Favoring Boys over Girls

[flojo]

I do have a friend who'se the youngest of a large family, and found out as an adult that it was because her mom really really really wanted a girl, so they just kept trying til they got one. She's got a lot of older brothers.

I knew a family with 6 boys who was continuing till a girl showed

[Maul the Koala]

I don't think it's limited to fundamental sectors of society. My dad's family favoured boys. It was so bad that when one of my uncles had his first child and it was a girl, all the brothers called and offered condolences because "it was just a girl".

Yeah, my dad changed his mind fast when he ended up with a girl instead of a boy.

[ladypuglover]

Funnily enough people don't tend to make those remarks to people who only have boys.

Want to bet? Having 5 sons I hear all the time and have for 22 years.

[freejoytoo]

Okay, okay! Just from my experience people seem to want to try for boys more so they can carry on the name, though having said that, I did see a documentary a few years ago called 'Eight Boys and Wanting a Girl' about families with several, all-male children because they were desperate for baby girls. This pregnant woman burst out crying at her scan because she was carrying another boy. I felt so sorry for those children, constantly feeling like they weren't enough.

[Nothing2CHere]

This hits kind of close to home for me right now, because I'm dealing with my own preferences. I am 20 weeks along with Little Baby Nothing, and we recently found out it's a boy. Yipee! Except... I really, really, REALLY wanted a girl as my first-born. I'm still trying to figure out why it was so important to me, so that I can make sure I come to terms that no matter how much I may have wanted it, that's not what's going to happen, and get my head straight so that once my child arrives, it no longer makes any difference to me as long as he's healthy. I was not raised fundie in the least, so the best I've come up with is that in my own life, I've placed such an emphasis on being female that I couldn't envision not starting off with a daughter. I'm the first born daughter of a first born daughter, who was born to a woman who only had sisters. In my generation, all the first-born children were daughters. I suppose I felt I had a legacy to uphold. And perhaps I should have taken that into consideration when I married my husband, because his family only seems capable of producing males :whistle: (The males born into his family far outnumber the females.)

I really am coming to terms with it, and am determined that my child not know what my bias was. The fact my husband truly did not have a preference I think will help; my husband's the kind of person that, when he said, "As long as the baby's healthy, it doesn't matter," he really meant it and had no hidden agenda. I know, just as we were going to raise a potential daughter to be well-rounded, our son will be raised the same way: he'll learn to bake cookies and do laundry and go sledding and taken to baseball games and get a sandbox in the backyard, and we will teach him to treat women with the same amount of respect he would want, just as we would have taught a daughter that she deserved the same amount of respect as any man.

And as someone else had mentioned earlier in the thread about their father being glad he didn't have a son after all because he would perhaps have been too hard on him, I think the same applies to me, too - maybe it is better that I'm having a son, because my expectations for a daughter would have been too high for her to live up to.

eta riffle

[ladidah]

The ATI folks I knew growing up definitely, definitely preferred boys. I don't know if that had to do with some teaching of Gothard's or just with their reading of the Bible as a model for life and a consequent picking up of the biblical preference for sons. As they've gotten older and moved away from ATI, that preference seems to have disappeared.

I've never seen any systematic preference for boys among the many evangelicals/fundie-lites I know. If anything, they seem a little less likely than your average American to adopt the one-of-each mentality. Maybe the one-of-each thing means less when you have three to five-plus kids!

[emmiedahl]

This hits kind of close to home for me right now, because I'm dealing with my own preferences. I am 20 weeks along with Little Baby Nothing, and we recently found out it's a boy. Yipee! Except... I really, really, REALLY wanted a girl as my first-born. I'm still trying to figure out why it was so important to me, so that I can make sure I come to terms that no matter how much I may have wanted it, that's not what's going to happen, and get my head straight so that once my child arrives, it no longer makes any difference to me as long as he's healthy.

I had the same situation. If you are anything like me, once you have the baby you will be perfectly happy with him and not want to trade him for any hypothetical child on the planet. I worried about it too, needlessly.

[So Many Lies]

It's a terrible shame to be so stupid. A son and all its greeting card connotations...ridiculous. No guarantee a son would want to kick a football with you, nail planks, go fishing or even like you particularly. A girl could easily fulfil that role equally anyway. It really gets to me, this mawkish son desire.

[So Many Lies]

I had the same situation. If you are anything like me, once you have the baby you will be perfectly happy with him and not want to trade him for any hypothetical child on the planet. I worried about it too, needlessly.

Just want to add boys are great. Would have liked a girl this time around but suspect it is 3rd boy. I was however p*##ed with husband as he regards it as a badge of manliness :evil:

[Daenerys]

I think fundys would want a bunch of girls first, to do the chores and stay at home, and then lots of boys for them to mother.

[crazyforkate]

I was the youngest of three girls, and my dad made it clear that he really didn't want a son- he didn't think he could be a good father to one because he was older and not particularly active. Kind of stereotypical, but there you go.

And Josh was waaaay too clear about how Michael would be preferred.

[helloemi]

I grew up hearing my mom tell me how she cried with happiness when I was born and she found out she had a girl. Husband grew up Fundie lite and made some comment about how it is better to have a son first. That was very unlike him...almost a canned response. This really upset me until I considered what he grew up around. Well and his family was only boys.

[So Many Lies]

I think fundys would want a bunch of girls first, to do the chores and stay at home, and then lots of boys for them to mother.

Of course that would make perfectly logical sense..oh wait...logic isn't really encouraged.

[So Many Lies]

I grew up hearing my mom tell me how she cried with happiness when I was born and she found out she had a girl. Husband grew up Fundie lite and made some comment about how it is better to have a son first. That was very unlike him...almost a canned response. This really upset me until I considered what he grew up around. Well and his family was only boys.

Your mother's response makes up for it anyway!

[hyperactress23]

My parents (who are fairly conservative Southern Baptist) have been great in not showing favoritism when we were children. Granted, each child seemed to be allowed to do more than the older sibling(s) was allowed to do at that age, but I think that is more of parents loosening up over time, not gender. (For the record, it's me, a sister who's two years younger, and then a brother who's two and a half years younger than my sister.) Now that my brother is a teenager and old enough to work, my dad seems to expect him to work more than he did my sister or I at that age, but that may be because he is physically strong enough to do more than we were at that age (or are now, for that matter).

My grandparents (paternal) are another story. (They are much more "traditional" than my family ever has been.) They have two boys and a girl, my aunt being the youngest. They very clearly favor my aunt, and apparently have since they were all children. My aunt was the golden child, unable to do wrong. When both my dad and my uncle went off to school, they were allowed one phone call home a week (unless there was an emergency) and given a hundred dollars a month. My aunt, a mere six years younger than my dad, was given much more money a month (because "it costs more to live now") and could call whenever. At least she was expected to pay her way through school, as both sons were. (My dad seemed firm on the idea that this was the only way until I went away to school. Suddenly the thought of me having to struggle and go without seemed too much for him.) Now that all three are grown, my aunt's children (three girls) are the obvious favorites over my siblings and I (my uncle is unmarried), and even amongst my siblings and I my brother is the least favorite for my grandparents. A few years back they took my cousins to Disney World, inviting only me to come along because my sister "had driver's ed that she couldn't miss" (even though driver's ed didn't begin until after the trip was over). No explanation as to why my brother wasn't invited. I didn't end up going, because I'd have felt like a jerk the whole time, but it just really showed me how strong the favoritism is.

[Eclipse]

I am from a family of three girls. My mom always told me that she only wanted girls and that she was only going to have girls. She had brothers and knew what it was like and only wanted girls. I asked my dad a couple of times while I was growing up if he wanted a boy and he said no, boys were more work. I don't think my dad has missed having the "boy" experience. He played catch with us, had us out on the golf course starting when we turned 5, and skied with us from an early age. My older sister is passionate about soccer and ruby and so is my dad. We were always encouraged in sports and my parents actively discouraged the idea that girls were second rate athletes just because they were girls. He said he never missed the "son" experience because he had it with us. The only difference is we go into different public washrooms and different change rooms at golf courses. Though my dad was forced to go to the Jane Austen Centre in Bath, England with me this summer, followed by tea. But my dad likes tea and he really enjoyed the excerpts from Austen's letters that were really snarky.

My dad was the only boy born in his generation on one side of the family. Then in my generation the second boy (my cousin) was a haemophiliac and contacted HIV and Hep C through blood products. I sometimes wonder if the girl preference was because that wasn't something my parents would have to worry about with only girls.

[Elle]

In the religion, boys are more important, though some families slightly buck that.

Boys are the leaders, girls are he servants, and both ultimately are equally needed (women to bear babies, men to knock 'em up), but men are the leaders, dammit!

[m0drnmoonlight]

I always got the impression boys were more favored with the fundies, looking at the Duggars. Josh is obviously the favorite in their family, for one thing. Michelle's said before that she feels that God blessed them by sending them lots of girls first, obviously so they could be live-in nannies and housekeepers for the family. The girls do all the work, and you barely see the boys lift a finger (John David and Joseph aside, because we have seen them pull their weight a bit. Josh, however, forget it).

Josh's comment when Michael was born about how he now had a little buddy pissed me off. What, your daughter couldn't be your buddy too? Dickweed.

Personally, I'm the eldest of three. I have a sister two years younger than me, and a brother who's four a half years younger than me. I never got any impression that my parents preferred boys over girls, but as much as they can say "We love you all equally!" my brother's clearly the favorite. He's the only boy and the youngest and they spoil him rotten. My sister and I have so many bitchfests about it. Either our mom or one of us does his laundry (though we're expected to do our own), he rarely does housework, and if it doesn't involve barbecuing something, you never see him cook. We tease my mom because he's 20 years old and when he works during the summer, my mom still makes him breakfast and packs his lunch. Meanwhile, we've both been fending for ourselves since we were like 16. A few weeks ago, I was told to cook him some dinner when he came home after work. When he goes back to school, my sister does all his laundry and packs his suitcase. Last time, he complained that she did it improperly and crushed one of his baseball hats. She took the hat out of the suitcase, stomped on it, and told him to go fuck himself.

My mom's always full of excuses too. "Oh, he had a long day at work, he'll be too tired to make himself dinner!" "Well he's a boy, boys don't know how to pack a suitcase or do laundry properly!" Way to be sexist! He never, ever thanks me or my sister for anything we do for him. And he never says "That's ok mom, I can make my own breakfast!" or something. He knows he can get away with everyone doing stuff for him, so he goes along with it. We keep joking our parents have set him up for a lifetime of failure, and he'll be in a real bind once he moves out for good.

My dad's family...his parents are very traditional Catholics. He's the eldest of 8, has 6 brothers and 1 sister (she isn't the youngest, so it wasn't a case of they wanted a girl). Boys are definitely favored, and me and my girl cousins joke that the pecking order for grandchildren goes "whoever the baby is -- all the boys -- the girls." Much like another user here - when my sister was born, my grandma actually consoled my dad because she thought he would be upset that he ended up with a second daughter. Needless to say, he didn't feel like having two daughters meant that somehow he needed sympathy.

Sorry for rambling heh, just thought I'd add in my perspective too!