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A letter to girls about modesty!


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I want a man who won't judge me because of my clothing. I want a man who won't be controlling and try to tell me what to wear. I want a man who won't prefer me to be hot and uncomfortable during the summer when I could easily be more comfortable showing some skin. So I'll answer this guy with my clothes and my typing: I don't want anyone like you!

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A Letter To Girls I Know (on Modesty)

Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of guy you will get. I don’t even have to know you! All I have to do is look at you.

You can tell what kind of man I end up marrying by how I dress? Doubtful as I usually dress "modestly" by most people's standards. However, I am a very liberal Christian with a high libido. So, yes, assume away at what type of guy I will get and I will laugh because it's most likely not what I want and it won't be a "godly" guy as listed I am sure. I figure this is going to be turn into a women blame game because these men don't want to be responsible for their own thoughts and behaviour.

I know what men want. Trust me, I am a guy. I know more guys than you do and I know them better. I know what we think, what we talk about, what we want, and what we look for, and it is different for each one of us

I hate it when people assume that they know what ever person of their gender, race, religion, etc. wants. People don't belong in a box-it's too tight and boring. This is like me saying: I know what women want. Trust me, I am a gal. I know more girls than you do and I know them better. I know what we think, what we talk about (duh), what we want and what we look for. That sounds arrogant and not to mention stupid because even though I have known and been around many women, I can't pretend to think for them and this guy is dumb for pretending he speaks for all men. The only right thing he said was it's different for each of them (men), but that's contradictory from what he just said.

Men were created differently than you. We have different desires and priorities. Our eyes and minds react very differently to some things than yours do. It isn’t disgusting, perverted, or wrong; it is wonderful and good! It is how God made us.

This is getting so old.

A worldly guy has no problem when girls wear clothes that show off skin, like boxers, high or low-cut shirts, low-rise jeans, and “cute†little swim-suits. He’s a fan of tight-fitting shirts and pants that show off your form, he thinks they’re fine!

So, he doesn't care what a woman wears because he has respect for her as a person, perhaps and sees more than cute hips? Yep, terrible. I think most people, worldly ones, appreciate a good looking body-men and women.

Worldly guy isn’t really offended by sexual content or nudity and secretly dabbles in pornography

I'm not offended by it depending on whether it's appropriate. Why the suspicion of porn use? Not everyone is looking at porn. I have serious issues with porn in general, but I won't go into it here. I just want to say that it's a broad assumption.

He’s a really nice guy and sees you mainly for your body.

It takes more than physical attractiveness to maintain a relationship. A really nice guy would see me for more than my physical appearancce just as I would see him as more then body. I mean, I am sure I find him very attractive, but there has to be more than that for a relationship to get anywhere or last because with age, that attractive young body changes. ;) If he only sees me for my body-he's not a really nice guy or even a nice guy.

If you were to marry worldly guy, he’d bring lots of baggage into the relationship, have intimacy problems, entertain thoughts of other women, and possibly cheat on you.

This is making lots of assumption. One-there is not any proof a "worldly" guy will cheat more than the "Godly" guy. In fact, many are probably less likely to cheat because they actually do respect their wives. And the baggage is bs. He doesn't say sexual baggage so I won't assume that. EVERYONE on this planet who is an adult will have baggage and issues because none of us are perfect. We all have some sort of baggage. As for intimacy problems-not getting. Whether wordly guy is a virgin or not, it doesn't mean he will intimacy problems.

A Godly man is in control of his drives and desires. He’s constantly guarding his thoughts and what he allows into his mind.

You mean panicking at possible lust because they don't see the difference between noticing or feeling attraction and lust-then yes. Wouldn't call it control though.

He hates being around girls that disrespect him and his struggles by wearing inappropriate attire.

There we go finally. I was waiting for it. This says at all. Bold and italics mine. All about him.

He views you as a person, knows you and respects you. He has your best interests in mind

No, he doesn't. If I wear fit jeans or yoga pants at the gym-he can't be around me because I am disrespecting him and his struggles. That's not my best interest and I can handle myself-thanks. He does not respect me as a person, but as an object. He also doesn't know me. That doesn't make any sense at all.

he would give you the emotional attention you need, he would ignore other women and remain faithful to you no matter what.

Prove he would be more faithful and ignore other women-he's obsessed with them and how they affect him. I think he'd be more likely to cheat. And here we go again-emotional attention we women need. That's all we need-emotional love. Forget physical love and attention or social or anything else-just emotions because that's all we know-our emotions. :puke-left:

the clothes you wear advertise what kind of guy you are looking for.

I want a guy who doesn't care what I wear because he sees me as more than a object. How's that?

The way you dress directly affects other men and women and their relationships. You don’t see the struggles, the pain, the tears and the sin that you cause, but I can promise that you would be shocked if you did! By dressing immodestly, you effectually spit on the struggles of our weaker ranks, appearing to care more about toying with us than helping us. You’ll never know how many broken relationships and lifestyles of sin you’ve contributed to simply by the way you dress. You want to marry a Godly man someday, well so do many other women. Don’t just help yourself and your future, help all women and their relationships by showing discretion in your dress.

Bolding and italics mine. Blame game time-knew it was coming. I hate it, hate it, hate it when people others for their own lack of control and problems. No one is a fault for your problems and crimes and broken relationships except you. To say that my nice fit jeans and slight cleavages cause another guy pain and struggle and tears (oh, grow up-crying over noticing my bosom and buttocks-get over yourself and be an adult) is pathetic and undeniably stupid. Ask any worldly guy. I know more of them than you and know them better. They aren't crying in their pillows over thinking that I have a nice buttocks (or whatever body part-hips, breasts, etc).

I also understand that it is easier for some girls to find stylish and well-fitting clothes than it is for others. This is an area where guys really don’t understand what you are up against. But just remember, for every sacrifice you make to honor God with your image, Godly men are making sacrifices in their lives that are just as hard, if not harder! They will and do respect you so much for choosing to be modest!

No, they don't. They think I am respecting them and don't care about my comfort. Basically, this man claims to be understanding: I know it's hard to find good clothing and guys don't understand this, but you have to sacrifice feeling pretty for finding a man who will only look at you if you are covered up. You Christian girls won't find a good man like this if you try to show you are attractive-guys have to decide your attractive level, not you. They will determine your worth by what you wear.

A real lady is conscientious of the image she presents, and real men want a real lady. And you can forget about any guys missing out on how attractive you are because you don’t wear revealing clothing. You could wear a circus tent and we would still know; it’s a gift we have.

Here we go again-in circles. They know you are a woman and there's nothing you can really do to stop us from finding you pretty. We just have this gift to know what's under the circus tent. Guess what-men and women do know and think about the attractiveness of another person. We desire to mate-it's just this gift most of us have. Get over your high and mighty attitude already. Real men and women bs. "Real" men see "real" women as more than objects and don't require them to submit and don't fear a woman having more power or influence or money, etc. than him.

And so the question still remains: What kind of man do you want? Answer me with your clothes.

That's not superficial or anything-not at all. My answer: One who isn't going to go home and cry that I caused him to "sin" because he saw my breasts a little, blaming me for his lack of self-control. One who behaves like an adult in this matter.

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:lol: :clap: :dance:

This. It's basically why I'm with my S/O, is he's never given a fuck about that.

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Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you.

My dad is not religious and he and my mom have been happy together for 36 years. I can also tell you that he's an excellent father. So kindly go fuck yourself.

Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do.

Uh huh.

Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of guy you will get.

Wow, well aren't you the most awesome human being in existence. Where were you before I met my husband? I could have used you telling me exactly what kind of guy I would get :roll:

I know what men want. Trust me, I am a guy. I know more guys than you do and I know them better. I know what we think, what we talk about, what we want, and what we look for, and it is different for each one of us depending on our relationship with God.

So you also know what every pedophile, serial killer etc want?

I’m sure you already know this, but men were created differently than you.

What? No way! This is the first time I ever heard about this! Men were created differently than me? And here I was thinking that they hid their boobs better than me.

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I like the part about how you should feel guilty for the way your attire can ruin other people's relationships.

That is my favorite part as well! LOL

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If any man is that bothered by what I wear, I just tell him to go fuck himself.

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Modesty-pushers are a sad bunch. It is obvious that some of those men have sexual dysfunction. They see sexual attraction/arousal as a bad thing, repress themselves, see everything a woman wears as defrauding due to the repression, and then blame the women. It is obvious that self-control and personal responsibility on their part are foreign concepts to them.

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Guest Anonymous

He probably composed this garbage during one of his dateless Fridays or Saturdays. Wonder how long it will take him to associate the contents of his screed with the state of his social life?

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Oh, you silly FJers, being all logical and open to differences and trusting men to be decent and wanting to be seen as human beings -- what are those fundies going to do with you? :lol:

And may I just say that the phrase "dabbles in pornography" sounds very . . . damp.


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This was one of the comments

I am not a man, but do understand what you are saying. Women today get just what they ask for by the way they dress, then they complain about what they have received. Can lead to disaster. I have always made my own cloths (until now) and wears whatever I am comfortable with. Although a woman, I also turn away from the evil I see in other women with disgust. My Christian man dresses as he feels comfortable, and not with worldly atire.

A lot of women who encourage modesty are very judgemental.


I have 3 boys and a husband and I get real tired of women and girls defiling them. I do try to share these same thoughts to the young people and ladies in our church. I thinik this is a GREAT article!!

Don't respect your husband enough that you expect him to act mature; instead, blame other women for his short comings.


“A godly man will think about a woman in a right way no matter how little clothes she has on!â€

You are clearly confused about men, and your husband should better explain us to you. wink

Dave is not every man. Fundie men need to stop acting as though they can read men's minds. I am a female who is probably as visual as a man however, I don't think that I am qualified to speak for all women.

The Master's Slave

Dear brubee,

Why do we read in scripture where the women are told to dress in a certain way? If women are exempt from any responsibility, then we should disregard these passages…right? Perhaps you are guilty yourself of falling into the trap of self empowerment and worse yet, woman power? You can flaunt yourself and show off your body and jog down dark alleys at midnight and expect nothing to happen? You fool yourself and one such as you causes immense damage to homes and relationships.

I myself am a man, a daddy and a husband. My family respects me and knows that any decisions is always for their best. I love them and would do anything for them. I do not lord it over my wife or my children and they know that. Do they fear me? Yes. Do they love me? Yes. I demand certain rules in my home and that also includes a dress code for the girls and for the boys.

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Is it wrong of me that I want to go to these peoples churches dressed in a tank top and a miniskirt, and when they tell me how I am defrauding their husbands and sons "It's their fault for looking, not mine!"

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