Is my student a fundie?

[Arielkay]

I had a weird red flag today. Our student worker started out bright, peppy, energetic. She was always kind of quiet, but still positive. Then she started thinking that this guy was stalking her. We looked into it, but he was just another library patron - a really nice student that had voluntarily helped us out a time or two. He never spoke to her or anything, but she was convinced he was staring at her. Then her boyfriend started escorting her to and from work. We continued to watch, but nothing out of the ordinary. Except boyfriend was around more and more. And she seemed to get more and more subdued.

So she goes on winter break, and we get an email from her - but it's not just her, she is suddenly speaking in "we's" as in "We are coming back to campus on so and so date." Then she comes to meet with us about changing her schedule - and boyfriend comes along too. The entire meeting, she keeps deferring to him for EVERY ANSWER. Just weird. I mean, who does that? I know her father's a preacher, but she just seemed like an average run-on-the-mill Baptist from a small town. Now . . . I don't know. Just weird. The boyfriend didn't look threatening, but then we know they can look the part whenever they need to do so. So . . . anyway, just wondered FJ's take on this.

[meda]

Abusive boyfriend, but they are still in the honeymoon/control phase. Probably not helped by small town Baptist upbringing. Have you tried talking to her privately?

[ladypuglover]

Abusive boyfriend, but they are still in the honeymoon/control phase. Probably not helped by small town Baptist upbringing. Have you tried talking to her privately?

This. I smell abusive/controlling boyfriend over fundy.

[HOTW]

I agree it's an abusive boyfriend, if he is always there he's th eone eroding her confidence and judgement. I would get he alone for her meetings he isnt a student he doesnt need to be in on her couseling sesisons for classes.

[Arielkay]

Yeah, I don't think he'll be in any meetings again. They just caught us by surprise because just . . . nobody's ever done that before. It's a tricky area - don't want to delve into her business and everything but - everything about it is ODD. I have a feeling she probably won't be with us much longer. It's a shame, because she started out really great. Who knows?

[ADoyle90815]

I also get the red flags that she's got an abusive boyfriend, as she seems to have changed since she got more involved with him. He probably convinced her that any man who glances at her is "stalking" her, but he just wanted to have more control over her by being able to escort her everywhere.

[Arielkay]

Oh, my boss just let me know that she was referring her personal schedule in deciding what hours she could work this semester. She changed majors suddenly, and her workload is greater so she wants to work less. Hmm. Anyway, she only saw a few things on that schedule, but it was down to the minute and had stuff like this:

Get up

Cook breakfast

Get dressed

And so on. Creepy much?

[O Latin]

Oh, my boss just let me know that she was referring her personal schedule in deciding what hours she could work this semester. She changed majors suddenly, and her workload is greater so she wants to work less. Hmm. Anyway, she only saw a few things on that schedule, but it was down to the minute and had stuff like this:

Get up

Cook breakfast

Get dressed

And so on. Creepy much?

I've made schedules like that for myself before, either in an effort at better time management, or when I do stupid things like mentally insert an extra week between Halloween and Thanksgiving, and then suddenly realize that I only have four days to write three papers. I plan out literally every minute to make sure I have enough time for paper writing. If she's got more work than usual, maybe she's just trying to make sure she has time to do it all.

[dairyfreelife]

I've made schedules like that for myself before, either in an effort at better time management, or when I do stupid things like mentally insert an extra week between Halloween and Thanksgiving, and then suddenly realize that I only have four days to write three papers. I plan out literally every minute to make sure I have enough time for paper writing. If she's got more work than usual, maybe she's just trying to make sure she has time to do it all.

I do this sometimes too, usually on busy days when I need to make sure I get everything done that needs done. That said, it is creepy that her boyfriend is following her around unless she really does feel threatened-even if it's irrational or not true. Irrational fears can make you do weird things and she could be asking him to stay with her. I hate to assume things though and that's why. At least I wasn't until you said she had to defer to him for answers instead of answering for herself. That sounds controlling and I see a big red flag with that and along with her behaviour changes-red flag. Like others have already said-I see abusive and controlling instead of religious beliefs here.

[Constance Vigilance]

Something is wronnnnnnnggg.

The most innocent explanation is that she's spiralling down into depression/anxiety/irrationality and he's trying to co-dependent her through it.

The other explanation is the obvious -- that it's the boyfriend who's causing it.

Does she have anyone responsible for her pastoral care/well-being? Can you get them to set up a (boyfriend-free) meeting to see what's going on with her?