. But I don't think it is all that unusual.

[valsa]

I actually think it is kind of demeaning when people ooh and aahh over a guy with a baby / little kid just because he's taking care of his child .. I mean - it's his JOB right ? Shouldn't the expectation be that he'll be out walking the baby in the stroller or playing at the park or going to the grocery store ?

What does a man's responsibility to take care of his kids have to do with whether or not it's cute when he does so?

It's a kitten's job to take naps and play with balls of yarn but that doesn't mean it's not "awww"-worthy when you see them do it.

[Mama Mia]

It just comes across, to me, that people ooh and ahh over a man taking care of his kids, but not a woman. Like it is some novelty.